


A Summary Turned Novel

by curiousrei



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Literally everything that happens, Multi, Only chronologically, literally every character - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-03 23:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 114,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12758040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curiousrei/pseuds/curiousrei
Summary: In which I offered to write a friend a summary of the entirety of TAZ and it all too quickly got away from me. In the end I wrote them a novel. A lot of pieces have been quoted directly from the podcast, such as speech and major exposition. Everything else I'd just kind of embellished. It's really messy and written really weirdly, I'm sorry.





	1. The Stolen Century

_Before the day The Hunger arrived, before this…crisis. Before Wonderland, before the time-sick town and the crystal lab, before races and trains and moon bases and gauntlets, before the beach and the sizzling and the Roost…before everything I’ve told you, there was a journey beyond imagination._

Everything stared with the IPRE, the Institute of Planar Research and Exploration, a group of seven extraordinary explorers and scientists bound on a mission to discover more about the Planar System and the origins of their world. A year ago the Light of Creation was discovered on their plane, a source of immeasurable power which had in fact brought about the creation of their universe. With the discovery of the Light of Creation brought an incredible advances to the fields of science and arcana, allowing these scientists to discover the truth of their universe. The Material Plane, the two sunned planet, their home and their world, was just one of twelve planes of existence and with the Light of Creation at hand they would be able to explore them all.

The IPRE was made of seven individuals carefully selected for their talents, each filling a vital role upon the Starblaster—the ship which would carry them between planes. These were: Lucretia, a human wizard tasked with journaling their travels; Merle Highchurch, a dwarven cleric and medic to help keep the peace in their party; Barry Bluejeans, a gifted scientist, wizard and human; Magnus Burnsides, a fighter capable of protecting those around him; Taako and Lup, the elven twin wizards powerful and knowledgeable beyond expectation in their fields; and finally, Davenport, a gnome illusionist wizard and Captain of the Starblaster and their mission.

Their party was eclectic, brought together simply though their shared goal: a driving force to learn more about their world and existence with the knowledge they had been granted. Each were brought from different corners of life but all help the same determination for their mission, though the pasts of some are more well-known than others.

Magnus Burnsides was the youngest to join the IPRE at just twenty-one years old, though that didn’t mean he wasn’t without experience. Rebellious and the first to jump into a battle, Magnus saw the IPRE as his chance to help others in ways he’d never thought possible before. When asked, he cites this need to protect others as the result of events in his childhood. When seeing three boys his age beating a mongrel dog he had to step in to protect the dog from harm, and since that day Magnus has held a love for dogs and the knowledge that he can use his strength and goodwill to protect others weaker than himself.

Merle Highchurch was one of the older members of the IPRE, a dwarf having grown up within a druidic enclave by the beach, dedicated to the god Pan. Merle’s people were devout to their god and yet for much of his formative years Merle cared little for Pan himself, simply allowing himself to be carried along on his father’s religious expectations. He would become a cleric, dedicate himself to Pan and gain magic and strength through his religion, if only to avoid his father’s disappointment. Though through it all Merle couldn’t help but feel as though the people of his home were too secular, not doing what they should to help the betterment of their world overall, caring only for their own.

As a teenager one of their people was attacked by a bear and for a time it seemed like they would not survive. If he were ever to leave the enclave Merle must be capable not only of healing but protecting himself from danger. The first time he ever left the enclave was to explore a nearby woodland where he found a woodcutter from whom he learnt to wield an axe. For many years Merle studied under the woodcutter until such point he thought himself ready to leave for good, eventually turning up in the IPRE seemingly by fate.

While Merle and Magnus had somewhat simple and easy upbringings, the same could not be said for Taako and Lup—who, at the end of the day, were the most important and only thing the other held dear. The two were twins, individual and unique, yet identical in every way. Lup had been assigned male at birth, however it became apparent at a young age that she was in fact female, choosing to transition early in her youth. For the twins identifying as a transgender woman and a gay man were the least of their troubles, they were proud of who they were so why should that matter?

Even so, Taako and Lup were by far the most familiar of the IPRE with the plight of the world, youthful though they may be—as youthful as the age of over one hundred could be for high elves such as them. During their childhood Taako and Lup were passed between family members, never staying in one place for long. A loving, welcome and stable home was not something with which the twins were ever familiar, but at least they had each other.

For a time they lived with their grandfather on his farm and at other times with an elderly aunt who taught them to cook, but from the age of twelve Taako and Lup lived on the road, buying their way as chefs for troupes of performers and bands of mercenaries. Lup was always first to prove her strength and protect her brother, causing Taako to internalise a distaste for fighting, willing to hang back whenever his help wasn’t needed. However, during their travels Taako too learnt vast magical skills which allowed both to reach the top of their class when finally they attended schools to train to become wizards. Both were powerful, smart and dangerous, willing only to trust each other.

Little was known about either Lucretia or Barry, other than their dedication to their work, but none were quite as dedicated as Davenport—who would over the years affectionately become known to the party as “Cap’nport” through his role as their leader. The IPRE’s mission was Davenport’s life’s work, everything he did was to further their goals and for the good of their mission.

A press conference was held the day before the seven were due to depart from their two month mission to explore the Planar System. Each addressing the crowd and answering questions with varying degrees of success and eloquence—including one ultimate mic drop from Lup directed at one Greg Gremoldis for the fifteen dollars she planned to collect upon her return.  

After the press conference all seven decide to spend their final night together at a bar, getting to know each other before their mission begins. Taako and Lup, as is typical of them, hustle their way through games of pool and take magical shoes from the people they beat as they will no longer have a use for gold. Inevitably, a fight eventually breaks out in the bar and both Magnus and Merle receive minor injuries. Meanwhile Lucretia hides behind the bar, already recounting in her journal their story before the mission has even begin.

Their spirits unaffected by the night’s fighting—which a number of them in fact delighted in—the next morning the seven began their mission after donning robes of a bright crimson red which they would forever become synonymous with. It was while they readied to depart that The Hunger struck their planet, a dark and ominous storm filling the sky and pillars of darkness—black with veins of blue, red and green—crashing into and consuming the world below. Intent to preserve their mission the IPRE fled from the planet upon Starblaster, planning to return once the calamity was passed. However, when they came to touch down on the planet once again they found it was not the same from the planet they had left.

This planet instead was one inhabited only by animals peaceful in nature, having evolved beyond mere predatory instincts. What had happened to the two sunned planet none of them could say but they knew, for now at least, they were safe. But no longer were they able to travel from this plane, and so began their year in the Animal Kingdom.

They spend the year getting to know one and other, and striving each to do what they could to discover the Light of Creation which resided on this planet, hoping that in doing so they could return to their home. While their goals were one and the same, each planned to reach it in varying manners. Merle and Davenport headed to the mountains to search for the Light of Creation, believing they had seen it fall from the sky, and discovering it had come into the possession of the High Court of the Animal Kingdom. While the animals had been wary of the humanoid travellers to appear on their planet, together Taako, Lup and Barry befriended a family of mongoose who taught them to communicate with the animals—Taako’s first of many languages to come. Magnus meanwhile trained, working on his power and strength so that he could learn the teachings of the Power Bear, one of the Animal High Court.

Over the year they saw the Animal Kingdom grow, their society driven forward much the same as their own two sunned planet had been upon the discovery of the Light of Creation. The animals now possessed tools and simplistic buildings which had not been possible a year prior. Exactly a year after reaching this plane it became time to negotiate with the High Court over the Light of Creation, though before negotiations could be completed The Hunger struck once more.

Just as it had done on their home, The Hunger filled the sky with storms and great pillars of darkness crushing the ground. This plane was doomed, once again they were going to lose the home they had made for themselves and there was nothing they could do to stop it. Everything and everyone in the Animal Kingdom would be consumed.

Though, unwilling to run for a second time, Magnus refused to escape to the Starblaster with the others. Pained though they were, they were forced to leave Magnus behind were they to have any chance at an escape. Fighting with all his strength, Magnus did all in his power to fight off The Hunger alongside the Power Bear and the other animals, but The Hunger was too strong. He fought until he could hold out no longer and the plane was consumed, The Hunger growing larger and more powerful as it consumed the Light of Creation. His was the first of many deaths to come.

By force of will or sheer luck, the rest of the IPRE escaped The Hunger for a second time, but with that were faced with the dawning realisation that Magnus, their friend, one of their family, was dead. Though, as they passed through to another plane, something happened that they never could have anticipated. In an instant their bodies were thrown back in time, exactly a year, as if no time had passed since they first escaped The Hunger. All that remained of the last year were memories of a planet filled only with animals and the words written in Lucretia’s journal. And before them was Magnus, alive and face sporting the black eye he had received during the fight in the bar the night before their mission began.

For the next hundred years the cycle would repeat itself again and again. They would land on an unfamiliar planet—sometimes friendly, sometimes hostile, sometimes desolate—and they would have exactly a year to discover the Light of Creation before The Hunger would return. With the Light of Creation in hand they could save a plane from The Hunger, but without it The Hunger would grow stronger and consume everything in its path. Most significant was the discovery that, so long as one person survived, able to flee on the Starblaster as soon as they caught sight of The Hunger, none of them could truly die. In some cycles they would die, but as soon as the year was up and they had escaped, they would be back in their original forms once again. There it was, their Stolen Century, travelling between planes with stolen years.

From that point on they come to learn that, for them, each plane is only temporary. They have a timer in which to complete their goals, to save a plane and escape. Though to the IPRE some planes are more significant than others. One such plane was the Mushroom Kingdom, a world inhabited by giant poisonous mushrooms and humanoid mushroom people where Merle founded the First Church of Fungston, the first ever Church on the planet where he taught to his followers the teachings of Pan.

The Capital City of Jaden-Province was a point of contention for the IPRE, especially Taako and Lup. While they failed to locate the Light of Creation on this planet, what they did discover could conceivably been just as dangerous were The Hunger to get its hands on it. On the planet they found a crystal which allowed souls to be tied to robotic bodies and imbue them with life. Already death was coming to mean less to the IPRE and knowing the damage The Hunger could cause with such power Taako wished to destroy the crystal but in doing so would kill hundreds. Lup refused to allow her brother to destroy them and stood between him and the crystal. She didn’t care how much stronger their enemy got because of it, she wasn’t about to be the one to pull the trigger on an entire civilisation. In the end many souls returned to the crystal and were taken upon the IPRE with the promise that, were they to reach a world with the technology to return them to their robot forms they would be given life once more.

That cycle had scared Lup. She saw after just seventeen cycles they were already becoming something unlike themselves. They were becoming people willing to take the lives of countless people simply to reach their own goals, but who were they to dictate the lives of others? All they could do was try to help wherever possible. Fortunately their next cycle found them on the Beach Planet where they discovered the Light of Creation just days after their arrival. With time to relax, realign themselves and grow closer as a family, the Beach Planet became one of their better years.

On the world of Tesseralia Taako and Lup delve further into love for cooking. How could they not? The food here was like nothing they’d ever tried before. With one particular dish something amazing happens to Taako. As he eats it there is a pulling within him. He doesn’t know what it is but he can feel it. It’s real. His mean reels with possibilities and a bond is created. There is a long thread, tying Taako to a person, a moment. This is destiny. He doesn’t know who is on the other end of the thread, but they feel it too. So lost in thought he doesn’t hear what Lup is saying beside him, but when he comes too it’s unbelievable. Truly unbelievable.

While training to join the Monastery of Tesseralia—hoping to prove his ability to possess the Light of Creation currently in the Monastery’s possession—Merle’s final test is to prove himself by using the spell Parley to create a space to speak with an enemy. In enacting the spell Merle seeks out communication with The Hunger and in the space created by his spell meets John, a public speaker and the person from which The Hunger originated.

On his own home planet John learnt the truth of the Planar System and how his world had been created, a truth recounted and repeated through eons of creation. There was no beginning, simply creation after creation. In discovering this John lost all meaning in life and began to detest existence, speaking out to others on his planet until finally all agreed with him. Together they joined as one and The Hunger was formed with John at its heart. No longer was he the simple human man of his past, but a broken and will-less form, a plane of all consuming darkness intent on chasing the Light of Creation across existence and overpowering everything in his path.

That is, until he crossed paths with the two sunned planet, the IPRE. For the first time there was something to stand in the way of John and the Light of Creation and so he followed them from plane to plane, hoping to one day take them out as well. While in the Parley space John attempts to kill Merle, only for the dwarf to return once again during the following cycle, intent to learn as much as he can about John and The Hunger. The two agree on a mutual exchange of information but each attempt at Parley results in Merle’s death—resulting in some cycles where Merle is dead for the duration.

During that first cycle where Merle is killed by John Taako and Lup continue to practice their magic as usual, gotta keep their instruments tuned. Taako casts Blink. It isn’t the first time he’s ever used the spell, but never before had he seen what appeared in the Ethereal Plane that time. There are small white figures with big blank eyes, silently watching him, scouting him. He can’t interact with them and when they realise he can see them they instantly vanish. The Hunger had sent its scouts to keep tabs on them.

One plane they came to was the Legato Conservatory where they quickly discovered something known to the people of this world as the Light of Creation was worshiped as a god. When something of immense worth was presented to the Light of Creation is would be consumed and forgotten if deemed unworthy, but projected to all throughout the Planer System if the Light of Creation chose it. Hoping to get close to the Light of Creation all of the IPRE spent the year working on their own craft, be it dance, music or crafts.

Lup and Barry presented their work as a pair, a musical duet, an embodiment of their love for one another. Forty-seven years they had known each other. Forty-seven years they had lived as part of the small yet loving family of the IPRE. Forty-seven years it had taken for the two to fall in love—a love that transcended the realms of ordinary life. Barry and Lup were a part of each other and as much as evident through each and every note of their music. All who heard it would know, but for the first time—in front of thousands watching the presentation—it was confirmed to the rest of the IPRE with the kiss they shared on stage.

The revelation of Barry and Lup was not the only discovery made at the Legato Conservatory. The Light of Creation was not as they suspected, as they had hoped, but instead a mere moment of coincidence. In a cave deep in the Legato Conservatory they discovered the so called light, which in truth were enormous jellyfish-like creatures which came to be known as the voidfish—bodies illuminated like the stars in the sky and able to consume and project all knowledge and thought. Magnificent though they were, they weren’t the Light of Creation the IPRE sought and that meant another year wasted.

However, one small voidfish took a liking to Magnus and is rudimentary carved wooden ducks. On each of his visits the voidfish delighted in the ducks Magnus brought for it and a fast friendship was made. During one visit Lucretia was doused in the ichor of the voidfish and found herself able to recall all they had consumed but neglected to project. Finally, when it came time for The Hunger to reach the planet, Magnus chose to rescue the small voidfish he had come to call Fisher. In the past they had tried to rescue the inhabitants of doomed planes; none but themselves had ever survived the journey. Slim though his chances may be, Magnus knew he had to at least try: Fisher couldn’t be left behind. To his amazement Fisher survived, it was special in a way nothing else before had been and it became their companion for the rest of their Stolen Century, gradually growing from a baby to its adult size.

Other cycles were not so pleasant or long lived. On the Judges World the Starblaster was shot down upon their arrival to the plane. Taako, Lup, Barry, Magnus, Merle and Davenport in the presence of the Judges where they were put on trial for their past and future sins. They lived only hours on this plane when things swiftly went downhill and during their trial were all killed in an instant. This was by far the hardest year for Lucretia. She had to survive and she had to keep the Starblaster safe, and she had to do it alone. If she didn’t survive it would all be over. Her family would be dead for good and The Hunger would win. Despite all odds she succeeded and a year later was reunited with the others, but that year had changed her.

Ordinarily they would keep someone by the ship at all times. That way, if things were to go sour they would always have a means of escape. Having spent much of the mission to the side-lines to record every instance in her journal, Lucretia had often been the first to offer to stay with the ship. After the Judge’s cycle she never stayed with the ship again. While she continued to record their mission Lucretia instead took a great role in protecting her family from harm. She wouldn’t come so close to losing them again, but the pressure as the sole survivor had been tough.

Ominous though it was, it came as a relief when they reached the Empty World. There was no threat but The Hunger and for that they had a year to prepare. It was on the Empty World that Lup gave Taako her request: for him to give her the perfect day. Of course he agrees, how could he not? But perfect takes planning, and it’s for Lup. Lup deserves the best. Months pass and one day Lup wakes up to discover Taako cooking her breakfast and it’s The Day. In its essence the day is simple, but it’s filled with love between siblings. Her favourite food, naps on the Starblaster, watergun fights, taunting Davenport, magic, wine and love. It was the best day ever.

Late in the evening Lup reveals why she needed this day. She and Barry had been researching dangerous magic and it was almost time for them to carry it out. Their plan was to become liches—to combine their souls with their magic and become something entirely new. Changing themselves in such a way was dangerous and didn’t come without risk, so they needed memories—strong and positive memories—to cling to and retain their sense of self. That’s why she needed Taako. She loved Barry and he had already given her a day, but nothing could ever be as strong as a day given to her by Taako. Neither would have gotten as far as they had without the other and after all these years they remained the most important person in the other’s life. Taako was Lup’s love, just as she was his, and nothing could replace that.

Taako smiled and laughed, bringing out yet more alcohol and showing his confidence in his sister—she was fucking Lup, of course she had this down—but just below the surface he was terrified for her sake. What if something went wrong? Under the table he couldn’t still the shake of fear that ran through this legs, but this was Lup’s day, it had to end as perfectly as it started. Just as few days later Taako, Lup and Barry went off alone to carry out the spell that would turn Lup and Barry into liches. Magic ran through them, their bodies dropped to the ground, incorporeal skeletal figures rose in their place before returning to their bodies once more. It was over as quickly as it began, but now they were liches and could not truly die.

To begin with they didn’t tell the others about what they had done, but by the end of the year they were all ready when The Hunger attacked. They have the Light of Creation and they’re escaping The Hunger, watching as its pillars crash into the world below. Lup is the only one to speak up. _Let’s see what this baby can do._ With a wink she steps off of the deck and falls to the ground dead. From her corpse raises a red robed spectre, just like the one Taako saw during their ritual. Hordes of figures from the closest pillar race towards Lup, her fist extended towards it. Every inch of her is shaking. She’ll channelling so much power and it takes so much effort for her to cling to herself, her memories, the best day ever. Just as the hoard is about to consume her, she extends her fingers.

From the ship they can see just one black pillar illuminated from within, an explosion ripping through it completely, starting at the bottom and working its way up through the sky. When the explosion is over The Hunger is still overhead, but that one black column? It’s gone. At the start of the next cycle when they’re all reformed, Lup is **beaming** _. Okay. Blowing it up didn’t exactly work. But we’re close. We’re real fucking close._ They might just be able to take this thing out.

The Hanging Arcaneum was coming towards the end of their Stolen Century—cycle ninety-two—and there the IPRE learnt to craft weapons of immense power which they hoped to use to at last bring down The Hunger. Merle created Gilley, a magical wooden stick which, though simple in appearance, was powerful in nature and imbued with the spell Arcane Assurance. Magnus created Bear Face, a helmed adorned with rams horns and bear fangs, and imbued with the spell Retribution, along with 2-th Necklace, a necklace of bear teeth to instil him with Gambler’s Luck. Taako created The KrEpStAr, a powerful casting glaive imbued with Milligan’s Blessing. And then there was Lup who created the Umbra Staff, a powerful staff disguised in the form of an umbrella, capable of consuming the energy of defeated magic users to strengthen its own power.

In these final years of the Stolen Century all of the IPRE grew weary of the fight against The Hunger. Why run when each cycle ended the same? Would there ever be any chance for change? They didn’t know, but they had to find a way to try. Lucretia’s plan was to find a safe world to isolate from the Planar System, then with her barrier it would be free from The Hunger, but not without the price of its cut ties to the other twelve planes in the system. No, that wouldn’t do.

Instead they devised a plan to hide the Light of Creation for good. Without it to track The Hunger would be unable to find them. All they needed was to find the Light of Creation early enough for it to go unnoticed anyone but themselves. Just such opportunity came on cycle ninety-nine when the Light of Creation fell directly upon the Starblaster on their day of arrival. So they wasted no time in getting to work, dividing the Light of Creation into seven pieces, each of which would be hidden within an object of their own creation and dispersed across the world.

Those items would come to be known as the Grand Relics, magical items powerful beyond all others in creation and created by the Red Robes. Lup made the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet, a gauntlet capable of producing mystic flames. Davenport made The Oculus, an eyeglass which could turn anything made with illusion magic real. Merle made the Gaia Sash, a sash with absolute power over nature. Taako made The Philosopher’s Stone, a stone able to transmute any material into another. Magnus made The Temporal Chalice, a chalice with complete control over the flow of time. Barry made The Animus Bell, a bell capable of tearing somebody’s life force from their body and replacing it with your own. And Lucretia made The Bulwark Staff, a staff intended to create the most powerful shield spell possible.

While their intentions were to scatter the items across the planet, once word got out about their power knowledge of the Grand Relics travelled quickly. People fought over the power to possess such items, driven by an irresistible desire that only they as creators could resist. Before long fighting turned into war and the IPRE realised the true horrors they had brought upon this world. So similar to their home plane, they had hoped to create a new home on this plane, but how could they knowing what destruction they had caused? True they may have been safe from The Hunger, still absent after a year for the first time in one hundred years, but they were not safe from the relics.

It was a sober affair, but upon discovering their success at keeping The Hunger at bay, the group threw a party of sorts. Merle was relieved, willing—at least for a day—to revel in their achievement, after all what well would he do with all his party points? Magnus tried to lighten the mood, encourage Lup to dance with him. Maybe later, she wasn’t in the mood for dancing right now. Later never came.

Taako was just as dejected as his sister as he spoke to Barry. While Lup wore her remorse on her sleeve, Taako coped differently. He distanced himself and shrouded himself in avoidance. This was it. After one hundred years this would be their home, and yet he still felt homeless. Man, he was going to have to learn _math_ again. He’d given up on that a long time ago, seventy cycles ago in fact. Everywhere did math differently and he was _sick of it_. Learning again and again only for that knowledge to go void and useless as soon as they moved onto the next cycle. What was the point? In a way their one hundred years had turned Taako cold, uncaring to the people and planets they visited. Taako had become number one because everyone else, they were dust. _Everyone else he ever met, aside from the six of them were dust. They were talking dust! So he just started worrying a lot more about himself because what was the fucking point?_ But now he would have to care again and it felt strange, and unnatural, and he was going to have to learn math.

Man, they had to put things right. Once again their actions were determining the fate of millions. Too many had died already in the war over the Grand Relics and if they didn’t do something soon…well, Lup didn’t want to think about it. One night she spoke to Taako about her worries, and he told her she hadn’t known this would happen—none of them had, they hadn’t planned it. She was so downcast he had to do something to cheer her up. Singing, dancing, anything. He was ridiculous, but it made her laugh. She laughed like she hadn’t in a long time. _She couldn’t have done this without him. She wouldn’t have made it here without him. She didn’t say it enough…but thank you._ That was the last ever conversation Taako had with his sister and the next day she was gone, leaving behind just a simple note. _Back Soon,_ marked with a kiss of bright red lipstick.

The Phoenix Fire Gauntlet was always one of the easier relics to track across the land, great battles followed wherever it went, marked by raging and endless fires. In the end nobody would survive these battles, all were destroyed entirely by a mighty explosion of fire which reduced towns to shining black glass, undisturbed until the next person came in search of the gauntlet. Laying down atop a grassy hill Lup watches as clouds pass slowly overhead, the conclusion of a furious battle raging in the valley below. She sighs, going to collect her creation and swearing this was the last time it would ever be used.

Now she had to hide it away someplace it could never be retrieved. With the help of a dwarf named Cyrus Rockseeker, Lup ventures to Wave Echo Cave where she intends to hide the gauntlet in a vault deep within. In that vault the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet could be pursued, yet never obtained. But she underestimated the thrall of a Grand Relic and Cyrus falls to its pull. Just as the vault door slowly swings open she feels the cold metal of a dagger across her back and the gauntlet is pulled from her grasp. In a moment of strength she forces both the gauntlet and Cyrus into the vault where they would remain locked away from the world. But it was too late. The dagger had been coated in silverpoint poison and she collapsed against the wall of the cavern, Umbra Staff at her side. She was dying.

Already she had burnt up her corporeal form and regrettable though it was it was a price she felt willing to pay to undo the damage she had done to this world. Lup could live on as a lich, even if she could not regain her body this time around. Though, as her lich form left her body the true cost was revealed. The Umbra Staff had been created to consume the power of defeated magic users and Lup’s lich form was pure arcane power. Immediately responding to her presence, the Umbra Staff inverts and swallows her whole, plunging her into a small chamber lined with black curtains. No longer could she feel fear, yet she had to fight for mere consciousness in that place—the place she would remain for the following ten years, trapped inside her own creation and held by the remains of her corporeal form.

Nobody knows what happened to Lup after she left, a simple note their only clue to her whereabouts. But she wasn’t back soon. She wasn’t back at all. As the days wore on their concerns grew and they began to fear for the worst. But she was Lup! She couldn’t be gone! Despite their worries, they never gave up their search for the missing member of their family, following any trail that could lead them to her. But it was only so long before the pain and sadness of watching her family wither became too much for Lucretia to handle.

It was Davenport’s birthday when it happened. After a hundred years without aging birthdays had lost their meaning to the IPRE, but for the first time in idle passing it occurred to Davenport that finally they would begin to grow and age once more. To think, he’d almost forgotten his own birthday, but how old even was he now? It was while playing cards with Merle, as had become a tradition between the two, that this realisation occurred.

Concerned for what their life would become now, after all nobody had ever had a life like theirs, Davenport wonders if they could ever live a normal life again, only for Merle to insist he didn’t want normal. But to Davenport, the mission had been his life utterly and entirely for a century and with their plan to deter The Hunger a success, well now it was over so what else did he have? Merle? Well he’d like to move to the beach where, with the sea, the scenery is always changing. He wanted a life where nothing would ever be the same.

Then Davenport dropped his cards, blinking, confused and stunned. Stricken with panic his breath comes quickly and no matter where he looks he can’t place where he is any more. Where was he? How did he get here? That was Merle, right? He knew Merle! But what was happening? And Merle, he sees a man before him, a gnome panicked and fearful. He wanted to help the man, he really did, but who was he? He couldn’t remember. And how did they get in the sky? Everything was fading, and fast. The world is static. _Wait, who are you?_ **I’m Davenport. I’m Davenport! I’M DAVENPORT! DAVENPORT! DAVENPORT! DAVENPORT!**

On the deck of the Starblaster are Taako and Barry when it happens. Both are drained, duller then their usual selves without Lup around and Barry, he’s lent over a map pinned down and covered in marking—their search for Lup. While Taako as an elf didn’t need sleep, the same couldn’t be said for Barry and he was wearing himself thin, falling asleep where he stood and jumping with a start as Taako wakes him. But it was worth it if it meant they could find her. There was a cave near to perfectly round fields of glass, it spilled with arcane energy and tonight that would be their next stop in their search.

For the first time Barry acknowledges it, asking what if she’s just gone? As the words leave his lips Taako realises he doesn’t know who Barry is talking about. Oh, god. It was happening. Everything was fading. Barry couldn’t remember her face. What did Lup look like?! Was this Fisher? What was he doing? _T-Taako! Kill me! Right now! I’ll remember if I’m a lich! Please, Taako just kill me! I’ll be okay. I can’t forget. I’m begging you!_ And he does it. Taako blasts Barry and throws him from the ship. For just a moment Barry’s face is lit with a pained smile. He would remember her. But as he falls Taako realises he doesn’t know who that man is and, falling to his knees he doesn’t know where he is or how he got here.

Magnus had been worried about Lucretia. As of late she’d taken to hiding away in her quarters for longer and longer stretches of times, so he brought her something to cheer her up: one of his carved wooden ducks, fashioned in Lucretia’s likeness. Walking into the room he finds her bathed in the light of Fisher’s tank, her eyes are filled with tears and wrapped in Fisher’s tendrils is Lucretia’s journal. In an instant his memories are fading one by one. _God, Magnus! No! You weren’t supposed to see this. I’m so sorry! Please, this is just for a little bit. I’m going to stop this, what we’ve done to this world. I’m going to find you a place where you can be happy again. It’s just for a little while and then you’re going to remember. I promise!_ **Who are you?** _I can do this, Magnus. Just please, lay down. I don’t want you to fall and hurt yourself. I love you, Magnus. I love all of you. I’m sorry. I’ll be over soon._

Not all exits are made equal. Lucretia didn’t plan to be away from her family for as long as she was. She couldn’t live with the cost of what the IPRE had done to the world below. She couldn’t watch the world kill itself over the weapons they had created, but she also could not go against the will of her friends. But most of all, she couldn’t handle what it was doing to her family: their sorrow and pain and guilt, how it made them miserable and calloused and shut off. But she could alter that anguish too, make sure her friends…her family were safe and happy while she did what she had to do.

Merle she walked to the beach in a daze. She arranged everything. A home in a society of beach dwarves he could slot right into. Merle would get his changing ocean view, he had loved the Beach World. And in that society he thrived and from time to time Lucretia would check in on him when things were at their hardest, though he would never see her. In the years that followed Merle even had a marriage arranged with the dwarven woman, Hekuba, though it would—most unfortunately—be a loveless marriage doomed to fall apart. But from that marriage came his children: his step-daughter, Mavis; and his son, Mookie. For a time he wasn’t a good father, and it was too late to reconcile his marriage, but eventually he would strive to do right by his children and be a father they could look up to.

Magnus was the easiest to find a home for. Lucretia found the most prestigious woodworking shop in the whole world, high atop the pillars of Raven’s Roost. The home she found him was humble yet cosy, perfect for Magnus and outfitted with a studio full of everything he, as a crafts man, might need.  In time he would be invited for a residency at the Hammer and Tongs where the years following would be filled with joy beyond measure.

While living in Raven’s Roost Magnus leads a revolt against the mad governor Kalen whose desire for power had corrupted him entirely. Though Magnus and his forces won the battle, Kalen escaped. Before long the town fell into peace and Magnus worked for the Hammer and Tongs where, eventually, he fell in love with his mentor’s daughter, Julia, to whom he was one day married. His love for Julia grew deep and endless, she brought light to his world.

One day everything changed for Magnus. As a master craftsman he had spent months working on a rocking chair he would take to Neverwinter for a craftmen showcase, ten days ride from Raven’s Roost. The final words he ever spoke to Julia were “I love you Jules” upon his departure. Two days into his journey Kalen returned to Raven’s Roost and destroyed the support pillar for the Craftsmen Corridor where the Hammer and Tongs was located, killing seventy-six people in the process. Julia and her father were among those who had died. When Magnus finally returned to Raven’s Roost he found it deserted, evacuated for fear of a repeat attack, and the Hammer and Tongs destroyed. Despite it all, Magnus didn’t fear death and looked forward to the day he would be reunited with Julia in the afterlife.

Lucretia struggled to find a home for Taako because, well…what home is good enough for Taako? There wasn’t one. Everyone in the world deserved to be around Taako, to see what he could do, what he was capable of. He deserved it too, to be recognised and admired by every living person he ever encountered. Lucretia finds him a stagecoach, a supplier, and audience. He’s _Taako, from TV!_ He is so, so loved!

Travelling from town to town Taako runs his cooking show, Sizzle It Up, with Taako! When his audience waned Taako had a spark of genius and began work on transmutation magic he could work into his show to add extra flare for his audience, and it did the trick. Through this time Sazed was his right hand man and Sazed though Taako hung the moon in the sky! During their travels Sazed learnt to cook from Taako and eventually proposed his idea: for them to co-host the show as equals. Sizzle It Up, with Taako and Sazed! No, no, no. He couldn’t have that. It was Taako’s _brand_ , and there was the merchandise to think about! No, this had always been a one man show and Taako planned to keep it that way.

When they entered Glamour Springs Taako hadn’t expected it to be his last show. The people of Glamour springs delighted to see what Taako could show them next whenever he came through town and on that day forty people had shown up to see him. Taako’s thirty garlic clove chicken was famous and it was just that meal he’d chosen to prepare for his audience that day, though it just so happened he failed to taste his food himself that day by sheer coincidence. It didn’t take long for the first audience member to die after eating his food. Panicked and fearful, Taako and Sazed ran, never looking back. He blamed himself for what had happened. He was sure it had been elderberry he had used, but maybe…maybe the spell had gone wrong. Had he added deadly nightshade instead? He wasn’t sure. Oh god, all those people dead and it was all his fault. Two days later Sazed abandoned him, but who could blame him? Taako wouldn’t want to be around himself either. From that point on he couldn’t cook for people he cared for—though they were few and far between—he couldn’t risk making a mistake like that again.

All the while, Barry was gone and Lucretia didn’t know where to. Not knowing brought her constant distress. Was he out in the world somewhere, memory purged, lost and alone? She didn’t know. The alternative was equally worrisome. Just as she knew ingesting Fisher’s ichor allowed her to keep her memories, as a lich Barry too could remember, so she would have to take precautions to keep him at a distance if she wished to keep the others safe.

In truth, Barry died when he hit the ground after falling from the Starblaster, though he lived on in his lich form. And he remembered. He remembered everything! Without pause Barry takes a moment to collect a sample of blood from his body before moving on, intent to continue his search for Lup and the relics. A few months pass and he discovers and auction run by necromancers, warlocks and sorcerers dealing in unsavoury magic, the perfect place to find a relic. What he finds there is something different entirely. What he comes away with is a pod, capable of reforming a person’s body when fed a sample of their organic matter. No longer able to rely on his former means of regaining his body, Barry takes the pod to a cave near Phandalin where he sets about regrowing his body. Though he knows the moment he returns he will fall under Fisher’s influence on his memories and must leave himself message to follow, to ensure he trusts in himself as does as is needed of him.

Lup…Lup was just gone. Lucretia never stopped looking for Lup, she looked everywhere, but if Lup was truly gone, it was another reason to forget. Lup’s absence was too much for Lucretia to bare, but how hard must it have been for her brother, for her love? She could protect Taako and Barry from the pain of their loss.

Davenport suffered the hardest. Lucretia had been so careful in her redaction of their memories, erasing only that connected to their mission. Davenport’s life _was_ their mission. In the end Davenport was left a shell of his former self, memory so severely altered he was no longer the same man. Most days he was only able to speak his own name. So she kept him close, personally ensuring his safety.

While Lucretia strived to bring happiness to her family by making them forget, she found little happiness herself. Though she recovered her relic, The Bulwark Staff, easily enough, but the second almost brought her mission to an end. In her attempt to retrieve The Animus Bell Lucretia became trapped in Wonderland, able to escape only through the sacrifice of the sorcerer she had hired to aid her there. Were it not for his selflessness then she would have died. Though she escaped it wasn’t without sacrifice and twenty of her years had been stolen from her. It was a fair price for what they had done.

But she needed help. No longer could she do this alone. With the help of the scientists they had met upon arriving on this world, the Millers, Lucretia founded the Bureau of Balance. The Millers built Lucretia a headquarters in the sky, disguised in the shape of a second moon. Just as her family had forgotten all knowledge of their mission, the relics and the endless wars, so too had the rest of the world, but in exchange for their help Lucretia inoculated the Millers with Fisher’s ichor and they were the first to learn the truth once again. She taught the Millers about the planes, helped to advance their research, shared with them a crystal from a plane she had visited _so long ago_ , able to attach souls to robotic forms.

The Bureau of Balance thrived and Lucretia hoped the incentives she gave would be enough to counteract the thrall of the relics. Nothing was ever enough. One after another he Reclaimers were lost to the relics. It tormented Lucretia, each failure bringing with it more time apart from her family. Few people alive had ever experienced as much loneliness, hopelessness as Lucretia during these years.

Fisher was the one to provide a way out: a child. A second voidfish. With the child Lucretia would finally have a means to retrieve all of the Grand Relics and cast her barrier around the world, protecting it once and for all. The only people who could Reclaim the relics without succumbing to their thrall were the people who made them in the first place. Her family. They could drink from Fisher and learn of the relics, just enough to help her retrieve them, while the child could keep hidden the truth of their origins, to spare them their pain and guilt. They didn’t need to know they made them. She could finally bring them home.


	2. Here There Be Gerblins

Displaced from the carefully crafted lives Lucretia had made for them, by chance Taako, Magnus and Merle cross paths once again some years later, joining forces to work on small jobs and earn some gold. They were strangers, each with a troubled past, but theirs was a friendship which formed with ease, and thus Tres Horny Boys was born. Most of their jobs were simple and largely uneventful, but one day a dwarf and Merle’s cousin, Gundren Rockseeker, came to them with the claim that he had a new job for them, the last job they would ever need to take. In accepting his offer their lives shifted course, taking them down a route which would ultimately lead to truth and discovery.

To begin their journey Gundren instructs the three to escort a supply wagon of his possessions to Phandalin, a once prosperous village. At a time the village had been wealthy, rich from the magical ore discovered in a nearby mine, though the mine had long since run dry. Ransacked by orcs, the village went abandoned until a group of dwarven businessmen sough to restore it to its former glory, one of whom was Gundren Rockseeker. Riding ahead of Taako, Magnus and Merle, Gundren instructs them to meet him with the supplies at Phandalin.

The following day, a ways into their journey, they discover two dead horses lying in the road. Within moments they enter their first fight, attacked by a group of gerblins—though they’re taken care of quickly enough. Upon closer inspection the bodies of the horses are still warm, it hadn’t been long since they were killed, and they too realise these horses had belonged to Gundren Rockseeker and his travelling companion, a human known only as Barry Bluejeans. Following a trail into the brush, the three are led to a system of caves, home to a hoard of gerblins, in search of their employer. If he died they wouldn’t be paid.

Within the cave the three are faced with gerblins once more, though the time Taako hastens to communicate with the gerblin—the only one in their party able to speak in gerblin tongue. It doesn’t end well and the gerblin grows suspicious, leading an attack on the adventurers which ultimately results in the gerblin’s death and Magnus and Merle swept to the cave entrance with a mighty gush river of water. Taako resists and holds his ground, able to keep the gerblins at bay with talk.

After regrouping the sneak their way through the caves until discovering a group of gerblins surrounding an unconscious human, Barry. With the element of surprise they are able to dispatch all but one of the gerblins quickly. The last, known as Yeemick, takes hold of Barry and hangs him over a steep precipice and threatening to kill him if they don’t agree to his demands. There is a bugbear called Klarg deeper in the cave and Yeemick wants Klarg dead. If they kill Klarg then he’ll return Barry to them.

They don’t trust Yeemick. They wanted Barry, but what if they traded information with Klarg instead? That could work, but they needed some flare first. Something to show their power. They burst into the room with magical lights and sparks blazing, weapons drawn…only to be attacked by Klarg’s pet wolf. The wolf is thrown off with ease and Klarg is amazed, but he doesn’t call off the attack and Magnus throws it into the fire. _YOU THREW MY WOLF IN THE FIRE! …HE’S MY FAVOURITE WOLF!_ **Then call him off or lose him forever.** And the fight goes on.

That is until Taako succeeds in casting Charm Person upon Klarg and orders the attacking wolf and gerblins to stand down. Won over by Taako, Klarg instantly believes their every word as they explain the situation with Yeemick and Barry.  When Yeemick is called to Klarg’s office he and the other gerblins turn on Klarg, attacking in force. They never stood a chance. He wished he hadn’t had to kill them, but they gave him no choice.

With the gerblins taken care of Klarg informs Taako, Magnus and Merle that they had entered into a contract with an individual known only as the Black Spider to kidnap Gundren and deliver him. He doesn’t know where Gundren or the Black Spider are now, but it’s the only clue they have. Being sure to leave before the charm on Klarg wears off, they collect Barry on the way out and heal him as best they can for now, but he’s still in a bad way.

Deciding to carry on to Phandalin where they can leave Barry to rest and recover, on the journey there the boys question him about what happened. A lot of shit happened and he didn’t want to do it again. As Barry explains they discover Gundren and his brothers, Thardin and Nundro, have a claim to the lost mine of Phandalin, the mind which had once overflown with magical ore. No longer is it lost, with a map formed of their blood Gundren and his brothers had succeeded in locating it. Prior to the gerblin attack Barry had been in possession of a vial of Gundren’s blood, a secret map to guide him to the mine if needed, but it’s gone. Inspiration strikes for Merle. Gundren is his cousin, they share the same blood. Perhaps his blood could work as a substitute.

And it works! Merle’s blood is drawn to the map automatically where it begins to direct them towards the Sword Mountains, particularly Wave Echo Cave. Still weary from his injuries, Barry stays behind in Phandalin as the Tres Horny Boys go in search of Gundren. Though once they reach the cave they discover the body of Tharden Rockseeker. They were too late for him. Caught up in his grief, Merle doesn’t notice as Taako steals the Loafers of Striding and Springing from Tharden’s corpse and giving them to Magnus. Along the way they are forced to fight their way through a group of jellies. Once defeated they discover Nundro Rockseeker’s body, having been consumed by one of the jellies. Again, Taako loots the dwarf’s corpse, pocketing some coin and a key to the lift which would take them to a spring—the water of which was imbued with healing properties.

Moving along, they come to a chamber containing a giant grinding machine over a sturdy floor grate, and a ladder leading to a door over a wooden ledge. The door is kicked open by an orc woman, Killian, holding the biggest crossbow the boys have ever seen. She’s thrown. Who…who are these men? Nobody was supposed to be here. She was here for Magic Brian, the Black Spider, nobody else! Where they here for it as well? Should she take care of them now? Kill them before they can make things worse? Crossbow fixed on them, Killian asks if they’re here for the [STATIC]. They have confused expressions and give a baffled _no?_ So they weren’t here for it…but that didn’t mean they could be trusted. Quickly she gives life to the grinding machine to hold them off as she flees the room.

After taking out the machine further through the cave they hear Killian once again, calling out for help this time. Magnus rushes in. Merle follows. Taako is good out here. She attacked them, why should he help her? Until he hears… _Oh, what a fantastic development. Oh, we have guests, dear. How exciting!_ That’s enough to take Taako’s attention and bring him into the room. Inside is the Black Spider, a drow, a dark elf and beside him is Killian is plastered to the wall with spider webs. That is… Taako needs to take a moment for thought. Is he into that? No, no he decides not. Men are more his thing. _Oh, and a third guest! How exciting, we have even more guests! Hello, hello! Welcome to my cave!_ **I just have to say, I’m so happy to meet someone else who talks normally.** _I love you cadence, dear. Where are you from? Oh, your voice is like a song!_ Oh, Taako was starting to like this guy.

But laid precariously close to a deep pit in the chamber is an unconscious Gundren and Magic Brian doesn’t seem willing to let him walk away freely. _How did you find out about this magical cave of mine? Don’t tell me, are you here too for the [STATIC]?_ What was with that noise? First Killian and now Magic Brian. Why couldn’t they understand what they were saying? There was no time for that now. They had Magic Brian to take care of, Killian to rescue and Gundren to save.

Merle’s first instinct is to heal his cousin, meanwhile Taako gives in and releases Killian from the spider’s bindings with a fire spell. Magic Brian brings out a throbbing pod, which explodes into the form of a literal black spider—also named Bryan (with a y)—twice as tall as Magnus. Magnus is terrified of spiders, but they fight on until Taako is worn down, prone and close to losing to Magic Brian. Perhaps he didn’t like this guy so much after all.

Things look beak but with some help they take out the spider and it falls into the pit while Magnus feeds Taako a healing potion. You don’t get to sleep yet, Taako. Standing back to his full height, there’s no hesitation was he yells _Abraka-fuck you!_ at Magic Brian, shooting a magic missile at him and almost killing him in the process. Almost.

But, thrown backwards, Magic Brain grabs Gundren and plunges them both into the pit. When he emerges there are two Gundrens. For just a moment the boys are left to wonder just which is the real Gundren…until Magic Brian speaks. Oh Brian, how could he forget about his accent? Given away by his voice, Magnus kicks Magic Brian into the pit where he falls atop the body of Bryan, both now dead.

With the Black Spider taken care of Killian is thoroughly impressed with their abilities, and yet she still cannot explain what is going on. With every attempt stacking fills the area. Is it a curse maybe? No, no Taako, it isn’t a curse. She just can’t. Tell. Them. Physically. But she doesn’t have time for this, she’ll explain later once her job is done. For now they should stay put and wait for her. Of course the boys don’t listen.

Moving on through the cave Taako notices a skeleton, its back resting comfortably against the cave wall, wearing just a crimson robe and some kind of staff held in its grasp. In a dark chamber surrounded by black curtains, Lup hears her brother’s voice for the first time in ten years. She can hear him, she can see him. He’s finally found her! He’ll know what happened! As soon as he sees the Umbra Staff he’ll know and set her free! But he doesn’t… He doesn’t show the slightest hint of recognition.

Merle instead is the first to try grasping for the Umbra Staff but _no, that wouldn’t do. Sorry Merle, but she needed Taako._ And Merle was flung backwards into the wall, rejected by the staff. Then it’s Taako’s turn and it works! Pulling the Umbra Staff free from the skeleton’s grasp, it was his and Lup’s skeleton crumbled to dust. Lup had to try with all her might just to feel Taako outside the umbrella, but no matter how loud she screamed he couldn’t hear. But now she had a goal. She would meditate for months on end to channel enough energy into a single spell, to let her brother know she was okay, or to save his hide when he needed it most. That’s what sisters were for. Trapped in the Umbra Staff or not, she wasn’t about to let anything hurt her brother.

Skeleton forgotten and a new staff in Taako’s possession, the group continue on to a great vault in the cave. Gundren explains that his father, Cyrus Rockseeker, had been in charge of security for Wave Echo Cave, and when the orcs came to Phandalin he locked away all magical items and weapons in the vault for safe keeping. A vault that could only be opened with Rockseeker blood. A decade ago Cyrus had locked himself inside, sacrificing himself in the process and now it was time to reopen the vault.

But the room is empty, save endless black glass and the badly burnt shape of a dwarven man, arm raised with a silvery glove stuck on his hand. The Phoenix Fire Gauntlet. But Gundren didn’t understand. The room was supposed to be filled with magical artefacts and weapons, yet it was empty. It was his birth right, so why… But that glove. He wanted it. He wanted it bad.

It was then that Killian reappeared, exasperated that the boys hadn’t headed her words and stayed where she told them. But now they’re in danger. The gauntlet is indescribably dangerous and they need to understand that! Then need to let her take care of it! But of course Gundren is resistant, instructing the boys to kill Killian instead. The damn orc-racist. He doesn’t understand the gauntlet, it’s already using him. But Killian does understand it, if only they could understand her! Gundren doesn’t listen and snatches up the gauntlet, engulfed in flames and filled with power. It’s too easy to resist their attacks now and he quickly flies from the cave.

This was bad… If they didn’t stop him quick then Gundren would end up destroying the world single handedly. Outside the cave they find a charred path leading back to Phandalin. They stop once along the way, taking care of some bandits who have an adolescent orc locked in a cage, intending to sell him to the highest bidder. So many orc-racists around here… Of course they have to set him free, ungrateful though he is.

When they reach Phandalin the town is deserted, some clear visible damage, but on the most part everyone has locked themselves inside for fear of the burning dwarven man. One such person is Noelle Redcheek, a halfling girl from a cider-brewery on a delivery to Phandalin, hidden and shaken with fear and worry for her family. Unlike others around her, Noelle is alone. The burnt path Gundren left went straight to the bar, the bar where Barry had been left behind to rest. Barry comes rushing outside as soon as they reach the bar, begging for help, for someone to calm Gundren down. Things were bad, really bad. But the bar down is blow off its hinges before they can do anything to help. Gundren is drunk on power, gleeful that he can finally rid them of _those god damn orcs_.

Taako tries to charm him, epically failing and only raising Gundren’s anger. Merle tries to reason with him, claiming together they can control the gauntlet. They’re family, they can do it together. But Merle makes a grave mistake and touches the glove, throwing Gundren into a frenzy. The gauntlet is _his_. But he can’t give up. Deep down Gundren is scared and he needs Merle’s help, to calm him to give him strength to remove the glove.

An arrow shoots Gundren in the back. In the distance is Kurtze, an adolescent orc wielding a bow the size of him. As soon as he’s noticed he runs. He did what he planned to do. Enraged and engulfed in flames once more, Gundren turns his attention to Barry as he speaks, crushing Barry into the ground with a giant flaming hand. Barry is dead. They don’t have time to react. Killian knows what’s coming next and she’s leading them through town, racing as fast as she can and urging them to hide in the well. They’ll be safe in there.

An enormous burst of flames engulf all of Phandalin, blotting out the sky from the opening of the well and it’s the loudest sound they’ve ever heard. The fire rages for a minute and a half and when they finally climb out of the well Phandalin is gone. Everything is gone. Half a mile wide is just a perfect circle of black glass, in the centre a badly burnt dwarven figure wearing the gauntlet.

Concussed from the fall down the well, Killian is unconscious as the boys survey the scene around them. Magnus still doesn’t trust Killian and insists of tying her up and taking away her weapons. She has secrets and after this secrets can’t be trusted. Taako meanwhile approaches the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet, almost feeling as though it’s speaking to him. _Come put this dope glove on._ But that…that seems like a bad idea, and the others agree. Taako’s not getting mixed up in all that. But still, they can’t just leave it here.

Time for Merle to heal Killian enough to wake her up. She’s displeased to find herself without her weapons when she wakes up, but there’s not much she can do about that while she’s bound, and these _idiots_ are still going on about her not explaining everything to them before. Why was it so hard for them to understand that she was physically incapable of telling them?

Perhaps if she used a different method…if they could tell her when her words turned to static… _I—I have to pick my words very carefully—am an employee…of…a…group of…um, concerned people…who…are working…to…[STATIC] Who are working to make…the whole land…safer._ **That’s hard to buy because the first time we met you, you sicced a giant grinder thing on us.** _I thought you were- I thought you were trying to stop my group of people from doing a good thing._

Then she notices it, the gauntlet still on the charred remains of Gundren Rockseeker. How…how had they managed to resist its thrall? Nobody could resist it! But these…these _idiots_ had! Taako explained how it had wanted him to wear it but, well, he was afraid, so he didn’t. Once again Killian is amazed by them, her face lit with the same look she had worn upon seeing them defeat Magic Brian. They may be idiots, but they were good idiots. If Taako had already resisted the thrall than he could safely collect it without temptation and they could take it away to be destroyed for good.

The Phoenix Fire Gauntlet tucked away in Taako’s bag, Killian released from her ties and her crossbow returned, they head towards the edge of the glass where Killian presses an unfamiliar rune—an image of two angular B shapes facing inward towards each other—on her bracer to call forth a sphere of glass and metal which falls from the sky minutes after she pressed the rune. The sphere is a magical ship of sorts which Killian leads the three of them inside.

As the sphere raises into the sky, Barry looks on from his lich form. In death he remembered everything again. But none of it made sense. He had been so close this time. Close to the relic. Close to his friends. Close to Lup. But it didn’t make sense. They had the gauntlet, so why wasn’t Lup with them? Damn it… He couldn’t do this alone any more. It was wasn’t working. Even if they didn’t remember him, and Lup was still nowhere to be found, he needed their help. It would take a lot of convincing and a lot of waiting, but it would be worth it for his family. They were the whole reason he was even still alive after all. Well…half alive.

The sphere carries the boys up into the sky and it’s strange, otherworldly, to see their planet from this view. It’s strange, but also beautiful. Flying through clouds, seeing the two moons shining overhead, passing over the city lights of Neverwinter and the Sword Mountains, it’s all beautiful. After a while it becomes apparent they’re heading towards one of the moons and that too is strange. It’s so much bigger so much sooner than it should have been. _That’s no moon,_ and they’re going inside of it. This is the Bureau of Balance.


	3. Moonlighting

Insider the moon they emerge into a hangar where Killian leave to get them authorised. While waiting the three befriend Avi, the human man charged with manning the cannons and the glass spheres. These strangers haven’t been inoculated, so they can’t be feeling good right now… Woozy and unbalanced without a doubt. Avi offers some brandy—always one to have a flask on hand—if nothing else it’ll calm them a touch.

Before long Killian is back and takes them across the quad to an elevator. Johann can take things from here. Inside the elevator they meet Johann, a half elf bard, sullen in nature but wearing brightly coloured bards garb, violin and rolls of parchment in hand. Johann was not what they would call a happy man, something which the boys picked up on right away and begun to probe. What could he say, he wasn’t so happy with his life choices, where he ended up. Sure, living on the moon could be pretty dope, but it wasn’t the best place for a bard. _He was, like, the greatest violinist basically ever, but nobody was ever going to know who he was._ Despite their torment, the _tickling,_ Johann plays for them. In that elevator he plays the most beautiful music they’ve ever heard, bringing all three to tears.

Once the elevator reaches its destination Johann takes Taako, Magnus and Merle to a chamber protected by guards outside its door, but of course Johann is allowed inside—he’s its keeper. Inside the room is a great glass tank, filled with dark liquid and lit from below. They can tell _something_ is in there, but what they can’t discern. There’s a shadow in the liquid, but their eyes just can’t focus enough to make it out. It’s just like the static. But it’s feeding time. Slipping the parchment into the tank, shadowy tendrils grasp at it and then it’s gone. With it are gone the memory of the beautiful music Johann had played just minutes ago. They know they heard the most beautiful song ever, but what it sounded like…that’s gone.

Now they need to be inoculated. Johann collects three vials filled with the voidfish’s ichor and hands them to the boys. Magnus is the first to drink, naturally. He remembers. After some prompting Taako and Merle follow. They remember so much, their minds reeling. First comes the music, familiar and moving. In the mine Killian is asking them if they’re there for the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet. Magic Brian is asking if they’re members of the Bureau of Balance. Years ago there was a war which destroyed entire towns, so much conflict and bloodshed. How could they possibly have forgotten such a tragedy? And now, before them, as clear as day, is the voidfish in the tank, its enormous body glowing with a constellation of lights.

Before they leave an old monk comes to the voidfish’s chamber, parchment in hand. Johann always hated this part… The parchment reads: _Magic Brian, one hundred and twenty-one, drow, male, six foot one._ Everything pertaining to who Magic Brian was, and Johann has to feed it to the voidfish, but the boys are gone before he does. In just a moment everyone outside of the Bureau of Balance will crease to recall Magic Brian.

Next stop is the Director’s office. Before them is a human woman in her fifties, holding a white oak staff and sat atop an elaborate throne. _Welcome, the three of you, to the Bureau of Balance_. Professional as always, Lucretia. Finally, they were _home!_ But she doesn’t let herself show her delight. Not yet. There was still too much left to be done and she couldn’t allow them too close to the truth. But at last she could see them, be near them, care for them again. And care she would. When they were away on missions she would worry, and every time they returned she would rejoice, fighting back the radiant smile they had treasured during their one hundred years.

Though there is one thing that brings a sense of confusion… Taako has the Umbra Staff, but how? Had they found Lup? No, her plan had worked well. They only remembered as much as she allowed them and Lup…well she was still nowhere to be found after ten long years. And yet somehow, by some miracle, a part of Lup had found its way back to her brother. Once upon a time he had called the Umbra Staff ridiculous, Lup along with it. _I’m sorry, but you look like a clown with that thing. It’s ludicrous._ **Like a cool clown.** _No! Not a cool clown, like a ridiculous clown._ **Well, there’s no accounting for taste.** And yet here he stood, Umbra Staff proudly in hand as though it could belong nowhere else but with him.

When asking them to turn over the gauntlet to the Bureau she’s amused. Of course Taako’s first concern would be payment. Oh, Taako, of course you will be paid handsomely. She couldn’t show it just yet, but in time she would give them everything they could possible desire. She could do that now. So she calls out Davenport—very finely dressed and always close at hand—with their payment, though he can still say little more than his own name.

She explains to them the purpose of the Bureau of Balance: to collect and destroy immensely powerful magical items and in doing so make the world a safer place. Items like the gauntlet currently in their possession. Agreeing it in their best interest to have the gauntlet destroyed they pass it over to Bureau where it is placed within an lead sphere. Through a window the group watches as Lucretia casts a bright beam of light which cuts through the sphere. When they bring the sphere back out into the room it is empty. The first Grand Relic has been destroyed.

Now it’s time for their test of initiation. There’s no need for it, Lucretia knows exactly what her boys are capable of. They’re magnificent. But, as the Director, she has to save face for her organization. They’ll each have different roles during the test, but only by working together can they succeed. Merle is the Smartest, Taako the Bravest, and Magnus the Strongest. With a tap of her staff they’re unconscious.

When they wake up Taako is on the dusty floor of a round arena, Merle is in an alcove twenty feet above and strapped into a cannon under his control, and Magnus is on a bridge also twenty feet in the area. Taako, well he’s going to be in a bad spot. When the test begins he’s faced with three ogres of varying size and colour, from which he’ll have to steal a gem from each—though they’re all far too powerful for him to take on himself. Merle’s canon is special, he has to use it to help Taako however he can, using specially crafted ammunition of healing, hurting, strengthening and aggro. Magnus has to protect a button placed in the centre of bridge which, if pressed, will emit a shock to both Taako and Merle to incapacitate them for a time.

The test isn’t easy. It’s far more difficult than anything the boys can remember facing before. In truth, Taako isn’t the bravest. He doubts his skills and is worked into a panic, running from the ogres for fear of his life. Merle tries to help, but it doesn’t always go to plan. And Magnus, well Magnus rips the arms off robots trying to press the button. It’s the start of Magnus’ collection of arms. Eventually Taako feels a burning in his bag and upon inspection it’s the Umbra Staff and he can almost feel it pulsating with magical energy. Lup could feel her brother’s panic towards the end of the test and she had to do something to help. Channelling all her power into the Umbra Staff, Taako felt more powerful simply by holding it, amazing him when his attack causes more damage to an ogre than expected. And they won. Unconventional though their methods had been, it did the trick.

Taako, Magnus and Merle are greeted with applause after their test, everyone in the Bureau impressed with their performance in the test. Even Lucretia allows herself to clap quietly. They did good. Davenport brings them their bracers, bracers sharing the same rune marking which they had seen on Killian’s. Officially they are Reclaimers for the Bureau of Balance.

It is after their test that Lucretia explains further the purpose she has created for the Bureau of Balance. The gauntlet they destroyed earlier that day was indeed the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet, one of seven Grand Relics. These relics had been the cause for the war which overtook the land ten years ago and she found that, with the voidfish’s help, the easiest way to stop the war was to make everyone forget the relics existed. And it worked. But the relics were still out there and it was their job, as Reclaimers, to collect them. Only when all seven are destroyed would the world be safe again.

And…oh man, this was the hard part… The Grand Relics were created by a group of rogue wizards who called themselves the Red Robes. But they were gone now, most killed in the hunt for the relics. _If we see someone in a red robe, kill ‘em. Got it._ No, no Magnus! That wasn’t what she meant! Barry was still around, their paths had crossed once or twice over the years while he retained his lich form—still wearing the red robes of the IPRE from over one hundred years ago—if they saw him they needn’t kill him, just keep him at a distance from the Bureau. It would be too dangerous if he got too close…

For now they would live on the moon, sharing a room in the dormitories with a halfling man called Robbie—later affectionately called Pringles by the boys. They would have time to become familiar with the moon base and the people living there before they were sent out on their next mission. One person they met was Leon the Artificer who runs the Fantasy Gashapon, doling out magical items as rewards for those who do well in missions. Magnus, Merle and Takko each have a token for the Fantasy Gashapon for destroying the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet. It’s simple enough and Merle puts his token into the machine, receiving the True Heart Clasp, an item which when worn on your ear aids in knowing a person’s true intentions.

Taako, he has to make things difficult. He doesn’t put his token in the machine, instead he hands it to Leon. But, but that’s not how this works! It’s against Bureau policy! _Taako_ has to be the one to put it in the machine! After some coaxing Taako takes the token back and puts it in the machine and-… Taako, oh Taako, not that way… It turns to the right, not the left… Man, this elf was a piece of work… But he does it and out pops a Ring of Frost, making any beverage the wearer is holding frosty and refreshing…also raising defence against any frost-based damage. Thankfully Magnus has some sense about him and puts the coin in without trouble, receiving Railsplitter, a powerful axe magically enhanced and capable of chopping down any tree with a single swing.

And no trip to the moon base would be complete without a visit to _Fantasy Costco! Where all your dreams come true! Got a deal for you!_ There they meet Garfield the Deals Warlock, a strange and somewhat unsettling warlock, possibly feline in nature, it was unclear. From Fantasy Costco they make a number of purchases. Magnus: Phantom Fist, a gauntlet which gives the wearer bonus defence and projects a spectral hand able of knocking back enemies; and also three Stones of Farspeech, allowing communication with anyone else who possesses one and he gives one to each Taako and Merle. Taako buys the Ring of Pointing, a laser pointer stylised as a ring; the Fantasy Olive Garden Ultimate Pasta Pass; and the Wand of Switcheroo, allowing the user to switch their place with another person or item of similar mass. Finally Merle buys the Scuttle Buddy, a mechanical beetle used to spy on others; and the Extreme Teen Bible, a holy symbol wielded to better spread the teachings of Pan to teens.


	4. Murder on the Rockport Limited

It is three weeks after Taako, Merle and Magnus are hired as Reclaimers when they’re awoken at 3:00 am by Davenport, much to their dismay. Upon Magnus’ request Pringles gives him a Hair of the Dog Potion, that should get him through this summons. Nobody thinks to release Taako from his sleep sack—it’s for his own safety as well as theirs, night terrors plague what little sleep the elf requires. In the briefing room Lucretia informs them that one of their other Reclaimers, Leeman Kessler, had successfully acquired a Grand Relic and loaded it onto a train, the Rockport Limited, before being murdered. One of them will have to impersonate Leeman while the others ensure he is not also murdered to retrieve the relic.

Packed into a glass sphere, Avi shoots the boys from the canon and Taako is forced to take responsibility for safely landing it on the ground—Magnus was in no state after his Hair of the Dog Potion. Typically, nothing for Taako goes without incident. During their descent their course crosses paths with a flock of pegasi and he has to pull the level early to avoid crashing into them which results in them landing in a swamp a few miles away from Rockport—rather than the lush pastures just outside of Rockport.

Trapped in the swamp, the sphere is slowly sinking until Magnus uses Phantom Fist to smash a whole in the side of the sphere for them to escape through, meanwhile Taako casts Ray of Frost to keep the sphere from sinking further—nevertheless, that sphere is out of comish. Watching them from the canopy of a tree is a green, slimy eyestalk— _multiple_ green, slimy eyestalks—belonging to three leeches which attack. During the attack a leech latches onto Merle and drains a pint and a half of his blood, slowly his movement and he begins to skin into the swamp. Taako’s having none of that and casts Levitate on himself, meanwhile Magnus has to rescue Merle from the swamp. They’re not having the best luck, but still the leeches are taken care of.

Needless to say, the boys are a mess when they finally reach Rockport, hoping to find someone willing to help them clean up. Tom Bodett is willing enough to oblige, hosing them down outside and, as thanks, Taako magically closes some holes in the hose.

At Rockport train station they meet the ticket collector, who is also Tom Bodett. When asked for their names Merle answers Leeman Kessler, Magnus is now Diddly Kessler, and Taako is Justin. Tom Bodett isn’t buying it. Once again Taako is forced to cast Charm Person on Tom and suddenly these guys are _definitely_ who they say they are, what was he thinking? There is a crypt-safe on the train—where unbeknownst to Tom a Grand Relic is being held—and he explains how the crypt-safe can only be opened by the physical touch of a Rockport Limited employee. Knowing Tom will not be happy once the spell wears off Merle instructs him to go step in front of the next train and- _no! Merle what’re you doing? Don’t say that!_ **Fine, he can just step in front of a non-moving train and wave goodbye to it…** Oh, Merle…

The train is _magnificent._ Gilded with gold, silver, and platinum, posh interior, soft seats and shag carpeting. Luxury at its finest. Upon the train Hudson, the train’s engineer instructs them that they must hand over all their weapons while on the train. _Um, is it okay if I keep my umbrella in case of a storm?_ **Well, yeah, it’s not—yeah, I won’t typically consider that a weapon…** Good thinking, Taako. For security measures Hudson informs the group that he will be in the engine car for the duration of the journey and will not be coming out for any reason.

On the train are three other passengers: a heavily muscled dwarven woman, a young boy in a fancy suit and blue cap, and a young wizard with a bushy beard, wearing trashy wizard’s robes with the word _juicy_ sewn onto the butt. They’d have time to talk later, but for now Taako, Magnus and Merle head to the sleeper car where they find Jenkins, the Rockport Limited’s wizard attendant and wearing a rainbow bowtie, who offers them a trip to one of the train’s pleasure rooms—which isn’t a sexual thing, thank you very much. No, but maybe later, for now a tour of the train and a quick power nap will do. It’s been a long morning.

Later in the dining car they find the fancy boy reading alone, and Jenkins and the Juicy Wizard are coming out of one of the pleasure rooms. Taako still thinks it’s a sex thing. It isn’t. The pleasure rooms are small portals which are able to teleport you anywhere you wish to go, items cannot be brought back from these places and only Jenkins can create the portals. They try to enter the cargo car via the pleasure rooms but fail. The relic was protected from tricks like that.

Instead they decide it’s time to eat and sit with the fancy boy. Merle attempts to talk to the boy about the good word of Pan, but sorry, the boy isn’t allowed to talk to people who worship pagan gods. Even so, when asked his name Merle introduces himself as Brother Leeman. The boy’s name is Angus McDonald, he’s heading to Neverwinter to visit his grandfather. Angus is entirely innocent, but Magnus still suspects him as the killer. Magnus and Taako introduce themselves as Diddly and Justin respectively. In a foolish move Merle attempts to cast Zone of Truth on Angus, but the boy is easily able to resist the spell, only causing Angus to suspect _them_.

Leaving Angus alone the boys instead turn their attention to the Juicy Wizard, whose name they learn is Graham. Though _Justin_ doesn’t work this time. Graham recognises Taako. Of course he does, he’s _Taako, from TV!_ Nah, nah, man. Taako is just a stage name, he’s Justin Leeman. But oh, that doesn’t matter. It’s not weird to have a train name—a name that you use only on trains. Graham is actually his train name too! Really he’s Percy, but he likes Graham better, it feels like a train name. Taako and Graham bond over magic. They’re both wizards but Graham, well his specialisation is still undeclared. He just can’t seem to find his path… But really, what he’d _really_ like to do is work on a train! …But his application for a job on the Rockport Limited was rejected, so he’s trying to learn from Jenkins for next time. Why would you do that, Graham? Jenkins is a terrible wizard! Won’t even use his spell slots! The conversation has quickly turned sour and Graham moves to a different table, far away from the boys.

After lunch Jenkins offers them the chance to visit a pleasure chamber again and Taako gives in, volunteering to go to the train’s most popular pleasure room. Using a silver rod Jenkins traces the outline of the door frame of a closet in the dining car and when he opens it there is a greenhouse filled with lush plants and berries. Inside Taako checks for magic, discovering it’s a simple form of teleportation magic, easy enough for a terrible wizard like Jenkins to use.

Angus greets them again once they leave the pleasure chamber, asking them again what their names are. They’re Leeman, Diddly and Justin. _No, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. What are your guys’ real names?_ **Pardonnez moi?** _What is—What are the names that aren’t fake that you guys actually have?_ Damn, the kid wasn’t buying it. Quick, a distraction! Magnus tries to steal Agnus’ book and…fails? _Don’t do—Don’t try that again!_ He tries it again, this time with success! _Okay, that’s not cool, man. I get it, I’m not as tall as you are—It’s a great prank, and a really good goof. I need to know what your rea—_ And Magnus is tossing the book to Taako. It’s monkey in the middle. _Okay, so we’re doing this now, huh?_

Checking the book for magic Taako discovers it is able to intercept messages transmitted through magical means. The last message that was intercepted reads: **Leeman Kessler and Co. not who they say they are. Charm magic spell performed at station. Hand over to authorities immediately upon arrival in Neverwinter.** It was sent by Tom Bodett, Merle knew they should have killed him! Interestingly, the book stopped this message from reaching its destination. So that’s why Angus isn’t buying it… Taako tosses the book back to him. Now this is a conversation better done in private.

 _My name is Angus McDonald. That part you already know. Uh, I am, and I’m not being braggy, because I—my grandpa says not to do that, but I’m the world’s greatest detective. I’m on the trail of a serial killer named the Rockport Slayer. I was hired by the Rockport City Council to track down the Rockport Slayer._ Now it’s time to exchange information but- **We work for an organization. It’s called the [STATIC].** _Is there some sort of magical charm preventing you from telling me what it actually is?_ The boy catches on quick, much faster than these three idiots.

The real Leeman Kessler was killed just last night, now Angus believes the real killer is still on the train, planning to steal the riches Leeman has hidden in the cargo car once they reach Neverwinter. It isn’t riches he had hidden there, but it is very dangerous—even if they can’t say yet exactly what it does. As they discuss their plans to catch the Rockport Slayer a shadow moves past the window and a scream can be heard from the front of the train.

Rushing to discover what happened they find a body on the ground between the sleeper and passenger cars, laid in a pool of blood. The body is missing both hands and its head, but around its neck is a rainbow bowtie. In the room is a drink cart and an unconscious Graham. Investigating the body, Jenkins’ rod is missing and there’s something interesting about his wounds. While the head was cut very neat and clean, the hands were not—they were taken rather sloppily, but there was no sign of a struggle. Before they can move the unconscious Graham to the sleeper car, Angus notices a giant crab-like creature appear from overhead and attack the boys. Only Taako still has a weapon, so all four of them run, dragging Graham along with them.

The creature pursues. They see the dwarven woman, Jess the Beheader, again for the first since getting on the train as they retreat, coming to investigate what the commotion was. After being struck with the carb’s claws Taako casts Levitate on it and tells Magnus to knock it out the train with Phantom Fist. But the train is inside a tunnel. The crab is damaged as it’s dragged along the side of the train, but it manages to pull itself back inside further down the train.

Returning to where they found Jenkins’ body, the room, the body and the drinks cart have all been destroyed by the crab. In the end Jess the Beheader is the one to dispatch the crab, an axe appearing in her hand as she jumps towards it, slicing the crab in half in mid-air. Lucky for them her axe is soulbound to her, a locked door won’t keep it away from her. Introductions are made and this time they forgo their fake names. And Jess, she’s a pro wrestler heading to Neverwinter to do a hype tour for an upcoming match against Greg the Leg-Cutter.

Everyone is suspicious of each other. _It’s time for another Zone of Truth_ …along with a game of good adventure, bad adventurer, and neutral adventurer with Graham to find out what happened. Graham found the body while going to ask for another round in the pleasure chamber, than he suddenly fainted. Magnus is bad adventurer and gives him a smack. Merle is neutral adventurer and offers Graham a cup of coffee, forgetting the drink cart was destroyed.

Graham was in the passenger car before he went looking for Jenkins, he’d been there for twenty minutes with Jess! Merle is mom cop now, offering some Andes mints to coax Graham into talking to the nice men. The last time he was Jenkins he was doing the drinks service a few minutes before he was killed—Jess agrees. Taako acknowledges the elephant in the room. Did Jess the **Beheader** do it? Of course not, she’s not on the job right now! She only beheads people when she’s paid to, for entertainment! Sheesh!

Hudson is the only possible suspect. They tell Hudson about Jenkins death and that they need access to their weapons, but Hudson can’t let them into the safe! Not with a murder out and about! Nope, Hudson isn’t coming out, he told you he wouldn’t.

With nothing else to go on Merle turns to the Scuttlebug—affectionately calling it Scuttle Buddy as it imprints on him—receiving an ear piece from it and leaving it to keep an eye on the others in the train.

Tres Horney Boys, along with Magnus prepare to breach the cargo car, the only place they’re still yet to check. But upon entering they find it empty, the safe completely unharmed. Though they were overcome with a brief sense of nausea. That’s when Taako remembers. The crypt-safe can only be opened by a Rockport Limited employee and they must hold their hands on it for an hour. Jenkins’ body was missing both hands. But no- _No sir, it’s only the engineer who can open the safe,_ Angus reminds them. But anyway, there’s something else suspicious he sees about the room, and he’s right! They can’t open the rear door. Strange. Taako casts Detect Magic and the room is filled with blinding white light. _Bad news compadres, this place is magic as hell._ He also detects Ghost Sound—a basic wizard cantrip to create an illusory sound.

Regrouping with Jess and Graham they conclude whoever killed Jenkins must have used his magic rod to create a fake vault, so they can go undisturbed in the real vault. And the reason why they haven’t found Jenkins’ head? He wasn’t beheaded with a weapon but rather the portal to a pleasure room. With just his head in the room it would be left behind when the portal closes.

In a rare moment of lucidity Taako poses a hypothesis. What if Jenkins used his rod to get into the engineers room, removed Hudson’s head, swapped clothes with him, took his hands, and conjured up the crab monster to incinerate the body so it couldn’t be identified? Typical Jenkins not to use a spell slot. It would explain the Ghost Sound, disguising Jenkins’ voice as Hudson’s. And then there’s the shadow they saw outside the window. Had that been Jenkins moving to the back of the train? But how had he moved the body without them noticing? The drinks cart.

But still, one of Angus’ questions go unanswered. He couldn’t hear the boys talk about the Grand Relics, so how did Jenkins know about it? Was he part of their organization as well? There’s no time for that now. Without their engineer the train will crash into Neverwinter in just twenty-five minutes. They need a plan and fast.

Taako will cast Levitate on Magnus. Magnus will go out the window. Magnus will knock out the side of the cargo car, or through the caboose, whichever works. Magnus will distract Jenkins long enough to break the spell and bring down the portal. Once the spell is down the rest of them will go in to take Jenkins down! As a safety measure Graham gives Magnus a magic bean which will make him extremely heavy when put in his mouth, just to counteract the levitate if things go south.

Tied to a table in the dining car Magnus sideways rappels down the side of the train, only to find a flesh golem on the platform leading to the caboose. Still clutching the rope, Magnus is punched by the flesh golem and it sends him swinging. In about 60 seconds they’re going to reach the next tunnel. He doesn’t have much time. He waits 59 seconds before putting the bean in his mouth, the rope pulled taunt, caught on the roof, colliding with the flesh golem like a wrecking ball. The golem is pushed through the door and collides with Jenkins, causing him to drop the magic rod and the portal to close. In there is a second flesh golem, it’s hand firmly on the crypt-safe.

One flesh golem is taken care of in no time and Jenkins wonders how they saw through his perfect crime. _Because you’re not a very good wizard._ Maybe, but he did manage to turn Hudson’s hands into the flesh golems. He could destroy the second one and within that they have no way of reaching the engine car and slowing the train, if they don’t leave him alone to get his treasure that is. But eh, Taako thinks he can probably use the rod. He’s a much better wizard than Jenkins. So Jenkins attacks the golem…only he misses and in retaliation the golem angrily throws him from the train by his neck, presumably killed on impact with the tracks. Merle uses Sacred Flame to reduce the golem to ash.

Jenkins is gone, no more murderer on the train but they still need to stop it before it reaches Neverwinter. They can’t let Phandalin happen again. More people can’t die because of them and the relics. But first they should collect the relic from the cargo car, using a dowsing compass Jenkins had been using to locate it. They retrieve their weapons and Taako—somewhat of a kleptomaniac—pockets a golden tiara, a set of silverware and a locked briefcase.

The compass leads them to a monocle by the side of the cargo car and it speaks to them, trying to tempt them. Having already resisted the thrall of a Grand Relic once, Taako is the one to pick it up, willing only to touch it with the handle of the Umbra Staff before dropping it in his bag. With a mind of its own the Umbra Staff then points towards Jenkins’ wand, flipping itself inside out and sucking up the wand. It has absorbed Jenkins’ power and suddenly it’s stronger.

Only seven minutes until they reach Neverwinter. Thinking quickly Taako collects the magic rod and ushers everyone from the room. There isn’t much time to do this! His first attempt to use the rod fails, but he can’t be deterred. The second attempt works! But he needs Graham’s help to stop the train, he’s the train expert. Only…the brake lever won’t budge, it too is locked to Hudson’s handprints!

Three minutes. They need a new plan! Taako has an idea as he leans out the side of the train. They must pass through a portal before entering Neverwinter; with the rod he can use that. He can do it. At fifty yards away everyone bar Taako jumps from the train, but he needs to be closer for the spell to work, as close as he can get. At the last moment he jumps out and casts the spell, altering the destination of the portal to Jenkins’ garden. Instead of entering the train platform in Neverwinter, it disappears. Somewhere out there Jenkins’ garden is destroyed. They can hear a mighty smash as it destroys the greenhouse.

Neverwinter is saved! Though it doesn’t take long for the others to mourn the loss of their valuables on the train. Merle was going to miss Scuttle Buddy… And Agnus was transporting his grandfather’s favourite silverware! It was supposed to be a death-day present, so he could see it one last time before he died! Taako tries to cover up his thievery, but that face… He felt kind of bad. He gives Angus three forks. He only felt _kind of_ bad.

Upon approaching the platform the Neverwinter Militia rush to Angus who pulls out a badge and assures them the boys are with him. Angus was hired for this, he can deal with it. Before leaving, Angus hands the boys a business card, telling them to drop a line if they need his help solving a mystery. They head to Neverwinter Clinic to heal up—they all took some nasty blows today—but it doesn’t take long for them to decide it’s time to head back to the moon base. They shouldn’t linger too long with the relic.

It’s the same as last time. They return to the moon in a flying glass sphere. They are greeted by Avi and taken to the Director’s office. The relic is put in a lead ball and destroyed. The second relic, the Oculus has been destroyed. Seeing it destroyed gives Magnus pause for thought. Lucretia claims the relics can only be used for evil, their power all-consuming in the end, but what if she was wrong? Surely items wish such power must also possess the power for good. The thought is cut short by Davenport, presenting them with yet more gold and more Gashapon tokens.


	5. Lunar Interlude I

It’s time for another Lunar Interlude! Sometime after the murder on the Rockport Limited, the boys are at a celebration, a carnival on the moon, help for the Midsummer Solstice. The highlight of the day is the eclipse which occurs every day at high noon, a moment of spiritual importance for many religions on this world. For the carnival everyone in the Bureau of Balance has dressed up in costume. Merle is Ursula from The Little Mermaid, Taako is Judge Lance Ito and Magnus…he’s dressed as Taako.

They go around the stalls and from Petrilda, a fried conjurer, Magnus decides he wants to try some fried unicorn horn and unicorn dick. That’s…super duper duper illegal…but okay. And then it’s time for some good old carnival games, knocking down stacks of cans. Twice Merle manages to knock all but one of the cans over, prompting Taako to cast Mage Hand on the final can. That’s cheating! The boys are cheaters! Hands stamped with CHEATER, they’re banned from the rest of the games.

It’s almost time for the eclipse anyway. Some people are dancing as Johann plays music and before long Lucretia is calling for everyone’s attention a few minutes before it starts. Leon is handing out special sunglasses for the viewing. Each year this happens, but this year is different. The sky begins to darken and the sun and the real moon align and there’s a deafening shriek that incapacitates everyone. Everyone but Magnus, Taako and Merle, and they’re hit with a sonic blast.

By some miracle they’ve managed to keep conscious and all around they can hear the sound of twenty orchestras playing all at once and thousands upon thousands of whispering voices. While the eclipse blots out the sun, for a moment they can see thousands of bright white eyes watching them, burning. When the eclipse ends everything returns to normal.

After waking Lucretia up she assures the boys this had never happened before! In Lucretia’s office she has them recount exactly what they saw. With word from the surface she know they were the only ones to have seen it. This isn’t good. The noise…those eyes…The Hunger, had it found them? They were running out of time! They would need to hasten their efforts to collect the Grand Relics before it gets here!

But for now there’s nothing they can do about The Hunger and Merle, well he really does think Lucretia should be looking into that seedy carnival game owner. Merle, Merle please, not right now. She can’t do this right now! _You’re dismissed. Please._ **Are we fired?** Fired? What? Of course not, Magnus! _No, just, go. I’m tired. I’m very very sleepy._ She really can’t do this right now. It’s too much.

And go they do, go to torment Leon at the Fantasy Gashapon again. Merle is first to go, putting his coin in the machine with ease and receiving the Slippies of Haste, slippers with aesthetic wings on the side, and they help him to move faster. Magnus too has no issue with the machine and receives the Fletcher’s Mitt, a green glove which aids in catching any projectiles thrown at you. Taako…he hands the token to Leon. Does he really need to explain again…? _Just, sweetheart, I want you to pop it into the machine and turn it yourself. I can’t do it for you._ Taako hands him the coin. Taako, Leon _will_ take the coin away from you if you hand it to him again, then you won’t get anything magic. Do you really want that? Taako relents and puts the coin in himself, receiving the Gustmaster 5000, a fan capable of producing an incredibly powerful gust of wind once per day.

While they’re at it, why not a trip to Fantasy Costco! First off Taako has something to sell, a very fine set of silverware…but it’s missing a few pieces. It could have been worth thousands, but without those pieces… No matter, it’s something at least and what else was he going to do with them now? But with that added gold he has enough for the Pocket Spa, god knows he could use some Taako time out on these missions!

Magnus is instantly drawn to a mystery bag. It’s just so mysterious, he needs it! Along with that he buys the Lends of Straight Creepin’, a magical tool to track the paths of enemies, and also the Tankard of Potent Drink, a tankard which allows the user to drink a LOT. He later discovers the mystery bag contained a glass sphere filled with water, and inside it is a goldfish. He’ll call it Lord Steven Q. Fletcher, Esquire, the Goldfish, the Third…or Steven for short. And Merle buys the Ring of Recall, a ring able of recovering lost spell slots if a spell fails. He doesn’t want to worry about spell slots all the time.


	6. Petals to the Metal

The next time we see the boys they’re in the middle of a friendly fight, facing off against Avi, Killian and Pringles for the entertainment of the other Bureau employees. These three new Reclaimers had already managed to bring in TWO Grand Relics! And yet so few really knew what they were capable of. Much to their dismay the fight is cut short by Lucretia, requesting that Taako, Magnus and Merle meet her in her office. In the town of Goldcliff one of their Seekers had found a Grand Relic and she needed them to go and recover it from the hands of the master criminal The Raven.

This time they know just what it is. The Raven has taken possession of the Gaia Sash, giving her control over nature. Thankfully The Raven has chosen to remain within one of the largest cities in the realm where its influence will be weaker. They will need to work with the Goldcliff militia to apprehend The Raven. The Seeker they’ll need to find is Captain Bain, Captain of the Goldcliff Militia.

While flying overhead towards Goldcliff they notice what appears to be a race happening in the desert outside of town. Though there’s something more pressing on the horizon. The biggest building in the city is the Goldcliff Trust, twenty stories tall, made entirely of gold and currently being swallowed by vines. Outside the Goldcliff Trust they find Capt. Captain Bain who informs them that The Raven is terrorizing the town with vines—vines which even Railsplitter cannot cut through as Magnus discovers upon trying to break into the building.

But at least Merle has another idea. By Channeling Divinity Merle is able to charm the vines, flirting with them so that they willingly allow them to enter into the building. Taako and Magnus are rightfully disturbed, they didn’t need to know about that fetish. Inside they find a fountain with a large tree in it, vines are everywhere, a shrill alarm is sounding, and, with the Lens of Straight Creepin’, Magnus can see a path of footprints.

Only, that isn’t a tree. It’s a treeant! Named Trent. There’s no avoiding it, they’re going to have to fight Trent. During this battle Taako casts Blink for the first time. In an instant he vanishes from the Material Plane, reappearing in the Ethereal Plane where there are three grey figures with bright white eyes. They too vanish in an instant. They were watching the boys. Meanwhile Magnus rushes at Trent with Railsplitter, cutting through him like a hot knife through water. Trent screams in pain, making eye contact with Magnus.

Throughout the battle Taako blinks in and out of sight, jumping between planes. Appearing again to cast Scorching Ray on Trent. Vanishing again. Merle is restrained by vines and uses Channel Divinity to speak to Trent. Oh, god! He’s just a baby! Only 30 minutes old! The Raven created Trent and now they’re killing him! The poor thing is begging for his life, but Taako blinks back with another shot of Scorching Ray. Trent is no more. Merle weeps for the loss of poor Trent, the others are thoroughly confused—they don’t speak Treeant.

They find a chest in the Goldcliff Trust, but without a rogue in the party they can’t unlock it…but Magnus, he gets creative and eventually his assault on the chest is successful. Inside are nine hundred gold pieces and he plans to take them, but Taako—a thief and klepto by nature—for once has a crisis of conscience. _I- We can’t take these. This is a bank. No, listen! It’s a bank! We’re not looting. This is literally a bank robbery. Just ‘cause you find money in a bank doesn’t mean you can just take it with you. Great, I grab some chairs! I grab some furniture! Why’re we looting? This isn’t a dungeon, people do business here! Put that back! You’re going to get arrested, you’re going to go to jail. You guys can split it fifty, fifty if you want, but I swear to god the first thing I do when we get outside is I rat you out._

But they still need to get to the top of the building! Between floors eleven and twelve the elevator comes to a sudden halt and the lights go off, vines squeezing the shaft and forcing their way in. Merle had taken the stairs, but Magnus has to shimmy up a rope, holding Taako by one arm as the elevator collapses from the vines. Merle had just reached the elevator doors when this happened and he’s swept in by the vines. Thankfully he manages to catch himself on Taako’s ankles.

The only way for them to get out of this is for Merle to climb up Taako and Magnus, Taako to climb up Magnus, and then for them each to climb up the rope…though Taako isn’t so great at climbing, he _is_ a wizard. Misplacing his hand, as Taako climbs he grasps his belt and both Taako and Magnus’ pants fall to the mass of vines. Time for another Blink, Taako can chill over there. He left a daiquiri there. Meanwhile Magnus and Merle swing on the rope, trying to reach the fourteenth floor.

Safe from the vines, all they need do is climb the stairs to the top. At the top there’s a hole in the wall, money strewn everywhere and there is The Raven, a half-elf—Gaia Sash quite striking against her black leather attire. They weren’t supposed to be here, but they give her no choice. A fight breaks out. Taako and Merle have a very close call during the fight and Magnus has no means to heal them, but just in time a halfling woman, Hurley, swoops into the room. _Sloane! Sloane, you’re not a killer!_ But it’s too late. The Raven has turned into a grey cloud and fled, leaving Hurley to heal the boys. Though, beaten as they were, the boys remember little of what Hurley did, simply finding them outside with the Goldcliff Militia a short while later where the vines have begun to die.

Capt. Captain Bain enters the medic tent where they are resting after a while to inquire about what happened in the tower. It was silly, Taako insists! The Raven was so much more powerful than them, they never stood a chance! She was scary! Though, Captain Bain wonders, if she didn’t kill them on sight, perhaps The Raven has some resistance to the Relic’s thrall after all. Hurley should know more.

Hurley wants to know if The Raven had said anything to them and well…The Raven had seemed concerned for their safety, as strange as it sounded—especially for someone wearing the [STATIC]. Oh, right, Hurley didn’t know about the Bureau. It was strange, especially for someone as angry as The Raven. But no…Hurley doesn’t think it’s strange at all. She’s hiding something, time for another Zone of Truth!

Where is The Raven? Hurley doesn’t know. What was her relationship with The Raven? They were…partners. They worked together. Hurley was supposed to apprehend her, but well…they became close. One thing led to another and-… She just wants to help her, and just might know how.

In a seedier part of town the boys are introduced to the wonderful world of Battle Wagon Racing! Within a small garage belonging to Hurley herself, she tells them more about The Raven. Her real name is Sloane. Hurley is…uncomfortable calling her The Raven, if that’s okay? But, oh no, she was The Raven before all this happened. Bringing out two boxes she opens one to show a bunch of raven masks, all the same as the one The Raven had been wearing in the Goldcliff Trust.

Sloane used to be a small town criminal and while Hurley was pursuing her she discovered she was actually a battle wagon racer and, well, everyone in Goldcliff is familiar with battle wagons. And Sloane was so good at it! Hurley may have been seduced by…by the racing and well, they started to work together. Sure it wasn’t entirely legal but most turned a blind eye. It was good for the economy. The other box, it’s fill of masks stylised like a ram’s head. Sloane was The Raven. Hurley was The Ram. Battle wagon racers are anonymous, for obvious reasons—especially when you’re a member of the city militia.

Things turned bad about a month ago. Sloane developed these…these _powers._ She became distant and violent out on the track, it wasn’t like her. She…took out another wagon they were racing and two people in the wagon died. They stopped racing after that. Sloane stopped telling her another then really…

But that’s not the point right now! She thinks she has a way to stop her, but she won’t be part of anything that causes harm to Sloane. She’s lost control and she isn’t at fault for that. Sloane isn’t a bad person, really. When they last spoke Sloane had a striking moment of lucidity and she was scared, terrified. These powers, she couldn’t control them! She needed proof that there was something out there more powerful than the powers, something to make her believe she could be rid of them.

They were going to need to beat her. _But didn’t you see what happened in there? She knocked them out in like one attack!_ Oh, they’re not going to be fighting her this time. They’re going to do it Mad Max style. Sleek and incredibly dangerous, Hurley’s battle wagon is going to be the key. But she’s still missing a part…and it’s going to take a bit more law-breaking to get ahold of. She needs an arcane core and they’re going to steal it from the Hammerheads. And, well it would be great if they could do that without killing anyone, she _is_ still a cop.

Later on three people are guarding the Hammerhead Hideout: Little Jerry, Jerreeeeee (aka Regular Sized Jerry) and the Booth Guard. Merle tries to get on using religion, giving Jerreeeeee and Little Jerry a taste of love and terrifying train threats of Pan. And with some help from Thaumaturgy, he creates the sound of an approaching train, terrifying Little Jerry—who incidentally is afraid of trains and runs off into the night—but Jerreeeeee doesn’t buy it and Merle is sent on his way.

Next is Magnus’ turn to try. He wants to join the gang…only it’s 10,000 gold pieces to join and Magnus doesn’t have that kind of money. Maybe he could barter with Steven? Wait-! No! Steven wasn’t for sale! What was he thinking! Buuuuut, he could hook Jerreeeeee up with a fish guy on ChainLinkedIn if he wanted? Jerreeeeee needs to check with his boss.

Taako’s turn. Using Disguise Self, he makes himself look like Little Jerry and Taako can saunter right past the gate guard in a hurry. He really needed a poop, you see. But erm, Little Jerry, remember there isn’t a bathroom inside, but he can totally take you to the outhouse if you need help? _Er, Taako is everything okay?_ **Sure, Magnus, everything’ll be fine. All chill right here, my dude.**

It’s not fine. Just as they reach the outhouse there’s a commotion. The real Little Jerry is running down the street! What the hell is going on?! _Holy shit, an impostor!_ Quick thinking on Taako’s part, casting Sleep to knock out the real Little Jerry. He tries to bluff his way along with the guard, but he’s suspicious. _What’s my name?_ Barbara. Barbara is his name. But of course Taako doesn’t know that. **Taako…?** No wait for an answer, it’s Magic Missile time!

In the end Barbara is all but entirely cut in two. He’s definitely dead. O-oh wait-…Hurley had asked them not to kill anybody. This…wasn’t good, was it? Now they’re left with Barbara’s corpse, not sure what to do with it ‘cause what if Hurley finds out? Their option are: a. disappear the problem with magic, b. definitely do not eat the problem ( _Merle_ ), or c. dispose of the body, not in an extra dimensional hole. A well? An open grave? A pig farm?! A corn field? Oh, well they are only about two blocks from the edge of Goldcliff’s cliffs. Guess that’ll do. Taako says a few words as they throw his body off the side: _We should check his pockets._ Lucky they do. They get a key, three hundred gold coins and a picture of Barbara’s family for their troubles.

Back at the gate they can now use the key to get inside. Using Clairvoyance Taako projects himself inside to take a peek around. Better to be prepared. He finds a battle wagon inside, tank-like in appearance, covered in rows of sharp teeth and mounted above are two enormous cannons, meanwhile in the mouth is a very violent looking grappling hook.

Looking through some windows they find a dorm-like room filled with bunkbeds, three ruffians inside—two awake, one asleep. Trying the door it’s unlocked. With Merle using Silence, they manage to go inside completely undetected. And success! They find some Hammerhead uniforms and they have disguises!

Waltzing into the main garage with their new attire—whilst singing Greased Lightning—they attract a _lot_ of unnecessary attention. But hey, Taako- erm, Little Jerry is here to introduce some new recruits. Everyone gets back to work. Two Hammerheads are working on a small battle wagon. One is a paper pusher sat at a desk. Two ruffians are roughing up a sixth figure in the room, not wearing the Hammerhead uniform, and one of them is Jerreeeeee. It takes a lot for Magnus not to run over and stop their assault.

With them all introduced Magnus has a moment to shine, he _does_ have vehicle proficiency after all! He’s like a Honda Merlin! He can be super helpful with the battle wagon. Double gears, why didn’t they think of that? Now, how about they show him the arcane core? While they talk to sixth figure is getting more agitated by the moment until he passes out. Who _is_ that guy? Whoever it is, the Hammerheads said they paid a pretty penny for him. And…oh god. Taako knows who it is. It’s Klarg!

Now Magnus is trembling with the effort it takes not to punch everyone to free Klarg and the boss, Maarvey, he notices. There’s a banging at the gate which Jerreeeeee is sent to investigate, and in a quick move Magnus traps the two working on the battle wagon under the car. But they can’t kill these guys! Only trap these ones! _Magnus, we told you not to touch anything!_ It was an accident, he swears! Despite their efforts, a battle wagon isn’t a good thing to be trapped under. The prognosis doesn’t look good for the Hammerheads.

Maarvey isn’t happy, they just killed two of his guys. In the fight that follows Merle manages to break Klarg’s chains, setting him free. They hope Klarg isn’t mad at them after last time… For this battle at least, Klarg is on their side. Surprisingly easily overpowering them, a ruffian, Craigory, points out the arcane core for them, and Taako pockets Maarvey’s stun baton—a-thank you very much.

But Klarg is still about to pop Craigory’s head off. He’s…he’s had a rough few months… Merle tries to use Calm Emotion to no avail. This bugbear is far too angry. Giving in Klarg pushes Craigory away and steals a motorcycle-like battle wagon from the Hammerheads. The next time they meet thinks won’t go so well for Magnus, Taako and Merle.

Taako is stealing the arcane core but— _This is a legitimate business, what are you doing? I swear I’m gonna get revenge on this…act, this heinous act!_ No time to talk, the militia are coming. But that core is pretty, a shining blue cube, contained inside what looks like swirling white clouds. They _could_ steal a battle wagon to get away, but no. That would be too incriminating.

Hurley was ecstatic! With this they can do it! They would be the best racing team ever! But erm…did they kill anyone getting it? Well…it was their least lethal conflict ever if that counted for anything? And time for business! The race is six miles long, ending just beside the sheer drop of a cliff and there will be fifteen other teams. Hurley will be driving the wagon while they’ll take offensive and defensive positions on the wagon. Taako will be in the gunner compartment. Merle will be riding shotgun, using the Adamant Spanner to make any quick repairs in the race. They’ll all need to wear safety harnesses which deploy a bubble to keep them safe if they fall from the wagon.

It’s tradition for racers to wear masks, anonymity and all, so Hurley has a surprise for them. A grizzly bear mask for Magnus, a wise old owl for Merle and for Taako a mongoose…? Why…? They’re surprisingly dangerous, he relates to them, okay?! _You know, not everything has to be a joke. Sometimes you just have to be honest with your feelings and that’s how I see myself, you know? You know, it doesn’t always have to be goof goof dildo! I’m traveling around with the boner squad and I never get to say how I’m feeling. I have emotions! It’s not all abraka-fuck you and what have you! I have a beating heart! I’m multi-dimensional! I’m a fully realised creation! Fuck!_ All of which is said from within his mongoose mask.

In the morning it’s time for the race. With the sound of a horn the race begins. Damn, Hurley really is good at this! Not as good as Sloane though, who is already well ahead, and five teams are out of the race almost as soon as it begins. But the other races aren’t going easy and the boys have violent encounters with a team wearing velociraptor masks, a cart known as the Gerbil Wheel, there’s the Dolphinmobile, and also the Octopus Gum Ball Machine. Each poses a unique challenge to the boys, but time and time again they come out on top.

Hurley’s wagon loses a door to the Octopus Gum Ball Machine, and Merle is also pulled from the cart. But what match is a giant octopus to Taako as he casts Reduce? Awww, it’s a baby octopus! But the octopus, Merle and Magnus do spend a time hanging from the back of that wagon. Taako suggests Merle eat the octopus but no…no he’s not doing that! But they need to jump back to Hurley’s wagon.

That was a bad idea… While Magnus makes it with ease, Merle does not and is almost crushed by Hurley’s battle wagon, saved only by Taako focusing all his energy into the spell Phantom Steed! Resplendent and heroic, Garyl the Binicorn (a unicorn with two horns) saves the day, appearing just under Merle in time to save him from his demise. In truth Garyl is an extension of Taako’s spirit, kind of like a Patronus really. There’s only a mile left to the race and a while is spent dealing with a boar drawn chariot.

From behind is a giant dust cloud, from which emerges a massive battle wagon, the Hammerhead Shark Tank. Oh dear… But they have more pressing matters. Along with the chariot was also a mysterious floating shipping crate, within which were three humanoid figures wearing cricket masks, one of which takes control of Taako. Overcome, Taako removes his safety harness and with a flying leap jumps from Hurley’s battle wagon. _Taako! NO!!_ But he’s snatched out of the air; placed in the sidecar of Klarg’s motorcycle. _Wow, that was a close one, wasn’t it?_ It’s…strange. Klarg’s eyes are clouded over, just like they were while charmed by Taako back in the gerblin cave.

While the Hammerhead Shark Tank begins its assault, a giant black pylon notices Klarg and well…Klarg _really_ isn’t supposed to be there. Giant red lasers are shot at his motorcycle in an attempt to take care of him, but Klarg is deft and avoids them. Meanwhile Taako is checking on Klarg’s state of being and, low and behold, he is indeed charmed—by none other than Taako himself! But- but Taako hadn’t charmed him! Not since last time, and that only lasted an hour! They heard his yells when the charm wore off, hadn’t they?

They’re down to five in the race. While Merle attempts to attack the cricket team the spell casting Garyl is broken, but _thank you for believing!_ The race is chaos, but Taako has a plan. He guides Klarg over to the Shark Tank, taking over driving the motorcycle and sending Klarg over to the wagon to draw yet more laser fire. And with that taken care of, he races on to help out his boy Merle with the damn crickets. Some Scorching Ray should do the trick and they’re out of the running and Merle takes over driving.

Taako on the motorcycle, Merle driving the truck and Hurley and Magnus on her battle wagon, all three race after Sloane—along with Maarvey, the only surviving member of the Hammerhead Gang after Klarg makes his escape following his admirable laser attack. Jumping into the Shark Tank, Magnus attacks the dashboard with Railsplitter, releasing Hurley’s wagon from where it had been latched onto, and success! Meanwhile Taako just isn’t going fast enough. Not a job Enlarge can’t fix. Double the size of the bike, double its speed!

Oh! Wait! The button in Hurley’s wagon! Merle needs to press it! Steering back over, he jumps back into the shotgun seat and- _One second, Bronco! Let’s get all our chickens home to roost before you kick that bad boy off._ With another attack from Magnus Maarvey is down for the count—a chicken home to roost when he jumps back over.

Merle presses the button and horns rotate, turning into wings, blue flames bursting out of the tailpipes. The battle wagon is a missile. Nearing the finish, Taako, Hurley and Sloane are neck and neck. Hurley and Sloane and laughing, delighted, but Sloane is pulling ahead. Only…Taako has a plan. Pulling the emergency brake on the motorcycle, he decides it’s time to test out the Wand of Switcheroo. Switching places with Sloane, she loses her balance and topples over the motorcycle and Taako wins the race!

The Goldcliff Militia are at the finish line and Capt. Captain Bain offers his congratulations. But, in the distance Sloane doesn’t look so good. Shaking, shuddering, holding into her chest. Lights are sparking around her and vines are bursting from the ground which shakes and crack underfoot. She drives the motorcycle off the cliff.

Winds gush. The sky turns back. A tornado forms. Thousands of ravens circle. Hurley has to do something. Taking off her mask there is a gasp from the crowd, but who cares about that now. She can’t ask the boys for more help, and yet they automatically join her as she gets back into the battle wagon. They too drive off the cliff.

Inside the tornado is a pillar of vines with a platform on top, Sloane half submerged in the vines. Legs encased, mask off, her skin is turning grey and her eyes are glossed over. To look at her is striking, unnatural. It’s like looking back on Gundren Rockseeker. This- This wasn’t supposed to happen again!

They smash into the pillar, forcing them to climb to the top. Using Zone of Truth, Merle need to find out how to free her. It’s too late says the Gaia Sash, speaking through Sloane. It has control. With a point of her finger, a vine strikes at them before she is enveloped entirely—a body made of vines forming, towering overhead.

Fighting back against it, whenever part of the vine form is destroyed it regrows itself. They’re going to be overpowered. Then Hurley smashes the arcane core, spurting out flecks of blue which the Umbra Staff inhales. All of Taako’s spell slots have been restored and as he casts fireball the spell is _powerful,_ a sun bursting out of the Umbra Staff and completely consuming the vine monster—though the platform and Sloane intact. Then the Umbra Staff consumed the arcane core Lup felt _awakened._ She put on a fiery show of force just to remind herself of powerful she could be. Fire had always been her thing and what better time to use it than now to help her brother once again.

But now Sloane is laughing. _Impressive._ It’s the Gaia Sash. Vines are regrowing again, but these are different. Black with silver thorns, poisonous. They’re silverpoint. Hurley has another plan. The boys need to walk back to the edge of the platform. Taako, he needs to kneel as she gives him a big hug, secretly wrapping her harness around him. You’ll be needing that, Taako, with yours gone and all. With her thanks and a clap of her hands, they’re blown back from the platform, bubbles deploying to keep them safe.

Enveloped in pure what light, Hurley rushes into the vines, straight for Sloane. White light is shimmering all through the vines and then the boys blackout from g-forces.

When Taako, Merle and Magnus wake up they’re in the centre of Goldcliff in a shallow pool. A short way off they see Sloane, completely herself. There’s also Hurley, looking far from okay held in Sloane’s arms. And yet…Hurley’s laughing. _You’re in trouble._ **This whole time I was looking for something more powerful than this fucking belt. I’m such a fool.** _Haha, yeah._ Are there more items like this, Sloane wonders? Yeah, yeah there are. Please, don’t let this happen again.

As Sloane whispers to Hurley there is a flash of light, momentarily blinding the boys. When they see again there are light pink petals floating all around. The wind settles, thousands of the petals caught in the breeze and they see it. In the middle of the pond stands a beautiful towering cherry blossom tree. It’s so pretty. Magnificent. Wonderful. At the base are roots, knotted and twined together to form the shape of two humanoid figures—one short, lying in the embrace of the taller figure. Before the tree on the ground are two masts: a raven and a ram; between them the Gaia Sash for them to collect. And yes, it’s really fucking gay.

During the whole ordeal sirens could be heard in the distance, and now Capt. Captain Bain is taking them back to his office for a debriefing. Lieutenant Hurley is a tree now. They secured a relic. Nothing out of the ordinary for them. With a decanter of thick brown liquid, Captain Bain pours a toast for Hurley, but…he looks nervous, too encouraging in his need for them to drink. They don’t. Taako tries to charm him, but it’s strange. It doesn’t work, like his magic is overpowered by some other spell already in motion. Glowing, Captain Bain goes into a frenzy, smashing the glasses, drinking one and moments later dying. It was poison.

Behind Captain Bain is an incorporeal Red Robe, Barry in lich form. One punch. Two punch. A chop of Railsplitter. None of Magnus’ attacks work. _Are you afraid? You do not know how to be afraid._ Projected before them is a series of familiar faces. _Gundren Rockseeker. Magic Brian. Jenkins. Sloane. Captain Bain. This is the true nature of man. They want, The Hunger. It consumes everything it touches. It can’t be stopped or charmed. It Is the end of everything. This is your first lesson._ And Barry disappears in flames. He can only hope they heed his warning. He knows they can’t understand it all, but maybe with time. For now he can’t stand by and do nothing.

But hey, forget about the Red Robe, there’s loot! Walking away from Goldcliff they’re 4,500 gold pieces richer, they have the gaia sash, Taako has nabbed himself a captain’s badge and Merle brought along the vial of poison which killed Captain Baine. You never know when you could use some poison. It’s time to go back home to the moon.


	7. Lunar Interlude II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hETZ4S9OtSE&index=4&list=WL&t=3s

It isn’t long before the boys are back at the Bureau of Balance moon base and, for the first time they’re greeted by a crowd of people, all cheering and applauding them. Avi is the first to run up to them. That was _sick!_ Everyone at the HQ saw them during the race and, hey, congrats for winning! Who knew the race had been broadcast! Though despite their welcome they still need to go see the Director, like ASAP. Gaia Sash to destroy and all.

A lead sphere, piercing lights, the Gaia Sash is destroyed the same as the others. Three Grand Relics gone. But Lucretia looks downcast. How about a hug? No, no Magnus. No hugs. She just…can’t. Lucretia too saw the race. Impressive though it was, she had worried. It had certainly been dangerous to say the least.

But there are other matters. What happened to Capt. Captain Bain? She hadn’t heard from him… Maybe…maybe it would be better to discuss this in her private office, away from the risk of any prying eyes and ears. In her office, behind her desk hangs a portrait of Lucretia, some unexpected illusion magic cast upon it. Strange. But anyway, Captain Bain is dead. He tried to poison them. They think to take the Gaia Sash for himself maybe. But when that failed he killed himself. And then…well a floating, ethereal man appeared.

Wait- What? What did he look like? He was wearing a red robe. _What?!_ Are…are they sure about that? Certain? _What’s wrong, Director?_ The Red Robes created the Grand Relics, remember? If this person was wearing a red robe, then he must be one of them! As much as she loves them and their shenanigans, if they see the Red Robe again they _need_ to stay far away from it! It could control their minds and it would be dangerous for it to learn more about the Bureau, or worse, find its way up here. They can’t trust it. Sorry, Barry… They can’t believe the truth right now. It’s not safe yet.

She’s…sorry to greet them so cold and flustered. It’s just, Captain Bain was a good friend. His death has her on edge. Oh, she should probably know: Taako tried to charm Captain Bain before he killed himself, but it wouldn’t work. Perhaps something, a stronger charm, had been blocking the spell? No, no, it must have been the thrall of the relic. Which reminds her- So far the three of them had six-handedly save the organization with their ability to resist what others could not, so they were getting a promotion of sorts. From now on the three of them would be the only Reclaimers for the Bureau, the only ones trusted to retrieve the relics. Everyone else would be assigned to different jobs.

With their promotion would also come new, more luxurious lodgings befitting of their accomplishments. But…what about Pringles? _Who?_ Oh, Robbie, their old roommate! Would he be moving with them? Oh, no. Robbie isn’t going anywhere. They don’t need to worry about him anymore. While they were gone Robbie had to be thrown in the brig, but that’ll do for that.

Anyway, that’s not the only change to happen while they were gone! They’ve also hired a new Seeker who will be tasked with providing them with live intel while they’re on their missions. If they just hand her their Stones of Farspeech for a moment so she can tune in the Seeker’s frequency, and- _Hello, Sirs!_ **It’s…it’s the Boy Detective! It’s Angus!** Yes, Magnus, yes it is! The doors open and behind them is Angus McDonald, now wearing a bracer to match their own.

You see, people kept filing missing people’s reports with Angus for people they simply couldn’t remember. And well, being the world’s greatest detective and all, that had him delving into matters with the Bureau more so than she liked. In the end _if you can’t beat them, hire them._ As she ruffles Angus’ hair, it truly is a sweet moment.

And now for the not so fun part. Could they, erm, take this to Johann. It contains all of the information they possess on Captain Bain and…it needs to go to the Voidfish. When an employee of the Bureau of Balance dies, all information and memories of that person are fed to the Voidfish, erasing them from the world. It’s a sad necessity. When they cannot say how a person died, it’s easier for everyone involved to erase them entirely, lest more people like Angus wander too close to discovering the truth.

Once they get to the Voidfish’s chamber Johann isn’t alone. With him is a human man they’ve never seen before, one Lucas Miller. He isn’t wearing a bracer, and they’re arguing. The Bureau is putting too much faith in the Voidfish! What if something happens and it dies? And what if it reproduces asexually, that could be just as dangerous if someone were to use the child against them! He wants to take the Voidfish back to his lap, study it, learn how it lives. Nope, not having any of that. Lucas, your anger is too suspicious. If Johann won’t give in guess he’ll have to go speak to the Director instead.

But before he can leave the Voidfish makes a loud noise, a long extended note. Then two more. The argument is over. Three more notes. Lucas has upset the Voidfish. In an attempt to comfort the Voidfish Magnus puts his hand on the tank and it does something Johann has never seen before, it reaches a tendril out to Magnus’ hand on the other side of the glass. It’s confusing, unexpected. Johann has never seen the Voidfish have a touching moment with anyone before—but even if Magnus can’t remember, Fisher remembers it all; its friend.

[And the Voidfish makes the same three notes again](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hETZ4S9OtSE&index=4&list=WL&t=3s). (1)  _I have a theory, if you’ll indulge me for a second._ Taking out a small harp, Johann plays the same three notes back to the Voidfish which it answers back with four new notes. It’s lovely. Plucking on his harp again Johann is enraptured by the Voidfish and their song. A beautiful duet played with the Voidfish.

But eventually the Voidfish goes dark, it’s not singing anymore. Instead it’s screaming. And the first three notes again, snapping Johann out of his spell. They, erm, they still need to do the Rites of Remembrance for Captain Bain. Just as he did with the parchment on Magic Brian, this parchment too is fed to the Voidfish, more lights appearing in the constellation encased in its body.

When it’s done Johann is bummed out, more so than usual. _Are you guys really okay with…with this part of the deal? Are you cool with like, if you beef it down there, the world just forgets about you?_ Magnus and Taako don’t really care so much, it gets them out of the money they owe at least. Oh, well Johann just sort of existentially bummed himself out, so he’s just going to head out now. _Take ‘er sleazy._

With more Fantasy Gashapon tokens in hand the boys then head down to pay Leon another visit. This time Magnus is the first to hand Leon his token and – _You guys, I can’t fuckin’…every fucking time. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys… Guys. You have to put it in yourselves-_ **That’s what she said.** And Leon is ready to up and leave the room. Putting his token in the machine Magnus receives a belt with a dial as the buckle. It’s the Defender’s Dial, providing the wearer with resistance to fire, cold and lightning damage when the turn the dial.

For the first time Taako puts his token in the machine perfectly. No problem. It’s antagonizing. He gets a black leather cloak with a hood and wings: the Cloak of the Manta Ray. With that he’ll be able to breath and move faster underwater. Merle tries to do a trick and toss his token to Leon, but he fails and it drops into a grate which he has to fish it out of. In the end he gets a pendant of a red cross—the Physicians Pendant, a chance to heal without using a spell slot.

Next they stop off at the Fantasy Costco and as per the norm buy some new items with the gold from their latest job. Magnus buys the Shield of Heroic Memories, a shield that can remember encountered enemies with engravings on the shield, these allowing it to raise its defence; and the Glutton’s Fork, a fork to allow the user to eat any non-magical item they can fit in their mouth and regain health from it. While he’s at it Magnus goes ahead and sells his old shield, but how about you sweeten the deal and go ahead and put some of your blood on there? Weird request, Garfield… But with some coaxing Magnus agrees, selling the shield coated in his own blood. Man does Garfield have plans for this!

Merle buys the Nitpicker, a miniature garden gnome which can come to life twice a day to unlock any locked object; and the Phone-a-Friend Scrying Bones, allowing the user to ask the mysterious being known as the DM a yes or no question. Taako gets his hands on the Anti-Gravity Sphere, a small bomb to disable gravity around you; the Plastic Sheriff’s Badge, it could come in handy for bluffs; and Immovable Rod, a rod with a button which when pressed cannot be moved, even if that means defying gravity.


	8. The Crystal Kingdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL (00:00-00:25)  
> (2) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL (00:25-00:49)  
> (3) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL (00:49-01:14)  
> (4) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL (01:14-01:36)  
> (5) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSr2zfyPoxs&index=11&list=WL

The summer is over and Faerun has moved into winter. When Tres Horny Boys are next seen it’s on the night of Candlenights, a winter holiday which has over the years absorbed all other holidays of the period. No longer living in the dorms, the boys have their own suite at the base of the moon, their own bedrooms and a large window on the floor giving a view of the world below. Beautiful though the view may be, it didn’t take long at all for Taako to cover it up with a rug. He was not game for those heights! Tonight the boys are throwing a Candlenights party for their friend son the moon base. Lucretia, Avi, Killian, Johann and a few others are invited. Angus wasn’t invited, but as a master sleuth, he was there anyway.

The first gift exchange is with Johann. Magnus created a carved wooden figure of Johann and spends a few moments pretending he had made it from Johann’s rosewood violin—which Merle had stolen from Johann’s room—and the bard is decidedly upset. That was his _favourite_ violin! Taako he had nothing to do with that! He made macarons as gifts. Try one, they’re _actually really good!_ Finally Magnus admits it was all a joke and they return Johann’s violin completely intact. In exchange Johann gives them each a small bronze music box which plays his music when opened: a personal Johann mixtape.

Killian has created for them all hand-carved personalised whetstones in the shape of ducks, her favourite animal. What a coincidence! Magnus had carved her a wooden duck too…which he may or may not have read her dairy for to discover her love of ducks. Taako hands over some macarons to Killian too and _damn._ Backtracking to the subject of the diary, Merle insists they know she has a thing for Johann. What? That’s ridiculous. Of course she doesn’t like Johann! Not like that! Come on, guys.

Angus got them each a copy of different instalments of his favourite book series, _Caleb Cleveland: Kid Cop._ He held the books close to his heart, relating to Caleb in a lot of ways, and well, he learnt a lot from these books so he’d like to share the stories with his friends! Merle’s gift to Angus is metaphoric: to stop playing keep away with Angus’ possessions. Merle kicks Angus, and Merle…that’s not in the spirit of Candlenights! Instead he hands over the duck whetstone from Killian. Taako’s gift is three spoons from Angus’ grandfather’s silverware collection. _It took me a while to buy these back…from where we lost ‘em. Don’t think about that too much._ The point is Angus was three spoons closer to having the whole set again and he planned to get them all one day! When Angus leaves Taako throws a macaron at him.

When it comes to Lucretia she insists that, as their boss, gift giving would be inappropriate, so instead she simply hands them their Candlenights bonus, two hundred gold a piece. Even so, Magnus gifts her a coupon for one free backrub, a gift she regards as the _nightmare scenario._ Taako gives her an elderflower macaron and _hot diggity shit. That is a baller cookie!_ What’s his secret?! Merle tries to pawn off his music box on her, but too late. Johann has already given her one. She onto you, Merle. Don’t try that again.

Magnus has made Taako and Merle each chairs which double as indoor toilets and well…that’s kind of weird. Why would you make that? Merle attempts to give Magnus his copy of the Caleb Cleveland book and no. Why, Merle? Why? Oh, fine. Have a macaron instead. Awkward, Taako is giving them both macarons too!

Under the Candlenights shrub is just one present left, addressed to the three of them with a note stating it is for their eyes only. Inside are three dark blue circular emblems, in the centre a word in an unknown and unfamiliar language—one even Taako can’t read. When questioned about the gift by Lucretia Magnus and Merle try to cover it up. Only Taako is honest, telling her it’s for their eyes only. That’s concerning…especially after the Barry incident. But no, Barry couldn’t…

Before she can finish the thought there’s a voice sounding from her Stone of Farspeech. _Lucretia._ She is mortified! That was the first time since bringing them in that the boys ever heard Lucretia’s name. She preferred to be known only as the Director, especially with them! Nope, she’ll deal with that later, she has to deal with whatever _this_ is right now. Johann has started to play some music, though it’s sullen and does little to brighten the mood of the room.

When she’s back the Director needs Avi to move the base to specific coordinates, now. That was Lucas, a scientific advisor for the Bureau and he’s just informed them they have trouble. Lucas found a Grand Relic, the Philosopher’s Stone, and has been experimenting on it in secret. Something has gone wrong. Something is possessing the stone and it’s turning his lab into pink tourmaline. The weight of the crystal is making his lab sink from the sky—floating just like the moon base—and once it hits the Stillwater Sea it’ll be gonezo for the entire planet, crystal consuming everything. Lucas is trapped in the medbay and can do nothing to stop it. Eighty two minutes until impact.

Looks like you have another relic to reclaim, boys, and Killian’s team will be going along too, to take care of Lucas. He may need to be killed to retrieve the stone. At that moment Davenport appears into the party, singing and dancing merrily with the Candlenights spirit. _Davenport! Davenport! Davenport!_ He didn’t know what had happened. **Davenport, read the room!** Sudden and harsh, she’s not normally that cold with him but things are getting a bit much for Lucretia. _Davenport…_ But that disappointment isn’t something a Davenport flavoured macaron won’t fix! _Nnnnmmmmmm Davenport!_ Okay then.

With Avi guiding the moon base towards Lucas’ lab the boys go to Leon to receive null suits before they leave. The suits are one of Lucas’ inventions and are impervious to certain types of magic. It should keep them safe from the crystal. And it’s time to meet up with Killian and the rest of her party, a blue dragonborn woman named Carey Fangbattle and a cigar-smoking dwarf, Boyland. Lucas gives a layout of the lab and says if they can shut down chambers as they make their way to the medbay is should save power and give them more time.

A winter storm has picked up outside, making it increasingly hard for the group to cross over to the lab. Ordinarily they would rappel down to the lab, but that’s not an option with the growing crystal. Instead they must use levitating gondolas which get caught in the storm. The Reclaimers land safely, but the Regulators are thrown off path. Whatever happened to Killian and the others, Tres Horny Boys cannot say.

Inside they’re in an artificial forest, now covered in pink tourmaline. The crystal is everywhere, consuming everything in sight and in the air is the ambient sound of crinkle-tinkles. From across a pond they see a faint white light which they decide to follow, the crinkle-tinkles getting louder until it forms music and a voice. (1)

[ _Pulled from my house inside a cloud_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _Lost to the dark I drift alone_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _Now I’ve Returned from beyond the shroud_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _Ever to reign upon my throne_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _Here in my Crystal Kingdom_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)

When the music comes to an end a rift in space forms above the pond, a light falling through and dropping into the pond. Within moments a large crystal golem has risen from the pond, fifteen feet tall and suspended in the air. Ominously the crystal golem watches the three of them, Magnus trying to imitate it and Merle beginning to cry. Taako, he’s unmoved. With the white light inside it glowing brighter it points a claw to Merle. _You…_

Magnus attacks, and though his attacks land they do half as much damage as he would normally expect. This thing is _strong._ While it looks like the golem is going to attack Magnus in return, it instead keeps its focus on Merle. Casting Guardian of Faith, Merle summons a large spectral guardian with a sword and shield to fight on his behalf. Della Reese appears for the first time. And, with Taako casting Shatter, one of the golem’s arms explode…only to be reformed by the crystal. _Sometimes, Magnus rushes **out**. _ Maybe they try that this time, agreed? They run. Della Reese strikes the golem and the light pops out of it, returning to the rift.

Catching themselves in the first arcane airlock, they wonder, maybe the golem was focused on Merle because he’s a cleric? That didn’t explain much, but it was something. Lucas voice sounds then and he’s confused. There shouldn’t be anything here capable of attacking them, and he has no clue where that voice came from!

Now they have a decision to make. A fork in the road. The Research Material Storage Chamber, or The Magical World of Elevators? Of course it’s the elevators. Inside it’s like a museum, a museum of elevators. Every exhibit features an elevators in some manner. You see, the elevators was his grandfather’s greatest invention and this lab has been in the family for generations. The museum was to honour his grandfather and his mother had made him promise to keep it intact.

 _Hey, Ango. Yeah, D’Jangus. Um, what, what do you know about the Philosopher’s Stone? We just ran into like a crystal golem thing that like sang to us._ **Yeah, that shouldn’t, that definitely shouldn’t happen.** Taking a brief pause in The Magical World of Elevators, Magnus just _had_ to give Angus a call—starting what would become a long line of nicknames for the boy detective—to find out what the hell was going on here. He was meant to give them intel and all. Crystal or not, that golem was not connected to the Philosopher’s Stone. Transmutation magic didn’t pull that shit! Looks like Angus can’t help there.

Around the room they see a range of elevators—most of which are marked with the name Roman Miller. First one that looks like a bucket, not very safe. One has a face, displayed as Upsy, Your Lifting Friend. Maureen, Lucas’ mother also has elevators honoured here, only more modern. Hers includes Upsy, the Rad Lifting Dude, a reboot of the old Upsy and he’s wearing sunglasses! There are also three cockroaches, two of which the boys stamp.

In front of the next arcane airlock is a futuristic elevator atop a glass display case containing a model town of Neverwinter. It is the Elevator of Tomorrow. So, Lucas is going to need them to just quickly run through the demo of that now so they can shut it off. Magnus and Merle agree, but Taako refuses. Taako is good out here. The last time he got in an elevator vines tried to eat him and he’s not going through that again! He’s going to fucking chill out here with the Pocket Spa while he waits for them to get it done.

Inside the elevator is but a single button and a timer set for two minutes. When they press the button the elevator immediately starts to shrink and descent into the display case. Taako is freaking the fuck out. What just happened?! Inside the town Magnus and Merle find it is a futuristic version of Neverwinter, much unlike the real city. Skyscrapers. Electric lights. Are those metal battlewagons? This is the future Lucas imagines for Neverwinter, for every city. Once he’s calmed from his brief panic Taako pretends to be Godzilla until he spots a cockroach approaching his friends, gotta run back to the Pocket Spa for his sandwich so he can come back and chill, watch the action unfold.

They get into a fight with the cockroach and Merle banishes it for a minute, but they can’t get out the display case yet, the elevator timer still has a minute and a half left. Magnus’ ankle gets chomped on a bit, Taako makes a good show of pretending to try opening the display case. After a bit he kind of feels bad and casts Minor Illusion to help the boys out. What cockroach can resist a singing and dancing sandwich? Of course he’s not going to risk his actual sandwich. The cockroach is torn. Magnus or sandwich? Magnus or sandwich? Magnus or sandwich? Both? Maybe both? It tries to drag Magnus to the sandwich and…damn. Nope, that’s not an option. Off come the cockroach’s mandibles, adding to Magnus’ collection of arms. And the doors to the elevator close, going up and returning to normal size. The lights in the room go off and they have gained twenty four more minutes.

Through the airlock is another branch in their path. Radiation Ventilation Maintenance Chamber, or Lil’ Genius Buddy Bot R&D. They decide to meet a Buddy Bot, what can go wrong there? The room is empty save a pedestal, on top of which is an adorable looking robot, LED lights for a face—right now its eyes closed. Strangely the room and the robot itself look burnt. It opens its eyes.

 _Hello there! My name is Hodge Podge. Are you kids ready to learn? Please say your names!_ They give their names and it’s time to pick a difficulty: child, adult, or master? The choose child, naturally. Lucas explains, Hodge Podge is a learning tool he created for children. He’s been stress testing the robot, that’s why the room is all burnt up, nothing to worry about. Again, run through the demo and he can shut it off.

Hodge Podge lists a number of categories to choose from and Taako selects Magic. _Name a spell._ **Zone of Truth.** Why, Merle, why? Now Hodge Podge knows they’re not children. No child would know of a spell like that! You should have said a cantrip! The difficulty level is changed to master and Magnus accidentally chooses spelling for their next category. _Spell ‘aarakocra’._ Magnus spells incorrectly and flames shoot from small holes around the room. Everything going to be fine, is it, Lucas?! Taako easily dodges, getting some nice toast going with his sandwich as he does. Magnus is fine with his elemental belt. And… _the late Merle Highchurch rolled a 5._ Tough luck Merle, you get hit with some fire.

Merle chooses the next category, Problem Solving. They’ve given a problem involving neighbours, houses, their relationships and weapons and are asked to determine who lives where and what belongs to who with the clues provided. Their first attempt is _almost completely wrong,_ but they get it right the second time around. The questioning continues and Magnus gets frustrated, attacking Hodge Podge with his axe, only for the robot to retaliate with fire. Time for spelling again. This time they call Angus and he spells aarakocra correctly…but Hodge Podge picks up on the signal of the Stone of Farspeech. It shuts the signal down and Angus can no longer be heard through the stone. _The three of you aren’t cheating, are you?_

On Hodge Podge’s belly Taako notices a switch and tries to flip it, only for it to fold into his body and a metal panel to slide over the top. That’s not how this game works. Pick another category. _Math._ **History**. History of math it is! _Who invented math?_ **Doug Math.** Correct, Taako! Amazing for someone who stopped learning math decades ago!

Time for the bonus round: Stump Hodge Podge! Now it’s their turn to ask Hodge Podge a question he cannot answer. It’ll be difficult. He does possess an almanac of complete world knowledge after all. But hey, Tres Horny Boys can do it! Merle has an idea already, he’s pretty confident, they just need to trust him, okay? _What is love?_ **Love is a feeling of strong or constant affection from one person to another.** You fucking idiot, Merle. The correct question would have been what does love _feel_ like. You stupid, stupid bastard.

Taako’s turn! _Why did the chicken cross the road?_ Now, now, Taako, that doesn’t count. You’re supposed to be asking a question, not giving a riddle. Oh, so it has to be trivia… How do they shut you off, Hodge Podge? They’d need to shut down the lab’s core power unit for that! How about…what is a fact Hodge Podge doesn’t know? There isn’t one. They try some television trivia, no game. Can Pan make a rock so big even he can’t move it? How many fingers is Merle holding up? Which is better, cake or pie? The largest prime number? This is just stupid!

Serious question time! _Where did that voice come from?_ **Some kind of computer program.** What a lode of help that was! That’s it, Magnus is attacking the damn robot again! Hodge Podge shoots fire back at him again, deftly avoiding it. Merle casts Commune, maybe Pan can help. He can ask Pan three yes or no questions. _Is there a question they can ask Hodge Podge that would allow them to get on with their lives?_ **There are many questions.** _Pan, do you think I’m stupid?_ **Nah.** _That was really kinda non-committal…_ **It’s yes or no only! No, you’re not stupid. You’re beautiful.** Ask him if we know the thing he doesn’t? **Yes! Of course.** _Alright, do we know the thing he wants us to ask?_ **I just told your friend, yes. Merle, god, I—Okay, the answer to the second question is now yes.**

 _Shit! I have- I have a question for you._ While that was going on, Taako had a brainwave. He had it! _Who do we work for?_ Hodge Podge starts to make a loud and unpleasant sound, motor whirring, overloading himself. **I do not understand.** His voice is getting faster, more broken up, less coherent. Steam bursts from the robot until he finally explodes.

When he’s gone their Stones of Farspeech work again and they can hear Lucretia and Lucas asking if they’re okay. In the background is the sound of Angus crying. He…he thought they were dead! They were dead because he cheated for them! He was just trying to help! And the line went dead! _Director, slap Angus for me. Do it!_ What the hell, Magnus?! He’s just a little boy and she’s a grown woman! She can’t just hit him. _Don’t think, smack! Less talky, more hitty!_ Not you too, Taako! After some talking into it she gives Angus a small hit, a tap really. **Ow! God!!!** _Pull yourself together, Ango. Get a picture. Now kick him, right in the butt! Make him some spaghetti and push him in his spaghetti. Call him some names!_ Now the boys were really getting carried away… Poor Angus. And yet- **I’m so glad—I’m so glad that the three of you are alright…** Everything is chill now, Mr Evil Robot is gonezo. **Oh, thank goodness. Okay. Well, b—I—I love you, bye!**

Magnus wants a trophy for their achievement and pulls off one of Hodge Podge’s arms. Two arms in one day! And even better, they’ve just gained another forty minutes! Taako is sorry for destroying Lucas’ robot son though… It-It’s okay, he was more of a commercial product than a son.

Through the next hatch is a large circular room, a pillar in the middle and hanging ventilation shafts—one broken open. On the pillar is a short note. _Crashed into the ventilation system, going on ahead. Meet you at elevators. – K_ Hey! Looks like Killian was okay after all! And then they hear another voice. It’s coming from a robot floating around from behind the pillar. It’s the size and shape of a car engine, scrumbled together from leftover parts, it levitates with the use of turbines and at its centre is a large glass fuse behind a window. The fuse lights up whenever she speaks and…she has a Southern accent? _My name is NO-3113._

Oh dear, Magnus is hurt. NO-3113 sticks him with a green potion and it heals him! This is a much nicer robot. But, erm, has she seen the regulators pass by? She has not. But they have two options: Lucas’ private quarters, or an unlabelled room that looks shut down. Lucas _does not_ want them in his room! Magnus tries to bluff his way into Lucas’ room and fails. NO-3113 is smarter than that! But from behind her Taako casts Disguise Self to make himself look like Lucas. Could NO-3113 let him into the room? He’s lost his hands, you see. Surprisingly, Taako is far more successful. The room is _filthy._ No wonder he didn’t want anyone in here. On his desk is a magnifying glass and a tray of broken gemstones, which Magnus steals.

Under the desk is a locked hidden compartment. Oh, it’s locked, they can’t get in. Too bad they don’t have something like the Nitpicker to get in there! Merle brings out his Nitpicker and names in Bud…but what? You can’t just _choose_ his name like that! His name is Ernest, not Bud! Man were these guys stupid!

Inside the drawer is a small velvet bag, inside which is an old, tarnished compact mirror. Only…it doesn’t have a mirror face. Instead there is an emerald disk. It doesn’t show reflections but instead an impossible world. People watch televisions. A woman in a car at a drive-through. Somebody playing handheld games. A band playing in a bar. Magnus pockets the mirror. Clearly the Millers had been using this mirror to steal ideas for their inventions. Speaking of- _Lucas, why does NO-3113 look cobbled together from other robots?_ Lucas doesn’t know what Magnus is talking about, and to be honest, he’s kind of offended by that!

Back outside Lucas’ quarters the boys and No-3113 see another rift open in space and from it flies a chunk of pink tourmaline which quickly begins to swallow the room as it hits the ground. The crinkle-tinkles are back and so is the voice. (2)

[ _I saw beyond the universe_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _Far past the places we should see_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _But for my vision I was cursed_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _Torn from my home and family_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _Lost to my crystal Kingdom_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)

Magnus quickly tries to chop his way through the door to the unlabelled room, but it’s just your average derelict lab room—another private sleeping quarters, unlit and empty. Best go for the airlock instead. The pillar in the centre explodes and crystal shards rain down on the four of them, only for them to come to a stop before a closed door and form the image of a dwarf. Looks like they’re after you, Merle. Popping back through the rift, the light is gone again. NO-3113 scans the crystal and is able to deduce it is of undead origin, but that’s all she knows.

Two hatches block their path again: the Death Laser Calibration Chamber, and ~~Large Humanoid Species Behaviour Modification Testing~~ the Hugbears. Erm, you guys should _really_ go to the death laser chamber. Er, not happening, Lucas, Buddy. They wanna see them some hugbears!

Inside the room is what looks like a cosy living room, with a lit fireplace and family photos on the mantle. Everything else in the room is overturned, tea cups smashed and potted plants knocked over. Not to mention the mass of hair in the middle of the floor. Oh, wait. They can make out the shape of four bugbears, each different in size, and one has a cut on his forehead. Casting Prayer of Healing Merle is able to heal the bugbears and they begin to awaken.

The smallest runs up to Merle, latching onto him and screaming in his face. Wait! Stop that! _This is a different batch of folks!_ Hi, err, they’re Taako, Merle, Magnus and NO-3113, and Magnus, he’s a _huge_ fan of bugbears! Oh, oops. Sorry about that… They should introduce themselves. They are Aaron Styles, he helps with Lucas’ wardrobe; John Cook, who does all the cooking; Jamie Green, who tends to all of the plants; and Christy Kilgore, the one who attacked more and the one who couldn’t think of a clever last name to do with maintenance. Sure these aren’t their original bugbear names, just the names they took after they began working for Lucas.

Erm, by any chance do you know a Klarg? Taako wants to know. Oh, they _totally_ know Klarg! Klarg, well he used to be Daniel here, is Aaron’s son. Oh, cool cool! Klarg is, erm, a friend of theirs. Anyway, thanks for helping them out there. They had a bit of a run in with the Regulators and Boyland attacked them, and Carey just kind of knocked them out with some magic sleeping dust.

So they’ve just found out about one of Lucas’ _less than ethical sort of experiments._ He may have put inhibitor chips in the brains of the bugbears so that he could have some _helpers_ in his lab. Klarg, Daniel Butler, got into a bit of a fight with his sister one time and it disabled the chip in his brain, causing him to freak out and escape from the lab. He guesses that, when Taako charmed Klarg it may have done something to mess with the chip and now well it seems like he’s charmed forever, on and off at least.

Now, if you’d kindly let these guys through. Oh, and NO-3113 thinks they should all lock themselves in an airlock, just to be sure they’re kept safe from the crystal. They don’t have null suits like the boys. They’ll come back for them later when it’s safe. But first, _why is there a second dormitory out there, do you guys know?_ **Oh yeah, well that was…well that was Maureen’s room** _And Maureen…?_ **Maureen. Y’know. Lucas’ mom?** _Gotcha._ **Yeah she’s, um. She’s—she’s not with us anymore unfortunately.** _Where is she?_ I think she’s dead, Magnus…

Well…that was embarrassing. Time to move right along. The supply room the exit through is already consumed by crystal and under the window they find Boyland, helmet off, cigar in his mouth, completely crystallised. Boyland was no more. He was so well loved at the Bureau, he had four hundred sons and thirteen daughters, he was going on a camping trip with his family next week! Though the boys don’t feel all that much for him. They were never so close to Boyland, never took the time to get to know him, you see. Merle nabs Boyland’s axe—carved with the names of all of his children—before performing some dwarven funeral rites for the fallen Regulator. He died taking his helmet off to smoke, snowflakes of crystal are in the air all around.

Anyway…Gravity Augmentation Chamber or the Temperature Augmentation Chamber? The door to the latter is glazed over with ice and Taako uses Clairvoyance to look inside. He sees Killian and Carey fighting ice covered robots and…well…he can’t be bothered to hack through the ice covered door to help. They got this. _The room is empty. Empty as hell. Aw shit, sweet flip! Oh! Erm, that’s just a childhood rhyme I use to help focus myself._ Okay, listen Killian and Carey have _got this._ Chill, they’re cool.

In the Gravity Augmentation Chamber they’re surrounded by what can only be described as floating junk. Does this guy never take out the trash? The anti-gravity technology was invented by Maureen and he throws trash in here because he doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to do with industrial waste, okay? Four steps in and they too are floating. Magnus has never flown before and he is _delighted!_ And NO-3113 is very impressed. _You’re a beautiful angel. You’re doin’ such a great job. I’m real proud of you._ Taako and Merle not so much… They have magic, they can do this shit all the time!

While the boys are occupied with the anti-gravity, three unusual creatures emerge from the floating trash. Three tardigrades, pink, weirdly shiny, eight padded feet each and rows of sharp teeth within a circular mouth. Not a pretty sight. _Unkillable water bears_ Lucas calls them. They’re supposed to be tiny, microscopic even, but these are anything but and they’re ready to attack. The tardigrades bite them up a bit, Merle sets a fleet of little spirit Roma Downeys on them, the tardigrades are spitting out poisonous black tar, Taako uses Phantasmal Killer to project the tardigrades greatest fear. All in all things aren’t going as well as they could be.

The head of one tardigrade explodes in fear. Magnus uses a fire extinguisher to propel him through the air. Wait- Lucas! Why didn’t you remove that door from your discarded fridge? That’s really dangerous! Someone could get trapped in there and _die!_ Merle throws Boyland’s axe at a tardigrade and…it swallows it. Taako’s Thunderwave kills another of the tardigrades. Magnus uses Commander’s Strike to get Merle to hit the last tardigrade with his warhammer and it too dies.

Leaving the fizzy lifting room they enter what looks like the main lobby of the lab, not yet touched by any of the crystal. There are other airlocks leading into the room and from one covered in ice they hear Killian and Carey unable to get through. Magnus chops away at the door and Taako uses Fireball to melt the ice this time.

Meanwhile Merle hears a voice. _Merle… Merle, behind you. Merle, it’s Pan, look behind you!_ Yet, nobody else can hear the voice of his god. When he turns around another rift has opened up, from it a piece of pink tourmaline is falling to the ground. Shit. _Merle, listen, you have to trust me. You have to grab the crystal. Grab it with your hands before it touches the ground! You can stop this room from getting crystallized! You can save your friends! Grab the crystal!_ And he does. **Oh, well, this is gonna be a lot easier than I thought!** The voice had changed, it was Cockney now.

There’s a sound like a light bulb shattering and the crystal explodes into tiny splinters. A sharp pain cuts into Merle’s hand, quickly replaced by an unusual numbness. Small slivers of crystal have been lodged into his palm. The others haven’t noticed. His hand is starting to change, turning into pink tourmaline. First his hand and slowly it spreads up his arm. Calmly he speaks. _NO-3113? Check this shit out!_ **Oh my god! Guys, he’s crystallizin’!**

 _Let me chop it off!_ What?! Magnus you can’t just take your friend’s pink crystal arm for your collection like that! _Do you want me to freeze it? Maybe I should freeze it?_ He…he isn’t sure freezing it is going to help any, Taako. There’s nothing NO-3113 can do either. Okay… _Chop the damn thing off! Chop it off! Just chop it off! I don’t care! Chop it off! Hey, wait, no, I got an idea! Chop my head off! Then I won’t suffer!_

Really, there’s no better option for Merle now. It’s either loose and arm or turn to crystal, and he’d rather not turn out like Boyland. _Why did Pan lie to me?!_ With a wooden spoon placed into his mouth by NO-3113, Magnus brings Railsp—no, it’s Merlespitter now—down on Merle just above his elbow. There’s a grisly crunch as it cuts through flesh and bone, but it’s a clean cut. Magnus _is_ proficient in arm removal. This is his third today!

Merle is passed out from the pain of the amputation. Right then Killian and Carey finally break through the door at the most unfortunate moment. Oh shit, NO-3113 doesn’t have any of her med spray! Through the Stone of Farspeech they hear Lucas. My god, what did they just do?! Did they just cut his fucking arm off?! Bring him to the med bay now! The room is starting to turn to crystal and with Merle carried in Magnus’ arms all six of them run for the med bay.

Behind them chunks of crystal are coming together to form another crystal golem and Merle’s arm…well it’s dragged into the creature. His arm is part of the golem now. But it’s fine, Taako assures him, Magnus has plenty of arms for him to choose from. In the med bay is Lucas, a bloody bandage wrapped around his head. What had they done to that dwarf?! _Shut up, they need your help!_ No, but seriously, what happ—Killian has Lucas picked up by the neck. _This has been the worst, shittiest day ever, we are two people down, your lab SUCKS._ **Fix my friend!**

Okay, okay! Fine, fine! He’ll try and help! Merle is given a shot to slow his bleeding, waking up somewhat as Magnus is explaining what happened out there. Chopping off his arm was _completely_ justified and their only real choice. Unless Lucas thought it was a better idea to abandon their friend that is? _Why was your arm turning to crystal? What happened?_ **God…lied.** _God lied to you?_ **God liiiiied to meeeee. You have the prettiest eyes.** _Okay, yes I do, but focus up, what do you mean, God lied to you?_ **I’ll say it a different way. Godddddd liiiiiiiied tooooo meeee.** _Well, there you have it._ God lied to him, that’s what they’re picking up from this situation.

Oh, also Magnus may have gone into Lucas’ room and seen that magic compact. Answers please. Come on guys, priorities! He isn’t happy they went into his room and through his stuff, but he also has a dwarf delirious and slowly bleeding out in front of them. He’ll explain later! Carey, go find Jamie Green and get him to bring these supplies. Long story short, Lucas was working in the low levels of his lab when a robot attacked, ultimately getting him trapped in the med bay by a crystal monster.

For twenty minutes Lucas works away on Merle to the point he’s actually pretty damn lucid and pain free, all things considered. Though he is still short an arm. And, just a reminder, they have about an hour and a half left before touchdown. Just saying. Anyway, can Lucas see the arm Magnus took from Hodge Podge? Quietly he works away, taking a cap off of the end of the arm. Then Carey is back with a strange potted plant from the bugbear room, which Lucas pulls out of the dirt. The plant doesn’t want to co-operate. No, Lucas, it doesn’t want to do that. Don’t put it there. And it is planted into a petri dish, sprays it with fluid then attaches it to a belt.

He creates some kind of concoction and hands it to Merle. Okay, so maybe trusting people hadn’t gone so well at all for Merle today, but trust Lucas right now. This was going to be _tight as hell!_ What does he have to lose? Merle downs it. When he does the shoots handing from the belt grow, wrapping around each other to create a four fingered arm. It’s soul wood and it has been physically tuned to resonate with Merle. Wrapping the belt around Merle it’s fastened into place. Merle now has a wooden arm, one he can feel and use—no different to his old arm really, well despite it being made of wood and being a little bigger. Not gonna lie, Magnus is a little jealous.

 Now that’s over it’s time for Lucas to do some explaining. He takes them to see what he refers to as the Cosmoscope. The room they’re taken to is dark, lit only by a single pillar of light in the centre within which is a circular disk, floating in the air. In the back of the room Lucas flips a switch and an image appears on the disk: an aerial view of the lab. Lucas is about to blow. Their. Minds.

 _For all my life I have been obsessed with the concepts of taxonomy and hierarchy. For everything that exists, there is always a bigger thing that contains it. There’s always a bigger thing that has a bigger thing that contains it, and so on and so forth, repeated on to just inconceivable degrees. Turtles all the way down. Turtles all the way up. This is my lab. We can do way deeper, but let’s start here with my lab._ He zooms out and now the lab can be seen floating over the Stillwater Sea. And again, showing the sea beside the continent of Faerun. Then their whole world, Abeir-Toril. Then their solar system. And the local interstellar cloud, the local bubble, the local arm, the galaxy… It’s beautiful and none of them have ever seen anything like it. The local group, the local cluster, the local supercluster, and so on and so on, until…

 _Here! This is the observable universe. This is everything we know, every place we’ve ever been, every person we’ve ever met, every place anyone’s ever been, is in here. But more importantly, so are the immutable rules that govern the people, places and things inside of this universe. Things like gravity and thermodynamics and arcane interactions. And all that stuff, all that matter and energy and the rules that govern it, comprise this. Our universe. You guyes are just a handful of people who have ever seen the observable universe before, so. It’s pretty cool, right?_ If only you knew, Lucas. These boys, they’ve seen so much more than you can imagine.

But, Taako has a question. **Hey, listen, uh listen. What if I was to take one step past that you’ve shown me here?** _Taako, you’ve just made me very, very happy._ Another switch is flipped and the room lights up. The disk they were looking at was made of a bluish-green material, but then they realise the room is filled with disks just like it, each in different colours and orbiting around the central disk. There are ten other disks, each showing scenes of impossible things. A red disk shows a world like this one, only made completely out of lava and fire. A blue disk is just an enormous ocean, a world of water and ice. There is a world where millions and millions of lights float through the air, and a world with oceans of magical energy washing against white sand.

_Taako, this is the next thing that’s bigger. This is our Planar System. This disk that you see, that represents our observable universe, this is actually our plane. This is the prime Material Plane. We’re smack-dab in the middle of the Planar System. And each of these are different planes of existence, and they each produce unique energies and they share these energies. They inform the material and physical make-up of, of, of, each other. They each have connections, some more tenuous than others. But these make up the real existence, uh—each plane having its own sort of energies and rules. This, **this** is what’s bigger than the universe. _

You see, there are six building block planes. The elemental planes: fire, air, water and earth. Then there are light and shadow. Oh, Taako you probably know a bit about some of these. _Yeah, I’ve gotten balls-deep in some of those other planes._ Right. When Taako uses Blink he’s taken to the Ethereal Plane. But where was that in the room? Actually, when they look closely they see it. Right under the Material Plane disk is a second disk. _That one is the Ethereal Plane, and it’s kind of like a filter. It’s like where the raw energies of the rest of the planes are kind of filtered into the prime Material Plane so it’s not just like, everything’s on fire or drowning all the time._ It is the seventh plane.

Then there are others. The Plane of Magic, where magic energy is born. The Plan of Thought, the source of logic, reason and emotion. And that one, that one is interesting. That disk is a deep green emerald mirror, the scene it depicts oddly reminiscent of what Magnus saw through Lucas’ mirror. Anyway, there’s also the Celestial Plane, home to beings some consider deities—like Pan. Finally is the Astral Plane, the plane their unconscious forms, their souls, retire to when they die here on the Material Plane.

Wait. Lucas mentioned twelve different planes there, but there are only eleven in the room? _Crystals, certain types of gemstones, if grown into a perfect circle—they can’t be cut, if you cut it, it doesn’t work, they have to be naturally grown in a perfect circle—resonate with the different planes of existence. With the twelve planes that form our Planar System, right?_ **Well, everybody knows that. _Yeah, that’s 101._** _Literally nobody outside this family knows that, until now._ Lucas, oh Lucas. Really, if only you knew what these boys had seen. The places they’ve been to, the planes they’ve visited. If only they could remember.

Anyway, Lucas’ great-grandfather found a crystal just like that—a perfect emerald disk. With it he could see the Plane of Thought and it give him inspiration for the inventions the Millers would make for generations to come. Inspired by the crystal Maureen had begun work on how to create mirrors of their own, mirrors to show them the other planes. That’s what Lucas was doing here, with the Philosopher’s Stone, creating mirrors to the other planes. It took a lot of work, figuring out which crystals corresponded to the planes. But he did it! He made these twelve disks. But, unfortunately, he accidentally broke the mirror to the astral plane.

Then Lucas freezes. Killian, Carey and NO-3113 all freeze. The orbit of the disks has stopped. Everything has stopped but the three of them. Behind them is the voice of the Red Robe. _What is bigger than this?_ Again, Magnus tries to hit it, but the Red Robe is still incorporeal and cannot be hit. Last time he warned them about the hunger of all living things, did he not? _No_. What? Yes he did! Clearly a lot of things went unnoticed in Captain Bain’s office… Anyway— _This is the power it seeks. The Power of creation itself. A billion billion lives have been devoured by this hunger in pursuit of its power._

In the back of the room he knocks over a crate containing discarded gems and selects one, very dark, almost black and speckled with red, green and blue. It begins to shake and a black cloud erupts from the disk, creeping towards the others floating in the room, one by one consuming them. The sound of screaming can be heard as the disks are consumed. They feel sick to watch as finally the Material Plane is consumed. But the Red Robe snaps his fingers and the cloud is gone. _There is no more running, there is no escape. This world is life’s last chance._ Come on, guys, he’s giving you _everything_ right here! You just need to remember, to trust him! This was why you were all here to begin with!

 _You three are the on-_ Wait… _Taako? Taako, where did you find that umbrella?_ My god! How didn’t Barry notice that last time?! **Oh, this? Took it off this dead thug with red robes.** _You f- you, you-_ Barry can’t get his words out. Panic? Relief? Worry? Delight? He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be feeling right now. He’s breathless. **He was dead though. I didn’t, you know, kill him.** Red electric is starting to crackle through the Red Robe as he visibly shudders. _Wha- What? Where di-? What did you? You FOUND HER?_ **It was a lady?** But it’s too late, Barry has already burst into flames and vanished—the world picking back up speed as though it never stopped.

Sure, go ahead, Lucas, continue. They went through some things just now but go ahead. But wait- NO-3113’s satellite picked up a lich? No, it can’t be. Just a fritz. But…the crate is still knocked over, the black gemstone in prime position. Oh, that? That’s black opal, but it doesn’t resonate with any plane. And yet, just on the surface Magnus can make the faint image of white eyes which quickly blink out. But that’s it for Lucas’ presentation. There are fifty minutes left on the clock.

While they wait for an elevator Killian and Carey decide it’s time for them to do their job. They’re here to take Lucas in. Wait-! They could use him! He could help them get the Philosopher’s Stone back! Magnus would be willing to plead his case to the director! Erm, that’s now how things work at the Bureau. But their argument is cut short as a pool of blue spreads out from the elevator shaft, turning the room to sapphire, then emerald, then topaz—changing colour with each loud rushing sound. Finally it remains as amethyst. They don’t have time for this fighting!

Something strange happens with each other their null suits. A panel in the front heating up, then paralyzing them with purple sparks of electric. Each in varying states of paralysis, they all fall to the ground as Lucas rushes off into the elevator. He really is sorry about this… The sound of the crinkle tinkles is heard through the air again and the voice continues it song. (3)

[ _Save from the darkness by my child_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _Locked in a cage of glass and steel_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _But my true love remains in exile_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _Beckoning me to break the seal_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _Into this crystal kingdom_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)

Approaching them is the crystal golem, it’s voice matching that of the voice which impersonated Pan. Within his hand forms a book made of light which he flicks through while looking over the prone forms of Killian and Carey. No, they’re fine. They’re not on the naughty list. NO-3113 and the boys however, they’ll be needing to come back to the Astral Plane with him. But wait, erm, they’re from _this_ plane, you see. There’s got to be some kind of mistake. Oh please, this isn’t the first time one of his bounties has tried to tell him that. That’s not going to work.  

Breaking off a piece of his pink crystal arm the golem throws it at Merle and…misses. Oops. _Oh man, that was embarrassing_. Merle was lying perfectly still as well… He swears he’s usually better than this. Apologises. But the paralysis is wearing off of Taako now, and the Umbra Staff had—with a mind of its own—made its way back over to him from where he dropped it. _Hey thug, what’s your name? I’m about to tentacle your dick. Hey, hey, hey. I’m gonna get you into some tent porn. Let me get that name real quick so I know how to credit you in my tentacle porn I’m about to make with your body._ **My name’s Kravitz.** Taako casts Evard’s Black Tentacles and giant black tentacles appear in a twenty foot radius around Kravitz.

Now what’s Magnus supposed to do? He’s a warrior! Not really much in his wheelhouse when he’s paralysed now is there! Guess he’ll just shout at Lucas though his Stone of Farspeech. God damn it, Lucas, when this guy is threw with them he’s coming for you! He gives no response, but the shattering noise gives the sneaking suspicion that Lucas destroyed his stone… And now Kravitz is restrained by beautiful ebony tentacles.

The piece of crystal Kravitz broke off of his golem form explodes, wounding everyone and knocking Taako out. It isn’t for long as Merle casts Prayer of Healing on everyone, but it’s long enough for Kravitz to break free from the tentacles. As he does the tentacles give him one last soft brush and…he blushes? Taako gets creative after that. He can’t cast Dispel Magic, but he _can_ use Phantom Steed, summoning Garyl under Magnus to give him a means of movement. Magnus can now travel Garyl miles per hour!

Using his left leg, Kravitz shatters more crystal shards, attacking Merle with them again. _Sorry about this, I know this probably seems a little bit unfair, but uh, you know, work’s work._ The first attack is blocked by Magnus, the second misses entirely again. Krav, gotta work on your aim, my man. Hey! Taako, come get The Glutton’s Fork out of Magnus’ pocket! Merle shatters one of the crystal pieces and— _Use the fork…eat the crystal. You’ll feel better._ He’s doing this. He’s really about to do this. Taako is about to eat a fucking crystal!

Sticking the fork into the crystal, suddenly it’s edible. Wait- is this a piece of Merle’s arm? He pops the whole thing in his mouth and wow, Merle, you actually taste pretty damn good! Kravitz is suitably appalled by the whole display. That’s basically cannibalism! _What the **fuck** is wrong with the three of you?! You guys are fucked up! That’s some—That’s some sick shit! Oh god, I’ve got to re-group. You all—I promise you the next time we meet, you’re coming with me. I’m taking you in. _**Why?** _You know why!_ The golem falls to pieces, a white light leaving the body and passing through a rift. Kravitz is gone.

Maybe they should go to the pocket spa after that? Take a bit of a rest? They’re got time right? Yeah, of course they have. A brief rest and it’s then that Carey notices it. Gasping, she points at Killian’s helmet, a crack beginning to form where she had fallen. She _cannot_ go on like that! It’s too risky! Oh, maybe it’s for the best… She hadn’t told them at the time, but back with the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet, well she’d almost fallen to its thrall then. She’d wanted nothing more than to kill them and take it for herself, so maybe it was best she didn’t get too close to the Philosopher’s Stone. There’s no helping it, she’ll just turn back. But Carey, _don’t be a hero._

Waiting for an elevator to take them down, for a moment they’re perplexed, blocked from the elevator by a metal grate. There are loud noises, violent shaking, and the cart is crushed—replacing it a bright yellow elevator with a face. _It’s me, Mister Upsy, your lifting friend! Come on in my belly!_ Inside Upsy is disturbingly wet and fleshy, and it’s unpleasant to say the least—feeling rather vore-esque right there. But he takes them to the bottom floor, making a barfing noise as they exit.

In a dark lobby there are two doors, both with hand scanners next to them—one shining red and the other green. Lucas must be in the main experiment chamber, locked behind the red scanner. The other door goes to the robotic manufacturing centre, NO-3113 tells them. That place creates robots as they are needed and delivers them onward around the lab. The floor of the room is littered with abandoned robots, none of which are functioning. Each have the same glass fuses as NO-3113, but none of theirs is glowing with white light. They all look newer than NO-3113, however, almost as though she was but a prototype for these newer creations. She…erm…she doesn’t know what’s been going on here. She hasn’t been here in a while. That’s fine, Merle assures her, she’s special, better than these robots—she’s his special angel.

Leaving the room they head down a dark tunnel, along the way only to be met with a floating ball of white light— _three_ floating balls of white light. They pay them no mind, chasing overhead to the workshop. Er—Magnus thinks he might know what those fuses are for… Three robots appear from the workshop. One massive, gorilla-like. **Oh my god, I can’t believe it’s you guys! Oh my god, I can’t believe I get a second chance at this!** One slender, a cannon for an arm. _Oh yes, this is going to be a lovely little rematch isn’t it?_ One very short, wires sticking out of it. **_That’s right motherfuckers, it’s time for round two._** The robots are running at them. Maarvey, Magic Brian and Jenkins are back.

Are they…ghosts in machines? That’s one way of putting it. After they, you know, _killed_ Magic Brian he ended up in the Astral Plane. Being dead is pretty chill, but he prefers living. Plus it means he gets to face off against them again. But it’s so sad. He’s engaged and he was going to invite Taako to his wedding, until his new friend betrayed him that is. But hey, how about they _don’t_ fight this time and the boys just let them go on their way? Nah, as much as Jenkins wants to get back to his totally non-destroyed garden, he’s looking forward to this fight. Maarvey, well they don’t even _remember_ killing you. Was it you they threw off a cliff? No! They chopped him in half! Man, not even in their top ten kills…

During their fight Carey pulls some fine as tricks and flips. Master rogue right there! No wonder she and Killian are Team Sweet flips! Magnus’ hunch is proven right when he pulls of Magic Brian’s cannon arm, using the cannon to fire at the robot’s glass fuse. Shattering, the ball of light exits the fuse and floats in the air, momentarily morning the loss of his robot body…before then forcing his way into the robot with Jenkins. These robots were not made for two souls.

Even so, the fight goes on. Taako was confused for a time, but hey- he has some questions about the food at the wedding. There won’t be any vegetarian dishes, that’s for certain. Damn, Taako had been trying out going vegetarian lately. But— _you know, you two remind me of somebody._ He says, toying with a glass sphere in his hand. **Who’s that?** _You remind me of the babe._ Throwing the glass sphere at them, it shatters and all gravity around them is lost.

Swinging Magic Brian and Jenkins around by their wires, Magnus smashes them into Maarvey and the second fuse shatters. All three souls are within the final robot, but his next hit is enough to make the third fuse shatter too. They each try to escape in search of new robot bodies, and, Merle, Carey wonders if there’s anything you can do to, you know, stop them? Using the spell Turn Undead, Merle causes the three lights to slowly disintegrate. Did they just…kill their souls? What happens when you kill a soul?

But wait- NO-3113 is oddly silent in their victory. In fact, she hasn’t said anything since the three of spirits appeared. Sullenly, she floating away from them down the tunnel. She…she’s a spirit in a robot body… Oh man… _C’mon, guys, we gotta move on, we’re almost—We’re almost there…_ NO-3113 wait… She may be a spirit in a robot body, but Magnus still thinks of her as a member of their team. _I can’t—I don’t—I don’t know what you—I really don’t know what you’re talking about._ Okay, NO-3113, whenever you’re ready to talk about it.

Taako being Taako, he tries to comfort her…very badly at that. Hey, she’s gone from a sentient AI to a soul trapped in a machine. _It’s a zero-sum game, you don’t have any illusions about your own agency, right?_ What… Was this supposed to be some kind of joke? Do they think this is funny? What?! No! Of course they don’t! _Oh, gosh. Okay. Someone’s really stepped in the old spectral doo-doo now, eh?_ Yes, Taako, yes you have.

She…she _died._ She remembers it now. Oh god. Her name, it was Noelle Redcheek. Her family, they ran…they _run_ a cider press out in Hogsbottom. She’d ridden their donkey into town, making a delivery to some dive bar, The Sleeping Giant. It was in this town, Phandalin. There…there were screams outside and this man came downstairs—his name was Bluejeans, something Bluejeans—he told them to hide in the stock room. He’d keep them hidden, fight off the dwarf who was on fire. It was terrifying, but with Bluejeans taking care of things she truly thought they would be safe. Then the whole world was destroyed…

Hey, that sucks—that sucks balls—but what matters now is she’s technically alive! _Well, no, not technically…_ Wait, yes she is! She’s in a techno body now! She is _technically_ alive! And—And she’s laughing. She’s…she’s sorry, it’s just. In that store room, as everything got destroyed she thought the whole world was ending. But they’re here! _She’s_ here! The world couldn’t have ended! The world was still here! Her family would still be here! Phandalin…well that wasn’t here anymore, but Hogsbottom was. That’s what she cared about.

Well, just so she knows, Taako is very careful about an explanation—just as Killian was back in Phandalin—they’re trying to stop something like that from happening again. What’s turning the lab to crystal, it’s like the thing that destroyed Phandalin and they’re here to stop it. She can help them do that. _You can save the world, Noelle._ **Alright, then. Let’s fuck ‘em up.** The light within her bursts out of her robot body and into the one which had been Maarvey and begins attaching different parts to herself, combining all four of the robot bodies together. **Hero time!**

With her new body, Noelle kicks down the hatch to the main experiment chamber. Unlike all the other rooms in the lab, this one is only partially consumed by the crystal, focused on the most part on the ceiling where it creeps through the vents. Across the room is an enormous locked door and from the ceiling hands a stalactite of crystal containing a robot—more humanoid than any they have seen thus far around the lab. In her right hand she holds a disk, intricately patterned with a bright pulsing light in the middle. In her left hand is the Philosopher’s Stone. Ten feet away from where the disk is pointed is a large circular pedestal, a mirror of sapphire floating about it—it’s just like what they saw in the Cosmoscope. Through the mirror they see the world containing thousands upon thousands of floating white lights above a rainbow-hued lake. In the centre of the giant lake is a fortress made of stone and steal.

With an improvised hammer Lucas is trying to smash through the stalactite containing the robot to no avail. When he gives up he collapses forward onto the hammer. When Noelle crashes through the hatch and into the room, he mutters an exhausted _oh shit._ They understand Killian’s urge to take him by the neck earlier and this time it’s Magnus’ turn. He’s sorry! He’s so sorry! Please stop! He’s sorry! Don’t hurt him! Magnus is done messing around, it’s time for Lucas to fucking talk!

And talk he does. He told the Director he found the Philosopher’s Stone a couple of weeks ago. That…wasn’t exactly true. It’s been four months since he found it. The Cosmoscope was his mother’s life’s work and the Philosopher’s Stone, he found that for her. She hadn’t been able to complete it before, but with the Philosopher’s Stone she could! Only something went wrong… It’s not just a room of mirrors, when arranged correctly you can see into other realities, parallel worlds. When she tested it, her mind was destroyed. Literally. He lost her then and it became his obsession to save her. She was his mother, he had to try.

Lucas devised a plan. With the Conduit he would store living spirits within robot bodies, giving them agency once more. He’d create for his mother a new body for her to live in and he’d create a siphon to find her in the astral plane. But he had to test it out first. Noelle was the first he tested it on, and for that he’s so sorry, for dragging her into all of this. For weeks he worked on it and that morning, the morning of Candlenights, he found her.

The custom conduit he made for his mother was his masterpiece. Within it he hoped she would be the woman she was in life once again. Her mind was still gone. She attacked him. That’s when he escaped to the med bay and called Lucretia for help. And here they are, Philosopher’s Stone in her hands and encased within the stalactite. He’s sorry, he really is, for everything that happened up there, what he did to them. He just—He thought he could save her—defuse the situation himself before they had the chance to hurt her, send her back to the Astral Plane, make him lose her again.

From the mirror they hear a voice again. The voice of Kravitz. They can now see a figure inside the mirror. A strikingly handsome dark-haired man, wearing a fancy suit covered by a long, black, flowing robe. _Let me break this down for you. This nerd is a necromancer. And necromancy is real bad stuff. We’re not fans of that over here, where I come from._ **So you’re Death or Hades or something…** _Listen, you’re not too far off. My—I’m Kravitz. Charmed._

Anyway, yes, to some he is Death, to others the Grim Reaper—he likes that one—he has a vast number of names. _But boy, these guys really aren’t imitated by him at all, are they_. His real name though, that’s Kravitz. He’s a bounty hunter for the Raven Queen, Goddess of the Natural Order of Life and Death. He hunts down souls which escape from the Astral Plane, or the Eternal Stockade—the fortress in the lake where souls which conspire to escape are locked up. He doles out punishments to anyone who breaks the laws of life and death and well _I’ve gotta tell you, this laboratory is a veritable piñata of punishment._ So, sounds like they’re on the same side as this Kravitz guy then! _Oh, let’s not get ahead of ourselves._

Lucas Miller, he’s been found guilty of aiding in the escape of his deceased mother from the eternal stockade—where she had already been imprisoned for attempts to escape back to the moral world. _Your mother was in prison, Lucas, and you can’t break people out of prison._ He was assigned the bounty for the Miller family, but when he got here he found _those three._ Taako, Magnus and Merle, they were _an even bigger trophy._

 _Let’s see, let’s see. Taako. We’ll start with you._ **Hello.** _Taako…you’ve died eight times. You’ve died eight times and checked into the Astral Plane exactly zero times. Magnus, let’s do you next. Magnus Burnsides. You’ve died…nineteen times!_ **That doesn’t sound right!** _And you’ve made zero trips to the Astral Plane._ **Now hold on, hold on, hold on. I _think_ I’d remember. ** _Merle Highchurch. Merle… Merrrrrlllllle fuckin’ Highchurch. You, my dear friend, care to take a guess? Care to wager a guess?_ **I have no idea.** _Merle Highchurch, the richest bounty I’ve ever hunted. You, my dear man, have died fifty seven times. Fifty seven! Fifty seven times! And you’ve never come to visit! You’ve never come to visit me, Merle! After fifty seven deaths! That’s just rude!_

 _In what reality have we died? Because we’re still here!_ He just told you, Taako. Eight, nineteen and fifty seven. Each and every time they died throughout their stolen century. It wasn’t their fault they couldn’t remember. **Yeah, that’s… Yeah, great question, Taako! I’ve been wrestling with that one myself!** He’s getting angrier now. Kravitz’ form begins to change. His robe grows longer, fraying and billowing out behind him. His face turns gaunt until there is nothing left but a skull, red eyes glowing within its sockets. Stretching out a skeletal hand, a scythe forms in his grasp. He’s terrifying.

But behind Kravitz is something else. Something unsettling. The fortress behind him, the Eternal Stockade, has been breached. Hordes of white lights are filtering through the windows and doors, morphing together to create one enormous spectral hand reaching out to Kravitz. He’s unaware as he continues his rant that the group on the other side of the mirror. He can’t allow them to stay out there, but there’s no need for them to die violently if they just come with him willingly. _You know, I will say, if you wanted to lure me in there, you shouldn’t stayed handsome, my fella._ **Yeah, that is an excellent point. You’re getting it spooky scary!** _Yeah, and people were all ready to write slash fiction between you and me, and then you turned all skeletal._ What the-

Oh, that’s enough! Are they going to go with him or not?! Not. They are not. But he never gets to hear that as the spectral hand grabs hold of him, slamming him into the ground over and over and over and over again. Kravitz is wailing as the hand pulverizes him. Even an emissary of the Raven Queen can feel pain. Eventually the hand pulls him back into the Eternal Stockade. Then the Stalactite begins to hum. Vibrations rock the room, crinkle tinkles fill the air, the voice is singing again, only it’s different this time: there are countless voices coming from the robot. (4)

[ _Kept from our children, lovers, friends_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _Subject to laws we did not make_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _This is where separation ends_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _And souls of the lost will come awake_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)   
[ _Enter this crystal kingdom._ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUlf6qB2RI&index=5&list=WL)

All at once the disk Maureen was holding shoots a beam of light to pierce the mirror, swarms of those small white lights—the souls—passing through it. They’re reforming into a humongous skeletal figure. _Thank you Maureen, your job is done._ Legion is here. It plans to break down the barriers between life and death. What should they do? They kind of _are_ the reason a fair few are likely in there…though that does mean they won’t be greeted too kindly. Oh, Taako can check if they know any of the spirits! Hey, Magic Brian, Jenkins and Maarvey are in there! They’re not destroyed after all! But, erm, nah, that doesn’t really sound like the best idea.

One way or another, they will join Legion. More spirits are filtering through, possessing the discarded robots strewn around the floor—Carey and NO-3113 work on them. Turns out Legion can use the robots, create a tracking sensor—a flame to float above a target’s head—for them all to attack, and they all fire at Taako. Della Reese is summoned to fight for Merle again. Magnus wonders if destroying the mirror would end this. Lucas thinks it should, the mirrors have to be perfect, but he can’t be sure. It works! Any damage they do to the mirror is instead directed towards Legion.

Merle tries to cast Turn Undead on Legion but it doesn’t go quite as successfully as last time—it’s too strong and just kind of splats on the floor, all too soon reforming in the middle of the room. The robots are tracking Lucas now and when they fire he isn’t as lucky as Taako; he lies on the ground smouldering. Taako casts shatter on the stalactite and it breaks, setting the robot free. When the stalactite hits the ground the rest of the room turns to crystal.

Still holding the Philosopher’s Stone, the robot fights with itself. Maureen drifts one way, but then swiftly turns another. She points a hand to the mirror, but the other tries to fight it back. The robot curls in on itself and a dozen spirits are forced out from inside of it. _Get the hell away from my son!_

Using the Philosopher’s Stone, Maureen sucks the crystal slowly encasing the room back into the stalactite. But she _needs_ to give the stone to Magnus now, okay?! Why should she? Magnus attacked her son earlier! Though, really it doesn’t take much convincing for Maureen to toss the Philosopher’s Stone over to him. Of course the stone instantly tries to overcome him—just think of all the gold to line his pockets, all of the candies and sweets! Nah, Magnus doesn’t need that.

He taps the Philosopher’s Stone with the Glutton’s Fork and swallows it. What the fuck?! The Philosopher’s Stone is hecka magical! It can’t be turned into food just like that! It’s a stone, Magnus! No matter, Magnus has ballsy constitution and downs that stone no problem. Taako ate a crystal, why can’t he eat a stone?

Now back to the mirror. With a hit of his axe a crack is put in the mirror and the image of the Eternal Stockade vanishes. The mirror falls to the ground and pins Magnus under it. Legion is enraged, meanwhile Noelle and Carey take out more of the robots. Destroying her robot hands until wires are exposed, Maureen uses them as a defibrillator on Lucas to bring him back to life.

Merle is having an internal crisis… Who wouldn’t after almost dying, having ‘Pan’ lie to him and losing his arm all in a matter of hours? Maybe not the best moment, but he need guidance from his god and as he prays golden leaves sprout from his wooden arm, fingers shaped—by a will that is not his own—like a finger fun pointed at Legion. With the help of Pan, Merle casts Banishment. The leaves fall off of his arm, falling into a breeze flowing through the window, circling Legion and imploding with a silver hole which sucks the spirits in. He’s done it.

When it’s over Lucretia’s voice can be heard through their Stones of Farspeech. Have they secured the Philosopher’s Stone? Er—In a sense of the word, yes? They’re… _in digestion of the Philosopher’s Stone._ It is…safe inside Magnus’ tummy, and no, he has no good reason why it is there. He’s just an idiot who ate a stone. Well, she’s glad they survived at least. And what about Lucas? Has he been detained? Magnus lies, winking to Maureen. No, Lucas was killed during their fight with a giant silver skeleton. But he wasn’t just messing with the Philosopher’s Stone, he’d been messing with the laws of nature. Anyway! Carey wants to know if they can bring a super cool robot back to the base with them?! Sure, okay, do that.

Magnus may have bailed Lucas’, but he still isn’t in the best shape and could do with some of Merle’s healing. And Magnus needs a little talk with Maureen. He only did that because he promised her he would protect Lucas, but if he ever sees Lucas again, he won’t be so merciful a second time around. But she didn’t know Legion would escape with her! He _don’t give two shits._ Meanwhile Taako is confused. Merle, why would Magnus help Lucas out now, he was super pissed at him earlier. Magnus is _just that kinda guy._

Once conscious again, Lucas assures everyone he has no regrets at all about trying to save his mother, why would he? Before they can reply however, another rift has opened up, a light passing through and entering into one of the robots. Kravitz is back, his book in hand. _Merle, you’re a powerful dwarf. I am genuinely impressed._ Kravitz didn’t think Merle would have the ability to banish Legion back to the Astral Plane. Well done. And, well, that really saved his bacon right there, saved him and his career from looking _real_ bad right there. So Kravitz will make them a deal.

Considering Merle, Magnus and Taako never made it to the Astral Plane to begin with, then they could never technically have escaped, so he will call off their bounty for now. _But, I swear, if you die again, that is it. No more Mister Nice Death. That’s it. Kravitz is gonna come a-callin’._ Lucas, well he’s never once died, and after all this he assumes his necromancy days will be over, so he’ll call off that bounty too.

But Noelle and Maureen, he’s sorry but, they’re spirits. Ghosts. They’re going to need to come back with him. They may have helped banish Legion but…they’re the _same_ as Legion. They have to be bound by the same rules. Wait a minute, listen to Taako. _Would you kill somebody whose soul was still in their body?_ **Well, no, of course—** _Okay, well—_ **If under the right circumstances—if it means collecting a soul that _belongs to the Astral Plane then yes—it’s—_** But their souls have found _new bodies. Just because they happen to be mechanical doesn’t mean that that life is any less valid._

Okay, maybe Magnus has a better idea. _What if we just changed a couple of words, rather than **if** it was **when** you collected the souls? _So a time limit sort of deal… Time on the Material Plane long enough for them to get their affairs in order. Unfinished business that went incomplete after their early demises. Kravitz could be agreeable to that. He would still get their souls in the end, even if a little delayed.

But first, Kravitz _loves_ games and gambling, that’s kind of his thing. He’ll agree to it if they can win against him. Magnus and Kravitz. High card draw. Magnus’ secret pack of cheating cards. Managing to cheat Death, Kravitz concedes to Magnus. He did good. They all did good tonight. Better than good, they did great. Guess it’s time for him to head back over to the other side though.

Maureen stands, coming over to help Magnus out from under the mirror. Really this was just getting ridiculous. Playing cards with the Grim Reaper from under a giant mirror, now really… But that’s not all. She’s sorry Lucas, so sorry. He did so much to help her, but she can’t stay here. She just can’t. When she entered the Cosmoscope she saw things, things nobody is ever meant to see. Seeing it killed her, destroyed her. She lost herself. The only way for her to recover and fight off the spirits inside her was by separating that part of her memory and leaving it behind in the conduit’s internal memory. So long as she’s here, within the robot, she’s in danger of remembering and…and she can’t lose herself like that again. She can’t. But please, Magnus, Taako, Merle, please keep Lucas safe.

She and Lucas would see each other again someday and she could wait for that. Whispering to her son one final time, her spirit then pops out of the robot. The same happens to the robot Kravitz is in a moment later. _Kravitz!_ **Y-yeah?** _Tell Julia I said I love her._ **Alright—there’s a lot of Julias over there but—never mind, I’m kidding, I know who you’re talking about.** _Thank you._ And the two vanish through the rift, portal closing again behind them.

Pressing one single button, the lab comes back to life. They may have stopped the crystallization, but the interior systems have been compromised and they have no means of an escape route. But he does have another way out. On cue Upsy You Lifting Friend descents from above. _Looks like everyone came out of this scrape safe and sound! It’s a Candlenights miracle!_ Oh, he rescued their orc friend and a big family of dogs too by the way! Before they leave Lucas takes the fuse which had contained Maureen from the robot and gives it to the boys. Lucas won’t be troubling them again, but its better they take care of the memories inside of that.

Leaving Lucas behind, Upsy takes them back to the moon. It’s four in the morning when they arrive back at the Bureau of Balance HQ, but even so they’re met with drowsy applause. They’d done it again. In the main hall Killian runs to Carey and pulls her into the biggest spinning hug. Thank god she was safe!

Taako, Magnus, Merle, Killian, Carey and Noelle stand before Lucretia a little while later—Angus standing to the side half asleep, the poor kid. Taking advantage of his weary state they pull a few tricks on the boy. Namely Magnus pretending to take his nose and Taako using Prestidigitation to make it look like his nose had gone. For a moment Angus is terrified, even more so when Magnus _eats_ his nose, but eventually he catches on, realising he can still _feel_ his nose even if he can’t see it. Just so they know, Angus is really proud of them after today.

Lucretia wants to know what exactly happened to Lucas. Oh, he was blasted away in an attempt to stop his creation. His body was taken by his mother. What about all the robot fighting? Oh, that was just Noelle here making that noise. Wait- Noelle, how can you hear everything they’re talking about? Doesn’t half of it sound like static? No. The Voidfish doesn’t work on the dead, or the living dead they should say. Anyway, with Boyland gone, Noelle will be joining Team Sweet Flips from now on. They’ll skip the Rites of Initiation this time. Noelle has already proven herself.

Then there’s the matter of getting the stone out of Magnus… The Director would rather not have to wait for him to pass it, _if_ that was even possible. In the end they use Stone Skin to turn Magnus to stone temporarily, then Stone Shape to meld his body and retrieve the Philosopher’s Stone. Like each time before, the Grand Relic is destroyed from within a lead ball by Lucretia. Four relics down. And finally they are paid with two thousand gold pieces each and tokens for the Fantasy Gashapon.

Everyone but the boys are dismissed and she takes them back to her office. She heard them over the Stones of Farspeech, parlaying with the Red Robes. She told them not do that… Just when did she lose their trust so completely? It hurt. To know they couldn’t put their trust in her now, like this. There had once been a time the seven of them had trusted each other without question or doubt. What happened to that? Oh, right… She happened…

 _Everything up to this point has taught us not to trust anybody. We haven’t been getting all the information, and I think you would agree that that’s true. If you want us to trust you, we need to know everything you know about the hooded figures._ You can’t know that, Magnus. Not yet. **But if you want to know whether or not you can trust me, I—I have no reason to—** She pulls from her desk a small glass orb and a wand. When she touches it images appear in the wand.

The settlement of Armos – A seven year old girl found the Philosopher’s Stone and turned the city to peppermint candy. Seven hundred and fourteen people died.

The village of Greenhold – A warlord used the Oculus to manifest a small black hole, which annihilated the whole town. Eleven hundred and fifty two people died.

The Archipelago of Moonshae – It drowned in three minutes under the weight of a storm summoned by the Gaia Sash. Two thousand five hundred and twelve people died.

The town of Phandalin, along with seven other cities – All reduced to black glass by the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet. Twelve thousand people died in total.

 _I—I swear to you, I am trying to stop this from happening, and we’re over halfway done. But if you give up on me now, if you stop trusting me now, we have already lost. I need to know: are you with me, or are you against me?_ She needs three of them. She needs them. More than they can ever imagine.

 _Director, here’s the truth. What did you have for lunch on December 3 rd 2015? You don’t remember, right? _No, no she doesn’t. _Well, that’s when you told us not to talk to the Red Robes. So, what I’m saying is, we forgot, okay?_ **Yeah! It’s not necessarily mistrust, it’s just stupidity.** _Just, like, just write us a note, okay?_ **Next time, if you can hear it happen on the stone, just be like ‘hey dummies, remember?’ And I’m like ‘oh yeah yeah yeah’.** Of course they trust her, how could they not? Even without their memories, she was still Lucretia. Trust like that doesn’t go away so easily. They really were getting close, not just to their goal, but as people. She was getting her boys back.

But in the future, they need her to trust them too. Trust them to do the right thing. And maybe not listen in on all their shit? It’s kind of an invasion of privacy? You can turn them off, you know? There’s a little switch. Just flip it and she can’t hear. _Oh shit!_ They didn’t know that was a thing! Anyway, _sorry to raise a stink on Candlenights of all nights._ They’re free to go now.

Back in their suit they unpack their adventure kits and clean up after the Candlenights party—everyone left in a bit of a rush. Out the window they can see Lucas’ lab shining in the snow. While getting ready for bed Taako hears a voice coming from his bag. Inside is Maureen’s conduit, but the fuse is unlit. There shouldn’t be a voice. There is no spirit inside, but the machinery is faintly whirring. They all hear the voice this time—sounding almost like Maureen’s but inanimate and void of life. A prophecy.

[ _I saw all of existence, all at once. I saw a dark storm, a living hunger, eating it from within. But I saw a brilliant light heralded by seven birds flying tirelessly from the storm. I saw seven birds:_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSr2zfyPoxs&index=11&list=WL)   
[ _The Twins_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSr2zfyPoxs&index=11&list=WL)   
[ _The Lover_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSr2zfyPoxs&index=11&list=WL)   
[ _The Protector_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSr2zfyPoxs&index=11&list=WL)   
[ _The Lonely Journal Keeper_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSr2zfyPoxs&index=11&list=WL)   
[ _The Peacemaker_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSr2zfyPoxs&index=11&list=WL)   
[ _And The Wordless One_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSr2zfyPoxs&index=11&list=WL)

[ _The Twins_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSr2zfyPoxs&index=11&list=WL)   
[ _The Lover_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSr2zfyPoxs&index=11&list=WL)   
[ _The Protector_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSr2zfyPoxs&index=11&list=WL)   
[ _The Lonely Journal Keeper_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSr2zfyPoxs&index=11&list=WL)   
[ _The Peacemaker_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSr2zfyPoxs&index=11&list=WL)   
[ _And The Wordless One_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSr2zfyPoxs&index=11&list=WL)

Several times it repeats the list, again and again until the machinery goes quiet and all is silent. Maureen really had seen everything. Many years ago they had learnt from John that there existed things people were not meant to see. That knowledge had broken John, turning him into The Hunger. With Maureen, it killed her, destroyed her mind. This was all that remained of it. The storm, the light and the birds.


	9. Lunar Interlude III

The boys were given a few weeks reprieve after their mission within Lucas’ lab, and after that whole ordeal they could all really use some good old R&R. Not to mention it was probably time they got to know the others on the moon a bit better. They’d been through so much together, it was only natural for them to grow closer as friends as well.

Killian and Carey have their own private training dojo on the moon base—which they now share with Noelle, their new team mate—and it was there that Magnus found them practising impressive acrobatics, teaching Noelle manoeuvres the girls already had well practiced. Oh hey, Magnus is here! Time for a break, girls! He’s sorry for interrupting their training but, erm, could he have a moment alone with Carey? Well that makes her kind of nervous…but sure she guesses that’s fine.

 _I don’t, okay, I don’t know how to say this. Um, so, in the lab, um… I, I really liked your moves! I thought, I—you, uh—_ Wait. Magnus. Magnus, please say you’re not. Please don’t be doing this right now. **Okay, I’m gonna stop you right there, Mag, because…you’re a good dude, and I had a lot of fun in that crystal kingdom, killing a bunch of robots with you, but I, uh, you’re not really my…cup a’ tea, um, so to speak.** Not to mention she was already kind of taken, by a damn fine orc of a woman if she does say so. _OH! No, no._ **No?** _No no no no no no no! No. I want you to train me._ What a relief! The guy was cool, but Carey wasn’t exactly prepared for _that._

Carey had skill! When she fought in Lucas’ lab she was so graceful and precise with her movements, it was like she was dancing. If she would, Magnus would _love_ it if she would train him in the art of thievery. But she wants something in return. He’s going to have to teach her some carpentry…and craft her a present for a certain person. Who exactly is this person? He like to craft things for specific people, so… _She—she’s super big._ **Ah-huh…** _I-It’s Killian._ Killian? Oh, great! Cool cool cool. He can work with that. Killian likes ducks, so how about a puzzlebox shaped like a duck? Taako could even enchant it to quack when it’s solved! That is a brilliant idea!

Over the coming weeks they each take time out of their schedules for training, both in the arts of thievery and carpentry. The first duck Carey makes is just sort of a ball with a face, no neck…not her best work. She has an exercise for Magnus: he needs to take the bean from her. He has it before she even has time to finish her sentence. Only, look at this, Carey also took his wallet while he wasn’t paying attention. Being fast is important, but so is a good distraction from time to time.

A few days later Carey walks in circles around the dojo as Magnus lurks in the shadows. He’s been challenged to pick her pockets. Things are going well. He’s snuck up behind her. She hasn’t noticed. She still doesn’t notice as he slips his hand into her pocket. He pulls out a smoke bomb which explodes in his face. _That’s lesson three, homie. Gotta always carry a smoke bomb, smoke bombs are great._ Hey, hey, hold on now! He did the thing. He did what she told him to. That’s just mean. Hey, those are just the basics, she doesn’t make the rules. **So rule number three is ‘always be aware that when you’re picking someone’s pocket they might be a dick.’** _It’s a good thing to remember. They could have just loose pudding in there! And then you put your hand back and—_ **Who walks around with loose pudding, Carey?!** _Taako. I’ve—I’ve had some of his pocket pudding before…_

During one training session they’re in the middle of a fight and, well, Carey hits a bit hard. It’s instinct for her at this point. But…she’s curious. That scar on his face? How did he get it? Oh, this? He was drunk one time and got in a fight. Lucretia may have taken away the specifics of that night, but Magnus needed an explanation for the scar. He may not have remembered the others there, but the memory of the fight he got into on their final night on the two sunned planet remained.

She thinks that’s what’s going to be the hardest for Magnus as a rogue, avoiding getting hit. He’s always been the _big brash guy, always willing to take the big hits so somebody else doesn’t have to. But there may be a time where you aren’t able to do that, if you really wanna pursue this lifestyle._ **When I can’t _protect_ someone—** _When **you** don’t take the big hit, and let somebody else do it. You don’t gotta be the damage sponge all the time, you know? _**Yeah, but like. I—I don’t wanna lose Merle and Taako.** As much as he wished he could do what Carey said without question, there were just somethings too precious to Magnus for him to risk losing. Merle and Taako, they were right at the top of his list.

After a few more weeks Carey holds somewhat of a graduation ceremony for Magnus, one in which he actually has to steal his diploma from her. Along the way Magnus also helped Carey to make the enchanted wooden duck puzzle box. She actually had a lot of fun spending time with him recently, and well she’s got him something to celebrate, a set of lock picks and thieves tools for a job well done. It was the first set she bought when she became a thief and she wants Magnus to have them now. Funny, Magnus also has something for her too. It’s a wooden ring with a rose on top carved out of rosewood. He had to guess the size, but he thinks it’ll fit Killian. It’s up to her, but she can put it inside the box if she likes. He won’t say anything. That’s…so sweet. Yeah, she’ll do that.

Merle was granted time off in light of the physical and mental trauma of losing his arm. For someone of his newfound status, that included an all-expense paid weekend long spa resort trip for him and a friend. Much to the surprise of everyone at the Bureau, especially herself, Merle chose to bring Lucretia along with him. She’s truly astounded, for all he knew she was just her boss. What reason did he have to bring her along? Even so, it was touching. Perhaps on some level his heart still remembered, even if his mind could not.

They’re sat in two mud baths next to each other—Merle’s tree arm in its own pot of mud—and in all honesty things are a little awkward for a while. Lucretia is thankful that he brought her along, but she just has to ask— _Why?_ Well…he thinks they have a lot in common, but it doesn’t seem like they hit it off very well, so he’d like to change that. Plus he’s pretty good at reading people and it seems pretty clear to him that she’s a lady in need of a break and a friend. He could be a friend and give her a break at the same time! For so long she’s kept herself distant, absent entirely or simply professional these last few months, but it’s a comfort to know he still cares for her, even without their past.

Curiously Lucretia asks to learn more about Merle. Sure there was a time she knew the dwarf inside out, but ten years could change a person. With his slate wiped clear, what…who had he become now? She needed to get to know her friend again. He seemed such an irreverent man, taking everything life threw at him in his stride—just look at his arm. Well, honestly, a lot of that comes out of insecurity and _why worry about things? Have a light attitude. We’re not getting out of this life alive anyway! Why not enjoy the process?_

That…that surprises her, considering his religious sensibilities. Merle isn’t a traditional man of the cloth, you see, and he’s been having a bit of a crisis of faith as of late. Sure he knew now Pan hadn’t truly been the one to lie to him, that was Kravitz, but that feeling of betrayal…it doesn’t go away so easily. How does he keep his faith when he sees, experiences such horrible things? It isn’t easy, but it tries to keep an open mind.

And how did Pan become his patron deity? Honestly, in the beginning he just thought Pan looked pretty cool. He had a beard and hairy legs, just like Merle, so there was something to relate to their. The Pannites would come around with their literature and contemporary Pan songs, it made him attractive to the young dwarf. He’d to go Pan camp each year and learn about Pan with others his age. Things happened, stuff progressed, here he was. _Lemme tell you something. It’s pretty much a one way street. Old Pan, I don’t think he really cares. Doesn’t really give a shit whether or not I’m his buddy or not._ Beside them is the sound of fingers tapping against the side of the tub, created by Merle’s wooden hand. **Oh, I don’t—I don’t know about that.** _Oh. Well maybe Pan does give a shit._

But anyway, at the end of the day _if my faith and believing in Pan helps me get through the touch times, hey! What’s the harm? If it helps me get through stressful things and helps me get past all the goo and the blegh and all the blood and stuff, hey! Works to my advantage._ After that is a long pause in which Lucretia downs the rest of her wine.

She’s glad Merle could speak to her about all this. So much of her life, before and even during her time with the IPRE, had been dedicated to study and research. She had been _living_ in service of other people’s adventures. That is until one day she decided to just _stop championing other people’s heroism and to take the direction of her life into her own hands._ The day she made them forget.

 _And, I lost dear, dear friends because of that decision, but it was the only one to make._ She lost you. You, and Magnus and Taako, and Barry and Lup, and Davenport. She lost all of them, but Lucretia refused to stand aside and watch as they destroyed themselves with guilt and sorrow. Even now, she’s still working to put everything right.

 _I-I admire your faith, Merle, I do, but I think I’m done waiting on anyone to fix my problems for me._ It’s the truth. Even as they were the ones to reclaim the relics, her job was not yet complete either. Perhaps telling Merle this brought her some level of solace. For so long he had been one to stand before help and help lead the action, but not anymore. You don’t need to worry about that now, Merle. But **oh no, Pan doesn’t fix problems! Let’s take a look at the stub where my arm used to be, I think it’s more problem causing. But hey! But you gotta stand for something, or you’re gonna fall for anything. So listen! You have got faith: it’s faith in _you._** _I guess that’s a good way of putting it._ Lucretia did have faith. Faith that one day things would be put right, that she would be able to undo the damage she had done, that she would get her family back, completely.

How Taako chose to spend his time off came as the biggest surprise to himself. In truth, he was starting to feel kind of bad about the silverware. It was just plain mean of him to steal the silverware and pawn it off on Garfield. What could he say, sometimes he just got these _compulsions_ to take things. Normally it’s of little consequence, corpses aren’t going to miss their belongings, but with Angus working so close to them now it wasn’t exactly easy to avoid the growing guilt. As much as he hated to admit it—not that he would _ever_ say it to the twerp out loud—the boy wasn’t so bad, kind of sweet really. So Taako offered to mentor Angus in the ways of magic.

It was mid-afternoon in the Bureau’s empty cafeteria when they met for their first lesson. Excitedly, Angus all but skipped into the room holding a tiny wand he’d received by helping out Leon with some mysteries. _Hello sir! It’s magic day! It’s magic day!_ Gods, the kid was exuberant. Taako was regretting this already… Please tone it down a little so old Taako can keep his sanity.

No matter how hard Angus tried, how much he studied and read up on the principles of arcane interaction and different schools of magic, he _just couldn’t seem to get the dang magic to come out of his wand._ See, Agnes, that’s where you’re going wrong. Taako explains how so many budding wizards think just by getting their hands on a wand that instantly they’ll be able to start throwing here and there at will. It’s not that simple. The magic is inside you all along. A wand or a staff is nothing more than a conduit, a means of channelling their magic.

To start Angus needs to just put his wand down, forget about it. Taako is going to teach him how to cast Mage Hand, an easy enough cantrip for the kid. It takes ten minutes of Angus standing with his palms open for a small, twitching spectral hand to appear, sporting just one finger as it flops over onto the floor. _Oh! Oh god!_ **Kill it! Kill it!** _What did I make?!_ **Angus, kill it! Dude, stab it with something!** Great teaching right there, Taako. Even so, Angus complies and stabs the…hand with a fork from one of the tables and it dissipates into smoke.

So used to being the best in his field, Angus is more than a little downcast to see his first ever spell end so poorly, but hey, at least he still managed to make something! Angus should be proud of that much at least! _That’s magic, baby!_ Just the small bit of praise from Taako causes the boy to brighten up somewhat. He truly did look up to the wizard.

 _Hey Taako, can I ask you a question? Who taught you how to do magic?_ Oh, oh man. That was a long story. He used to be a chef right. That’s right! Angus had some of the macarons Taako made for Candlenights. They were good! Y-Yeah… That’s right. Anyway. He was a chef and he tried to spice things up with transmutation magic. _Nobody’s impressed if you put mustard on a hotdog, because you had the mustard, but what if you went into a box with just mustard and a hotdog and came out with like, chicken cordon bleu? People would be really impressed by that, right?_ **That would be amazing, sir!**

So yeah, that’s kind of what got him started. He wasn’t the best at it to begin with, but he got real good real fast...and things just kind of lost control. Transmogrifiying things left and right without really thinking about it and, well, that wasn’t his smartest move. _Absolute power corrupts absolutely!_ That’s…not exactly relevant right now, Angus, but noted.

But, if he’s so good then why doesn’t he cook anymore? The macarons were so delicious, so why doesn’t he cook for his friends more often? Well…one time he _transmogrified something…into something you really shouldn’t eat, ever? For life, to life, I mean? And, u, a lot of people ate that. And that went, so sideways. I-I just decided I would never again cook for people I cared about, because I couldn’t risk something happening to them. Until I get this under control, I guess._ The macarons, they had kind of just been a lapse in judgement. He’d been just so really excited about making them that he didn’t really think before handing them out. But hey! He’s pretty sure he didn’t poison them, Angus is still here after all and it’s been weeks! **Didn’t goof that one!**

The rest of their day is spent trying to conjure Mage Hand, the number of finger varying with each attempt. Then a week and a half later Angus runs into the cafeteria for another lesson, shouting for Taako as he does. _Sir, sir! Check it out! Check it out!_ When he holds out his hand a flame appears in the centre. He’s managed to cast a pretty decent version of the cantrip Produce Flame. **That is awesome. Congratulations.** Really, Taako is proud for the boy’s progress, even if he’s not the most enthusiastic about showing it.

And then Taako’s laughing. _You have done an amazing job. You know, if you keep it up, then someday you might be a better wizard than I am!_ **T-that’s very kind of you to say, I hope—** And Taako has grabbed him by his lapels, speaking in a low voice. _And when that day comes, little man, oh when that day comes. I will summon whatever powers I still have at my disposal, that you have not siphoned away from me, and I will take all of my canny and all of my cunning and all arcana still within my reach, and I will use it to **strike you down.** Little man, don’t ever, EVER, again challenge my power. ………… It’s a monologue I’m working on, Agnes, sorry, that wasn’t actually directed at you. That’s from a one-man show I’m doing. _**O-Oh okay, so that was just from your play acting then, sir.** He can’t lie, Angus is a little nervous after that. He likes Taako, he does, but man…he can be unnerving, scary even, at times. But can he get tickets for the show? _Oh, can’t you just conjure them, Mr Wizard? My Big Touch Magic Boy?_

A-Anyway, he’s brought something else with him, Taako. In his hands is a small box with a ribbon wrapped around it, inside are some macarons. _I made th-these for you, sir. To thank you for the magic lessons._ **Oh hell yeah! Thank you so much, Agnes.** Man, he was going to enjoy these! Taking one then and there, as he bites into it he’s kind of impressed by the texture. It’s hard to get that right in a macaron, but Angus has done it. Only they are completely flavourless. But the texture was still good, and Taako could give him some tips for next time! _Sugar,_ any _sugar at all would be great._ **Dang, that was it. Yep.** Next time, next time he’ll add sugar.

But erm…Angus was wondering, maybe Taako could use Prestidigitation on these. Show him how Prestidigitation works, get some better flavours for them. If not then…then that’s fine. He understand. Taako is reluctant, it would be breaking his rules and all, but with a sigh he agrees. Why can’t he just say no to this kid?

Taako points the Umbra Staff at the box of macarons and casts Prestidigitation on them, but Prestidigitation isn’t the spell that comes out of the staff. It’s exerting its own will. From the end of the staff comes the spell Scorching Ray and the macarons are reduced to dust. W-what. Angus would understand if Taako didn’t like the macarons, that’s all he had to say. There…there was no need to burn them up like that. No, No! That wasn’t Taako! He didn’t cast that, he swears!

Excreting its own will again, the Umbra Staff pulls at Taako’s arm until it’s pointing in a straight line and casts Scorching Ray once again, burning right into the wall. He can feel it tracing shapes. First the letter L, than a U, and finally a P. It shuts down completely after that, no longer with a mind of its own. L U P, what did that even _mean?_ Like hell if Taako knows what this is all about! But beside him Angus is oddly excited, quickly writing down notes in his notebook. _Sir, I appreciate the magic lessons, but it sounds like you’ve just given me an even better gift. A new mystery to solve!_ **Awh fuck…**

Ever since the Umbra Staff consumed the power core from Hurley’s battle wagon, Lup had stored her energy for months. That day she’d felt truly powerful again. She’d felt _alive!_ But moves like that, it took so much out of her. But she had a plan. If she was going to do this, she was going to do this right. She was _powerful_ and with enough focus she would be able to send Taako a signal. So Lup took control of the staff, burning her name into the wall. She felt bad about destroying Agnus’ macarons, but she’d make that up to him later, once she’s free. It didn’t work… Even with her name spelled out in front of him, Taako remained oblivious. He truly had forgotten her, but she wasn’t about to give up yet. Go on, Angus, feel free to solve the mystery for him. It seems pretty clear to her that her dingus of a brother could use some help here.

When the boys meet up again it’s for another trip to the Fantasy Gashapon. As soon as they walk into the room Leon cries out in anguish. _Aw, fuck. Aw, no._ Why did it have to be _these_ guys? Every time they say they’ve got it and every time they drive him a step closer to a complete mental break down. Okay, he has a deal for them this time. If they all put their tokens in fine the first time he’ll give them each a piece of candy, but they _all_ have to do it. What’re their favourite candy? _Turkish delight._ **Marzipan! Marzipan! _Ferrero Rochers._** In Leon’s hand then are just the three candies they said. Come on now, do it for the candy!

Magnus is very motivated not to mess up and puts his token in the machine. He gets the Featherweight Curaiss, a piece of armour designed to increase the wearer’s flexibility and mobility. Nice! That should come in handy with his new found thieving abilities! Next on the candy train is Merle, putting his token in the machine to receive the Awareness Frames, some nerd ass looking glasses, giving him the ability to perceive the truth and see things previously unseen. Now, Taako, _please._ He can _do this!_

Taako casts blink. When he reappears he’s right in front of Leon, swapping the Ferrero Rocher in his hand for his token. Leon simply looks at him in stunned silence, falling to the ground and the coin slipping from his grasp. He curls up in a ball and begins to weep. Why, Taako, why? Delighted by his antics, Taako pops the Ferrero Rocher into his mouth before putting the token into the machine. He gets a rather plain looking slingshot, the Hole Thrower, which once a day can put a perfectly circular hole into a non-living, non-magical object or barrier. And…and just so they know, Leon isn’t going to give up on them.

Next in Fantasy Costco they still the bag of jewels Magnus stole from Lucas’ quarters and decide to start working on a pool to by the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom. It’s super cool, but damn is it expensive! Taako buys the Mockingbird Gum, a pack of gum which will allow him to emulate another person’s voice for an hour; and the Arcane Trickster’s Glove, which turns the spell Mage Hand invisible for stealthy actions. The rest of his gold is thrown into the pool. Merle buys the Strongmouse Laughing Amulet, it’s traditionally worn by high priests of the smiling god, but he’s up for a challenge. When a foe is defeated he’ll be given the chance to tell a taunting joke or victorious one liner, if it approves he’ll be healed, but if it doesn’t he’ll be struck by lightning.

Magnus goes on a bit of a shopping spree this time, buying quite the range of items. The Magnetic Charge, a glass ball with a button on top, which when pressed begins to glow and produce a magnetic field which repels any metal objects within ten feet. The Tarantula Bracelet, giving Spider Climb to the wearer for ten minutes, making their moves completely silent. Two health potions. The Champion’s Belt , a belt to allow him to substitute strength for wisdom or charisma when needed. Oh, and a regular old rapier, a rogue needs a stealthy tool just as much as a warrior needs his axe. Look at that, he’s over budget again! Oh, but Garfield is reasonable, he’ll give it to all to him if he can get some more blood on one of his items, and oh Magnus was going to sell his old platemail anyway. Why not.  _Pleasure doing business with you!_ **That seems an awful lot for a 25 gold piece rapier, I’m just saying.** _It’s just blood, homie._


	10. The Eleventh Hour

The days are getting warmer and it’s finally time for Boyland’s Rites of Remembrance, though it isn’t quite the same as with Magic Brian and Captain Bane. Everyone, apart from Avi and Pringles, who is still being held in jail, is there to mourn for the loss of Boyland. Everyone is crying, all but Magnus, Taako and Merle. They that by their earlier judgements. They didn’t know him all that well, but he seemed like kind of a dick. Even so Magnus raises his flagon of super alcohol and toasts to Boyland. Johann is playing the cello sadly, a song he wrote for Boyland. When the Voidfish consumes all memory of Boyland countless lights are awoken within it, all of Boyland’s children, all the lives he’d touched. It was beautiful yet tragic.

That isn’t the only matter for today. It’s time for the boys to be briefed on their next mission. Lucretia is still pretty broken up about Boyland, but she’s also worried for the three of them and the dangers they’ll face on this mission. The next relic they will be hunting is The Temporal Chalice, it tempts the user with the chance to put right past mistakes.

Pulling a sphere out from her desk, Lucretia shows them a scene of canyons all made of red clay. Within the largest canyons is what appears to be a bubble, a force field of some kind. The power creating the force field had begun to weaken, leading to its discovery. The bubble is almost a mile and a half wide, impenetrable, opaque and it extends into the ground—a perfect sphere. She can’t tell them what’s inside, what they’ll be facing. All she knows is that the sphere is causing a block in time, created by the Temporal Chalice and with that she suspects that the relic lays within. They need to go to the Woven Gulch and meet with Avi, who has a plan for getting them inside.

Awww, but it’s summer down on planet side now! Can’t they stop off at Fantasy Costco first for some sweet summer clothes? Fine, fine, but be quick about it. Taako decides on a mauve skirt, flirty in length. He may be on the job, but that doesn’t mean he’s got to be any less stylin’! Magnus wants some cargo shorts but, well, can they be enchanted so he doesn’t have to worry about sand getting all up in there? Merle decides on…jodhpurs in black, green and red plaid? Not exactly summer attire there, Merle… Well, he’ll just get them cut to above the knee and secure them with garters. It’ll be fine. Nothing is fine about that outfit…

With Avi down planet side this is the first time he’s not around to lunch the boys from the canon. Instead an incredibly nervous Angus MacDonald is given the job. He _really_ hopes he doesn’t mess this up! Not that he doesn’t have _full faith_ in Angus, as they’re flying over to the Woven Gulch Taako casts Stone Skin on himself, just to be safe. Oh, wait, Magnus remembers they’re supposed to pull the break! But it’s too late and they get a pretty rough landing, tumbling around inside the ball before they come to a stop right at Avi’s feet.

The bubble is right in front of them now, enormous but not quite opaque as they had expected. Instead it has a silvery sheen to it, and it’s…strange. They can’t see within the bubble itself, but as they look at it it’s almost as though they can see right through it. Ten feet from the bubble is another of Avi’s canons, only bigger than the one used on the moon base. It’s pointing directly at the bubble.

So Avi has been testing his theory. He’s got this scanner, showing on its screen sine waves which fluctuate with the energy of the bubble. If you launch something, say a rock or a skull, at the bubble with just the right speed when the energy is at its weakest, then theoretically it should pass through. He’s like ninety four percent sure about that. He’s going to launch _them_ into the bubble next.

Though the group are cut off by the arrival of three very large, purple worms bursting out of the ground nearby. They sound almost as though they’re in distress, but the four of them are encircled by the worms, so naturally it’s time to fight. Taako is the first to attack with Thunderwave, knocking one of worms out of its hole and causing it to writhe and cry in pain. It ducks back underground quickly to hide behind the other two. The worms each attack with Scorching Ray and _damn_ that’s hot! Ouch!

Merle attacks with Flame Strike, causing one to cry out in pain, the previous injured one is now lying on the ground twitching and the final worm is giving pitiful sad squeals. Magnus attacks the final one with Railsplitter and it just…takes it? Maybe they’re not so violent after all? He feels kind of bad. Taako holds back and, as expected, the worms retreat. Sure the worms are a little roughed up—maybe more than a little—but they’re alive, so that was good?

Hey, Avi, have you seen these things around here before? Nope, he hasn’t. But he’s heard of them. He thought they were meant to be like _enormous_ though. Oh, maybe these were just babies? Would explain why they just ran away.

The three of them are loaded into a large metal cannonball and it doesn’t take long until they’re shot at the bubble. It is _fast_. Zero to eight hundred in like a split second level of fast. Breaking the sound barrier level fast. There’s a sound of a wave rolling in; then everything goes white. When they can see again they’re sat in a white space and standing in front of them is a very old looking woman, in her hands a large, ornate, silver cup. Looking at them, she gasps. _It’s you! Find me._

When they wake up again they’re by the town of Refuge, in front of them the gate to town and an earth elemental blocking their path. The town looks pretty rustic, lots of wood and a few metal panels about. Above the gate to the town is a phrase: _By their sacrifice, our home is made safe._ The elemental looks like a suit of armour with clay seemingly pouring through the joints and a bright red bird atop its shoulder, a vermillion flycatcher. They are a keeper of the peace here in Refuge. But who’re they? They haven’t seen these men around here before. _Hello, visitors! Please identify yourselves._

 **Hail and well met, bird friend!** Magnus has rustic hospitality, he can get this talking bird on their side! Hey, wait. This is all pretty weird, for both parties. They’re called Roswell. They’re not just the bird, or the suit of armour, they _don’t see why it’s important to distinguish between the two._ They’re just Roswell, Sheriff Isaak’s deputy. What’s stranger is that the three of them are here, they don’t usually _get_ visitors at Refuge. See, they just kind of got lost and ended up here, shot through a wall and all.

Okay, that sounds pretty sketchy. Not that Roswell doesn’t believe them, but they’re going to have to take them to jail, at least until he can talk to Sheriff Isaak about this. If they just come along willingly there’ll be no need to lock them up. Seeing no choice but to agree—and hey, it gets them in town at least—they follow Roswell through town to the jail, noting the time on the clock tower as 11:05 am.

At the end of the street they spot a manor, in front of which is an eight foot tall statue made of brown metal. It depicts three figures: a young human girl—about seven years old—who is holding hands with a large bearded human man with a miner’s helmet, and behind them is a figure cloaked in red, a hand on each of their shoulders. It’s clear that even under the red robe the figure is tall and muscular, but his face is obscured unlike the smiling features of the man and child. That was a very important moment in the town’s history, Roswell tells them. _The time that the visitor came and brought the father and daughter to our town. And by their sacrifice out town was made safe!_

Just how long ago did that happen? About a year and a half ago. What’s up with that guy in the red robe? They don’t know, nobody saw the figure other than Sheriff Isaak. What danger had the town been in? Oh, you know, the danger of the world. Really, they shouldn’t be talking about all this…

In the sheriff’s office Magnus offers to spend his time fixing chairs while they wait. Quite the sum of broken chairs had collected in the room, but as much was to be expected. A suit of armour filled with clay was quite the strain on the average wooden chair. Taako meanwhile takes some time to investigate Roswell, and well, as much as he can deduce, whatever is keeping him animated is _magic as fuck_. Though they had been created by a spell, they operated under their own will. Before Roswell leaves in search of Sheriff Isaak they learn they have always lived inside the dome, making them a year old perhaps.

Shouting and spell casting can be heard from outside. Things are broken. It’s quite the commotion. Roswell leaves instead to check that out, at which point Merle rifles through the desk. Peeking outside Magnus spots people marked with purple, a gang maybe? One is laid out on the floor, another is tossed out of saloon doors, they both run as Roswell approaches.

In the jail there is also a woman, a half-orc, locked in one of the cells. Merle tries to talk to her about Pan, but she’s not all that interested. Now panning for gold? _That_ she likes, but the boys give no mind to that. Taako, being Taako, casts knock on a locked draw in the desk. Inside he discovers a set of keys—more than likely for the jail cells—and also an alarm. It rings loud and clear through the room. Magnus tries to silence it but it’s no use. _Roswell’s gonna come kick your ass._ They have already heard and want to know what the hell is going on.

Taako tries to bluff his way out of it—clearly those ruffians had been the ones to come in here and set the alarm off—but Roswell isn’t buying it. _Cassidy, can you confirm that?_ Nah, that she can’t. **I wouldn’t trust them as far as I can throw them, and I can throw them pretty far.** That’s it, they gave them a chance and they blew it. They’re going to need the boys to go on and get in a cell now. Magnus tries to tell the truth and _that_ really isn’t gonna work. No into the cell.

From the other cell Cassidy is giving them the stink eye and Magnus takes that as his opportunity to greet her in thieves’ cant. _Hail and well met, Cassidy._ Cassidy cannot speak theves’ cant. **What is this garbage talk that you’re speaking? Was that gerblin? Hey, I think these three boys might be six gerblins stacked up and dressed up in human skins!** Hey, ignore the gerblin, what’s your story Cassidy? Nope, no luck for you Taako. But hey, what about the rules of improv, always say yes! O fine, she was falsely accused of blowing up a temple. She was just trying to blow the earth up and get the precious diamonds underneath!

What about the bubble? All she knows about that is that it came to protect the town from the dangers of the world. And the sheriff? A good guy, keeps them safe, mayor and town elder, lives in the biggest house in town. The guys in the purple? That Cassidy doesn’t know, but it’s a _fuckin’ good question._

A few minutes pass and they feel the ground shake underfoot. A tremor. An earthquake. Outside they can hear another commotion. Glass breaks, a lamp post falls over, horses get spooked. The earthquake stops. Cassidy doesn’t think that was normal at all… Roswell leaves again to check out what’s going on. Magnus inspects their cell for damage. Taako would like to remind them he’s a wizard, they can just _leave_ if they want to. You know, use magic and all. Cassidy straight up kicks her way out of her cell.

Should they leave too? Magnus wants to help. People could be hurt. Merle thinks Cassidy had a good idea, but what harm would it do to relax for a bit? Taako happy just to chill for a while. No. No. Magnus wants to go help. Casting Knock, Taako sets them free from the cell and Magnus uses his Lens of Straight Creepin’ to follow Roswell’s path. The three of them find them helping to clean up a store nearby and— _Okay, seriously? Seriously?_ Why couldn’t these guys just stay _put_. That’s it, they’re done waiting for the sheriff.

Before Roswell can so much as draw their halberd there’s an explosion down the street. The sound was _loud_ and back outside they see smoke coming out of the windows of the bank. _You guys have been here for forty five minutes, what the fuck did you bring with you?_ What can they say, trouble just likes to follow them around. **See what we can do in an hour.** No, but really, this wasn’t on them!

A person on fire can be seen running out of the bank, falling on the ground. He’s one of the ruffians with the purple kerchiefs. Magnus manages to roll them around in the dirt enough to put the fire out, but damn they’re in bad shape… Could do with some healing here, Merle.

The whole scene around them is chaos. The burning bank. Shouting and screaming within and without. Somewhere things can be heard being thrown about. Magnus switches his belt to fire and rushes in. With his body still made of stone, Taako rushes in after him. All over there are bodies on the ground. There’s a dark elf woman, she looks like she’s dead. A young man with jet black hair, also dead. The banks’ two guards, dead. One ruffian, two ruffians, dead and dead. A dwarf woman, the teller for the bank, looks almost dead. Three ruffians are still alive and they’re fighting Roswell.

 At the back of the room, where the fire rages the most, is a large vault, blackened and charred but still closed. Looks like it had been their plan to get in there. Fucked up their bank robbery then, didn’t they. The fire is spreading quickly though and already the ceiling is beginning to cave in. While Merle heals the ruffian outside, Magnus and Taako work together to rescue the dwarven woman. More people don’t need to die here. She too needs some healing once they’re outside.

Magnus rushes back inside but when he gets there all the ruffians are taken care of. Dead. _This has been a really bad hour, and it didn’t start until you guys came to town. I need to know what the fuck you brought with you, who you are, and what you’re doing here. It’s my job to keep the town safe, and this hour has kept me from doing so._ So Roswell is still blaming them for all this. They gotta get back outside though, the building is burning and beams are starting to fall from the ceiling!

Not working. _Tell me where the fuck you came from, what you’re doing here, or I’m not gonna let you leave._ **Fine. Cool. We came from outside the bubble, we’re here to find a chalice, and now we need to get outside of this building.** _A chalice? I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about—_ **Neither do I!** _Just go, just go, just go, just go!_ The building collapses just as Magnus manages to make it outside. Roswell…they aren’t so lucky. It all happened very quickly and the building fell down on top of Roswell.

Behind where the bank has fallen they can see the clock tower again. The base is on fire, climbing upward. People are starting to come outside to see what had happened. A few people throw buckets of water on the fire. _That’s not enough water._ The clock tower chimes. It is noon. It chimes again, and again, twelve times. That’s what clock towers do when it hits noon. When it does something absolutely horrible happens.

The ground begins to tremor again, only this one is far more powerful than the last, lasting longer and without any sign of stopping. The residents of Refuge begin to scream in fear as it intensifies, holding on tightly to their loved ones. Building begin to crumble and it’s hard for them to keep their footing. Cracks form and cut across the ground. These aren’t normal fissures. There’s a bright, hot light burning through the cracks. A plume of unbearable heat bursts out from the ground. The ground swells under foot.

On the twelfth chime the clock tower snaps in two, falling atop the manor at the end of the street. The ground falls out from under Taako, Magnus and Merle’s feet, out from under everyone’s feet. They’re falling. They’re burning. They’re crushed. They can hear anguished and furious screams coming from something unseen. They’re dead.

For some reason there’s something about dying which feels all too familiar to them, but none of them can quite put their finger on why. Before they know it they’re back in the white space and they see the old woman again. _Oh, you’ll have to do much better than that, loves._ And then they wake up. In front of them is Refuge, peaceful and calm, not destroyed? It’s just like…yesterday? By the town gate is Roswell. They remember everything that happened, but as they’re greeted by Rosewell it quickly become evident that he does not.

Okay, so if they’re getting a second shot at this maybe they can make things go a bit smoother than last time. They’re here for an appointment with Sheriff Isaak, he thought they might be able to help with the purple bandana’d renegades. Oh! Of course! If they know about that then Sheriff Isaak must have sent for them!

They can’t be certain of what caused this to happen to them, but as they run through the motions with Roswell it’s all too apparent they have three goals now. Recover the Temporal Chalice and take it back to the Bureau of Balance. Discover the mystery bubble and what caused it. Figure out what is destroying Refuge and try to stop it. And they have just an hour to do it in.

Back in the jail at 11:05 they talk for a little while about why the boys are here exactly. Just so Roswell knows, Magnus things they should put some extra security for the bank. There are rumours. But that doesn’t explain everything. Roswell thought the whole ruffian situation was under control? Well there aren’t any of them locked up here, so Sheriff Isaak can’t agree it’s under control.

At 11:10 they all hear the commotion outside. Oh, they can help Roswell out here with whatever’s going on! The bandana ruffians are causing trouble at The Davy Lamp again, but they run off immediately. Magnus manages to shoot one of them in the calf with his bow, but he doesn’t see much point in giving chase right now. There are more important things going on.

Inside the Davy Lamp is someone playing the piano, an elf wearing a slick ass poncho playing some kind of one-on-one game with a Goliath. The bartender is a dark elf woman and she’s holding a magic rod, smoking slightly from the tip. She’d been the one to kick the ruffians out of the bar. The whole bar goes quiet when the three of them enter. The fight hadn’t broken the flow of the bar, but apparently three strangers could.

Who care. Taako’s got some dope magic to appreciate. He’s casual as ever as he approaches the bartender. _Uh, listen, I just wanna say that was a heck of a shot. I love magic too._ **Oh. My. God. You—** _It’s actually Taako._ **You’re Taako!** _Yeah, I’m Taako._ **You’re _the_ Taako! **_Oh, well it’s always nice to meet a fan._ **The magical chef, I saw your show in the Underdark!** _The magical chef, that was me._ **When you played the Underdark! You—Oh my god, you—you like—you’re my inspiration!** Wow, it’s been a while since this has happened! And to think he’d run into an old fan while on the job. Wow.

What _the_ Taako doing here in Refuge of all places? Oh er- He’s here to bring the show to them! Doing some undercover work for Sheriff Isaak and all, you know how it is. The elf’s name is Ren. She’s simply awestruck to be meeting her idol, here of all places, and to top it off he just complimented her magic! But wait…his friend, Magnus seems kind of familiar too. Has he ever done any shows before? Nope. Not a one. That’s strange.

For a moment Magnus pulls Taako aside. Just how long had it been since the show in the Underdark? About six years ago. A year before the poisoning incident. Wow, that long and Ren was still that hyped about ol’ Taako here. He should talk to her and see what he can learn about Refuge from here. Clearly she’ll be happy to tell him anything. Meanwhile Merle has lost interest, calling for anyone in the bar willing to arm wrestle with Magnus. He’ll pay big money if anyone can win!

Hey, Ren, remind him how long ago the show in the Underdark was again? W-wait, did he remember her there?! He could, could he?! Possible, it wasn’t that long ago. A couple of years ago. Just before she came to Refuge really. A couple of years? That was…off. Interesting. But, erm, could she get him a drink or anything? Oh, wait, no! She’s got a much better idea! Taako and his friends could probably use a place to stay, they can use the room upstairs is they like. She hands him a key. Check in is at noon, so they can just hang out unti then and drop their stuff off. It’s their best room too! _I’m sorry, I’m kind of geeking out right now._

But hey, what about that bubble? What’s all that about? Oh, it just sort of popped up about a year ago. Ren’s kind of ambivalent about it. It keeps them safe and all, but it does make her feel kind of cooped up every now and then. When did she last go outside? Nobody goes outside the bubble. Nobody leaves Refuge. Things hadn’t been going to great in Refuge before the bubble. There used to be a diamond mine here, but that had dried up. Things got a bit better after the bubble though. Refuge is a chill place to live.

What does she think of Sheriff Isaak then? What’s his story? He’s a pretty good guy. A lot of people prefer the last elder though, Jack. But er, yeah, Jack and June…they died. _And by their sacrifice our town is made safe, and all that._ She likes Sheriff Isaak well enough but he’s kind of a sourpuss, and she’s a bartender. Those things don’t really go hand in hand. Hey, Taako thinks she can take it easy and she’ll be fine. But Jack and June, they’re the ones from the statue? Yeah, that’s them.

Across the bar Magnus and Merle are motioned over by the elf in the poncho. He would _love_ to see Merle arm wrestle the goliath he’s playing cards against. _He looks like kind of a wimp compared to my boy Magnus._ **That’s just factually inaccurate.** Sorry Magnus, but that guy _is_ a goliath. And yet Magnus rushes in!

How about they bet information? The boys don’t exactly have any money for this place and if they’re right about what’s going on here, they don’t really care about getting money right now. But no, the elf isn’t interested in that kind of wager. If they’re doing this they’ll each bet ten diamonds—of which the boys have zero. This is a bad idea, they know it is. But fuck it!

Magnus tries to arm wrestle while wearing Phantom First, but come on man, that’s clearly cheating. No nice. Take the glove off. Before they start Merle mutters under his breath, casting Bull’s Strength on Magnus as he puts his hand on his shoulder. Hey, did you just use magic on him? What? No! He’s just trying to spread the word of Pan! Oh, in that case…The elf puts a hand on the goliath too and it takes little to no effort for the goliath to slam Magnus’ fist down. _Diamonds pleeeeease._ Double or nothing? The table is picked up and pushed aside by the goliath. He demands diamonds.

Noticing the second commotion to take place within half an hour, Ren shouts across the bar at them. She’s not about to play games. _Hey, hey, cut that shit out. Give them their diamonds and get out of here. If you’re gonna cause trouble—Taako are these guys with you?_ **No. Give them their diamonds!** Always so loyal, Taako… Magnus sleeps from the bar.

It’s 11:30 when the earthquake hits. Short but powerful, just like when they were in the jail. _Hey, Ren, does that happen a lot?_ **No. That was weird.** Bottles and glasses had fallen onto the ground and shattered during the earthquake and Ren is quick to take care of them. Hey, er, real quick. Does she have any idea what’s causing the bubble? **What caused it was Jack and June, their sacrifice, making-**   _Wait, so what was the sacrifice?_ She…she doesn’t really liked to talk about it. It’s pretty sad for her, she really liked them both. June liked to play in the minds and one time she got lost, so Jack had to go in looking for her. When they were down there they fell, they died. It was then that the bubble appeared. It happened in the quarry, that’s where it originates, she guesses.

What about the robed figure? That was the visitor, he brought Jack and June to Refuge to begin with. You know, if they really want to know about all this they should go talk to Paloma. She lives out in the woods. A lot of people don’t really like her being out there doing her own thing, but there’s no stopping a witch. She’s good though, could help them figure stuff out, more than Ren herself can.

The goliath is still chanting at Merle for diamonds as he and Taako get ready to leave. He’s not about to get out of there so easy between the goliath and the elf. He’s even hoisted into the air, the goliath trying to shake non-existent diamonds from his body. By some miracle he convinces the goliath to put him down and pretends to give an attempt at hypnotism. Of course that doesn’t work, but with the goliath distracted and confused, he runs for it. Taako fakes running outside to catch him for them.

Outside they see Roswell going to Helpington’s store to help with the clean-up. Down the street they see Cassidy round the corner, successful in her escape again. What to do. What to do. Magnus would like to go help everyone at the bank but…well they’re all going to die fifteen minutes after that anyway. They’d do better going to see what Paloma can do to help them, and Merle, he wants to try talking to Cassidy again.

Using Detect Magic as they approach the witch’s cottage Taako realises there is divination magic out the ass in this place! But more importantly it smells amazing, like magical baked goods. It takes just a knock on the door for them to be invited inside where there are a galaxy of crystal teardrops hanging from the ceiling. And there really _is_ a lot of amazing looking magical baked goods inside!

Paloma’s specialty in magic is prophecies. She sells two kinds. Small prophecies and big prophecies. The small prophesies, they’re good for immediate direction, giving them a small push towards their next step—and they cost one diamond. The big prophecies however, they’re the _big_ picture—they cost ten diamonds. But they’re new here, so just this once she’ll give them a small prophecy if they have anything magic she can use to cook with. A magic tankard? Sure, that’ll do.

As the room turns dark a single crystal falls from the ceiling, shattering in mid-air and turning to dust. It hangs in the air for a moment before an image starts to form: a cave, only it’s man-made, surrounded by rocks. Paloma has a message to go with the image. _Imminent destruction comes from below. Before you can stop it, you must figure out what it is you must stop. Turn your eyes to the quarry. You’re not ready to face what awaits you there, but you must know its face._

When Merle catches up to Cassidy he finds her climbing over the wall into the quarry, and by using the Nitpicker on the lock is able to follow her. She looks kind of suspicious and maybe it’s not the best idea for Merle to call out to her, but he does anyway. _Excuse me, miss! Miss?_ She runs. Wait! He’s just here to help! **How am I supposed to know you’re not some sort of gerblin?** _Pan sent me!_ That’s not going to work, Merle. You already found out last time Pan isn’t really her thing.

Through his Stone of Farspeech Magnus warns him against entering the quarry, and, despite agreeing, the dwarf follows Cassidy in anyway. Inside she sneaks up behind him, a shovel in hand. Who is he and why is he following her?! And then he’s singing?! _Hello, my name is Elder Merle, and I would like to share with you this most amazing book. It’s called Extreme Teen Bible, it will solve your problems, do you want to take a look?_ And she hits him around the head with the shovel. He’s incapacitated. The clock has reached 11:40 and above they can hear the sound of the bank explosion.

Knowing what’s about to happen at the bank, Taako and Magnus make a break for it atop Garyl. They’re gonna need diamonds and what better place to get them than the bank. Once they get there the ruffian is injured on the ground again, the prognosis looks beak this time around without Merle here to heal. Taako’s good out here though, he and Garyl will keep watch while Magnus rushes in. Once again Roswell is doing a fine job of beating the ruffians but man is he glad to see Magnus! Though this time he doesn’t stay to help, instead rushing straight back out with fifty diamonds in hand.

When Merle comes to he sees Cassidy walking over to the entrance, it looks like it has caved in. She’s holding…something. A giant cluster of green grapes? Oh, wait. It’s explosives. She’s starting to fiddle with something by the rocks, but Merle keeps silent.

Okay, Magnus couldn’t stop himself from helping out after all. He’d been back inside to rescue the dwarf woman—significantly more frazzled than last time. But he learns her name is Brogden. As soon as he sets her down the bank collapses. Next time. Next time he will be sure to save Roswell.

Everything happens the same as last time. The clock tower begins to chime noon, it’s on fire, it snaps in half, the Elder’s manor is destroyed, earth raises and things get really fucking hot. Magnus and Taako are dead within moments. Merle gets a different view. From where he’s laid on the ground of the cave he sees the rocks in front of the mine blasted aside by a wave of force. He too is killed.

Once again they wake up in the white space. The old woman is still there. _Somehow you did…worse that time._ Magnus asks for her name, but she’s faded too quickly to answer. They wake up again in front of Refuge. The first thing Magnus does is check his bag. Hey, the tankard he gave Paloma is back! But he’s also lost all the diamonds…

When they approach Roswell this time they take a different approach, rushing towards them and spilling every ounce of truth they can muster. They know their name is Roswell, but they don’t know the boys yet. They’re stuck in a time loop of an hour here in Refuge and the boys are trying to stop it. There are going to be earthquakes in town. A jail break. A bank robbers. So many things. They need to know about the quarry though. Well, nobody has been there since the rock slide. Operations closed then. There’d been an…incident six weeks ago and some miners died. Cassidy was the only one to make it out alive. But if the mine dried up a while ago…why were they even then? _Because they were thirsty._ If they tried hard enough maybe they’d been able to find another vein of diamonds.

With Roswell more than willing to help them now the boys are able to make their way to the quarry right away, on the way there discovering a shovel, a pickax and a headlamp in the bushes. Inside Taako notices some disturbed dirt which he soon digs into to reveal a cluster bomb. Hey, they could use that to blow through the cave in! Hold up there, Magnus, Taako thinks it’s probably safer for him to use the Hole Thrower instead, creating a five foot hole in the wall. Guess they have a bomb now. Magnus makes sure not to put it in the same pocket as Steven.

It doesn’t take long at all for them to discover what they assume to be a break room for the miners. A sink, an ice box, a few tables, a timecard station, a vault-like door and two rows of lockers—twenty six in total—are what fills the room. Each locker is marked with a name. _Lawrence, Abernathy, Cassidy, Ulrich, Farnsworth, Xavier, Vaness, Randall, Perkins, Williams, Galding, Yael, Harlan, Dana, Jerry, Barnes, Emerich, Zelda, Morrison, Isaac, Osha, Keith, Quincy, Terrence, Niall,_ and one illegible lable. It has been scratched up too much to read. Magnus opens the locker with illegible label and an explosion goes off, killing Tres Horny Boys well before noon.

In the white space the old woman doesn’t say anything this time but they can tell she looks tired, not quite able to fully catch her breath. In all honesty, Magnus is pumped by the whole experience. To be able to rush into danger, fuck up and then rush in all over again, it makes him feel empowered. Merle, he’s just not so much of a fan of the whole dying thing. Taako’s kind of disorientated by it all, but hey, that’s practically just another day at the office for them at this point. Either way, it’s 11:15 by the time they reach the break room again.

This time Merle casts Find Traps. Turns out the door is trapped, sixteen of the lockers holding mechanisms which will set off the trap instantly when the lockers are opened in the wrong order. To go along with the locker are twenty six time cards, each matching the names on the lockers—all but the one marked as Susanna. It doesn’t take long to realise each of the twenty six names relate to a letter in the alphabet.

Using the Lens of Straight Creepin’ Magnus discovers the most recent set of foot prints begins with the locker marked as Dana’s and ends at Niall’s. Taako opens Dana’s locker and there is a click but no explosion. Magnus opens E—Emerich—next. The room explodes. In the white space the woman looks disapprovingly at them. _We’re working on it, sorry!_

Their next try is far more successful. Dana, click. Isaac, click. What they assume to be Susanna, click. Abernathy, click. Randall, click. Morrison, click. DISARM. Something clicks behind the vault door but it doesn’t yet open. Osha, click. Perkins, click. Emerich, click. Niall, click. OPEN. They’d done it.

Before they leave the room they look about and see there’s still meat in the icebox. Weirdly, it’s still good. Oh, wait. That’s Good Ice, magical ice that stays colder for longer. Merle takes the meat and the ice, never know when they could need them. Moving on they come to an elevator, and yet, the Millers made this!

By the elevator is some mine carts full of boxes and when the elevator doors own two furry little bugs with adorable ears and fuzzy wings run out from under the mine carts. The little bugs chirp at them, quickly going over to climb up Merle’s legs to where the raw meat hangs out of his pocket. Hey! That’s Merle’s meat! Oh…but they are cute. Here, they can have a little nibble. Little nibble my ass! They devour all of the meat in an instant and scurry off.

During their trip down in the elevator the earthquake strikes, causing the carriage to rattle and crash against the walls. Cold air hits their faces when the doors open. The only light to be seen comes from Magnus’ headlamp. He’s the only one without night vision, he needs it most. Nearby is a mine cart on a track heading down into the caverns. There’s a newly formed crack in the ceiling, and all around they can hear a constant buzzing sound.

Getting into the cart, they head down the track. Very quickly something happens, so quickly they can’t quite register exactly what happened in the moment. All that was left of the boys were their skeletons. They had been devoured in an instant by _something_. The old woman is still quiet, still tired.

It’s 11:20 when they’re at the bottom of the elevator again, no crack in the ceiling, no constant buzzing to be heard. This time before getting into the cart Merle casts Light on it. When the earthquake strikes a crack runs along the ceiling and countless of the furry bugs crawl out of it. With Magnus’ shield and the Umbra Staff the boys manage to keep most of the bugs from getting in their cart. Magnus isn’t so keen on killing the bugs that do get inside but Taako isn’t so torn. They _ate_ them last time! Stomp. Stomp Stomp. Goodbye bugs.

It takes fifteen minutes for them to get to the end of the track—11:45—and at the end is a door with a button reading _open_. Entering through the door they go into an airlock with an identical door on the other side of the room. When they pretty the button a panel opens. There’s a clock timer which has begun to count down sixty seconds, and there is a slot for a key card. Magnus decides to try out his thieves’ tools on the panel and gets it open, exposing five wires: red, yellow, blue, green and black. Here goes nothing. He cuts the green wire and they die. The same happens on his next attempt with the black wire. And the time after that when he uses Railsplitter to sever all five wires at once.

The next time they take the set of time cards with them, Taako particularly focused on Isaak’s. Down there they try out his card in the slot and it stops the timer, opening the door. The next is the largest they’ve seen in the mine so far, in the middle of which is an enormous hole in the ground—a guardrail and tracks around the sides of it. A sturdy metal ring surrounds the hole, a hatch held open. There’s a sign marking the hole as Shaft A, beside that a control box with a lever.

In the room are also a number of force fields. The first is below the metal hatch—the bubble surrounding Refuge perhaps, but more translucent than they saw it before. A much smaller bubble by the ceiling, just three feet wide. It’s way up high but light can be seen shining through the hole. The third bubble is surrounding the only other exit to the room, a door on the opposite end of the pit.

It’s 11:55 and they can faintly hear the tell-tale sounds of panic above. The bank explosion must have happened by now. It sounds like they could be almost below it.

Through the bubble in the shaft they see something shift. Within the darkness they can see teeth. Thousands of large pointed teeth in countless rows going down into an enormous mouth. Deep down in the mouth are dozens of small flames, pilot lights for a furnace about to explode. In the light cast down from the hole above they can make up an immense body covered in thick, ridged, purple skin. It’s moving and the fires are growing. It’s strong enough to force its way through the force field.

High above them the clock tower makes its first chime. Magnus frantically throws down the cluster bomb at the creature. It has no effect on it.

Watching as the enormous purple worm raises above the edge of the shaft, the fire within its mouth intensifying still, Taako, Magnus and Merle grasp each other’s hands. In an instant the room is overcome with fire. The boys are obliterated by the blast of supersonic force. The last thing they hear is a scream of unbridled fury. This time they don’t live long enough to hear the final chime of the clock tower.

In the white space the old woman speaks for the first time in quite a few loops. She looks exhausted, and yet she seems pleased. _You’re getting very close!_ This is their tenth loop. They’re going to need to get their hands on some diamonds this time around. Paloma won’t be so willing to give another freebie. Hey, Taako could always get a part time job!

Taako heads straight for The Davy Lamp, alone this time. He’s there before the fight breaks out with the ruffians and overhears them talking shit about the bubble. It’s kind of like that one scene from Hamilton, The Story of Tonight, but like everyone are just _dicks_. Once again Ren recognises him instantly, and now Taako recognises her too. She’s Ren, from the Underdark! Of course he remembers Ren! Totally not because he just met her here a few loops ago. Well that just made her day!

When the ruffians start causing trouble again she kicks them out of The Davy Lamp, and wow that’s some good magic she’s got going on there. But just…if she doesn’t mind him saying, Taako has a proposition for her. He’s come to Refuge because he wants share the knowledge he has on all things arcana. Now Ren, _she_ has potential, if not a touch sloppy at the moment. But with Taako’s help, oh what she could learn! He’s going to be holding a seminar tomorrow, _Help Yourself, Cast Yourself into Magic Legend,_ but that will cost two diamonds up front. Two diamonds? Oh, that’s nothing for someone with a business as successful as hers! Count Ren in! Turns out the elf in the poncho, Ash apparently, wants in too. Hmmm, well for _him_ it’s going to cost nine diamonds. Those are just the rules, now cough up the diamonds. Be there tomorrow morning ‘cause dawn’s light and all, yadda yadda yadda.

While Taako goes on his quest for diamonds, Magnus and Merle stake out the Elder’s manor. As much as the place seems super secure, the more Magnus looks at it the more he thinks it seems like nobody has been there for a very long time. Guess Sheriff Isaak isn’t there after all. Instead they decide to go _grill the shit out of Cassidy._

Cassidy was reluctant to speak to them, as is to be expected. She ain’t talking to no gerblins. In the end Merle resorts to casting Zone of Truth on her to hear her true quarry story. So the main vein of diamonds dried up, so she and a few others were in the quarry trying to find more to reinvigorate Refuge, get fat stacks for when the bubble comes down. They may have dug down too deep though and found something by the edge of the bubble. A big nest and a big nasty worm. Seemed like the nest was cut in half by the bubble though. Big worm woke up and attacked—but what mother wouldn’t? Somehow it got stuck though, Cassidy hit her head and when she woke up she was in jail. Man, if the worms they’d seen outside of town were that big one’s kids, the boys were glad they hadn’t killed them. It was angry enough already.

Anyway, she was locked up for supposedly blowing up the temple, but that just wasn’t true. It’s institutional orc racism! Or maybe it was just ‘cause she was the best at blowing stuff up, who knows. But the temple? Oh, it was for Istus? Christmas? Isthmus? Biscuits? Something like that. These brothers opened it. And now, well apparently it was blow up. Like hell if she knows.

With his pockets now lined with diamonds Taako heads over to Paloma. Strangely enough, she recognises him. Out of everyone in town she alone remembered. Strange. No matter. She knows him, he knows her, let’s skip the niceties and get down to business. A small prophecy, a big prophecy and a scone, please.

While they’re eating one of the bigger crystals falls from the ceiling, shattering on the table. A cloud of smoke appears. Looking at it, it’s almost like watching a movie shot in first person. All he can see are tracks, a light cast down on them. Up ahead is a junction, the image stopping as soon as the cart reaches it. Paloma leans in, taking hold of Taako’s cheeks. _Turn right. Turn right! Turn right…_

Oh, er, _sorry, I got kind of aggro there._ **It happens.** No big deal. Not really much to go on from a big prophecy, but hey, at least he knew to turn right. Just then a second large crystal falls, only this one is unlike the others. Each of them contain a small light, but this one is pitch black, pure darkness inside, save for three strands of red, yellow and green flashing around. _Oh my god, what?_

It shatters on the ground. Two visions appear side-by-side. The first is an ocean made of tar, the sky above black and below the surface of the tar something is moving, but Taako can’t make out what. The second is a grey world, covered in ash—barren and lifeless. When Paloma looks at him she looks possessed. _In the future, you will be offered a terrible choice between two options that will determine the fate of reality itself. In this moment of crisis, remember. There is always a third option._ And then the smoke dissipates and the image is gone. Paloma slumps back, somewhat drained from the experience.

She’s still got enough in her for a small prophecy though. With a snap of her fingers a small crystal falls and shatter. _You are close to your goal. But you are missing what you need to break the barrier. You will need divine intervention. You will find it at the Temple of Istus._ **Alright!**

When they all meet up again, Roswell is confused why they aren’t in the quarry. Weren’t they in a rush to get there?! Oh, oops, guess they gave them the wrong instructions. Nah, they’re not on that game anymore. Nah, now they need them to find Isaac and meet them at the temple in twenty minutes. Oh, and while they’re at it close the bank. Say it’s a bank holiday: Hug Day!

The Temple of the Goddess Istus is in ruins when they get there. Parts are still recognisable, the collapsed steeple, a clock, a doorframe, but everything else is nothing more than ruins. Merle tries to lead them in a prayer to Istus. The only response is a slight breeze to kick up dust on the floor. Heading further in they arrive at a cave on a plateau. In the distance the explosion can be heard, they’re running out of time. Rushing into the cave Magnus for a moment sees the shadow of a man reading a book, and then the lantern lighting the area goes out.

 _Hello?_ No response. _Now don’t be like that._ Nothing. _I’m sorry I caught you reading, I won’t make fun of you, I promise._ That really isn’t working, Magnus. Merle casts light and the cave is illuminated once more, revealing some barrels—one with a lantern on top—a card, and a rug where a book and a skeleton rest. Let’s loot the skeleton. When Magnus puts his hands into the skeleton’s pockets it shudders somewhat and makes a small noise. Skeletons don’t usually make noises… Taako starts shaking it. _Give us your secrets!_ **Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Unhand me, please! What do you hooligans want? You’ve come into my little hutch here. I was enjoying a good Cleveland tale, and he just broke the big case! And you randos rolled up on my spot!**

These are Magnus, Merle and Taako, okay, not hooligans. And the skeleton, he’s Luca, the chief cleric of the temple of Istus. Well…not so much anymore, but he was! Oh! So he’s one of the brothers? Yes, Luca and Redmond, the brothers who opened the Temple of Istus. But why are Tres Horny Boys here? They haven’t explained anything. Oh, you know, investigating a bubble, a chalice and a giant ass worm, the usual. _I—You’re here to stop the bubble? Here to stop what’s going on in this town?_ **Yes.** Oh, Luca likes that! _You guys understand that time is like…time is **sick** in Refuge, right? _Well that kind of goes against everything the church of Istus stands for, so he’d very much like to stop that please. Istus is the Goddess of Fate and Destiny, she safeguards the normal passage of time and fate.

Something strange happened when he was in the temple one day. He was the only one there and everything inside, it began to age very quickly. That’s kind of how he ended up as a living skeleton and all. But it doesn’t seem to be the same thing messing with the rest of the town, weirdly enough. He assumes it’s the grace of Istus herself that is the only thing now keeping him alive. He hasn’t seen his brother in a long time, he went an opened a farm in town and well…Redmond got kind of screwy when the bubble went up. He’s been trying to use bruit force to get his way out of town, and that doesn’t really seem to be the best idea going. Istus should be more help, but they’ll need to get Redmond on board first, Luca will need his help to contact Istus. A living skeleton can’t really go walking about town without causing a scene.

Moments later the tremors begin again. They’re not close enough to be taken out by the fire this time, but when the supersonic explosion hits the cave collapses in and all four of them are crushed by rocks. In the white space the old woman is laying on the floor. _Shit._ Magnus tries to go to her, but already they’re waking up outside of Refuge.

Guess they better head over to the Stone Fruit Farm and find Luca’s brother then. On the way there Magnus gets curious about the well, noticing a shadow staring at them over the well. It vanishes as soon as Taako spots it. They’ve never seen that in a loop before… When Magnus drops a rock down the well it doesn’t make the sound they expect. No splash of water. No clatter of rock against the ground. Just a peculiar _oomph._ It’s too dark to see just what the rock landed on, however. Magnus has a theory: the well is above the mine.

To get to the farm faster Magnus and Merle borrow Roswell’s horse—he’s too big to ride it anyway—and Taako jumps on Garyl. At the farm are some pretty nice stone fruit orchards, being worked on by people wearing purple neckerchiefs. A magical elf and a human woman. Step aside, Magnus has rustic hospitality, he’ll deal with this. The duo attack immeditaly, but he thankfully manages to deflect it, asking to talk to Redmond.

Hmmm…did Roswell send them here? What? No! Look at this horse! He _stole_ it from Roswell! Magnus abandons his weapons to speak to Redmond, meanwhile the two ruffians Ren kicked out of The Davy Lamp and they’re not playing games. Lots of fumbling about, spell casting and falling off of horses passes between the boys and the ruffians, only for the situation to be resolved as Redmond himself opens the door to the house. _Everybody, calm down! Put your weapons down. There’s no need for us to fight over this._ The ruffians instantly stop their attacks.

They explain as much of the situation as they can to Redmond, trying to get him on board with the plan to call up Istus. Turns out he’s just like Luca and Paloma, knows something weird is going on in this town—even if he’s completely wrong about what—but time is a mess. The boys should know though, Istus doesn’t usually involve herself in mortal affairs. Not sure this will pan out. Hey, Merle here has a literal hand of god! And he could totally convert to Istusism if that’s what was needed! …The pinkie falls off his wooden hand, withered and dead. _Or…I could stay with Pan!_ And his finger grows back. Looks like converting isn’t in the cards, sorry.

Okay, Redmund will help, but first they gotta do something to help him. He’s in charge of the Liberation Bridage—the purple neckerchiefed ruffians—and they want to get out of town. Something in his _gut_ tells him the key to getting out of town is in the bank’s vault. They help him get in the vault, he’ll go with them Luca and raise the temple. Deal? Deal. Time to rob a bank!

So, they’re going to get everyone out of the bank, then use a pretty dangerous looking black cluster bomb on the vault. Should blow right through it easy! Erm…that…that might not work. Doors like them are pretty hard to get though. Nonsense, Magnus, of course it’s going to work. Just trust old Redmond! How about they use the non-explosive approach? Just, you know, walk in, walk out. Taako is a pretty powerful wizard, just saying. Hmmm, fine. They’ve got two minutes, if they don’t get it done: explosion central here they come!

Aaaaand Roswell is in front of the bank. Did you forget you sent him there again…? Fine, Roswell help get everyone out of the bank! Not buying that, Magnus. Okay, quick, go get Sheriff Isaak instead! …Okay. Magnus rushes into the back, kicking the door down and startling the guards. After some confusion and diversions Jerry and Greg are chased out of the bank to, instructed to each arrest the other.

Ren is entering the back with a drawer full of diamonds. All in a day’s work! And oh my god! Is that Taako from TV?! It is! Can she get his autograph, please?! Oh god, no! Ren can’t be here right now, not during this! The image hits Taako. The dark elf they’d seen dead on the floor a handful of times now: all Ren. Nope, sorry Ren. No autograph this time. You’re not gonna be another person to die because of old Taako. He casts Banishment on her. It fails. Ren can still feel it though, she knows what Taako did to her, she knows he doesn’t want her there. As she runs from the bank there are tears in her eyes. Her heart had been broken by her idol, but at least she’d live.

A glass dome above shatters, Brogden’s desk is changing and a metal gate is separating her and the vault from the rest of the room. Of course there would be security measures. The boys try to get under the gate as it falls but they’re too slow. Magnus takes a chance and throws Taako. With catlike grace the elf is thrown through the teller’s window, knocking Brogden out in the process. _Taako gets the gold!_

Their two minutes are up. The ruffians and Redmond are entering the bank. Roswell is back too, seeing the boys had betrayed him. You’re going down, Magnus. Safe behind bars, Taako throws a hole through the vault doors. Inside are countless diamonds everywhere, but in the centre is a pedestal—an overhead light illuminating a book, a diary. Sheriff Isaak’s diary. Taako pockets some of the finer gems, he always did like expensive things that sparkled.

Magnus uses a torch to harden Roswell’s clay arm before chopping it off. It doesn’t do much harm at all as the elemental just manages to spew more clay to reform their arm. Taako decides to help, casting Planar Binding from afar. _My name is Taako, and you work for me now._ Only…the spell didn’t go to plan. It was supposed to bind the elemental to his service but instead Roswell’s armour is thrown off. Their clay geysers everywhere, pushing Merle against the wall and knocking the diary from Taako’s hand. Guided by fate, the book opens up.

_My daddy was a safety inspector for mines operating all throughout the northern counties of the Sword Coast, and, as you might imagine, that made for a very cautious upbringing for myself and my kin._

_Every big of wisdom my old man passed on to me dealt with how to avoid the dangers of the world outside our cottage’s door, how to evade bandits and ward off hungry beasts in the wilds and how to prevent accidental hazards in the home, stuff like that, but nothing prepared me for today._

_Nothing prepared me for that fucking cup._

_From the moment I saw it, I knew there was nothing I wouldn’t do to get that cup, I just didn’t know why. I trusted myself to resist that temptation, to put it back towards the back of my mind, to focus on the hard work of bringing this diamond mine back to life, and today I faltered—just for a moment—and I ruined three lives in the process._

_I killed Jack._

_That’s my first time thinking that thought, not protecting myself from the awful truth of what I’ve done. We were looking for June in the mines together—she’s wont to get lost in the mines—and I could tell he had it on him. That cup had a tight grip on my guts, I could feel it through a six foot thick lead wall, and I did it as quickly as I could, as cowardly as I could, I pushed him, over the edge of Shaft B._

_And he fell. As he fell he turned to face me, and he shouted his last word. It was a spell, that he flung in my direction, and in that moment, just after dooming him—I prayed it was some kind of killing curse._

_But he missed. It flew over my head as he sank into the black below. And when I looked behind me, I saw my prize, the cup I had killed my very best friend for, in June’s hands._

_She grabbed it right where he dropped it. Only by perfect irony, she was frozen in place, right there, by a barrier that I just cannot penetrate, shielded by a power that I craved enough to kill for._

_There’s nothing I can do to get her out of that state, I tried it all. And there’s nothing I can do for Refuge, now that she’s trapped us all in here too._

_I deserve damnation for that I’ve done. Refuge doesn’t._

_*****_

_I figured out what that spell was. Jack’s last spell. He conjured an earth elemental, a guardian to protect June, protect all of Refuge in his absence. I met it, just on the outskirts of town._

_Refuge deserves a better guardian than myself, that’s for sure. So I equipped them with some gear, gave them a name—Roswell, for my dad—and set them on patrol, using the summoning spell’s command word._

_And that word might be the hardest thing to stomach. It was Jack’s dying wish, his hopes for a safer life for his daughter and his home, manifested into a single word, his final word, his final thought._

**Junebug** _._

As Taako speaks the command word the exploding monster of clay ceases to envelop everything in the room. It contracts inward, pulled back into Roswell’s shape. They’re calm now, standing there without a hint of rage. _What would you like me to do?_

It’s 11:53 and Redmond is there ready with his bomb and—Wait? They actually managed to get in the vault?! What was in there?! _Gems._ **Food. _Taako, Merle, they’re not gonna remember this anyway, fuck it._** Anyway! They don’t have much time left! They gotta get to the Temple of Istust like _now!_ They did their part of the deal. Can’t they just wait fifteen minutes? No. No they cannot. Get him Roswell!

Redmond is fireman carried out of the bank by Roswell and with five minutes to spare they’re racing for the temple. It’s 11:57 by the time they get there. In the cave Luca doesn’t hide this time, too overjoyed to see his brother return. Had…had Redmond finally come to his senses? And who’re these people he’s brought with him? Hey, no time for a heartfelt reunion just now. These boys got a date with destiny and the brothers need to raise the temple.

11:59. Out of the cave Redmond rolls out a mat in front of the fallen temple and the two brothers get to their knees, praying to Istus. _Lady of Fate, Mother Istus, author of the story of life, and the nurturer of passing time, we beseech these things in your name. Raise the temple so that—_ Before they can finish speaking the temple begins to rebuild itself, de-aging in the process. As it’s rebuilding they hear the first chime from the clock tower. The large double doors lock into place as the roars of the giant worm can be heard. From where they stand they can see the town of Refuge begin to collapse downward as the doors swing open, a voice beckoning the boys inside. Magnus, Taako and Merle for once all rush in.

The explosion had been coming for them as they stepped through the door, but as soon as they cross the threshold, the explosion never comes. Outside the brothers can still be seen praying, fire bright behind them. Inside the temple everything is still. Behind the pulpit is a tapestry depicting the town, happy and prosperous, wrapped in the embrace of a beautiful white haired woman. And that woman sits before them now, endlessly knitting. _Well, the three of you are just in time._

Well shit. An actual real live goddess. Magnus may not be a religious man, but he is deeply spiritual and can appreciate the magnitude of what he’s seeing. Taako, he thinks they’re basically equals. They can do magic, he can do magic, what’s the big whoop? And Merle, he is shaken to his very core. Sure he had plenty of evidence that Pan was real, but, well…there was something different about seeing a god in person.

Beckoning them forward, Istus explains the situation in Refuge right now—though she’s sure they’ve already worked things out for themselves now. The town is sick. The whims of fate have been broken. The Temporal Chalice is forcing everyone in town to relive the same horrible day, the same horrible hour, over and over again. And, this might be upsetting to them, by they’re dying. Time doesn’t rewind. It simply repeats. Each death is as real as the last. But for some reason they’re special, they’re the only ones able to remember each and every loop they experience. They can still get out of this alive, if they can break the cycle during a loop in which they survive. Istus might just be able to help them out there.

Taking put a pair of scissors, Istus cuts a loose thread from the scarf she’s knitting then sets it aside. _The three of you are just so special. You know that right? Like, out existence is made up of countless realities where the same people are doing the same actions at the same time in parallel worlds throughout the echoes of creation—except for **you!** The three of you are the only three of you that there are, doing the things that the three of you do here in this world. I—w—when I say that you’re unique, I’m not being flattering, I’m being quite literal. _**I think we assumed that our, uh, the way we were different was just because we weren’t here when this us, spell got cast.** _I’m not just talking about this town, Taako. I’m talking about_ all of it! _The—the—the world, the plane, the planar system, reality, existence, all of it! The three of you are anomalies! I certainly, you know, have god-like powers, I don’t like to brag, but uh—I don’t—I’ve never known anything like the three of you. And I don’t know why that is but I’m intrigued. Because whether you realise it or not, you’ve been serving as my agents for longer than you could ever remember. Almost your entire lives, the three of you have been preventing things that go against the designs of fate from happening; stopping powers that would reshape reality used by people who shouldn’t be using them! And—and that’s my whole jam._

The Hunger. Ever since their fight against it began the three—the seven of them had unwittingly become agents of Istus. They preserved the proper state of reality and prevented fates from changing wherever they could. They were unique. They were special. They were powerful. Ultimately their goal and Istus’ were one and the same, to put an end to The Hunger for good, even if the boys couldn’t remember in that moment. They were still walking towards that goal.

But…but what about Phandalin? Was that _supposed_ to happen then? Ahh, no. That one they did kind of goof up. But they _tried._ They may not have succeeded, but they had tried. Refuge is probably _the most fucked up, fate-defying place there ever war, or ever will be,_ and yet they’ve done so much already to try and save it. They’ve come so far and they’re so close. Now, she wants to make it formal. She wants to make the three of them her emissaries in this world, grant them her blessing. All they have to do is keep doing what they’re doing. Oh, Pan? Nah, he won’t mind. She and Pan are tight. Okay then! If they get out of this whole time loop thing alive, she’s got herself a deal!

Taking out a new colour of thread, Istus picks back up with her knitting, weaving the new thread into the scarf. They notice then that the scarf is never ending, instead simply fading out of existence and into another plane. As she knits three pendants appear in the air before them, each marked with her sigil. But those aren’t the only gifts she has for her new emissaries.

Merle, you’re first, this is a bit of a unique gift among her followers. Knitting some more, a small tennis ball sized orb appears before him, inside a small sandstorm whirls. When that orb is smashed his consciousness will be sent nine seconds into the past. A lot can be done with just nine seconds. Fix a mistake. Save a loved one. Rewrite the fate of mankind. Use it well.

Taako is next. Once again she does a small piece of knitting into the scarf and s brown bag appears before Taako, the opening bound together by a golden thread, knotted and threaded into a glowing golden lock. That is the bag of necessity. In truth Istus herself doesn’t even know what is inside of it, and neither will Taako until the items inside are the items he most needs and the most significant moment. He would do good to keep it on him at all times. Nobody knows when its time will come.

And Magnus, he’s going to need a tool to break down the time locked barriers preventing them from reaching their goal. She has just the thing! The clock falls from the steeple and on the ground something flies out of it—the minute hand. When it flies into his hand, it appears to be almost like a spear. _What to see something cool?_ And she tells Magnus to throw it and he doesn’t hesitate before doing as she asks. _Now recall it._ **To me, spear friend!** It reverses its path, right back into Magnus’ hand. Not only will he be able to recall the Chance Lance, but it is also enchanted to pierce the barriers that stand in their way.

Hmm…but there is an issue. This loop is about to end and that means they won’t have these when the loop resets… Now she doesn’t do this often, but there’s no help it. She’s going to have to do a bit of editing to their story, make it so they had these gifts before they came to Refuge. As she’s doing this the walls behind them are beginning to buckle. The explosion is coming. _It looks like our time here is almost up, my dears._

But—Isaak? June? The Chalice? Where are they all. Oh, you were so close to them the last time you were in the mines. That sealed off door should be no issue now. And one last blessing for them, her emissaries. _Your fate is guiding you, not today, not tomorrow, but to a moment that will challenge you in a new and horrible way and I cannot make the difficult decision that lies at the end of your quest **for you** , but I can grant you the time that you need to make that decision. _For a moment Istus vanishes completely and when she reappears she is wiping a tear from her eye. _You’re going to be amazing._ And the building comes down.

That was their eleventh death and when they’re in the white space the Old Woman is still laying on the floor. Good news: They can see that she is breaking still. Bad News: The reason they can see that is because she’s so withered, they can see it so very clearly. She looks a hundred and forty years old. Then they wake up outside of Refuge again, and sure enough Istus’ gifts are still in their possession.

 _Junebug._ It’s the first word Magnus says to Roswell as they approach. They’re going to need their help. Magnus has a theory to test. They’re going down that well. It’ll save them so much time in the mines. Magnus, Merle and Roswell each rappel down the well, meanwhile Taako uses the Umbra Staff to fall down weightlessly. Sure enough, Magnus was right, at the bottom of the well is the bubble which had covered the hole of light in the mine. He pops it. They’re inside the chamber for Shaft A. For now the worm is still trapped inside another bubble. It’s 11:07, they’ve made damn good time.

Popping the door to the next chamber along, the door Istus had directed them to, they’re taken into another airlock. Thankfully there doesn’t appear to be any more bombs in here and they can move onto the next room which is almost identical to the one they had just left. This is Shaft B. Only there is an observation deck in this room, upon which are two figures. One: the old woman from the white space, floating within her own time-locked barrier, the Temporal Chalice within her grasp. Two: a man they had never seen before, Sheriff Isaak, sat on the floor holding the handle of a mattock. _Merle, Magnus, Taako? May as well come on in. You boys wanna smoke? I’ve only got two but if you wait an hour or so I’ll be back to having three again._ **Yeah. Only losers smoke, Isaak.**

Disregarding Magnus, Isaak’s attention is drawn to Roswell. Well shit, he didn’t expect to see them down here. In short they’re here for the cup. Oh, Isaak gets that, all too well. No, no, he’s not understanding. They _need_ the cup. It’s like their whole _job._ They’re not just here ‘cause they want it. Oh yeah, sure sure. Isaak knows just the kind of men they are. He’s seen it before. _You’re the types of men that abuse every drop of power ever given to them. Men—men like me, you’re bank robbers, you’re bullies and thieves and liars and swindlers._ Okay, so maybe Isaak wasn’t _entirely_ wrong about them, at least as people, but really, they didn’t want the cup the same way Isaak did. Wasn’t really their style. This isn’t their first time at the rodeo.

That’s no excuse. How did they know each loop wouldn’t be the last? Robbing banks, attacking Roswell, swindling those two in The Davy Lamp, how could they be sure none of those things counted? Hey now! If it _had_ been the last loop Taako would have done the fucking class tomorrow, okay? Everyone could benefit from a bit of Taako teaching and he meant it when he said Ren was good! Anyway, they’re both law enforcers! Just look at this totally not fake Sheriff’s badge! But erm, yeah, this one _is_ just a temp, he lost his old one. Just stop, he’s not buying it.

Magnus hurls the Chance Lance at the bubble. Or he planned to. Isaak was too quick and tired a swift spell of lightning at him, causing Magnus to drop the lance. Merle tries to cast Banishment on Isaak but he too is struck by lightning. The distraction is enough however to give Taako the opportunity he needs He casts Bigdy’s Hand, a large translucent hand of pure force, over the Chance Lance, grabbing hold of it and flying towards the bubble—giant hand, lance and all. Isaak tries to stop him but Magnus is too quick in instructing Roswell to take care of that.

The Chance Lance pops the bubble. Time starts to slow down instantly. Slowing, slowing, slowing, until it comes to a complete stop. All is quiet. Then comes a wave of white light spilling out from the chalice. They’re in the white space, but it’s different this time. No longer is it a simple empty room. This white space looks near identical to The Davy Lamp. Soft jazz music plays in the background as shadow patrons go about their business and June is sat at one of the tables, inviting them over.

She isn’t quite as withered as she looked the last time they saw her here, perhaps about ninety years old now. _I just knew that the three of you could do it from the moment I saw you. I knew you wanted to fine me bad enough to actually do it._ They must be very confused by the whole thing right now. Well, they think they’ve got it. She’s a little girl really, only she’s old now and she was in the time bubble thing. Close, but not quite. _I’m the cup._

What the shit? _I’m the Temporal Chalice, I guess you’d call me. In a way I have June—which sounds a lot more sinister than it is. I just needed a place to hide out for a while until the right folks came along. The fact that the three of you aren’t sort of freaking out right now tells me you’ve encountered other relics like me already and I’m guessing the fact you’re sitting here right now means that you don’t use them?_

For once the boys were thrown for a loop. Nothing quite like _this_ had happened before. I mean— _shit!_ She was a relic, a living, breathing, talking relic, _and people could drink out of her._ **I mean—I wasn’t always a cup.** Wait! Hold up! Does that mean all the relics are actually former people?! **That’s kind of hard to explain. I don’t remember being made, but I remember—well, I remember two things. I was made to want to be used, and to make other people want to use my power, but I remember before all this, before I was a cup, and before I was torn into seven parts and jammed into dishes, and gloves, and what have you, I was something—incredible. I could breathe life into entire realities, and shake existence at my master’s will.** Back when she was whole. Back when she was still the Light of Creation. In this form she only has a seventh of the power she once had, holding dominion only over time.

Only she doesn’t have the power alone to change anything. But with the right user, someone determined enough, then they could reshape the world together! She promises, she won’t make any of them do anything they don’t want to. No thrall here. Just an offer. Together they can work to fix the wrongs in the past, she truly believes they can, and the world would be better for it. She won’t force them, but she does ask they allow her to pitch her idea to them. Hear her out and then she will release the girl, go with them in peace. _Yeah, we’ll listen, sure._ **Sure, we’ll always _listen_. **

A moment later Merle and June are alone in the white space. Already she’s starting to look more alive, younger, perhaps now in her sixties. She’s concentrating deeply, scanning through each of his memories projected all around them. The last few loops in Refuge. The crystal kingdom of Lucas’ lab—there she pauses for a moment. Rockport. Phandalin. The years before their journey began. The deadbeat dad and the loveless marriage by the beach. Suddenly the images grow blurred, turning to static. There are years, years and years or memories he simply can’t remember. June frowns at that, confused. That was strange. And then the memories pick up again, a younger man newly devoted to Pan. His time as a moody teenager at Pan camp. His childhood. Then it stops.

And then she begins to fast forward, Merle’s list flashing before his eyes, stopping only at the most disturbing scene in Merle’s entire life. _You’ve lived a fairly charmed life, Merle Highchurch. And we currently stand at the exact moment of your worst, and most fixable mistake._ Wasting from a third person perspective, the two are them are stood within Lucas’ lab. Taako, Magnus and Noelle can be seen across the room chipping away at the frozen door. But Merle can also see himself, the moment before he reached out to touch the crystal falling through the rift. The voice of the fake Pan, Kravitz, rings clear. Damn Reaper. _You shouldn’t have grabbed that crystal, Merle._ **No shit.** _If you claim me, Merle, and you use me, you can stop yourself from grabbing it. You can be whole again, Merle, that is—that is my offer to you._

Then Taako too is alone with June, watching her jump backwards through his memories. Day by day, week by week, month by month. The Cosmoscope in Lucas’ lab. Hurley and Sloane’s cherry blossom tree. In a tavern in Phandalin, taking the job which would set everything in motion. Back before he met Magnus and Merle. The stagecoach and Sizzle It Up With Taako. Then comes a long stretch of static, baffling both June and Taako himself. When images reappear he’s in his early adulthood and adolescence, arguably the most difficult years of his life. It was truly a sad sight to see the elf alone, at even the age of twelve, doing all that he could do make his way with different bands of travellers. Oh…oh Taako…you were never alone, you just don’t remember… You know it, you can see just the hint of static right by your side wherever you go, you just need to _see_ it.

Before he can comment on the static, however, June fast forwards back through his life with a sigh, coming to a stop at Glamour Springs. The say of the final show of Sizzle It Up With Taako. Forty people are watching intently as the elf shows off simply because he can. You think his cooking looks pretty inaccurate? Well check this out! Worcestershire sauce is poured into his hand, but when he transfers it from his hand into a teaspoon it is so exact. They can’t believe how he can be so precise like that! Taako’s just good at what he does.

But now it’s time for the thirty garlic clove chicken! Taako knows this recipe like the back of his hand, one of his specialties! Although, he has to admit a lot of the magic involve here is pretty damn pointless, but hey, if it gets the crowd excited! June isn’t going to let him watch the show now, however, instead she takes his hand and leads him around the back of the stagecoach to a smaller storage wagon. Inside Sazed sits on a crate looking incredibly nervous, almost shaking with his nerves as he grips his hair. His eyes are fixed on the floor and there is a bottle in his hand, a messy apothecary’s scrawl written across the lid. _Arsenic._

 _Well, I—I guess this must come as some small relief, right? Like all this time you thought your transmutation, your reckless magic, is what killed the town of Glamour Springs. In actuality it was, you know, plain ol’ jealousy._ If Taako wasn’t willing to share the limelight, then Sazed would just have to steal it from him. Even if he couldn’t be as well loved as the great Taako from TV, at least he could ruin the wizard’s reputation, even in death. _But…still, all those people died. The people of this town died all the same and you fed them their death. This is the worst thing that ever happened, Taako, in your life. And you can fix it. If you claim me, none of this ever happened. Glamour Springs lives. And you can keep doing your cooking show and you won’t have this—you won’t have this horrible black mark on, what is otherwise, a heroic legacy. Take me, Taako, take the cup, and you can fix it all._

Magnus too is taken to that same white space alone with June and the Temporal Chalice and she too scans through his memories. Roswell’s rapid expansion in the bank just a little while ago. Their faceoff against Legion in Lucas’ lab. Chopping Trent in half within the Goldcliff Trust. Diving down from a glass walkway to attack an ogre during their test of initiation. The years before he met his closest friends. Raven’s Roost where he was a happily married carpenter. And then a long stretch of static. This time she pauses in the static. _What—what happened to you guys? You’re all missing—time. Like—like a lot of time. A **lot** of it! It’s weird, man. _But she doesn’t give him time to respond before continuing to shift backwards still. All the way back to his beginnings as a protector of others, to when he protected that mongrel dog from bullies.

The memory she settles on for Magnus is five or six years ago, inside the Hammer and Tongs and he is there polishing a beautiful, black rocking chair. Steven Waxman is there, his old teacher and partner, the father of his wife, and namesake for Steven the goldfish. It was the day he left for the Continental Craftsmen Showcase and in that moment Magnus was happy, so truly happy.

It isn’t long until the bell above the door sounds, Julia entering the Hammer and Tongs. They hadn’t been married for long, but even now _she is the most beautiful woman Magnus has ever seen._ Just the sight of her alone is enough to wreck Magnus entirely, a punch right in his gut. Never had he thought he would ever be able to lay his eyes on her again in life, but here she was. It may just have been a memory, but he still loved her just as much as he had that day—the day he told her he loved her and kissed her goodbye.

 _Two days after your departure…Kalen returned to Raven’s Roost. And operating from the mindset of ‘if I can’t have this city nobody can!’ He bombs the support column for the craftsmen corridor. An’ seventy six people died. Julia and your mentor included. Magnus, you earned this happy ending. You worked so hard for it. It shouda been yours! But it hasn’t happened yet. Not here! Not yet! Not now! If you claim me, you can still stop Kalen. You can save Julia. You can save Steven. You can save Raven’s Roost—You can save this life that you earned. Take me, and we can do it together._ And Magnus sighs.

After witnessing each of their offers the boys are all returned to The Davy Lamp within the white space. But they need to know the rules now. Three rules. Firstly, they cannot walk the same path twice. If they were to take this they wouldn’t be able to join the Bureau of Balance again, the further they are from creating a paradox the better, the easier the new timeline will be to maintain. Second, there place here, in this timeline, would be gone completely. There’s no coming back if they agree. And thirdly, whoever accepts this offer has to be the one to maintain the new timeline. They have to _want_ everything in that world to happen because if they don’t then they’ll be lost forever.Picking up the Temporal Chalice, June sets it on the table. Her offer has been made, but only one of them can take it.

Magnus? His offer is everything. Everything he had wanted for such a long time. Something he’s wanted but was never attainable. But now it is…taking it means he wouldn’t be here to help people _now._ All the people he’s helped save since then, all the people he would come to save in the future. Truthfully he doesn’t _care_ about any of that, it’s all he wants. But…it’s not what Julia would want, he’s sure of that. Magnus is going to have to pass. He always did right by Julia, even in death.

Merle? He’s not big on regrets. What’s the point of living if you’re just going to be weighed down with regret? He figures _you make your best choices with the information and hand, and you live with the consequences._ Sure, it would be nice to live without the trauma of losing his arm, but that experience is part of him now, and he’s got a pretty sweet wooden god arm to show for it. Thanks, but no thanks.

Taako? Well you see…the vision revealed to Taako was _chill as hell_. Turns out that he spent a long time feeling pretty bad about something, but turns out… _Get this! Not my fault! I didn’t do anything wrong!_ He feels pretty damn amazing now! The way he sees it, this is the best possible timeline for Taako, personally. This is a pretty easy decision for him to make. Taako’s good right here.

 _I would be lying if I said I wasn’t…disappointed. I…I’m—I’m sorry. I have to make one more offer._ Standing, June took the Temporal Chalice. The bar disappears in smoke. Around them a memory is forming, a memory they all share. They’re on a grassy plain, a few bodies on the ground around them and there are a couple of burned out wagons. Inside of one is Kurtze, the young orc boy who enraged Gundren into destruction. This is before they freed the boy. They can stop all that destruction, stop Phandalin from being destroyed. The biggest regret of their journey so far. _It’s my last offer, and, will any of you reconsider?_

This…this was a hard one. This was kind of all on them. Their number one big fuck up. They weren’t really prepared for all this back then though. It’s hard to change things when it’s physically impossible to know all of the information. And it kind of was their whole driving force in this whole quest. Man… this was hard.

There’s a flash and the image takes them right to Phandalin, a very specific bar in particular. Gundren is there, bursting with flames, Barry trying to work him down. But June directs their attention to a store room in the back of the tavern, a group of people all huddled together in fear of the burning elf. They see a halfling woman with red hair, holding tight to a barrel marked with Redcheek Farms. This is the first time they’re seeing Noelle in her living form. Yeah…they’d let Noelle die as well.

But… _Can you show us Rockport is we didn’t stop the train? Can you show us the world if we didn’t stop the pink tourmaline from taking over? Can you show us all of that?_ No, she can’t. _You’re showing us one thing we can change, and not the stuff we **did** change. _Sure they could change things here. Save Noelle. Save Barry. Save Gundren. Save all of Phandalin. There were still the rules to consider. If they took this offer they could save these people in this moment, but they would lose everything they _had_ done, everyone they _had_ saved. No. They’re going to pass on this too, thanks.

June and the cup disappear and the boys are forced to watch as fire takes over the stock room. Then the home of a young couple, a man cooking in the kitchen and a woman reading in bed, as their home too if consumed by flames. And a woman playing with her dog in the garden. A blacksmith cleaning his shop. A young hedge wizard practicing spells. All of Phandalin. Everyone who died there that day. They had been in the well the first time this happened, but now they’re seeing it first-hand. All the vicious quick destruction as the town is reduced to a perfect circle of black glass.

Then it’s gone, they’re back at the top of Shaft B. June is in front of them, a young girl once more, falling onto her hands and knees, the chalice rolling away from her to land perfectly at their feet. _That’s enough dilly-dalling and pussy-footing around. These heroes are out of time!_

As that happens everyone in Refuge wakes up. Cassidy pauses as she makes her escape out of the crack in the jail sell, shaking her head and looking confused. Everyone in The Davy Lamp falls quiet, Ren stops polishing glasses and she too looks confused. Brogden sits up with a start in the bank, flipping a switch and dropping the metal gates at the bank’s entrance. The Liberation Brigade stop their march into town, shaking their heads and then heading home. Everybody in town is confused and everybody is remembering exactly what happened in each and every loop that has passed. And they’re afraid. They don’t know what’s happening in the mines. They don’t know where the boys are now. They know none of it, but they do know that everything will end at noon.

**_This_ ** _is the final loop._

Magnus collects the chalice, turning to Isaak for just a moment to say _I told you we’ve dealt with this before, asshole._ Roswell too has their attention on Isaak, they’ve made a decision. In one movement they take the sheriff badge right off of Isaak before promptly attaching it to themself. It’s almost 11:30 now, time to get moving.

So, June, what’s happening with the big ol’ worm in there? Anything that can help? She was hibernating when the bubble went up, but it cut her off from her babies. June doesn’t think they should kill it, they just need to get the bubble down so she can be reunited with them. Maybe if they tried to lure her away from town somehow… They promise they’ll try not to kill it.

There’s a plan! Taako hits a lever and the hatch to Shaft A is closed up, blocking the worm’s usual path, and instead Shaft B is opened. With it open the mine carts around the edge of the room can be led down into branching tunnels deep underground. This could work. Roswell is going to do this and the boys are welcome to join him if they like. Of course they do! And Isaak, get June some place safe.

They all get into mine carts, one behind the other. Magnus, Roswell, Merle, Taako. They’re off. It isn’t long before they hear a familiar roar, only to be followed by a large crashing sound as the worm collides with the hatch about Shaft A. Another roar. It’s angrier now. The ground is shaking as it changes course. Then the wall explodes as it forces its way into Shaft B, it’s mouth full of fire, charging its attack. But they still don’t have its attention, it’s already arcing upward towards Refuge. Oh no you don’t! Taako casts Shatter a few feet away from them, creating a painfully loud ringing noise throughout the cave to get the worm’s attention.

The worm gives chance. It is _fast_. And it’s barrelling through everything that stands in its way. All its teeth are grinding, one row clockwise and the next anti-clockwise, and so on and so forth. Its mouth is like a drill. They need to slow it down! But first some precautions, just in case. Taako casts Fire Shield, just in case things turn sour.

The skin of the worm is thick and leathery, and they wonder if they can do more damage from within—though without killing it. Magnus as an idea of something that can work, as much as it saddens him to do. He throws his collection of arms at the worm, aiming for its mouth and grinding teeth. He’ll rebuild the collection eventually, he guesses. And that…wasn’t a good throw at all. Some arms miss entirely, others are swallowed up easily, and a couple get lodged in her teeth, but they only slow her a little. In the end it is Taako and Evard’s Black Tentacles which slows the worm enough for them to pass on through this stretch of track.

Taako is also first to notice when the path splits ahead of them. The left or the right. It’s like watching Paloma’s prophecy all over again, only this time it’s for real and he has to make the right decision. _Turn right!_ And they do. Further down that right track they learn exactly what they would have faced on the left: a sudden end to the track, ten carts and skeletons piled on top of each other a hundred feet below.

When the worm is starting to gain on them again the four of them are faced with another split in the path, but this time it’s up or down. Taako has no pearls of wisdom this time around. They’re torn on what to do this time. Merle and Taako go down. Magnus and Roswell go up. The worm gains a surge of energy and races forwards between the two groups.

Magnus makes a risky move. He takes a piece of rope, tying the Chance Lance at one end and a crowbar at the other. The lance is thrown and lodges itself within the worm, and then the crowbar is hooked around the rails by the track. The rope pulls taunt as the worm races forward and--…Oops. The worm almost comes to a complete stop, but at the same time the track Magnus and Roswell are on starts to break apart with the force.

They need to jump down to Taako and Merle. _This is a shitty shit shit shit plan, you know that, right?_ Yeah, yeah, he knows that Roswell, but it’s not like they have much of a choice here. The track is literally falling out from under them. But hey, he’s got _junebug_ and Roswell has super stretchy clay arms to carry them over with! By some miracle it works! Well it works for Magnus who ziplines down the stretched out arms. Roswell has no choice but to jump, just managing to make it over. Though they do lose some clay from their legs in the process, and the bird is utterly startled by it all.

Then they face a whole new issue. The carts are beginning to slow. They weren’t designed to hold this much weight. Already the worm is beginning to catch up. The boys perhaps, but not an entire person made of clay… There’s a moment of conflict between the boys. Merle is all too willing to lose Roswell. Magnus refuses to let that happen. Roswell is willing, you know if it’ll help get the worm away and save Refuge. Taako has an idea. He casts Levitate on Roswell and they lift out of the cart, still holding onto the back of it to be pulled along. They’re speeding up again!

Only…it’s causing Roswell to fall back again, their arms stretching out from the force. Frantically the boys try to pull them in. Magnus is the one to hold onto Roswell tight, refusing to let them go. But oh shit… In the next chamber they find the track they’re on comes to a sudden end. One hundred and twenty feet leading down, a brief incline and then nothing. Just across from that end of the track is a source of light. They’ve reached the end of the bubble.

Hey, Taako, remember when you made that motorcycle huge in the battle wagon race? Do it again to the engine of the cart. They’re going to need some power to get through that bubble, even with the lance. Behind them the worm is almost ready with its enormous ball of fire. Merle summons Della Reese to fight off the worm then, but oops, he lets go of Roswell in the process. With some quick thinking Taako uses Bigby’s Hand to grab hold of the elemental again.

Only— _Okay, you all have done some great work here, I need you to trust me, right now! Tell me! Taako, tell me that I made Refuge safe. Just do it! Tell me that I made Refuge safe!_ **Roswell, you made Refuge safe.** _Thanks a lot, fellas._ Roswell starts to expand like they did back in the bank. A fireball shoots out of the worm and Roswell stretches themself out, blocking the fireball from destroying the boys in their cart. The yellow glow sustaining Roswell in their clay form fades completely, entering into the vermilion flycatcher. The bird flies up above. Guess Roswell really is just the bird now.

The boys are a bullet as they fly down the track, flung forward towards the bubble, the Chance Lance extended in Magnus’ hand. When it makes contact with the bubble everything falls silent and turns to white. Then there is a whole, filled with daylight and red clay. They’ve left the bubble, reappearing just where they entered into the town of Refuge, back in the Woven Gulch. Avi is there too. _You guys just scared the shit out of—_ But Avi doesn’t get to finish before Magnus is pulling him down to the ground with them, saving him from the path of the giant worm flying out from behind them.

The worm doesn’t hesitate in readying another fireball for the four of you…but then there is a rumble underfoot. Bursting out from under the ground are three smaller purple worms, her babies. The sound they make is terrible, but the worms are overjoyed to be with their mother again. The giant worm takes a moment to consider the four of them, but decides against its attack. With a cry of joy of its own, it wraps itself around its children before burrowing back into the ground.

Avi is paralysed with fear of the worm right after that, not seeming to respond to anything the boys ask him. And then they realise, Avi is outlined with a faint red light and behind him floats the Red Robe. It holds a finger to its lips quickly, motioning for the boys to keep quiet as it gives a wave of its hand. The lights on their Stones of Farspeech go dim. Lucretia won’t be able to hear them this time.

 _Did you retrieve the cup?_ **Yes.** _What did you chance?_ **Nothing.** _You didn’t use the cup?_ **Nope. We all said no.** _I’m really proud of you. I thought there was a chance that maybe this would be the end of your adventure._ **Wait—you’re proud of—hold on, you’re a Red Robe, right? You’re one of the bad guys.** _Who told you that?_ **Everybody.** _I need to know—do you trust me?_ **You’re fucking popping up in a red robe like Satan, you’re speaking Parseltongue, you’re like, do we tr—NO we don’t trust you. What kind of question is that?**

Just as Taako says that the Red Robe, the ghost—or maybe it’s a lich?—loses its composure. Jerking violently, a bolt of energy flying off and almost hitting Merle. It falls to its kneed before them, muttering to itself. Liches need something to cling to, to hold onto themselves in that state. It can be so easy when you have things like the Best Day Ever, but to hear that—to hear his family didn’t trust him anymore, it made Barry lose something. As he speaks for the first time his voice sounds different, normal, calming. _Lup, they don’t trust me. I can’t do it anymore, Lup. I’m sorry._ Even if he had nothing else, Barry would always have the memory of Lup and that is enough to bring stillness to his lich form. _The next time we meet, I will need you to trust me completely and absolutely. Otherwise, all of this will be for noting. The Hunger is almost here. And when it arrives, this world will be lost._ They’re fighting the clock now. They’re so very close now. Next time…next time will be the end. They need to trust Barry then or everything they’ve done will be all for nothing. He isn’t about to let that happen.

Then he’s gone and Avi is awake. _Was that a purple worm?_ Yes. Yes it was. They really could get themselves into some messes in just forty five minutes. Forty five minutes? Try almost twelve hours!

But looking around them they see, strangely the bubble is still up. Shouldn’t the Chance Lance have brought it down when it got them out? Even the hole they came through has been closed up… They can see Istus’ reflection in the bubble. _I’m really proud of you all for not taking the chalice’s offer. I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been to resist._ Yeah, it wasn’t easy but it was the right thing to do.

Turns out Istus is the reason the bubble is still in place. Refuge is still time-sick. It’s out of step with the rest of the world and before the bubble can be brought down she needs to…catch it up. Using the cup on the day the worm attacked, June had looped the same day, the same hour two thousand, five hundred and seventeen times. They should watch it catch up. When Istus vanishes the bubble goes transparent. Everyone is on the other side of the bubble and they’re moving so quickly! They’ve erected and decorated a sign reading _Thanks!_ Along with three clay figures children have made, modelled after the three of them.

Almost seven years pass in the matter of ten minutes, and they see everything. The midsummer harvest festivals. Candlenights. Weddings. Funerals. The good and the bad. The people of Refuge seem happy, brought together by the experience of the loops. After those ten minutes time begins to slow until it is almost a normal speed, everyone is gathering around the sign they made in their honour and the bubble pops. Everyone is cheering. They’re so thankful. Some people want to know about Avi, the mystery man outside the bubble. They had bets going. They thought Avi could have been their boss. Ha! Yeah right! A feast is held in their honour that day. But before they leave there are a few people the need to check in with.

Paloma is first. She’s much older than when they last saw her, and she has an insanely large basket of baked goods for them. She’s proud of them. Her crystals showed quite a lot of pretty shitty results, but in the end they made the best future work! But…Magnus wants to know…did he make the right choice? Well, it may not have been the best choice for him, but he helped to save the town, so it was definitely the best choice for them. He’s grateful for her honesty.

Taako is pulled aside by Paloma before they can say their goodbyes, however. She has something else for him. She hands him another crystal and— _I have one last prophecy for you, Taako. Something you will need to know. In your hour of greatest need, you will find the power that you seek from the man wreathed in flames._ Great, now he has like _three_ prophecies to remember!

Cassidy has shot up in the ranks of Refuge in these last seven years! With Isaak disposed and Cassidy exonerated of all guilt for blowing up the temple, she has been made the new elder! Wears a nice fancy suit and everything! _It’s my little gerblin friend, I remember you!_ They actually have quite a sweet moment, Merle’s proud of what she’s achieved since they last met. Quite the step up from a jail cell. Oh, and she gifts him a couple of super sticky root beer battels as thanks.

June is fifteen years old now, and they find her working in The Davy Lamp with Ren. She’s wise beyond her years. Erm—hold—hold on one second, she has to go get something from her room upstairs! When she comes back down she hands a tube—one which scrolls can be stored inside—to Magnus with his name written on the outside. She thinks he should have this. When June walks away the voice of the Red Robe rings in Magnus’ ear. _Magnus—if you open that tube, Magnus, it’s going to be harder for me to protect you._ **Yeah, bite my ass!**

Meanwhile Taako is talking to Ren and— _Oh my god, Taako! …I’m just kidding, I remember you coming up and seeing me a couple of times, how about that magic lesson, boss?_ Actually—That’s exactly what he was coming to talk to her about. Before he came inside he cast Fabricate on some blank paper and he unfurls it before her. _Top of her class, this scroll bestows upon you, Red, the high honour of being the first and only graduate of Taako’s Amazing School of Magic._ W-Wait, but wasn’t she supposed to take lessons and stuff? When he speaks, his voice is soft, genuine for once in his life. _Ren…I’ve been watching the whole time._ He meant it when he said she was good. Ren would always remember this. Oh! And he has something else for her, the Gust Master-5000!

Next stop for them is the temple of Istus, where Luca is no longer a skeleton! And Redmond if back at the temple. And the temple has been rebuilt by the brothers. But they’re here to talk to Istus. Magnus has concerns…about the long stretches of static in their memories. Does she know anything about that? Nothing. Should they be concerned about it? A single candle falls over, the flame snuffed out.

Finally, before they leave Refuge they walk by the statue of Jack, June and the Red Robe, seeing the kids had also made a small figure of Roswell to go along with it. _Boo!_ The vermillion flycatcher is sat atop the statue of Roswell. Roswell managed to escape the mines after all! They think, whatever magic animated them and bound them to the town before, it doesn’t seem to be working any more. So they’re going to fly off for a while and see the world! Hey, maybe one day they’ll even fly to the moon and see them there! They’re glad Taako, Magnus and Merle didn’t die.

The same as every time before, back at the moon base they hand over the Temporal Chalice to be destroyed. Just two more relics left to collect. And they’re given five thousand four hundred gold pieces for their work, and more Fantasy Gashapon tokens. Those can wait for later though. It has been a very long day.

Later that night Merle is laying out on the lawn in the quad, most have already withdrawn to bed for the evening. A small bed of flowers have actually grown around his wooden arm where he’s laid out. He’s watching the stars. As he watches the sky it almost feels like there are less stars to be seen, but that can’t be right. Only…as he’s trying to count the starts, Merle sees something undeniable. A star winks out right before his very eyes. He isn’t drunk… _That’s weird._

Taako is the first to return to their private dorm that night. Keys are dropped on a table by the door. His cloak his hung up on a rack. Taako looks, he _feels_ exhausted. When he turns to face the room, he has a visitor. Sitting on the couch, wearing a fancy black suit and with his super handsome face is Kravitz. When their eyes meet Kravitz stands. _Well, we need to talk, don’t we? ‘Cause you boys…You’ve added quite a bit to your death count, haven’t you?_ **…That one’s on me.** No point denying it. The two get to have a nice, long discussion about what happened down in Refuge. He’s nice, calmer than when Taako last saw him. Mostly Kravitz just wants to understand what happened. An anomaly like Refuge just shouldn’t have been possible, and yet it was. The Raven Queen cuts their meeting short, however, calling Kravitz away for his bounty hunting duties. Liches, necromancers and the undead wait for no man. They’ll have to continue this at a later date. Kravitz leaves, but not before tuning Taako’s Stone of Farspeech to his own.

In the dining hall Magnus sits alone. It’s late and nobody else is here, that’s why he chose this place to do it. He’d opened the tube once in Refuge, right after June gave it to him—after the Red Robe had told him not to. He doesn’t understand it, not at all, but he needs to see it again.

The parchment is confusing. He can see it, completely. It’s as clear as day. But no matter how much thought he gives it, he is unable to draw any conclusion from what he is seeing. Whenever he tries his mind simply turns to static. There were two pieces of parchment inside the tube. One was the design for the stature of Jack, June and the Red Robe in Refuge, a date written in the corner. The other has a date too, but it is older, an earlier draft of the statue. In that one Jack and June look exactly the same in every way, but what’s different is the Red Robe. No longer is his face hidden by his hood. His face is clear, staring right up at Magnus. It is an incredibly familiar face. It’s Magnus’ face. The Red Robe depicted in the statue is Magnus.


	11. Lunar Interlude IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeFGfulFWPY&index=28&list=WL

When Taako and Kravitz meet again, Taako was the one to take initiative—he never was one to just wait around for a guy to call. No, he took it upon himself to invite the reaper up to the moon to continue their discussion. But it wasn’t going to happen in an isolated dormitory this time. Oh no, Taako had plans of his own. That’s how he found himself sat at a table in the Chug and Squeeze, a wine and pottery place up on the moon. It was Cabernet and Vase Night and Kravitz was late. It’s actually a pretty popular class, so it was hard for Taako to get them seats, and here Kravitz is blowing him off!

But eventually Kravitz turns out, somewhat uncomfortable as he sits next to Taako. He doesn’t understand why Taako would bring him here of all places. Wasn’t their discussion one better done in private? Looking around it’s quickly becoming evident that everyone else, even Carey and Killian, are sat in couples, on dates. What even was this? Well it is a pretty unconventional place for them to discuss the fate of a whole community, but…Kravitz does like wine. Only... _I’m sorry, do you mind if I drop the accent, it’s like—it’s really really hard to keep it up, and when I’m not on the job it just feels weird doing it. Is that okay?_ Sure, man, that’s chill. Though it is kind of weird. Pretend to have a cockney accent just for a job, who does that?

Kravitz needs to know, why can’t they just continue their discussion in the dorm? Ironically, ‘cause Taako thought it could get weird…and he was dangerous, so the elf wasn’t exactly sure he wanted to be left in private with the guy. _I’m not gonna—I’m not gonna attack you, Taako, that’s—that’s—I don’t, here’s the thing, I don’t actually have a contract out on you, or Merle, or Magnus or anybody in Refuge._ In all Kravitz is just trying to understand what happened. He can’t ignore it, but it isn’t exactly the most typical of circumstances. It needs special consideration, but he’s off the job right now, remember? _So I’m just trying to understand what makes you guys so special._ In all his years as a reaper, Kravitz has never met anyone like them—anyone able to bent the rules so much so easily, and still leave him willing to let them go.

 _Look at what I’m sculpting here. It’s a bowl._ Taako…it’s Cab and Vase day! No bowls! Screw you, Mr Instructor. If Taako wants to make a bowl, he’s going to make a bowl! **Aheh, I like your renegade spirit, there.** Taako has Kravitz look at the bowl. See how the outside curves, but in the middle it’s totally flat? Most people fall on the flat part, right there in the middle. Those people there, they’re the ones Kravitz needs to worry about, keep them in line with the status quo. People in the middle, they’re always going to be in the middle—so long as they’re kept under control. But there are always going to be edge cases. People who live on the edges. People who don’t really stick to whatever rules are supposed to govern them. People like Taako. It happens everywhere.

Well…that much Kravitz can understand. What Taako and the others are doing up here and all, it sounds pretty important—noble even—but it also sounds dangerous. The fact a long that their paths have crossed with Kravitz so much over the last year tells him a lot. Their line of work here in the Bureau is _preposterously dangerous. So why are you doing this, Taako? Why aren’t you doing a—a safer career?_ Taako doesn’t miss a beat. He doesn’t falter or hesitate. For once, he simple speaks the truth. **Because I’m worried no one else will have me.** Kravitz is shook. He’d never come to expect such serious honesty from Taako. But that’s the truth. He’s always been alone. As far as anyone else knows his career as a chef is over. Who wants an adventurer with as little experience as him—this whole gig was really just a fluke. If he left here he wouldn’t be able to tell anyone else about it, they would just hear static. But this place…it’s somewhere he can belong, to be around people he cares about and who care for him in return. And hey, **if I can’t be honest in the Chug and Squeeze then I—frankly, my man, I don’t know where I can.**

He can understand that. Becoming a bounty hunger for the Goddess of Death was never his first choice in career either. Before he’d died Kravitz had wanted to be a conductor. Playing music, conducting orchestras, that had always been the dream. But things just didn’t work out that way. He appreciates it that Taako can be so honest with him, he feels like it helps him to understand the wizard more.

But, erm, how much more dying does he think is going to happen here? Just so he knows and can make their case to the Raven Queen. That’s an impasse. _Refuge was definitely an outlier._ And Taako doesn’t really plan to die that much again. It isn’t fun. But by the looks of things in their line of work, well this is what he’ll say… As they speak Taako reaches over to help Kravitz with shaping his vase, hands on top of hands and _damn_ Kravitz is _cold. Oh boy. Oh, boy howdy, that is a clammy one!_ Sure Kravitz was cold as all hell, but Taako doesn’t take his hands away. _Listen. If we can overlook that unpleasantness, I think you’re going to find a very acceptable level of death in the days and weeks ahead. That’s what I’m going to say to you. A very normal, sort of corporeal, just, usual amount of death._ Well then, Kravitz thinks he’s good to close this case then. The loops have come to an end so there won’t be any more of that happening in Refuge. And the three of them have already been established as exceptions. To his understanding they’re under Istus’ jurisdiction now as her emissaries. The Raven Queen and Lady Istus are actually pretty close, so that’s fine.

 _I guess let’s just enjoy the rest of the class…?_ **Hell yeah! Let’s open up another bottle and see where the evening takes us!** Wine, pottery, a strikingly handsome man sat next to him and no worry of being whisked away to his death, now this is much more Taako’s style!

When the class comes to an end the pair are walking across the moon base’s grassy quad, vases in hand—Taako’s significantly more put together than Kravitz’—and they’re a bit drunk, just a bit, from all the wine when Kravitz turns to him. _Taako, I want to know…_ **Yeah?** _Was this call for business or pleasure?_ Man, Krav, way to be direct about it! Avoidance is usually Taako’s game and this, well it flusters him a little. He’s kind of rambling _Yeah, I mean, a little bit of both. I-I, uh, for sure didn’t want to be dragged to hell or whatever it is you do. Stored in a ghost house or wh—with Casper and the lot. Don’t wanna do that. In the mirror, I remember? I am not interested in that. But if, like, also, I love your style. Not crazy about the sort of cold clamminess of the skin, but like, yeah, you know, it’s been a while out here._ Kravitz is just so easy to be around—not everyone gets the tragic backstory in a first date—and Taako finds himself liking it. A lot.

Kravitz takes a step backwards, arm extended and scythe forming in his grasp, cloak unfurling over his head and his super handsome face transforming into a skull. _Love this._ **There’s something here. There’s something here, Taako, it was—** _I feel it too!_ **It was—no, not this, the—there’s something here, it was in the Millers’ lab too, I could feel it. It’s dead and it’s powerful and it’s extremely close. Are you harbouring a dark spirit, Taako? Do you—do you have suspicions that you might be some sort of vessel?** _Maybe? I mean—I eat old dead dudes with my umbrella, is that a possibility, maybe?_ **I don’t—no, I don’t think it’s that.** No. No. What was he saying. Of course it wasn’t Taako. He would have felt it around Taako the whole time if it was. But still, there’s that feeling, like a lich…

The reaper begins to walk away towards the middle of the quad, searching for the source of that powerful dead magic. That’s when Taako feels the Umbra Staff raise itself, controlling itself and charging a spell as it points right at Kravitz’ back. It’s like Angus’ macarons all over again. As quick as he can Taako points it skyward and a burst of Scorching Ray shoots into the sky.  Hearing the sound Kravitz immediately turns back around. _What was that?_ **The Umbra Staff’s trying to kill you, man, it’s not me!** _What?_ **The Umbra Staff, check it out, it acted on its own.** _I don’t understand, that’s not—can I see it?_ **Okay!** Maybe the umbrella is cursed? No, no it doesn’t seem to be cursed. But still, Taako should maybe get it checked out…

But erm… _this is an undead being, this is like a lich or something big and powerful, and it’s—you’re not a lich, are you Taako?_ That would be bad news if he was… **Not to my knowledge, not a lich, no.** Okay, good. Anyway, Kravitz would have known before now if he was. _I’ve had a lovely evening, but this, this, this—_ Taako has begun turning out his bag and pockets, looking for something that could be the source of whatever has Kravitz so worried. No, Taako, the Mockingbird gum isn’t a lich. But Kravitz needs to go take care of this now, talk to his lady, see if she knows anything.

When Taako looks up again a rift has been opened to the Astral Plane. _Taako, it’s—I’ve had a very—I’ve had a lovely evening, do you think I’ll be hearing from you again any time soon?_ **Ah, yeah! I mean, as long as I don’t…you know…die…again…** _Well, even so, we have—we have ways of dealing with that._ **Well, yeah, that’s pretty much the best excuse I ever have, so I think you’ll definitely be seeing me again, for sure.** And Kravitz is laughing softly at that. _Well, if that’s the case, then hopefully not too soon. Goodbye, Taako._ **Adios!**

And Kravitz is gone through the rift. Perhaps Lup overreacted a little right there… But it was instinctual. When he heard the voice outside the umbrella talking about hunting liches…what if they were talking about her? She wasn’t about to let this guy take her away from Taako! At least Taako had quick enough reflexes to keep her from ruining his date with Kravitz.

Between almost every one of their missions Merle has gone off down planet side for what he likes to refer to as solo missions. No, actually he just doesn’t tell anyone about them at all. The dwarf just kind of vanishes for a day here and there. That was just what he’d done today when he found himself in Neverwinter, specifically the Sea of Gardens in Neverwinter’s Blue Lake district. It was his favourite place in the whole city, it was like being back at the beach. The whole place is a horticultural masterpiece.

Though, as he walks, Merle is overcome with the feeling of being followed…  Turning around quickly, out of the corner of his eye he catches something, a cap…some _one_ duck behind a tree. _Okay! I see ya! Come on out!_ And out from behind the tree comes Angus McDonald. He’s sorry. He’s so so sorry! He’s sorry he followed him on his mission! Angus had planned to ask him about it, but he got too nervous and decided to do some detective work instead.

Right then a small dwarven boy with wild hair, a few missing teeth and covered in freckles runs up and tackles Merle. _Waddja get me?! Waddja get me?!_ Then approaching more calmly is a dwarven girl, a few years older with straight red hair and a book bag over her shoulder. _God, how many times do I have to tell you, don’t tackle him every time you see him._ Even a detective as good as Angus was thoroughly confused by this. Who _are_ these people? Okay, okay, fine, but Angus has got to keep this quiet, or else! **Angus. I want you to meet…my…kids…**

Mavis, the girl, curtsies, warily greeting Angus. Mookie, the boy, is entirely disinterested by Angus, still latched onto his father and repeating himself. Alright, alright, alright! He got Mookie this delicious root beer barrel. It’s kind of dirty and sticky, but he’ll be fine!

 _He didn’t tell you about us, did he?_ Mavis speaks to Angus while Merle is occupied with Mookie. Guess she has some explaining to do if her dad won’t… Merle is her step-father. Her mother, Hekuba, is Merle’s ex-wife. And Mookie, he’s their son, her half-brother. To that Angus isn’t really sure how to respond. He prided himself in his skills as a detective, but even he had never thought something like this could happen. Merle had done a pretty thorough job keeping his family a secret.

So, what does Merle have to tell them about his adventures this time? Well he died a bunch of times and there were these weird giant worms and— _You what?!_ Hey, no, he’s fine now. In fact, better than fine. He and the guys are heros now. Saved a whole town and everything! Anyway, he’s got a present for Mavis too! Merle knows he hasn’t been a very good dad, hasn’t been the best at keeping in touch, but maybe this will help. She’s getting older now and well, he thinks she’s old enough to have one now. And he hands her a Stone of Farspeech. Wow! Mavis has really wanted one of these! Everyone is class has a stone now, but Hekuba wouldn’t let her have one. Well, better keep this a secret from her mother then.

Merle, Mavis, Mookie and Angus all spend the day in the park together. Mookie even tries to start a bit of a wrestling match with Angus which Merle has to break up. Mookie could have destroyed Angus easy. A few paces away Merle speaks quietly to Mavis about her mother. How’s she doing? Merle knows him walking out on them couldn’t have been easy for her… Oh, she’s doing great! She’s actually started dating again! Wait, wait, what?! Merle couldn’t believe it! Well shit, he hadn’t expected that.

It’s then that Mookie runs back over to interrupt. _Daddy, how much longer you think you’re gonna be adventurin’ for? I’m getting’ bored on the beach, hangin’ out!_ Well, actually Merle had been giving that a bit of thought as of late. They’re getting close to being done in the Bureau of Balance now so he was thinking… **Daddy really kinda thought that, well, you know, when he gets done with this bunch, maybe you would wanna go into the adventuring business with him. You know, it would be, you know, Highchurch and Son and Daughter.** He wanted to go better with his kids, and after everything he really thought he could teach them a thing or two. Mookie thinks is sounds fun. Mavis thinks it sounds dangerous. Hey! Their dad will be with them, it’s not like he’d ever let anything hurt them! Not that he’s bragging, but Merle is pretty good in a fight. All too willing help Merle and win him over, Angus is stood there with the brightest grin ever, happy to back Merle up on everything he says.

It’s only when they’re heading to the docks, for Mookie and Mavis to catch their boat back home, that Angus gets a moment alone with Merle. _Sir, I know it’s none of my business, but I’m—I’m curious why you haven’t told anybody about your kids?_ Well…Merle was a really crappy dad, an even crappier husband. He left them kind of in a lurch a few years back… But lately, the last year or so since joining the Bureau, he’s learnt a few things—about himself and others—and he’s come into some money, and well he wants to try rebuilding his relationship with his kids again. It’s too late for his marriage, but there’s still time for him to fix this—stop everyone from thinking he’s a total shithead. _Pan has really helped me to turn my life around._

For the record, after seeing them together today, Merle should know, Angus thinks he’s going to be a good dad now. His kids like him and he’s trying. That’s what matters. Oh shit, Angus, don’t make Merle start liking you now. That’s the _last_ think the dwarf wants! But seriously, _nobody_ back on the base is allowed to know about this! _Yes, I know, you’ll beat me to death, I gotcha, I gotcha._ With Merle’s threats it wouldn’t be worth it to spill the beans.

Up ahead there’s a commotion. A trade wagon come loose and barrelling down the road, aimed directly at Mavis and Mookie who are distracted by a closed sweet shop. They’re too far away for Merle and Angus to do anything but run forward, watching events unfold. But suddenly the wagon changes course, shooting off to the side and crashing straight into the sweet shop before it can hit the kids. Angus is the first to reach Mavis and Mookie. As Merle looks around he catches sight of the Red Robe a few feet away. His arm is stretched out, crackling with energy, but this time he says nothing. All the Red Robe does is nod to Merle before vanishing. …Had the Red Robe caused this, or had he just saved Merle’s children?

Magnus has been reeling ever since he looked at those pieces of parchment, since he saw his own face reflected back at him from the page. Thinking about it, trying but failing to understand it, it’s been driving him insane. Seeing himself as a Red Robe, he _knows_ there is a logical conclusion to be drawn from that, but he physically is incapable of thinking it. The though it just static. It’s keeping him up at night. Although he cannot form a conclusion about the pictures, there is one thing Magnus is sure about. That static, it’s the same as the static he experienced before drinking the Voidfish’s ichor. If anything can give him answers, it’s the Voidfish.

It’s three in the morning when Magnus decides to visit the Voidfish—better done when Johann isn’t around. He’s pretty high in the Bureau’s ranks now, so the guards post outside the Voidfish’s chambers let him in easy. They think the world of Magnus and everything he has done.

The Voidfish isn’t asleep when Magnus enters the room, instead it immediately begins to sing its song. _Hey, buddy._ Magnus’ hand and one of the Voidfish’s tendrils meet between the glass of the tank. It seems happy to see him—of course it is, Fisher doesn’t get to see Magnus much anymore—singing and twirling around, motioning with a tendril to the top of the tank. Looks like Magnus is having a late night swim.

Shedding most of his clothes, he climbs the ladder to the top of the tank and jumps into the Voidfish’s tank. Man he hopes nobody else decides to pay the Voidfish a late night visit… This would look weird… Magnus can’t breathe underwater, but surprisingly he can still see. Once he’s eye level with it, the Vodfish reaches out a tendril towards him, tapping him on the forehead. As soon as it does everything goes dark and then he’s seeing one of the Voidfish’s memories.

The place it is in is very dark, but it’s filled with twinkling crystals and other Voidfish can be seen around the cave. This is Fisher’s home. All of the Voidfish vary in size and galaxy-like lights filling their bodies vary in their patterns. Fisher always felt safe here, but things have been changing lately. The others have been communicating, they can feel a storm and it’s coming this way. The storm will doom this safe space. They’ve been working to isolate themselves, build their defences for when the storm comes, when the visitors arrive. Groundwalkers, dressed in brilliant red robes. Then the image turns to static, causing the Voidfish to pull away from Magnus in shock.

He—He needs a breath now. When Magnus dives back down the Voidfish looks somewhat scared by what happened. It’s worried, that shouldn’t have happened. It touches Magnus with a tendril again, bringing forth another memory. This time Fisher is with one of the Red Robes, sprinting towards this great silver ship which is beginning to raise up into the air. The day Magnus rescued Fisher from The Hunger. That memory too turns to static. Retreating again, The Voidfish is even more scared. Why can’t it share these memories?

 _Can you hear me?_ Magnus thinks his words, unable to speak under the water, and the Voidfish answers with its song, spinning around. _Why…why me? I feel like we are connected in some way. Why?_ It can’t speak a response, but it touches Magnus with its tendril again. The same memory repeats itself in Magnus’ mind, but this time he sees the sky. The sky is black and from it pillars of tar are crashing into the world below. The vision only lasts a couple of seconds before turning to static again.

 _Is this the past…? Is this happening, is this the future? What am I looking at?_ The Voidfish doesn’t know how to answer that. Okay, different plan. Yes or no questions. One flash for yes, twice for no. _Is that a vision of the past?_ Yes. _Is that a vision of my past?_ It doesn’t know how to answer that. _Is that a vision of your past?_ Yes? _Were you separated from your family?_ Yes. Magnus needs another breathe.

When Magnus dives back down into the water the Voidfish is _excited._ It has an idea! It shows Magnus the image of a galaxy, but almost instantly it turns to static. Then the image becomes more rudimentary, like a 3D animation; that too becomes static. It tries again and again, each time the image becoming more and more abstract until it looks like a children’s drawing. There are twelve circles—each a different colour—arranged in a much larger circle, rotating perfectly in time. Then a bright white light flies into the middle of them, causing the circles to rotate faster and in more complex patterns. And another shape appears, a much larger black circle taking over everything else in sight, but the white light manages to shoot out of it and escape. Then the image returns to those twelve coloured circles, the cycle repeating five times.

 _Does this have anything to do with the planes that Lucas was working with?_ It doesn’t know how to answer that. _Are you a prisoner?_ No. _Would you like to be free?_ To that it doesn’t give a yes or a no, instead it sings its song, looking extremely exhausted. Magnus just has one more question. _Should I trust the Director?_ The Voidfish doesn’t answer that. It doesn’t know how. Of course Magnus should trust Lucretia…but at the same time…her plan…

Magnus climbs out of the tank, deciding he should leave the Voidfish to recover, it really did look tired… But before he can leave the Voidfish slams itself against the side of the tank. It’s a scary sight. It sings again, frantic this time, panicked. It needs Magnus’ help! It’s motioning towards Johann’s desk. _Are you hungry…?_ No. But it’s pointing, still pointing and pointing at the desk for Magnus to check it.

Inside the desk are a bunch of Johann’s compositions. The one that takes Magnus’ attention is the shortest of them all, titled [The Voidfish’s Lament](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeFGfulFWPY&index=28&list=WL) _. (1)_ It’s a simple song. Just seven notes. Two different phrase. He might not be the best, but Magnus knows his way around some music and manages to play it out in his head. It’s the same song the Voidfish keeps singing to him. It’s been a while since Magnus has played though…he has to spell the notes out aloud, letter by letter. E. G. G. Rest. B. A. B. E.

 _Baby. You had a baby? You have an egg…?_ As soon as Magnus makes that realisation, as soon as he says it aloud, in a room he has never been in, something reacts to what he has said. A bright light flashes and a quiet alarm bell rings.

None of the boys told each other exactly how they spent their break following their mission in Refuge. It was their own business and they felt under no obligation to share it, even with their closest friend. But Tres Horny Boys are together again when they go to visit Leon and the Fantasy Gashapon. Magnus rushes in, slam-dunking his token into the machine and turning the handle. Leon cries tears of joy at the right! That’s it! They’ve finally got it! Magnus gets a copper ring, the Ring of the Giant Slayer, raising his strength against Large enemies.

Merle tries to do a trick with his token, bouncing it off of the floor and into the machine…but he misses completely. Come on, Merle, you’re not good at this stuff. Maybe they hadn’t gotten it after all… What’s worse is that the token bounces off the machine and hits Leon in the face. _Ah, god, just pick it up, please, and put it in the machine! Please! I’m dying. I’m in hell. I’m in hell and **you’re** Satan. _Begrudgingly Merle pops the token into the machine and gets a broom. It’s the Broom of Flying which, when the command word is spoken, will hover and can be ridden in the air.

Leon looks Taako in the eye and doesn’t say a word. Taako crosses the room. He puts the token into the slot. Leon can hear the sound of the handle turning. Leon is weeping, falling to his knees and thanking a god the boys have never heard of before. …And then a token flies across the room and hits Leon in the face. That Taako was an illusory double created by the spell Mislead. The real Taako is screaming with laughter. He thinks this is the funniest thing he has ever done. _I don’t even want anything! You can keep the—literally! Keep the coin! Nothing you can give me would be better than your expression right now!_ Leon doesn’t respond, Taako has broken the poor soul. Victorious, Taako takes the token back and puts it in the machine. He gets the Band of Projected Thought, a bracelet which will allow him to telepathically communicate with any creature they can see.

Having thoroughly broken Leon, they move on to Fantasy Costco. Merle buys the Ring of Grammarian, a ring which will allow him to change a thing letting in a spell title to create a different effect—such as, instead of casting Cause Fear, he could instead cast Cause Bear—and the rest of his gold he stores away, intent on saving up to buy the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom on his next visit.

Magnus buys the Pocket Workshop—much like Taako’s Pocket Spa, but a carpenter’s workshop—but hey, this doesn’t have the distortion field it’s advertised with! Give him the Grapping Hook too and they’ll call it even. Hmmm…Garfield wants some of Magnus’ sideburns in return. After some debate Magnus agrees to give Garfield five hairs from his sideburns in exchange.

Taako decides on The Slicer of T’pire Weir Isles, a truly useless item but with the right sales pitch allows the user to convince anyone of its value and get them to trade their most valuable possession in exchange, and the Rickul Axger’s Pocket Guide to Adventuring, a guide which when read raises the user’s skill in that area for the next twenty four hours. Right away Taako peruses the Persuasion section of the book.

Oh, wait. Taako would like to make another transaction while he’s here. _Garfield, I have something that I think is really gonna interest you. **This** is the Slicer of T’pire Weir Isles. And I notice that you have a really cool sword, it’s a Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom? I believe it’s called. I’m looking at your entire stock and it does seem to me that’s your most valuable possession, would you say that’s accurate? _**Yes, it’s absolutely the most valuable thing in the store!** _Well, get ready to talk about that in the past tense, my man, because I have got something really special for you. This is, number one, an exotic item. I know people are always looking for those, you can’t buy this at any store on the block…_ **From a faraway land! It smells of exotic spices!** _I’m very impressed, you know, not a lot of people have the sort of olfactory acuteness able to sense that, you must be a very **discerning smeller**. So this is a very valuable item, and trust me when I say, it is going to pay big big dividends for you…if we could just make this transaction. This is, as much as it pains me to say, I’ve come here and I only have this to offer. I have no gold. And I say it pains me because you’re getting **such** a good deal off of me, but I need a sword. _**But, but my thing costs 60,000 gold pieces! So how many gold pieces is yours?** _Get ready for this, 61,000! Can you believe it? What a steal, eh?_ Taako’s skills of persuasion are successful! Almost gleeful at that deal, Garfield agrees to the exchange. The Slicer of T’pire Weir Isles is back in Garfield’s possession, and the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom belongs to Taako. He’s a wizard, by no means a sword user by trade, but that sword looks hecka cool. He straps it onto his back where it will remain from here on out.

Elsewhere, far from the moon, in a dishevelled cold study underground someone is preparing for something big. _Barry_ is preparing for something big. A dozen candles light the room. Magical tomes and piles of maps fill the desk. Behind the desk is a large board showing a map of Faerun. Markers are placed all over the map, connected to each other with string. Phandalin. Armos. Greenhold. Rockport. Goldcliff. Neverwinter. All the places the Grand Relics had touched. All the places the Bureau had worked.

The candles aren’t the only light source in the room however. Across the room is a six foot tall, glowing pod filled with green liquid. Inside something…some _one_ is growing. It’s almost complete. It won’t be long now before Barry will have his body back again. He just needs to get the boys on board before he forgets again.

On Barry’s desk is one more thing. A scroll held in place by four candles. It is a map, an incredibly detailed map. Routes have been drawn across the map in red. It is a map depicting every inch of the Bureau of Balance.


	12. The Suffering Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89hE_-DKrDE

The Midsummer Harvest Festival is set to take place in a few days time, though there’s a surpising lack of preparation happening this year. Two months have passed since their mission in Refuge, and since then they have been put under intensive training by and with Lucretia for whatever it is they will face next. They grew increasingly close to Lucretia during that time, but over the last month or so she became withdrawn, more distant than she had been in quite some time.

Today she has called them into her office. It’s time for their next mission. They see…before Lucretia founded the Bureau of Balance she tried to collect the relics herself. She faced months of fruitless searching until she received an invitation. An invitation to a place called Wonderland. A place which promises your greatest desire. In truth, Wonderland is a death trap, changing with each visit. The prize Lucretia’s invitation had offered had been the Animus Bell. She still isn’t entirely sure what the Animus Bell _does,_ but she had to try to reclaim it, just as the boys must do now.

She doesn’t tell them exactly what happened to her within Wonderland, just that she lost twenty years of her life over a game of chess. She is…concerned—worried beyond all imaginable doubt—of the trauma, physical, mental and emotional, the boys may be forced to endure there. Hey, they’ve got this! Just look at everything they’ve done so far! But first…Taako’s just gotta run and grab the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom from under his bed real quick.

Erm, Magnus would also like to see Pringles please before they leave? It’s been like a year since he was put in jail. Oh, oh, no. Lucretia just can’t let that happen. Sorry, Magnus. Well, if the Director won’t give him permission, Magnus is just going to have to take things into his own hands. He too excuses himself for some personal matters before they head for the canons and heads straight to the brig. The guards won’t let him pass either? No problem. Magnus takes some hostages inside his Pocket Workshop.

 _Magnus, is that chu? Aw, shit I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, dude!_ Man is Pringles glad to see Magnus again! But wait—He doesn’t know why he locked up in here? What has the Director been trying to hide… Well, he was locked up after something took over his body while they were away. Pringles woke up somewhere—somewhere he really wasn’t supposed to be. The last thing he remembers is being along in the room they used to share, then his vision just kind of went red. Next thing he knew he was in a dark room by a large vault in the Director’s personal quarters. He was labelled a traitor and thrown into jail. The jail containing just six cells. A jail that had only ever been used the once. But—but don’t worry. Magnus is going to find a way to get him out of there, eventually.

Magnus meets back up with Taako and Merle in the hanger as they get ready to set out for the Felicity Wilds. Hey, do either of you guys have any, oh I don’t know, mind erasing spells? Nope, none here. Spell slots, my man. It’s no use, Magnus will have to think of a different way to take care of the guys in the Pocket Workshop… Avi is here anyway now, best not mention it in front of him.

As they fly over to the Felicity Wilds, a familiar sight passes below them, not too far from their destination as they begin to descent: the black glass circle that was once Phandalin. This isn’t going to be such a smooth landing though… When Taako pulls the break they get stuck in the trees forty feet in the air. Merle’s good, he’s got the Zoom Broom now. Hey, Magnus, take the Umbra Staff to float down on, it’s got Feather Fall. Taako’s got some sweet tricks up his sleeve! Jumping right out of the sphere, Taako transforms himself into a brilliant bird and flies down safely. Apparently the Umbra Staff didn’t like Taako’s plans though and pulls itself free of Magnus’ grasp to follow the elf.

Before getting out of the sphere, with Merle and Taako no longer in sight, Magnus deposits the two guards from within his Pocket Workshop, planning on having them sent back to the Bureau. In the end Magnus uses his Grappling Hook to lower himself to the ground. Only, as the sphere begins to fly off, it’s hit back to the ground by a giant three headed beast. The guards are killed in the process. Then the chimera is diving for the boys.

The chimera has the heads of a dragon, a lion and a goat, and each head is attacking independently. It isn’t an easy fight, but the boys manage to render the dragon and the lion heads unconscious. With the goat head the only one awake, it attempts to escape when an arrow from unknown origins pierces its head, slaying the chimera. Looking back upon the arrow’s path, they find it came from a half elf man with a longbow. Travelling with him is a wood elf woman with a staff, and a well-dressed, rather scrawny if they were to be honest, human man they recognise to be Lord Artemis Sterling, Ruler of Neverwinter.

Turns out Sterling too is searching for Wonderland, the prize he seeks being Miracle Milk. The elves accompanying him are hired bodyguards for his journey too and within Wonderland. The ranger who shot down the chimera is Rowan; he seeks Carmine’s Collar within Wonderland. And the wood elf—who they learn is a druid—is Antonia; her prize is the Heart of the Forest. While Rowan and Antonia are quick to befriend Taako, Merle and Magnus, Sterling is more reserved, suspicious even.

They travel though the forest together for some time, following trails of light which lead from all different directions, all converging in on the same point. Along with that are various billboards marked with each of their names and showcasing the prizes to be found within Wonderland. At the end of their path is a clearing, at the centre of which is a cylindrical building illuminated by floodlights, black and white stripes rotating across the surface. When they approach the rotating comes to a stop and three names appear above an open doorway. _Antonia, Rowan and Artemis Sterling._ Once they enter the rotating picks up once more before stopping again. _Taako, Merle and Magnus._

There’s some hesitance on Taako’s part, this place just doesn’t seem right, but they enter—Taako physically pulled in by Magnus—anyway into a large, dark chamber. The door they entered through ceases to exist. Then everything is illuminated. Spotlights shine down from the ceiling and floodlights appear on the ground, all of the lights meeting at a single point on a long catwalk where two figures stand. Two beautiful elves, one male and one female.

[The female elf snaps her fingers and music begins to play](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89hE_-DKrDE). (1) The floor, walls and ceiling all transform into thousands of brightly coloured neo panels, flashing in time to the music. With each beat the lights flash, illuminating the duo as they pose their way down the catwalk. They are _working it! Vogueing their brains out!_ Taako is delighted! All reservations are gone, thrown right out of the non-existent fucking window! _Finally we go some place cool! It’s been so long and finally we’re at some place that’s worth visiting!_ The rest of the runway descents into the ground as the two reach a circular platform at the end, posing still as it does a few rotations. When they’re done, Taako is clapping with joy. _Fucking amazing!_

 _You made it! Welcome to Wonderland!_ **Hopefully you didn’t have too much trouble navigating the wilds!** Suddenly the male elf, Edward, appears behind Taako, a hand on his shoulder. _Are you excited for your quests’ end? Whatever you seek you will find it in wonderland._ He wasn’t before, but he certainly is now! And the female elf, Lydia, is behind Magnus. **It’s not gonna come easy, though, dear, are you prepared for that?** Magnus doesn’t take the sudden appearance quite so easily as Taako, jumping out of his skin somewhat for a moment. Hey, if they didn’t know any better, they would have thought these elves sounded likes Jessie and James from Pokemon.

The rules here in Wonderland are simple. To progress on to their prize they will be tested in a series of trials and games. In Wonderland you can only find the things you truly desire by letting go of the things that hold you back. Push through the pain and you will find happiness at the end. Break rules and cut corners, well then they won’t be leaving so happy. Okay, cool, but first Taako has a question. What’s their deal with applications, vis a vis employment and stuff? He could _totally_ get down on all _this!_ Lydia laughs, but Edward seriously considers it. Perhaps if that’s what Taako truly wants then it’ll be waiting for him at the end.

With another snap the elves vanish, the platform they were standing on transforming into a roulette wheel marked with nine different symbols. An eye, a body, a skull, a brain, a backpack, a hand, two crossed swords, a clock, and a question mark. It is the Wheel of Sacrifice and it will determine what they need to sacrifice to move in in Wonderland. Refuse the sacrifice and there will be a penalty. But, oh no, they can’t say what the penalty will be. Where’s the fun in that? When the sacrifices are completed the next door will open.

First up is Magnus. Hand. Well he gets to choose a single finger to sacrifice. He chooses his left pinky and instantly it is gone. There is no pain or gore, the finger is simple gone. As he bemoans the loss of his finger small clouds of dark fog leave his mouth. Merle is next. Eye. He loses his Darkvision, along with that the hazel hue of his eyes also leaves him. Taako goes last. Skull. Oh, now that’s an interesting one! He won’t lose anything in that moment, but this is a sacrifice that will be collected at some point in the future. At some point Taako is going to experience a bit of bad luck you might say.

Sacrifices complete, the first door opens. Within the next door is just a small pedestal with two buttons atop it. Only one of them gets to play the game in this room. Images of the boys’ faces hang over the pedestal and they begin to spin, eventually stopping and landing on Merle. Merle will be playing this game. As he approaches two words light up on the buttons. _Trust. Forsake._ They’ll be facing another team for this game and, oh, they should know, the outcome of this will affect the difficulty of the next door for both parties.

If both teams choose Trust they will both face a normal trial next. If Merle chooses Forsake and the other team chooses Trust then the boys will have to face no trail at all. If Merle chooses Trust and the other team chooses Forsake then they will be faced with an impossibly difficult trial. If both teams choose Forsake then both will face more difficult trials.

Instantly Taako thinks they should choose Forsake, like hell is he going to trust anyone else with his bacon! Magnus thinks Trust is the obvious answer, he’s too nice to bring more harm to others. Ultimately the choice is Merle’s. In the end he goes for Trust, convinced the team they are facing is the group they met before entering Wonderland, and well, he kind of had a thing for Antonia. Words appear on the wall in front of them. _Your decision: Trust. Their decision: Forsake._ A door opens.

See! See, Taako told you they were gonna for sure Forsake them! Merle bitterly complains about not wanting to do the impossible trial as they head into the next room and while he does Magnus notices some more black fog leaving his mouth. Strange… Taako’s theory is that Wonderland isn’t going to try to kill them, it’s just going to make them mordibly miserable so it can feed on that misery. Better stay positive then, don’t want to be feeding this place!

Their first trial is in the Monster Factory where they must roll a series of dice to determine the monsters they will face. Two monsters, three dice per monster. Two dice for characteristics, one to determine the monster’s type. Oh, and because they lost in the last room a seventh dice to add some more difficulty. The monsters they create are a Multiplying, Poisonous, Regenerating Slime, and a Multiplying, Flying, Electrified Direbear. This _delights_ Edwards and Lydia. It’s going to be a great fight!

Almost right away Taako manages to split the slim in two with his first attack, and then all the monsters are multiplying on their own! Later one it is amazing when Merle uses Flame Strike to take out three monsters all at once! A direbear and two of the slimes. Candlenights has come early this year! Magnus ties rope between the Chance Lance and Grappling Hook for his attack, the damage is does to the remaining bear causing its wings to burn up. No longer can it fly.

It’s after that that Taako’s bad luck catches up with him. Already they weren’t doing so great, but things were about to get a whole lot worse for Taako. There’s a tap on his shoulder and when he turns around there are a few loose buts and bolts which have fallen to the ground. There isn’t time for him to react before a washing machine—enormous in size, the size of a piece of industrial machinery—falls from the ceiling right on top of him. He is trapped by its weight.

Taako may be prone, but at least he can still use Blink, freeing himself from the crushing weight of the machine. As per the norm, while he’s in the Ethereal Plane there are the small creatures with the large white eyes watching him but, while there were only a few last time, this time there are hundreds. Straight away they vanish when he sees them. In the Prime Material Plane the direbear has multiplied again and the Slime has regenerated to its full size.

Once again Merle is the one to take out more of the monsters, slaying both the slime and a direbear with Wind Wall. Merle is really on his game today! When Taako remerges into the Material Plane he casts Ice Storm on the final direbear and taking it out. Victory! They won the impossible trial! At the end of the battle Merle tries to heal Taako—he’s in a pretty bad state—but the spell only works for half its usual effectiveness. _That’s cheating! You know the rules: once you sacrifice something here, you don’t get it back!_ As a punishment Edward and Lydia hit the boys with necrotic damage and the wounds that were just healed are returned. _In Wonderland, there is no healing._

Anyway, it’s time to _smile and show your opponents how well you did!_ One of the panels on the wall transforms into a screen showing the group who had Forsaken the boys. Two halflings who promptly flipped them off.

Elsewhere in the room, now there’s no longer the sound of fighting, they hear another unfamiliar voice which turns out to belong to Cam, a disembodied head and fellow participant in Wonderland. He’s…been in Wonderland for a while now, kind of got screwed over by the person he was travelling with. But Cam’s got some pretty useful information for them if they care to listen. Those elves, Edward and Lydia, they’re liches. They use the suffering of the people in Wonderland to fuel their powers—that’s what the black fog is for.

So the game is rigged… An endless cycle of suffering they’re going to have to fight to make their way out of, _and_ make it out with the Animus Bell in the process. They’ll play along for now, but they’re going to have to change up the game a bit. Sauté, that’ll be the code word for when they see an opportunity.

Hey, so he doesn’t have much to offer—he is just a head—but do they mind if Cam comes along too? They would need to take an extra sacrifice for Cam when the time comes, there isn’t anything really left for him to sacrifice, but hey, maybe if they keep him in the Pocket Workshop then Edward and Lydia might not notice! Magnus _would_ kind of feel bad leaving Cam behind now…

In the next room they’re back with the Wheel of Sacrifice again, but they’re not fooled. Wonderland _knows_ Cam is with them and they’re going to have to make a sacrifice for him. Oh, and this round of sacrifices is going to be _a little bit…brutal_ compared to last time. Er, could they just quit and leave instead? Oh, no! Once you enter Wonderland you have to finish if you want to leave. _Can_ they finish? Of course they can! How else would they get their prizes? What were they after again, anyway? They hear Edward rustling through some pages and then an amused laugh. _Ohohoho. So **that’s** your prize, huh? _And then comes the sound of a bell being rung.

Now, on with the sacrifices. Merle is first up this time. Eye. _Oh, let me guess, I’m colourblind._ Not quite, Merle. Things are going to be a bit harsher this time around, remember? They’re going to be taking one of Merle’s eyes this time. Just one. See, it’s not so bad. And they’ll be kind enough to fashion a sick eyepatch for him in return. Fine. And his eye is gone. A white ball appears before them containing a diamond shaped eyepatch stylised to look like an owl and Merle puts it on. All things considered, he looks great!

On Magnus’ turn he gets Clock. For that, Lydia explains, Magnus is going to sacrifice ten years of his life. How old was he again? Thirty two. Well, as soon as he agrees, in an instant he ages ten years. Magnus is now forty two. His muscles grow a bit thinner and his hair begins to grey. He’s older. This must have been what happened to Lucretia…

Taako’s still in a pretty beaten up state, so the hand he’s given is maybe the worst right now. Body. For that Taako’s just going to go ahead and loose some of his vitality. Turns out having a washing machine fall on you knocks you for a fair bit of energy, and now the liches are taking away some of his maximum health—which wasn’t all that high to begin with, as a wizard.

In for a penny, in for a pound he guesses, and Taako tries to spin again for Cam—might as well go down brilliantly if Wonderland is so determined to kill him—but Merle stops him. Can’t be letting Taako give up too much in the sorry state he’s in.

While that’s happening Magnus feels something poke into the centre of his palm, moving in deliberate strokes like the force is writing. After a few attempts Magnus realises Theaves’ Cant is being drawn into his hand. Two symbols are being drawn, _silence—_ a warning for burglars against listening marks—and _confirm—_ ensuring other thieves have seen their message. With his other hand Magnus writes _confirm_ in return. Next comes _secret_ —the force doesn’t want the others to know it is there. _Confirm?_ **Confirm.** _One, Room, Magic Forces, Transformation. Wait for a signal. Confirm?_ **Confirm.**

Merle spins the wheel. Chance. This is a bit tricky. He gets to choose what to sacrifice, but he has to sacrifice the number of things Edward and Lydia think is sufficient enough. In the end he sacrifices the Adamant Spanner, the wedding ring he’d been wearing around his neck and his battle axe proficiency. The Adamant Spanner and wedding ring sink down into the wheel, then the memories of his years spent training with the woodsman in the dwarven enclave are brought to mind. As he’s remembering the vision of them starts to blur and fade, shrinking away until that part of his life is simply gone.

Sacrifices done, they are free to move on to the next room. Before leaving the room Magnus tries some more Thieves’ Cant. **Room, trap, confirm?** _Confirm._ And then they move on. This room they’ve been in before. It’s time for another round of Trust or Forsake. Using Mage Hand, Taako instantly hits forsake, but nothing happens. Patience, Taako. The game hasn’t started yet. Lucky for him, Taako is the one chosen to run this around. Cam insists he _needs_ to press Forsake. Already Forsaking them, baby! Taako had no qualms about that. And their opponents…they chose Trust! _Hell yeah!_

A large black door appears for them to go through. In the next room they step onto a five foot square of white light, the word _Start_ written on it. The door vanishes and then a blue square illuminates in front of them, then another, then a green square with more writing, and more of these squares continue to appear in a path. Below them they can see the floor is covered in bubbling green liquid. Above is a swarm of bats, some of which are already flying down at them. Wait, wait wait! _This shouldn’t have manifested this way, you won the last round; pardon our mess!_

Then black smog overtakes the room like a curtain—the same black smog the saw whenever they complained before. When the curtain is drawn back the three of them are stood behind three podiums, lights shining down on them and beyond the lights is the sound of thunderous applause from a large studio audience. They’re stood on a game show set, and it is decorated so vary garishly!

 _Live from the inescapable depths of Wonderland, it’s time for another round of Heart Attack, the heroic dating show. And here’s your hosts, Lydia and Edward!_ The crowd cheer when the elves appear again, dressed in crimson, silver and gold, posing just as enthusiastically as they had the last time they saw them face to face. Now boys, are you ready to compete for the chance of love? Erm—can Magnus bail out of this one? He was kind of married and Julia was the only one for him. And, secretly of course, Taako kind of has this thing going on with the Grim Reaper and he’d kind of like to see where that’s headed. No, backing out now isn’t an option. There may not be a fight but they’re still going to have some fun.

Taako points out they just said Wonderland was _inescapable,_ kind of goes against everything they’ve been saying this whole time. As he talks more of the black smoke escapes him, but instead of raising to the ceiling like before, it’s jerked off to the side, siphoned by something else.

Behind a screen to their side is a humanoid silhouette—clearly just a mannequin enchanted to act flirty with them. So the boys are going to be asked a series of questions to determine how compatible they are with the hot new contestant. Magnus tries to back out again; more black smog leaving him only to be siphoned off again. This catches Edward and Lydia’s attention and when they turn to see where Magnus was looking the siphoning instantly stops. More Theives’ Cant. _Time is not right. Confirm?_ **Confirm.** Fine, fine, Magnus will play.

 _Question one. Magnus, what is your ideal first date?_ **Oh, gosh. Uh…let’s see. I would say, I pick them up, you know, roundabout sundown, uh, and we—catch fireflies. And then I take them home, and we don’t see each other again, ‘cause I’m really not interested in dating.** The audience gasp and cheer, the contestant fanning itself. Playing hard to get there, eh Magnus? The contestant seems into that!

 _Merle, same question._ **Alright, I let her pick me up. I mention to her that I—‘Uh, gosh I forgot my wallet at home, even though we’re in like the front yard.** The audience starts laughing, they _love_ Merle. **I volunteer to drive her vehicle, and tell her it’s filthy, and so we go through the uh—drive through vehicle wash and she pays for that too. Um, and then I take her to have dinner with my family, and—she meets my ex-wife; it does not—it really kind of sucks, um, and then, uhh, she’s having a miserable time and she’s really mad, she can’t wait to get outta there. I take her back to her house, and so I lean up against the door jam and say, ‘Sur you don’t want me to come in for a few minutes?’ and she slams the door in my face.** Wait— _That’s_ Merle’s ideal date? What the hell?! As crazy as it sounds, the audience eats it up. Edward likes his honesty.

 _Taako, another question! Say that you and our contestant are on a date, and one of your fans recognises you on the street. How do you respond to that situation?_ **Well you know I really—My fans come first, so I would definitely sign whatever, pose for drawings, yeah. If they wanna draw me like their French girls that’s fine. You know, I would just make sure the fan got what they were looking for, ‘cause they come first, I need everyone I can get at this point, honestly.** The studio is silent. The contestant crosses its arms and taps its foot. Not impressed.

 _Magnus, uh—Same question._ **I have fans?** _One of your heroic fans, sure!_ **Well, but I mean, the interaction varies, ‘cause if they just want, like, a wave and ‘ah hey’, I keep going. If they want me to stop and, like, sign a chair or something, whittle them a small duck, um—that might be inconvenient based on _my_ schedule. Do we have dinner reservations, are we trying to get somewhere in a certain amount of time? I need more—There’s a lot of parameters in every social interaction! **The audience have started booing. **Oh, okay. Um, I guess what I mean to say is…Since I was with my date first, they would take priority.** And then they’re clapping again! Overjoyed!

 _Merle, new question. Why shouldn’t the contestant choose your two competitors?_ **Well, because um, I mean look at Magnus. I mean, even though he’s in his forties, he’s kept himself up. He’s in magnificent shape, and would—would not be a gentle lover—So don’t—Don’t go with him—Taako is—Taako is, he’s too much into his work. Always chopping, always salt, always making sauces, um, and you know, when he’s not cooking, he’s studying about cooking, so there would be any time left for—for you. Whereas I am so old. I only got one arm—I don’t have  a lot going on. I’ll do nothing but pay attention to ya.**

 _Taako, same question?_ **Um…it’s _me._ Hi, I’m _Taako…?_ You know, _from TV?_** And the audience instantly burst into applause, a chair being thrown out of the audience and onto the set. The audience have completely and utterly lost their minds, but the contestant? Still not impressed. Hmph, Taako cases Tasha’s Hideous Laughter on the contestant. It falls off its chair as it laughs, head popping off in the process. Then it’s picking up its head and laughing at that, doubled over with laughter. The audience start laughing more too.

Things are actually getting a bit weird and spooky around here and the lights have gotten lower, the elves focused intently on Magnus. _Magnus, what makes a good hero?_ Taako casts True Seeing on Magnus, allowing him to see things as they truly are, seeing into the Ethereal Plane, but he can’t risk giving Magnus any spoken warning as he casts it. Suddenly his vision changes. The audience? They’re really intricate wooden marionettes, faceless, but with fingers and joints, the works.

As Magnus is looking around Taako makes a sudden outburst. _You know what? Fuck all this. This fucking sucks. I’m done playing._ A block cloud has left his mouth. And for Magnus—Edward and Lydia? They no longer look like the beautiful ethereal elves he’d seen just moments before, instead they’re wearing black robes which hide their faces, but red lights can be seen from within their hoods and their arms are skeletal in appearance. They truly are liches. And, a little in front of him, there is the Red Robe. It is siphoning off the black cloud Taako is letting out into the air. The other liches, they can’t see the Red Robe. Magnus is the only one able to see him. It realises Magnus can see it and raises a skeletal finger to its non-existent lips. It still isn’t the right time.

 _Magnus, what does it mean to be a hero?_ Come on, Magnus, you _have_ to answer the question—even if you are faced with three skeletal liches right now. Okay, okay, erm, quick. Collect yourself. **Y’know, if you’d asked me in my younger days, back ten years ago—** or ten minutes ago **—I would’ve told you what makes a hero is—is someone who acts, someone who leaps into the fray without thinking. But, y’know, I’ve had some time to think now, and I would say that I’ve grown a little wiser, and, uhh, I would say that a hero is someone who acts when it counts. Acts at the right moment, acts when it’s needed.**

The audience are clapping for Magnus and the sound of a ringing bell is heard again. They’ve reached the end of Heart Attack! _Well, it sounds like our, uh, suitor has made their decision! Let’s see who they chose for their hot date._ As the screen drops to reveal the contestant they see the marionette is still laughing uncontrollably from Taako’s spell. Even Edward and Lydia are kind of creeped out by that… Guess the game was a draw.

Oh! But before they can move on they need to check in on how the other team did in their trial! When the screens appear again the boys see Rowan, Antonia and Sterling, all standing on the Finish square for the game they had been accidentally been brought into before Heart Attack. Sterling looks older and he’s crying into Antonia’s lap—her eyes wrapped in bandages. Rowan, looking completely withered is staring up at the screen, at the boys, as he mouths a single word. _Why?_

And the screen cuts off. Taako feels bad. Emotionally, physically, he’s just all around bad. And he’s _done_ with Edward and Lydia. Magnus, the resident tank, is fairly well physically speaking, but mentally he’s just as done with all this as Taako. Merle is okay he guesses, things could always be worse. Oh, well don’t they all look down… How about a bonus round to cheer them up! Hey, a bonus round is what turned Cam into a disembodied head to begin with! Would not try again! Would not recommend! No shit, Cam! Like nothing else in this place is fucking bad! Besides, Edward thinks they should know, the bonus round, _it’s kind of not optional._ Obviously.

The liches vanish and another door opens up behind them. The mannequins have all fallen stationary with their departure…and Magnus is just going to go ahead and steal an arm, time to start rebuilding his collection. Through that door is another large circular room, and with his True Sight Magnus sees that the black fog had been used to create the room. In the room are three platforms, above which are three signs. _Escape Game. Healing Game. Recovery Game._

But oh, Cam has already played the Escape Game, so that won’t be an option now. What exactly happened to him in there? Well, so, erm, he lost the Escape Game, that’s why he’s here…and a head. Wait—How the hell do you lose a _bonus round_? _A bonus round should be **just** winning_. Well…it was a bonus round for the person who won… See, Cam came to Wonderland as a hired guide for someone, but they weren’t doing so hot. They managed to get through a couple of rounds, but then the liches offered them the chance to play the Escape Game. If one of them betrayed the other then they could escape, but doing so would leave the other to suffer in Wonderland eternally.

He _told_ her! He _told her_ it was all a trap! She wouldn’t survive ten minutes alone in the Felicity Wilds! But she took the offer anyway. Lucretia betrayed him. Wait, wait! Hold up! They _know_ Lucretia?! _So she trapped you in here too?_ **She…sent us to save you? _Yeah! Die-hard rescue mish!_** Well…that wasn’t exactly true, Lucretia hadn’t mentioned a word of Cam to them, but hey, why not go along with it. Cam is…he’s speechless, a few tears filling his eyes. _Maybe I was wrong about her._ He—He doesn’t know if he _can_ escape any more, this place kind of is the only thing keeping him alive now, but he appreciates the sentiment nonetheless.

In the end the boys decide to try the healing game. Magnus and Merle are doing fairly well, but Taako…he might not survive another fight without some healing. In this game a pedestal stands in front of each of them, two buttons displaying the names of the other people in their party. In this game, Lydia explains, they can transfer some of their vitality to another member of their party, but the person receiving the energy will only be given half of what is sent to them. Taako is healed for 20 health by Merle, and 5 from Magnus.

In the next room is another Wheel of Sacrifice. They know the deal for this now! Spin, fill the dots, move on. Edward rushes through the explanation, tired of repeating himself each time. _Edward, can you—take this seriously, please? This round, as you might expect, the sacrifices will be a little bit more intense than they have been._ But they have it in them still, Lydia is sure!

First to spin is Magnus. Swords. Simply put, Magnus will lose a fight. It isn’t quite how it may sound. He won’t fail a fight in the future, no. A fight will be taken from him. The fight simply will never have existed to begin with. The glory of battle gone in an instant. It’s as simple as that. …He really doesn’t like these liches. No, he’s going to take the penalty just to spite them. A fifth dot appears above the door.

Merle spins next and it lands on Mind. It’s a memory they want to take from him. A very particular memory. The memory of the birth of his children. He doesn’t even need to think about that one. Merle is taking that penalty without question. There’s a six dot. _Merle’s got kids?!_ **Imagine my shock: Merle’s a dead-beat dad! Agag! Agog! I’m aghast!**

Taako’s up next. Hand. If he agrees Edward and Lydia are going to take away some of his skill, some of his sweet flips and tricks. Hmmm, that’s not so bad. Taako is a damn fine flip wizard, he can stand to lose just a bit of that.

Then Magnus spins again. Body. He’s going to lose some health there, but hey, he’s a tank. He’s chill with that. And he spins again. Skull. Some bad luck is on the cards for Magnus’ future. Fuck, he’s already getting plenty of bad luck as it is, why not add some more! And he spins a third time. Mind. The memory Magnus would lose is that of Governor Kalen, the man who killed his wife and destroyed his town. He’ll remember what happened in Raven’s Roost, but no longer will Magnus be able to recall who did it. His quest to avenge his wife will come to an end. Hey, buddy, this could be a good thing, help him to move on with his life and all. _Here’s what I’m going to say. Merle, Taako—Don’t try to remind me of it._ It wouldn’t work even if they did. _But if in your journeys, you ever meet a slimy asshole named Governor Kalen, kill him on sight. Don’t talk to him. Don’t let him talk to you. Kill him. And tell him it’s for Julia. That’s the one thing I want you to say to his face before you kill him. This is for Julia, then you end him then and there._ Of course they agree. It’s for Magnus, and Julia, how could they not? His memory is gone.

Merle spins again. Swords. Well he’s a cleric, not the most combative person, so there’s little point in taking a battle from him…. Let’s just make him a real dunce during their next battle! In every aspect, Merle will be disadvantaged the next time he fights. Fine, _pricks._ The insult produces some black smoke which the Red Robe quickly eats up.

One more spin, Taako takes it. Clock. Oh, oh, now that’s not fair. Taako’s an elf. It wouldn’t be fair if they took ten years of his life too, it wouldn’t be equal. No, if he agrees instead he will lose something that diminishes with age. He will lose some of his ethereal beauty. Not all of it, but _I’ll put it this way, Taako—for the first time in your life, you will simply look—normal. You will be…plain._ That’s…that’s quite the bitter pill to swallow. What was Taako if not his beauty? It’s who he _is,_ one of the few things he has going for him. Edward, well he thinks it’s a fate worse than death if you ask him, he’d never be caught agreeing to that, but hey, it’s Taako’s sacrifice here. Merle and Magnus understand, both are willing to take another spin if it’s too much. Everyone’s battles are their own. _Listen. I’ve thought about it a lot and uh, as near as I can figure, normal Taako is still head and shoulders above ninety percent of the population on this stupid planet. So let’s go ahead and go normal._ Of course he still had reservations about it. It’s his _beauty,_ but man, deflection and humour are just as much his game in times like this.

The change is instant. At his core Taako still looks like Taako, but sure enough Merle and Magnus can notice a difference. His lips aren’t as full, his eyes aren’t as soft, his hair isn’t as illustrious. He looks…normal. …And Taako casts Disguise Self on himself to revert back to his former beauty. It may not be his true form anymore, but he’s got fucking arcane cosmetics on his side now!

With that the sixth dot is filled and the door to the next room is opened. As they pass the Red Robe through the doorway it draws another symbol into Magnus’ hand. _Things are gonna pop off soon._ It’s the Trust or Forsake room again, and now it’s Magnus’ turn to play. True to form, he picks Trust. And the other team? They _also_ picked Trust! Edward is…he’s kind of in shock. That never normally happens!

Well time for their normal, completely average fight… The room they enter into his huge and round, the floor and ceilings lined at every inch with LED screens. It looks like the room is on screensaver mode! Tropical beaches turning to mountain forests, and babbling brooks. How much more typical can you get? In the room is also a pile of wooden marionettes, they look the same as the ones from Heart Attack.

All of the screens go back at one. _Are any of you feeling particularly nostalgic?_ **Yeah, I love for the time when we weren’t in this place!** Yet more black smog leaves Merle, raising into the air, sucked into the cloud lowering from the ceiling. Some of the mannequins are pulled into the cloud too. The screens around the room begin to change pictures and the cloud shifts between a number of shapes. Calibrating. A dragon, a giant, a beholder, on and on. Finally, the room settles on Wave Echo Cave and the cloud has become Spider Bryan, along with another mannequin standing to become Magic Brian. God damn it, how many times did they have to kill this guy?!

 _Boss Rush: Begin!_ Magic Missiles are thrown and wow, on the first hit Magic Brian is turned back into a mannequin. That was quick. But oh, Spider Bryan bites Taako… But a few hits from Magnus and Spider Bryan is reduced to a pile of mannequins too. _Pause Fight._ Well that’s weird… The cloud of black smoke returns to the ceiling. The room transforms itself into Phandalin. More mannequins are drawn into the cloud and when they descend again they take the form of Gundren Rockseeker with the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet. Across the room Magnus sees the Red Robe channelling a spell, but what the spell is he can’t say. Taako does an arcana check and discovers something is scanning their minds and memories, using them to create these copies of enemies from their pasts. _Resume Fight._ Well, wasn’t this going to be fun…

Taako uses Hunger of Hadar to summon a 20 foot radius sphere of blackness, cold and white tentacles in front of Gundren. Merle brings Della Reese into the fray…though it does take her five seconds longer than usual to appear. When Gundren shoots a fireball at them, miraculously, Cam is the only one able to avoid the attack. _Pause Fight._ Already the fake Gundren dissipates, only to be replaced by Jenkins and the two meat monsters. They’re stood on the Rockport Limited now. _Resume Fight._

Ughhh, Cam is sick of being useless here. Does Taako have a spare wand by any chance? Sure, have this training wand! Wand in his mouth, Cam casts Levitate on himself. A moment later he’s casting Maximillian’s Earthen Grasp, using the mannequins to grab at one of the meat monsters, squeezing it tight before letting go and swatting the other meat monster—that one dies right away. Time for Magnus to attack Jenkins with Phantom Fist, knocking him right into the lingering fields of the Hunger of Hadar and Della Reese. Oh, and he uses the Chance Lance for good measure. Just as Della Reese is about to strike Jenkins she freezes, flickering out of existence. What…what’s happening? Merle has cast that spell countless times! This has never happened before! In all his time as a cleric nothing like this has ever happened, and yet today…it’s one wrong move after another. Was it something about Wonderland? Jenkins is able to use Dispel Magic then to remove Hunger of Hadar from the field.

Across the room a dresser appears from nowhere. It transforms into a bookshelf. Then it changes again, this time into a fireplace. Then a lamp. Then nothing. Magnus can see the Red Robe still. It’s using the black smoke in the room to try conjuring something into existence. Meanwhile Taako uses Scorching Ray on Jenkins, reducing him to a simple mannequin too. Just like the first time they beat him, the Umbra Staff absorbs Jenkins’ wand and hey! Taako is feeling a bit better! That just gave him some health back, and look, he’s recovered all his spell slots too! Thank you Umbra Staff!

 _Pause Fight._ The room goes through the now familiar process, this time turning the entire pile of mannequins into Maarvey and his Shark Tank battle wagon, the screens now depicting Goldcliff. _Resume Fight._ In that moment Merle uses Divination, asking Pan what is happening with his powers. But there is no answer. Pan doesn’t respond to him. Pan is gone, and it’s terrifying. Even through all of his doubts and questioning, Pan has always been there to answer him, but now he’s gone and Merle doesn’t understand why. Is he not there, or is he just not answering? Merle doesn’t know, but it shakes him to his core. Sure enough though, that must be why his spells have been failing. All of his magic, it comes from Pan and right now Pan isn’t there for him.

But the fight still goes on. The Shark Tank is attacking Magnus with its spear, but it misses entirely. In return Cam hits it with Lightning Bolt—which causes some of the screens in the room to spark and cut out too. Across the room, right where the lamp vanished, there’s now a potted plant, then a guillotine, then a marble column, then a coat rack, then nothing. Magnus throws some of the mannequins into the Shark Tanks mouth where they become lodged. The rest of the mannequins? He sets them the fuck on fire! Now the Red Robe is making an oven, a pile of crates, a tall portrait of a woman, nothing.

Taako does something amazing after that. He’s got a new spell at hand. Polymorph. With that Taako is able to transform himself into a Tyrannosaurus Rex! _MYYY NAME ISSSS…DUPREE. FUCK ALL HATERRRRSSS._ And Dupree takes a bite right out of the Shark Tank, destroying it entirely. All that’s left of Maarvey is his legs. _Pause Fight._

Everything is pulled back into the black smoke, along with the flaming pile of mannequins. When they reform they’re not a giant, purple, flaming worm. Wait—That wasn’t right. They spared the worm! As the fight goes on a tall rectangular crate appears, then a window, then finally a door. The Red Robe is waving enthusiastically over at Magnus. _Time to sauté, boys!_ Magnus is first to reach the door and Dupree scoops up Cam and Merle to carry them over, only turning back into Taako when he reaches the door. Just in time they manage to close the door behind them and block off the worm. The Red Robe has followed them through too and the door disappears.

The room they’re in now is a large circular chamber, behind them a completely featureless cylinder marked with their names. Around the room there are thirty eight other cylinders just like it, all wrapping around a central staircase. Wait-! Cam wants to stay here in Wonderland, you see, he’ll probably die if he leaves. What the fuck?! If he’s just going to stay here they did all those extra sacrifices for nothing! Fuck you, Cam! Taako gets his wand back and they leave Cam behind.

Heading up the staircase, Magnus realises the cylinder is the same shape as all of the rooms they’ve been through today. They’ve just been going through the same room over and over all this time… At the top of the stairs there’s a platform, upon with is a raised catwalk, lined on both sides by a marionette audience. They’re all dressed incredibly fashionably, and they’re all pointing to the catwalk.

So, Magnus wants to know, _is it time for us to do our sexy turn on the catwalk?_ Oh, you bet it is! The mannequins are all pointing more forcefully at the catwalk and Magnus turns to look at Taako. **I don’t understand, no, I’m kinda freaked out. What’s going on?** _I think you need to get up there and strut._ **I’m not a piece of meat!** _This is what you were born to do, Taako!_ **No! I mean I’m not a model, I’m a wizard and a chef! I don’t understand what I’m being asked to do here.** _I think you need to…bottytootch._ **Why?! The things you’re saying make no sense! I’m not just gonna strut across a catwalk for your delight!** And then he’s using Prestidigitation to cast sparks from his fingers and Minor Illusion to throw on a dope ass outfit, and Taako is strutting his way down the catwalk with all the style and panache he can muster—which is in fact a fucking lot! When he poses under the spotlight the crowd _loses their shit!_

Merle follows behind a few moments later, one shoulder exposed as he waddles down the catwalk. Now that the audience does not love… Magnus gives a fair whack at it, doing some sick baton twirling with the Chance Lance as he walks down the catwalk. That gets the crowd a bit more buzzed again after Merle.

They don’t see either of the liches, but once all three of them are at the end of the catwalk they hear Edward talking again. _You did it! I don’t know how, but you did it!_ And then Lydia. **Very few people have stood where you’re standing now, having conquered suffering itself to claim their prize. Give them a hand, folks!** The crowd gives a standing ovation to the boys. _This resolve, this desire to do whatever it takes no matter the cost to save yourselves—Do you know who you three remind me of?_ No? Who? _Us!_

 **There were three of us, once, lifetimes ago. We had another sibling, a younger brother, Keats. It was three of us, surviving against all odds. The world against us. But Keats—Keats got sick. And he wouldn’t get better. So Edward and I joined a necromantic circle to try and save him.** _We were…unsuccessful, but we found joy in our new-found powers. That’s when we became liches and managed to sustain ourselves with our love for our dear Keats and each other. But when that became insufficient, we discovered ways of using other people’s emotions to sustain ourselves. Emotion is…so powerful, and practical. That’s how we discovered that, well, suffering’s much more effective than love._ These liches, they were different to Barry and Lup. While they clung to their memories, to the Best Day Ever, Edward and Lydia had not. Over time, the powers they had granted themselves consumed who they once were, each day driven further and further away by power. Had this been what Lup had been so intent on avoiding?

 **We’re the oldest living—well, un-living things in this whole world, I’d reckon. Here’s a fun fact they don’t tell you about liches: Your spectral form resembles what you looked like when you consigned your soul to lichdom. That means we have to spend an eternity in the drab, black robes of our circle.** _Eventually, we discovered how to channel suffering to create new garments for ourselves—fantastic garments! Then we learned how to channel it into other forms. We could summon small household objects, and then bigger object, and then finally summoning entire rooms from the ether. That’s how we can up with Wonderland! It’s a perfect centrifuge for extracting suffering from those who, fuelled by greed, come to visit us. Wonderland has taken many forms over the past few centuries, but these games are actually kind of a new touch that we’re pretty excited about._ **And thanks to your Animus Bell, business has been booming lately.**

The mannequins have begun to raise towards the catwalk now, all reaching out to grab at the boys. You see, Wonderland had always been a success. Edward and Lydia had somewhat of a flair for good advertising. Brochures in the mail—like the one sent to Lucretia. The personalised billboards out in the wilds. Even the beams of light which guide people to them. Those are all good, but at its core, there’s one form of advertising they’ve found to be the most successful. It dawns on the boys all at once. _Word of mouth._

 _Magnus, you landed on skull in the last round, didn’t you? Bad luck._ The Animus Bell chimes. Like ever Grand Relic which came before it, the effects are immediate and horrible. Taako and Merle can only watch as Magnus reels back, almost falling over. An orb of white light is pulled right out of his body. And then he’s catching himself, steadying himself with Rail Splitter before he can fall over. _You know, boys, I don’t think Wonderland’s that bad. You know, I feel like I’ve learnt a lot about myself here, and I feel our friendship has grown even more powerful, don’t you think?_ **Ahem. I didn’t say that.** But nobody can hear Magnus as he says _that._

His soul has been cast out of his body by the Animus Bell. His body had been taken over by the lich Edward and his soul continued to drift ever further backwards into the Ethereal Plane. Magnus can see Taako and Merle looking at him, at his body. But they’re not the only things he can see in the room. Behind the mannequins, hanging onto the ceiling, are countless white humanoid figures with large white eyes. And there’s something else familiar, something they all saw while in Lucas’ lab. An open rift to the Astral Plane, and he’s being pulled into it because…Magnus is dying.

Merle and Taako are able to see Lydia step out from behind Magnus— _Edward_ —and they’re both smiling. Creepy. Unnatural. For a brief moment it’s almost like they can see the shadow of Edward enveloping their friend. _I think I’m gonna head to Neverwinter and tell everyone I meet to get down here to Wonderland ASAP! Lots of riches! More than I could even carry out!_ Oh, so _Magnus_ thinks they had a great time here, now did he? Well it was a little rough, _but think of all the riches!_ Well, Merle doesn’t remember any riches, but hey, yeah, they won so let’s just leave! Take the bell and be on their way. Oh no, _Magnus_ has a much better idea. What if _he_ keeps the bell and Taako and Merle just turn around and head back into Wonderland and then they’ll get to live! How does that sound?

 _Taako’s get a fuckin’ idea for ya._ In that instant Taako’s eyes go blank. He is catatonic. His soul has been thrust from his body. It’s Magic Jar. He’s going to be taking Magnus back now. Behind Magnus’ body Taako can see his soul, being sucked right into the Astral Plane. He recognises it as the same Astral Plane he saw in Lucas’ lab, the same Astral Plane he knows to be Kravitz’ home, the same Astral Plane where the dead go to rest. Taako flies forward right to Magnus’ soul.

The last time they saw the Astral Plane it was a tranquil lake filled with calm swirling lights. A collective consciousness of souls. But it’s not like that anymore. The water is violent and there are no lights to be seen under its surface. The water is oil, the sky stormy and nobody is there. Not even Kravitz.

Taako grabs hold of Magnus’ hand, holding on as tight as he can. He’s not about to let Magnus get away so easily. As they hold onto each other, they both know something is _very_ wrong in the Astral Plane. Taako is beginning to pull Magnus back with him when they see it. A hand splashes out from the water, thick and tar-like. It’s Kravitz. He’s struggling to pull himself to the surface of the water. Each time he comes close to breaking free it pulled him right back under. Taako wants to help, my god does he want to help Kravitz—that beautifully handsome man, his _boyfriend._ But in this form…he’s incapable of doing anything but cling to his friend. And the water is calling for them too, pulling them in, but with all of Taako’s strength he’s able to break them free from the pull.

Back on the catwalk Merle uses Planar Ally. That lets him summon an entity from another plane and well…he’s just going to go right ahead and pull Taako out of the Astral Plane, bringing Magnus right along with him! Merle turns his back on the liches and with arms outstretched, a spectral soul-wood arm appears, reading out to take hold of Taako and Magnus, pulling back to the Material Plane. Right away Taako returns to his body. Magnus, he’s back too, though with a strange lingering numbness.

The rift to the Astral Plane is gone, no way for them to see what’s going on in there. No way for Taako to know what’s happening to Kravitz. There really is nothing he can do to help. All he can do is trust in the reaper. Trust he’s strong enough to get himself out of whatever mess is happening there. Trust is all he has because the alternative he doesn’t want to bare thinking about.

Surrounded my mannequins, Magnus is looking up at his friend on the catwalk when he comes back to himself. He knows what he needs to do next. Already he’s jumping back up onto the catwalk, shocking Edward with his presence. _What?_ Standing in front of them all is a mannequin wearing incredibly fashionable elven scale-mail. That is the body Magnus now inhabits. **I’ll be having my body back, you undead fuck.**

That was not how Lydia and Edward expected this to go… Already the black cloud of smoke is changing its shape, transforming into a steel beam that comes crashing down on the boys. Before it can crash down on them two human-shaped statues form from the fog also, catching the bean above their heads. All of them can see the Red Robe now, hand stretched out to the statues. All of it reverts back to smoke. _Uh. Listen, uh, Taako, Merle, I know that’s a little weird, and you’re just gonna have to trust me on this one: He’s with us. I think. More or less._ Sure. Why not. Fuck it. Things have already been beyond weird today.

Still inside Magnus’ body, Edward is laughing, amused by this turn of events. _Well this fight just got a lot more interesting._ With a snap of his fingers the cylindrical chambers all around the room begin to emit different colours of light, rotating around the platform they’re on, and the floor below has turned into neon lights. Fight away Lydia heals Edward. Just because the boys can’t heal here doesn’t mean the liches can’t.

As a mannequin Magnus has gained the ability to communicate with the others in the room, and hey, do they feel like helping them out against Edward and Lydia? Nah, they’re not feeling it right now. Instead he jumps onto Edward’s back and tries to take back the Chance Lance, only to be thrown off him. His body really was strong. _Let’s see what this baby can do!_ Edward is attacking Merle with Railsplitter, rendering him unconscious. Taako’s got a different plan for the mannequins and casts Animate Objects on them, bringing them to life and instructing them to attack the liches. Only…they’re still under Lydia’s control and need some swaying. That’s where Magnus comes in. _Friends, mannequins. Help us! My wooden brothers! Join me in this fight against your captors! Your controllers, they have used you for evil and we shall use you, we shall free you from their bonds. And after this, we’ll totally take you with us 100% guaranteed. …_ Five of them like the idea of that and attack Edward.

Lydia uses the black smog to create a wrecking ball to fly at Taako, only for it to be blocked by the Red Robe with a wrecking ball of his own. Guess he really must be on their side, for now at least. Remembering his Magnetic Charge is still held by Edward, Magnus manages to sneak behind him while he’s occupied with the mannequins and press the button where it hangs from his belt. All at once the Shield of Heroic Memories, Railsplitter, the Chance Lance come flying off of Edward, projected away by the magnetic field.

Right away Magnus is calling the Chance Lance back to him, but Edward is doing the same. In the end Magnus wins out. Edward is still smirking. He uses Poetic Justice and rips one of Magnus’ marionette arms right off! As he’s being beaten by Edward Magnus remembers something. The time as a child when he was beaten up for protecting a dog. In that memory he’s lying on the ground, looking up at the sky and in that sky there are two suns almost overlapping just on the horizon. _Oh that’s…that’s weird._ Wait—Hold on. _Oh, well, it’s not weird at all._ His home was always like that. The world he’s from always had two suns in the sky. The world he’s on now, this _isn’t_ his home.

As the fight goes on the mannequins continue their assault on Edward. Taako casts Protection from Evil and Good on Magnus, protecting him somewhat from just…from whatever the hell could happen next. He expects anything right now. Beginning to regain some of his consciousness, Merle sees Cam floating above him. He’s got an idea for the Red Robe. Think they can magic up a Healing Game for him? They do just that and before Cam there stands a pedestal from the Healing Game. _I, uh, I thought of something heroic to do._ Using Mage Hand, Cam slams down on the pedestal, a beam of light shooting up from the ground and consuming Cam. But Merle, he’s awake now, recovered with what little health Cam had to give. Better not waste it. Unsing the Ring of Grammarian, Merle turns Divine Word into Divine Wood and heals Magnus’ wooden body somewhat, imbuing him with divine power.

Lydia uses Death Bolt to fire a ball of darkness right at Taako, and now he’s the one who’s unconscious. Filled with divine power, Magnus jabs the Chance Lance right into Edward’s back, throwing him down in the middle of them all. He tries to stand back up, but all they hear from him is a simple _huh_ before he falls back over, his lich form rising out of Magnus’ body. _Did you really think—_ Before he can finish the Umbra Staff rears up in Taako’s unconscious hand and consumes Edward. But this…it happens a bit differently to what they’ve seen before. Edward is tossed about inside it, so forcefully that it is pulled out of Taako’s hand.

All through their time in Wonderland Lup had been able to feel Taako’s pain and she seethed in the chamber of black curtains, helpless to assist. With each moment there she grows more anxious, pacing around the chamber, pulling at the curtains, trying to force her way out—to _save her brother._ Still, she has no means of escape. Then she heard more fighting outside, and moments later, for the first time in ten years, Lup has company. The lich, Edward, has been consumed by the Umbra Staff, just as she was all that time ago.

Scrambling to his knees, Edward is looking about frantic and confused by this place, by the woman before him. _Who…who are you? What is this place?_ This wasn’t how it was meant to go! He was a lich! He was supposed to have left Magnus’ body to fight another day! Lup doesn’t answer his questions. **Are you the one whose been hurting my brother out there?** _Am I—Where are we?_ Gritting her teeth, Lup is angry, forceful, delighted. Finally— _Finally_ she can do something for Taako. **I’m going to fucking kill you now.** Ten seconds is all it takes for Lup to obliterate Edward. He’d dared to hurt Taako, _her brother,_ and now, well now Edward would be the target for ten years’ worth of hapless frustration. Taako may never know what she had done, but at least she could say she’d done something.

When those ten seconds are up Edward is forced out of the Umbra Staff, shot eight feet down the catwalk where he instantly turns to ash. Lup had indeed killed Edward, killed the unkillable. At the sight of her brother Lydia gives a scream of rage, falling to her knees where he had just been thrown. She’s losing clarity now, he lich form unstable. _I guess…I guess we still needed each other after all._ Pointing a finger at the four of them, Lydia screams. So loud, so filled with pain, so powerful. Everything is plunged into darkness, energy crackling all around them. And when the darkness lifts Lydia is gone. A second pile of ash now lays at the end of the runway beside the first. Lydia had obliterated herself, unwilling to go on without Edward.

On the floor is a small, copper bell inlaid with diamonds, resting where Lydia had fallen. The Animus Bell. Where Edward had been defeated was a pile of Magnus’ belongings. And _oh my god,_ the Red Robe exclaims, pointing down the runway. In her final act, Lydia hadn’t just destroyed herself, she had destroyed Magnus’ body. Well shit… Magnus _is_ a mannequin now.

Well, Magnus checks through his belongings. It’s a bitter sweet victory. But, hey, at least he wasn’t dead. And at leave Steven was still good. With everything reclaimed Magnus gives Taako a healing potion, he could damn well use it right about now. The Red Robes’ attention is on the Animus Bell. Erm, should they get that? Oh, oh yeah, that’s what they were here for… When Magnus goes to pick it up it, of course, tries to tempt him. _How would you like to live forever?_ **I’d hate it. Shut the fuck up.** _Uh, oh! Okay **!**_ Magnus isn’t in the mood for these fucking games right now.

When Magnus claims the relic a windstorm absorbs all of Wonderland, the room, the mannequins, the fog, everything, until nothing is left. When it does down the boys are back in the Felicity Wilds, the clearing which had **been** filled with billboards—but those too are gone now. Throughout the clearing are twenty other confused and miserable people. A hand comes to rest on Taako’s shoulder. He was still in a pretty bad way, but after that he’s healed, by none other than Antonia—her eyes covered in bandages and white streaks in her hair. _Rough day?_ **Yeah… Yeah… It’s been a hard one… I died twice… I guess…** Well, almost died twice, but Taako managed _to_ hold on there. God old Taako. _My day was pretty shit. **Are you a mannequin?** Uh, no, n—oh my god is that Magnus?! **Yeah! Yeah, so maybe like, keep your shit to yourself unless you’re a fucking mannequin.**_ Yeah, Magnus isn’t doing so hot right now.

Even so…Antonia just knows it was them who had freed everyone from Wonderland, and for that, well she’s willing to forgive them for the whole Trust and Forsake incident. Well, goodbye guilt! Taako’s not got to feel bad about royally screwing them over anymore! _At the end of the day! I guess it doesn’t matter who pushed what buttons and who…betrayed who, really. The important thing! Is that we’re all…family! We’re all part of this thing called life. By the way, you’re welcome!_ He’s healed, doesn’t have to feel guilty about forsaking them, and helped save all these people’s lives? Taako’s actually pretty good again now.

Sterling has had quite the change of heart while in Wonderland too. He’s older, in his late thirties now. He…he made a terrible mistake in there, a mistake he’s going to have to live with for the rest of his days! H-He chose to forsake them in that first room! He knew what would happen to them but he chose to send them to their doom anyway! True the boys had been Forsaken in their first round, but it hadn’t been Sterling who had forsaken them, it was the halfling duo, so what did Merle care? _Say…three hail marys, and six push ups, and all is forgiven_ he guesses. Sterling is going to do everything in his power to be a good ruler from now on!

Rowan is actually approaching Magnus, but nope, he’s got other business to attend to. Magnus is storming over to the Red Robe, ready to demand answers. He’s not playing around anymore. Swinging his now detatched arm at the Red Robe with his good one, he catches it before it can hit him—and right then Magnus is hit with another memory. It starts of completely as static until—until it isn’t. He’s walking across a landscape of red rock and clay, and he’s lost. Completely lost. He…he’d come here to hide something. He couldn’t remember what he was hiding but he knew it to be terrifyingly powerful. But now he’s lost and he’s so _thirsty._ It’s so hot… He takes off his jacket a bright crimson red with an insignia patch over the left breast pocket. Struggling on through the Badlands, Magnus eventually stumbles upon a two strangers in the distance. A man and a small girl. They offer him water, and kindness, and hospitality. They’re good people. Such good people. He’s already decided, he’s going to hide it with them. They’ll be able to keep the cup safe.

It takes a while for Magnus to come to after that. He’s been in a fugue state, walking on through the Felicity Wilds with Taako, Merle and the Red Robe—then the Red Robe stops them. He doesn’t blame them for not trusting him, but everything is going to make sense very soon, he promises. Well, Magnus literally has nothing else to lose at this point, so why the hell not.

There’s a crackling sound of static and the Red Robe goes silent. Pointing a finger, an illusory object appears in the shape of a Stone of Farspeech, then he holds out his hand, requesting that they hand over their stones—through which they can now hear Angus’ voice. _Sirs? Sirs, are you there? You’ve been out of—sirs? You’ve, you’ve been offline for a while, are you there?_ He sounds panicked, worried. The Red Robe seems urgent. Magnus hands his over, turning to Taako and Merle. _Do it._ And they do. And the Red Robe crushes all of the stone in his hand. **Hell yeah, goin’ rogue! Been waitin’ for this the whole time! Fuck yes! Off the grid! Fuck yes! Taako’s always ready for this! I’m ready to go off the grid at any fuckin’ moment!** Taako is the furthest thing from calm now.

That…that was close. Barry had almost forgotten about their stones. It was a good job Angus spoke when he did. If Lucretia had heard anything he had planned next… Anyway— _Listen, there’s not much time. Night’s gonna fall soon, and we need to make some headway before it does because…well, tomorrow’s going to be…fateful._ Oh, and something else. They’ll need to disguise Magnus. Can’t let anyone touch him or they’ll be discovered. As he’s doing so he the Red Robe conjures a coin and whispers into it before making it vanish again.

They’re heading through the Felicity Wilds and when it comes time for them to make camp for the night the group stumble upon a clearing, within it a well-crafted fire pit and three tree stumps carved into chairs. They know this place. It was their campsite from little over a year ago on one of their first nights travelling together. They’re really close to Phandalin, and the gerblin hideout, and Wave Eacho Cave, where all this started. Time for them to get a nice rest in this familiar place.

Magnus’ dreams are filled with some wild shit that night—too much for him to clearly remember come morning. Two visions stick. In the first he was standing on the deck of a silver ship, other figures wearing red robes stood around him, though he can’t see their faces. They’re flying away from something, a world being consumed by waves of darkness filled with strips of green, red and blue. In the other he was seeing the Voidfish. It was floating in a tank, in its grasp is a thick, blue, leather bound book with silver trim.

In the morning they continue on their journey through the Felicity Wilds, following the Red Robe to the same stretch of foothills where they first met Klarg, to a well-hidden cave. Deep in the cave they’re taken to a room lit by candles arranged on a table around magical tomes and maps. Behind the desk they see a map of Faerun, string connecting certain points on the map. Phandalin, Armos, Greenhold, Rockport, Goldcliff, Neverwinter. The Red Robe has been tracking them, the Grand Relics, the Bureau of Balance. In that room they also see another source of light, a pod filled with swirling green liquid. Inside a body has been created, but the liquid is too opaque for them to make out its features. On the desk is a perfectly accurate map of the moon base. Another thing in the room catches their eyes, a small wooden chest, over which a red robe has been thrown. On the left breast there is a familiar insignia, but only Magnus is able to make out the writing. The acronym. _I.P.R.E._

And the Red Robe speaks. It’s time. _Events that’ve been in motion for over a decade are about to reach critical mass. There are gaps in your stories that are unimaginably massive. But before the end of this day, I promise you they will be filled._ Whether Lucretia wanted it or not, whether she tried to stop him or not, _today_ Barry was going to help Taako, Magnus and Merle—and Davenport, of course—get their memories back. If they wanted any chance at winning this, they _needed_ to remember everything!

You see, this pod, he acquired it some time ago now. He’s been using it time and time again to recreate his body in pursuit of his goal. He’s come close a few times, but never has he managed to reach that goal because one he’s in his body again, he forgets the truths that his lich self knows. Each time he has to convince himself to follow his own instructions. _But, well… I can be pretty stubborn._ Not to mention he doesn’t have most of his magic anymore in that form, he can’t even remember the fact he’s a lich! And…and he’s sorry Magnus, he knows what he’s thinking. Yes, this machine _can_ grow new bodies…but it takes months. They only have a few hours. And it needs someone’s essence to grow the body and Magnus’ body…Lydia destroyed it…

In a moment the Red Robe is going to go into the tank and enter his body, then the four of them will go back to the Bureau. They’re going to get the truth they deserve. It’s…it’s going to be kind of uncomfortable here in a moment though. They’re going to recognise him, but he won’t recognise them. So, well he apologises in advance for his rudeness. _If we all follow my commands, we **will** be successful. _He truly believes that. Oh, and hey, Merle, could you be a bud and grab him some clothes from that chest? He’s going to be pretty naked over here in a minute.

Then the Red Robe lowers himself into the tank. Magnus is struck with another memory. He’s pressed back against a cliff’s edge, ace drawn, an army of shadows are approaching and the sky is black. So black the sky can’t contain it. All around are columns of tar illuminated with red, green and blue. They’re falling from the sky. In the distance he can see a silver ship weaving its way through the falling columns, flying out of sight. In that moment he’s overcome with relief. Beside Magnus is another human man. They’re wearing the same crimson uniform with the same patch—only his is a jacket, while this man’s is a robe. Just as the horde is about to overrun them, the man turns to Magnus and drops his wand. A black spike has shot out from the horde and into his chest. Though he staggers, the man manages to stay on his feet. And he’s smiling. When he speaks, the man speaks with the Red Robe’s voice. _Well. We’ll get ‘em next time._

Back in the cave room, Merle pulls some clothes out of the chest. A white cotton shirt, a studded leather belt and a pair of pants made of sturdy blue denim. The pod’s membrane splits and the green liquid rushes out to the floor. Each of them instantly recognise the face of the man stood in front of them. They had assumed they would never see him again. The last time they had was right before he had been consumed by the fire that destroyed Phandalin. And yet…here he is. Barry is back.


	13. Reunion Tour

Standing in front of the boys is a very naked and very confused Barry Bluejeans—who is quick to assume he finds himself in this situation because he simply partied a bit too hard last night. It wouldn’t be the first time. They introduce themselves, Merle is handing him some clothes and er, just so he knows, the mannequin, he doesn’t always look like that. But…that doesn’t explain how they know him. Oh, they had a bit of a run in on a mission in Phandalin last year, but he’s got a coin in his pocket that should just go ahead and clear all that up for them.

Sure enough there is a coin in his pocket and right away it begins to speak in Barry’s lich. First off it starts listing things only Barry himself would know. That he’s scared of that dark. His favourite thing is to swim in very cold water on very hot days. His father, Greggor, died when he was too young to know him. His mother, Marleana, had soft grey hair when he was born, and she was the most wonderful woman who ever lived. _You remember them but you have forgotten so much. And right now, in this moment, you feel a dull weight in your chest. It’s the weight of the love that defined and redeemed you but you’ve forgotten who that weight belongs to. Barry, I’m **you,** just moments ago and I remember who that weight belongs to, and I can help **you** remember it too. _Barry, too, had forgotten Lup. **Yeah, al-alright.**

The lich Barry goes on to explain what they must do now. The boys, their brains are going to fight to remember things about Barry, but they need to fight that urge for now. If they don’t their mission could get a hell of a lot more complicated than it already was. He’s prepared a map for them of the Bureau of Balance. It shows them exactly how to access Lucretia’s vault. What she keeps hidden in that vault is exactly what they need. They see, he learnt this by temporarily possessing a member of the Bureau of Balance—one Robbie, also known as Pringles—as his lich form would immediately have been detected. They need to take the now alive Barry with them to the moon base and follow the map so they can learn more about their past. The boys were turning on the Bureau, _surprisingly no one on Reddit._

 _I’m not convinced by any of this. I mean, I was reluctant to help anyone, um, but the Bureau of Balance like… I have no reason to—to distrust them._ Trust, it was not something that came easy to Taako and now…now they expected him to just throw the last year away, just like that? It didn’t feel right. What reason had he to turn his back on them now? Okay, okay… Taako, Merle, Magnus has something you should probably see. Presented to them is the picture of the statue in refuge. June, she gave him this just before they left. Magnus as a Red Robe. They can see it as clear as day, but something—something keeps them from forming the clear explanation. _Magnus is a Red Robe._ They know it, but they too cannot think it. And…and since Wonderland, he’s been _remembering_ things. Thing he shouldn’t remember and doesn’t know how he remembers, but they’re _real. There’s so much more going on._

 **Okay, so here’s my theory. I think there’s another Voidfish.** Oh, how right you are, Taako. How right you are. When Magnus was speaking just now Taako heard a whole bunch of the crinkle-tinkle Voidfish static, his _ASMR was going buckwild._ It’s the only explanation. Maybe it’s ‘cause Magnus went swimming with the Voidfish? But then again, there was the Voidfish’s song, the words it spelt out. _Egg babe._ He thinks it means the Voidfish has a baby too.

Oh, and they should probably know this too, before they left for Wonderland, he broke into the prison to talk to Pringles too. That means, out of everyone in the Bureau, Pringles is probably the one other person they _can_ trust right now. Oh, wait. Hold up. _Listen, I have an update from Taako Central. I’ve updated my list of people I trust and things I believe to no one and nothing! Not a joke, I don’t trust you, half-pint, I don’t trust Jeff from Today’s Special, I don’t trust Barold whatever his name—I trust nobody, nothing. And you’ve convinced me to add The Director and her crew, her coterie to that list, but it does not extent—it is no one. There is nothing and no one. It’s a big ol’ void! All orbiting planet Taako, of non-trust!_ All it had taken was that one picture to shatter Taako’s trust in everything. In the end everything screws you over, so what’s the point in trusting to begin with? Magnus and Merle may have been his friends, but he couldn’t trust them as far as he could throw them anymore. Lucretia was clearly hiding _something._ Barry had just come back to life after stalking them as a fucking lich for the last year! Fuck, even Kravitz had tried to kill him before, but maybe that one didn’t even matter anymore—not after the sorry state he’d seen him in yesterday! That’s it, the Taako train of non-trust has left the station and it’s not coming back.

Even so, Taako goes along with the plan anyway as Barry collects his things and they head out. But he’s doing this for him. He wants to know what the fuck else has been kept from him this whole fucking time. As they’re leaving the lich Barry speaks through the coin again. There’s no point for Barry to leave any blood behind this time. They’ve only got this one last chance to make things right. There’ll be no point in the blood if they fail.

It’d be too suspicious if they just waltz in with Barry, so they store him away in the Pocket Spa before calling for one of the spheres. What’s with the mannequin? Just Taako’s new servant, brought along to carry the Animus Bell. That really was some messed up shit and he didn’t want to get his hands on it. And where’s Magnus? He died… When they leave the cave there are storm clouds overhead.

While waiting for the sphere, Taako slips on the Band of Telepathic Thought to communicate with Magnus up in the base. As he does something unexpected happens. The sound of a woman’s voice rings through his mind. He knows right away that the voice sounds familiar, but he hasn’t the faintest idea who it belongs to. His first thought is Kravitz, but no. No, Kravitz isn’t a woman. _Trust Barry. Love Barry. Taako, it’s me. It’s [STATIC], it’s me. Trust Barry._ Finally, fucking finally Lup was given the chance to _speak_ to her brother! To help him, to guide him in some small way! She can only hope the big doofus listens to her. Just a moment later the sphere has arrived, ready to take them back to the base.

On another plane of existence, the Astral Plane to be exact, the lights which usually fill the endless lake are gone. There’s no movement, no sound. Only the motionless storm overhead. Black tar layers over the top of the water, filled with ribbons of bright colours. A hand has forced its way through the water surface. Kravitz’ hand. Frantically, he’s pulling himself up onto the Eternal Stockade’s island. Behind him black hands are reaching out for him, trying to pull him back under. Thankfully he has his scythe now and is able to cut them off with that. Finally, he’s free. He’s running for the Eternal Stockade where he plans to barricade himself inside for the foreseeable future.

Since becoming a bounty hunter for the Raven Queen, Kravitz has seen a _lot_ of things. Things any normal person would never even think to imagine in a lifetime. But he’s seen them, seen them all. Arcane cuts worshipping dragons made of light. Cities of machinery and towers of gilded iron. Crystallized laboratories rescued by loveable doofuses. But this…this is unlike anything Kravitz has ever seen before. A world made ink black and frozen. It’s unnatural. But he knows, if it’s the same as this on the other plans…man he’s going to have his work cut out for him today…

With a swing of his scythe Kravitz tries to open up a rift to the material plane. Nothing happens. One more attempt. Two more. Three. Each time it’s the same. Just a swing of a scythe through empty air. He falls to one knee, already becoming frantic with worry. Five feathers are laid out in a circle before him on the floor. He needs to speak to the Raven Queen. She doesn’t answer him. Kravitz is able to deduce two things from that. He’s trapped. And he is alone.

Oh no. Oh god. If this had gotten to even the Raven Queen… What did it mean for the rest of the planes? It had almost been enough to take down the reaper himself, and he wasn’t even mortal! What did that mean for the Material Plane? For _Taako?_ Oh god, _Taako!_ Frantically he tries to call Taako through the Stone of Farspeech. He needs to hear his voice, to know Taako is okay. But there’s no answer. Of course there isn’t… It’s gone. _He’s_ gone. Everything is just…gone.

When the sphere pulls up into the hangar bay Avi is shocked. They’re back! The boys are back from Wonderland! Everyone on the base was so worried about them after they lost contact! They thought they were dead! Right away he’s calling for the others, they’ll be pleased to know they’re back! But wait…where’s Magnus? _No, he did die. That—you were one third right, my man…_ **Yup. And at one point we both died, but we got better.** _We got better. Um, yeah, it—it was very… Magnus didn’t make it._

Right after Killian and Carey burst through into the hangar. Avi is frozen in shock. Noelle and Davenport are following close behind into the room. Carey is running excitedly to the group, pleased to see her best friend again. _Guys, you’re back! I didn’t—wait, where’s Magnus? What happened to Magnus?_ **He didn’t make it. We lost him. He’s gone.** Carey collapses right then and there. Killian has to rush to catch her. What…what happened to him? They had to fight some pretty damn tripped out liches. It—it wasn’t going so great. It was pretty hit and miss for all of them for a while there. But Magnus…he was heroic. He died heroically. And…and what about them? Their Stones of Farspeech? The liches, the magic they were using, it messed with the stones. They were basically inoperable after that. And Wonderland, it takes things from them and they had to leave them behind. _Well it sounds like you all had a really—awful time, I’m so sorry about Magnus…_ Yeah. Yeah, Killian, it was terrible…

Carey hasn’t said anything else since falling to the ground. Killian takes this as her chance to pick Carey up, she and Noelle helping her out of the hangar. Davenport is waiting with two guards and a lead ball for the relic. Killian pauses by the door. Oh yeah, the Director was pretty eager to get this one destroyed and…and figure out a funeral, she guesses. Yeah, that sounds about right. Gotta be careful with the mannequin though. It’s Woody, they brought him back from Wonderland. Don’t touch him, could be dangerous. Taako’s good though, he’s actually part of a group studying poorly understood magic like this. He’ll take care of the mannequin. Oh…okay, guess that’s okay then.

Killian, Noelle and Carey all leave, followed soon by Davenport and the guards once Magnus hands the Animus Bell over to them. The turn their attention back to Avi who has been quiet this whole time. He’s…he’s pretty bummed to say the least. Always one with a flask at hand, he takes it out of his pocked, raising it before taking a drink. _To Magnus! He was, uh, he was a good dude._ He offers it to the others too. Merle drinks, Taako doesn’t.

Then the three of them are also heading out into the quad, the same storm cloud they saw outside of Barry’s cave can be seen overhead. They’re on the path following the map now, but they’re stopped as they hear the doors of Fantasy Costco opening—this time without its usual theme tune. Inside it looks ransacked. Everything has been packed up in crates and boxes, Garfield getting ready to leave.

 _Uh, hold on just a second kemosabe. The sign says open 24 hours._ **Well…that doesn’t really take into account the…apocalypse, so I’ve gotta hit the ol’ road, Jack.** Hadn’t they seen the big old storm brewing up outside? No way was he about to hang around this place while that shit hits the fan! That and well, he’s feeling pretty hopeless after Taako thoroughly thwarted his wits during his last visit. His days as a shopkeeper are over. Wait—wait! Garfield has Magnus’ blood! If they got that they could use that in Barry’s pod! He could be a person again!

Okay, okay, Garfield, you’re leaving, they hear you, but they need Magnus’ blood. He died on their last mission, so they’d like kind of really like the blood to remember him by. You know, for a funeral, since his body was destroyed. Hmm…fine. He’ll trade them the blood for something of equal value. Taako knows what Garfield wants… Fine, he hands over the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom…though not before casting Drawmij’s Instant Summons to it so he can summon the sword back later. Taako won that sword fair and square, he’s not just going to give it away now.

Garfield gleefully accepts the sword, oblivious to Taako’s spell. He tosses Taako the keys to the store room for Fantasy Costco before disappearing with a twirl of his cape and a puff of smoke. They head into the back room and all the storage spaces have been emptied out. On a long table are Magnus’ shield and axe, some blood having been scared off of them. And next to the table there’s a pod. Just like the one they saw Barry step out of this morning. Inside it is a body, fully formed and floating in the green liquid. It’s Magnus’ body. Incidentally, Garfield had occupied the seat next to Barry when he had bought his pod all those years ago.

Taako knows Magnus is eager to get back in his body again, but he’s got to be careful. They don’t know how much Magnus is going to forget when enters his body again. Yeah, Merle agrees, they can’t risk their whole stealth mission now. But— _I can’t feel **anything.** I’m not hungry. I don’t breath. My heart doesn’t beat. Do you **understand?** And that’s me! That’s me! Right there! I can’t fight. I can’t protect. I can’t do anything in this body. I have worked all my life to be able to fight and protect and do good. _Magnus _needs_ his body back, and they’re not about to convince him otherwise. And those arms…those were the arms which once held his wife.

Okay…He’ll make them a deal. He’ll stay in this body until he, inevitably, dies. Then he’ll come for the clone body. They should head out to the Director’s office without him though. Taako can give him a signal when it’s time. Yeah, okay. They’ll see him soon. Taako leaves Magnus with a sapphire that will summon back the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom, along with a hastily written note. _Trust the voices in your head, and open your mouth, and let the first words you speak be ‘Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom.’ P.S. You’re gonna wanna smash that bad boy, too. Smash that, smash that bad boy. And put some clothes on._ And Merle and Taako leave Magnus behind, leaving him to lay out all the things he thinks he’ll need on the table. Taking his old shield and axe, Magnus heads for the Voidfish’s chamber.

Elsewhere on the moon base Lucretia is making preparations to destroy the Animus Bell. Angus McDonald is watching the process intently, as he watches most things.  Carey is inconsolable after the death of her best friend. Killian and Noelle are with Carey in their private quarters, neither of them knowing just what to say. Johann is restringing a fiddle, happily plucking away at it as he begins a new composition for the Voidfish’s next meal. Across the room the Voidfish floats nervously in its tank.

High up above, past the sky, past space, beyond the Prime Material Plane, there are more planes. The Astral Plane, the Plane of Thought, the Elemental Planes, all twelve planes making up the Planar System perfectly in sync, moving in perfect harmony, sustaining each other in the process. Above these planes, a thirteenth plane has appeared. It is descending. A disk of shimmering, living darkness, lined with bright ribbons of blue, red, green and gold. This plane, it’s far larger than the other planes combined. As it moves lower eyes open all along the underside of the disk. Millions of bright white eyes burning with malice and Hunger. All of the eyes are focused down on the same spot, the floating headquarters of the Bureau of Balance. Inside the living plane someone smiles. He’s found it.

Nobody is around as Taako and Merle make their way for Lucretia’s chambers. Inside the room overlooking the chamber where relics are destroyed is Angus, studying the process, and Lucretia, who apologises for sending them to Wonderland…for getting Magnus killed. _I—I’m so sorry. If I had thought that you couldn’t take it, I wouldn’t have done it. I’m so sorry._ Hearing that about Magnus, it has _destroyed_ Lucretia. Every time the boys left on mission she worried for their safety, but never had she thought that they _wouldn’t_ come back. They _always came back._ But to think that Magnus was gone…and it was _her_ doing…

Taako isn’t playing the trusting game anymore. He casts Detect Thoughts and focuses in in Lucretia. He knows she’s happy to see them, so very happy. Relieved that at least they survived. But she’s sad…broken hearted about Magnus. Her other emotions? A strange mix of excitement and anxiety…some worry thrown in there. But these things, they’re unconnected. Something else is going on that they don’t know about. But Taako can’t probe any deeper than that. Lucretia is _very_ intelligent, she would notice if he delved too deep into her thoughts.

Merle tells her how broken up they are about Magnus right now and could they just have a moment alone? To their astonishment, Lucretia agrees. She couldn’t deny them that now. Entering into her office, Taako casts Detect Magic on the room. The painting behind her desk radiates magic, just as it had the last time he tired this months ago. Lich Barry’s voice chines in through the coin then. There’s no going back. Once they go through the vault they’ll definitely be trespassing.

Magnus doesn’t run into anyone as he makes his way to the Voidfish’s chamber. Looking around he remembers, today is Midsummer. …But there is no Midsummer Festival like there had been on this day last year. It has been one year exactly one year since they saw the eyes fill the sky above the Bureau. Outside the Voidfish’s chamber there are no guards like usual, but inside Johann is ever present—he sits in front of the tank, playing his harp. When Fisher spots Magnus it begins to sing, but Johann doesn’t notice him. Sneaking up on Johann Magnus manages to knock him out. He doesn’t aim to hurt the bard, but he needs him unconscious for this. Sorry Johann… In the process Johann drops his harp, a couple of the strings snapping as it hits the floor.

Their first plan to get into the vault is for Taako to kick the next door down, but he isn’t that strong. He should know that by now. He opens it normally after that, revealing a long hallway on the other side—ten feet wide, one hundred feet long. Barry’s coin speaks again, there’s a puzzle involving twelve orbs on pedestals for them to solve…but there is no puzzle in sight. There’s nothing unusual or hidden in the hallway…until they begin to sink into the floor like quicksand. Scorpions burst out of the walls and head for them. Merle plans to use the Zoom Broom to escape, but it instantly explodes. Taako is pulled under the floor. He’s alone in a horrorfying dark space.

Wait… Wait… Wait… None of this is real. He’s lying on the floor, Merle writhing next to him—he’s stuck in the illusion. Thankfully Taako has the Band of Telepathic Thought and can shout into his mind to break him out of the spell. Isn’t he glad good ol’ Taako is around with his brilliant intellect? Not everyone was smart enough to get out of a spell like that so easily, you know.

But with their senses returned to them, it becomes all too clear that their presence in the room has set off an alarm bell ringing loudly. Well…it’s ringing loudly until someone casts Silence on it. Standing in the doorway is Angus with a wand in his hand. _Hell yeah! Nice magic, little man!_ Damn, Angus really has come far since that terrifying non-hand in the cafeteria. Not that he’d say it aloud, but Taako was kind of proud to see magic come to the boy so naturally now, all thanks to their training. **Start talking. I—I need to know what you know.** He didn’t like speaking to Taako like that, but something wasn’t right. Angus had figured that much out. They were doing something they obviously shouldn’t be doing and he _needed_ to know what. Angus idolised Taako and he just had to believe the elf was doing the right thing.

Magnus feels bad about the broken harp… Johann’s music, his instruments, were his life. He didn’t deserve to have them broken just because Magnus needed a minute alone with the Voidfish. So he pauses for a few minutes to fix the harp as best he can before diving into the tank with the Voidfish again. Though, made of wood now, the Voidfish has to wrap some of its tendrils around him to hold him under the water. What does the Voidfish know about him that he doesn’t?

Fisher answers with more visions. They’re in the crystal cave again, a few other Voidfish floating around. Then Magnus sees himself, walking towards Fisher and speaking to it. There are others in the room wearing the same red uniform. A blink and they’re running towards a silver ship with more Red Robes, the Fisher going along with them. _So…I’m—I’m a Red Robe?_ The Voidfish doesn’t understand what Magnus means by that, but shows him a series of visions of himself wearing the red uniform, along with a group of others all dressed the same. These visions all take place on the silver ship, back in the early days when they were trying to figure out how to feed Fisher.

Magnus tries to contact Taako after that, but with him and Merle both under the illusion spell, all he can hear in response are panicked screams and shouts. They can’t help him and he can’t help them right now… _Is anything I remember real?_ Who was to say if anything he remembered was real at this point? But no…no he _knew_ it was real. _All_ of it was real! It had to be.

 _Do you know what’s really happening with the artefacts?_ No. The sound it makes is dejected and perhaps a touch antsy. _Is there anything I can do to help you get your kid back?_ With that the Voidfish grabs hold of Magnus and sends a shock all through the wooden mannequin body. It can’t hurt him right now, but strangely he _feels_ it. Back in Fantasy Costco, Magnus’ real hand twitches slightly when that happens and the Voidfish lets out an enormously loud roar, so loud Johann begins to stir somewhat.

In another vision the Fisher is nursing an egg at the bottom of its tank. This tank. This room. And the egg hatches, a tiny baby Voidfish coming out of it. It is adorable. In that moment both parent and child are so happy. It’s been so many years since Fisher saw another one of its kind, and now it has a child of its own. And then there’s a shot of the door, Lucretia walking into the chamber. Then in another shot Lucretia is carrying the baby Voidfish away in a small container of its own, leaving Fisher to scream sadly.

When Magnus is released by the Voidfish Johann is awake now, rubbing at his head. He’s…confused. In all his time as the Voidfish’s caretaker never has he seen…a mannequin swimming in the tank with it, a _living_ mannequin at that. He begins to shout something only to be cut down when he does. Johann is thrown backwards, motionless on the floor, the newly repaired harp a few feet away. And Magnus’ vision is starting to clear. Surrounding Johann are humanoid figures. They vary in size and shape, and they look vaguely robotic and boxy, but they’re not robots at all. Magnus remembers these things. This isn’t the first time he’s seen them. Just this morning he saw them as they struck down himself and Barry. Though their appearances vary, there’s one thing each of the figures have in common. They’re all made of darkness, lined with swirling flashes of colour. Magnus is filled with horror as he looks at them because he knows now _The Hunger is here. The seven of them managed to hide for a really long time, but was—it was all for nothing because The Hunger has found them all now and it’s going to end everything._

Back in Lucretia’s chambers Taako and Merle are able to resist Angus’ Zone of Truth. You’re good kid, but not that good. Zone of Truth is kind of Merle’s _thing,_ he’s not about to fall to that, and Taako is just _Taako—_ he’s a pretty good wizard, remember. But still, Taako thinks that was _adorable._ Then from inside Taako’s bag they can hear Barry speaking. He’s getting kind of claustrophobic in there and he’s not exactly supposed to be up here. _Oh shit!_ Taako forgot about Barry in there! Oops! Well he’s letting Barry out of the bag now at least.

 _Okay—Ango, you got me. I have to tell the truth. This is Barry, he lives in a bag. What else can I tell you?_ Well…no, Taako resisted, he doesn’t _have_ to tell him anything, but damn… That kid really does have him wrapped around his finger. Taako both loves and hates Angus for it. **Um, you can start with everything? Tell me—tell me now and Taako, I swear, don’t—don’t lie to me. I’m the world’s greatest detective, you don’t think I know that something’s up?** Well, he’s got him there… Okay, Merle, cast Zone of Truth on Taako, just so Angus _knows_ what he’s saying is true. In truth, Taako trust Angus implicitly. Maybe there was just a bit of trust left on the Taako train after all.

So the Bureau of Balance is bad…they think. Barry here says it’s bad at least, or he did until he turned back all human. _What happened to Magnus, really?_ Man, this kid was sharp. Of course he would realise Magnus would never be taken down so easily by a pair of liches. He was too stubborn to lose a fight, to die. Right now Magnus is off being Magnus. Well he was a mannequin when they left him to do his thing, but maybe he’s himself again now—creepy Garfield had a Grow-You-Own-Magnus thing going in the store room, mad right?! They weren’t really sure about that, they’d not heard from him since. In the minutes that follow, they explain everything to Angus. Heck, they could use the world’s greatest detective in trying to figure this whole mess out. _Angus, I trust you implicitly and here’s the exact 100% truth as we understand it because if anybody can fuckin’ figure out what’s going on, it’s you. So hook me up._ It came as a shock even to himself to hear him admit that aloud—so soon after denying trust for anyone. Fuck it—if anyone got Taako’s trust it would be his apprentice!

 _Taako, thank you._ Angus knows the wizard has been keeping him at an arm’s length and well, he’s sure he has his reasons for that, but well he knows Taako still cares about him even if he’s not the best at showing it. He wouldn’t be a very good detective if he didn’t know all that. _I love the Bureau. I love the Director. She’s given me an—an enormous opportunity here, she gave me a—she gave me a home! And s-s-so I don’t think she’s doing anything wrong, but those spheres that Davenport take into the relic disposal chamber? Well, they’re not the same spheres that come out._ The Director just destroyed the Animus Bell, he watched it happen. He managed to make a mark on the sphere before they took it, but when it came back out the mark was gone. He didn’t know what was going on, but you don’t need to be the world’s greatest detective to know there’s a bait-and-switch happening there. _I feel like we’re—we don’t have the complete truth of what’s going on here. So if you say that you can find it, let me help you get there._ Just so Angus knows, if he sticks with them now, he’s kind of a bad guy too. That doesn’t matter. _The ones lookin’ for the truth, well, they’re never the bad guys._ And that’s what they’re doing: looking for the truth.

Well then, it’s decided. Angus has joined the team and they’re heading back off down the hallway where they come to the vault door. Merle tries to use Nitpicker to open the lock, but fuck! What the hell is Nitpicker supposed to fucking do with a keypad like that? Instead Taako uses Hole Thrower to blast a ten foot hole in the door, it worked on the last vault he broke into.

The Hunger is advancing on Magnus and the Voidfish, and across the room he can see just how really very bad Johann looks. Hey, does the Voidfish need water to live? No. Great! Magnus shatters the wall of the tank with his axe. A huge wave of water crashes over The Hunger, taking out about twenty of the figures. Without the tank to support him, Magnus falls down now too, landing near Johann and The Hunger descends on him. He manages to cut down four more of them before they overpower him. The mannequin body is no more.

For the second time in twenty four hours, Magnus is a nothing more than a spirt in the Ethereal Plane. The Hunger is still attacking the mannequin. Through the ceiling he can see a light roughly in the shape of his body, it’s pulling him towards it. But before it’s able to take him away he sees Johann, standing over his own body. He’s solemn when he speaks, more solemn than he ever heard him even in life. _Magnus. Don’t let them erase me, Magnus. Don’t let them make the world forget._ That is Johann’s final plea.

Through the vault, Lucretia’s private quarters are strikingly similar to Barry’s cave—if not more orderly. There are two tall, even stacks of journals on the desk, along with two empty journals in front of them, each with their own quill and inkwell. And there’s a map, marked all over as she too tracked the relics. And there’s a disc—hovering, spinning, sporting a holy symbol depicting a tree in a circle. It’s a non-denominational symbol of the gods and it’s emanating a powerful force. This is what has been keeping Barry from entering the Bureau of Balance. Merle is sure of it.

In the corner of the room there is a small tank, a light shining from it. Just looking at the tank causes their heads to spin, to feel weird yet…almost familiar. Above the tank is a bell. The old Barry is talking to them again through the coin. _Now you should’ve had enough time by now to get in there and drink._ But after that almost every other word is muffled by static and with every sound of static the bell chimes. There’s no waiting around now. Taako doesn’t hesitate before drinking some of the water and Merle, Angus and Barry follow in turn. As soon as they do they can see the baby Voidfish within the tanks. It’s reaching out to Agnus when the boy taps on the glass.

For Barry, it’s like someone hit him around the head with a hammer. He’s laid on the floor, clutching his head. Taako and Merle can see it too, something closing in on them and making their blood run cold. _Boys, don’t—don’t try to remember too fast, it’s—it’s—it’ll take you out. M-Merle, can you do somethin’ about the holy symbol, please, before, before—_ Barry, he’s used to this feeling by now, it’s what he experiences every time he becomes a lich. But Taako and Merle, it’ll be too much for their minds to comprehend… And now, right now, that symbol _hurts._ It hurts remembering that he is a lich. And then there’s the sound of footsteps down the hall.

Quickly, Merle casts Divination. He _has_ to try the spell again. If anyone knows how to such the symbol off then it’s Pan, and man does he need Pan right now! But this time…not only does Pan not answer his call…he can’t cast the spell to begin with. All yesterday his magic had been going wrong, but now—now it was just _gone._ Pan wasn’t there anymore, so neither was his magic. Merle is completely disconnected from his divine source. Well fuck… But he’s still gotta do something about that symbol! So he grabs it. When he does the anti-lich ward shatters. The guards are in the room now and— _Boys, don’t put up a fight. It’s—things are in motion now and we just kinda gotta go with the flow, but—you’re gonna start remembering soon, but just take it slow, please, I’m begging you. You gotta take it slow._

And Magnus chokes out a lungful of green fluid as the pod releases him. He’s back in Fantasy Costco, in his own body again. He falls to his hands and knees. All his belonging are laid out in front of him and hey! He’s got ten fingers again! The blood for this body was taken from before he went to Wonderland, so the finger he lost, and the ten years, they’ve been returned to him. He remembers almost everything. Merle and Taako, and their quest for the relics. His life in Raven’s Roost with Julia. Reviving Barry Bluejeans. Their plan to break into the Director’s quarters and fill the gaps in their memories. Everything…except for the visions he saw while he was a mannequin. His home. Giving the chalice to Jack and June. Dying with Barry. The Starblaster. The Hunger. All of that is blocked once more behind static.

Something stabs him in the shoulder. It takes a moment for his mind to register the sensation of pain again, but it’s there and he’s being attacked by something. Something invisible. Right away he’s smashing the sapphire and calling forth the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom. He swings it around in the biggest arc he can manage, and the sword is ablaze, shooting a tornado streaked with flame and poison around the room. Magnus can’t see anything happen, but he feels it whenever the attack makes contact with a target. And the room is silent again. Time to get dressed.

He has to fight his way out of Fantasy Costco, every now and then feeling more of the invisible figures strike at him. Out in the quad, everything is chaos. A dozen Bureau employees are out there fighting these invisible foes. There are some guards already just lying motionless on the ground. Among the fighters are Killian, Carey and Noelle. They’re fighting well, but they’re losing a bit of ground already… Noelle is the only one who can see what it is they’re fighting.

As Magnus approaches them, whatever it is gets the better of Killian, striking a red slash down her arm as she tries to block it with her crossbow. Killian falls. Carey sees it happen and screams. She…she changes a bit then, like Magnus has never seen her before. A circle of frill unfolds from around her dragonborn neck, her eyes turn feral and wild, fire and lighting pouring form her mouth in a violent attack circling all around them. Countless invisible shapes are collapsing under the fire. Visible or not, _nothing_ gets to hurt Killian and live.

When the flames die down, everything goes quiet. Already Carey is helping Killian to wrap her arm. That’s when she sees him. Through the fire she spots Magnus, alive and well, and it baffles her. _Hello! Hail and well met! Um…_ How do you tell your best friend you’re not actually dead? Turns out, that’s not how you do it. Carey runs for him, punching him square in the face. **How did—Why did—What—** Oh, there’d be time for talk later. He understands a shit ton has happened, but right now they _really_ need to get out of here and figure out what the fuck is going on. They need to get to the Director. They need to trust him. But Carey doesn’t listen to him. She just throws her arms around him. **Let me guess, you ignored my lessons. When there was trouble, you…well…you took the big hit. Didn’t you, bud?** Yeah…yeah, it was something like that.

Angus, Merle, Taako and Barry are brought forth in front of Lucretia. There are some guards in the room and Davenport stands next to Lucretia. When they first entered the room Barry had charged for Lucretia, only to tussle with Davenport and be brought back in line with the others. Surrounding Lucretia is something…something opaque and magical. A barrier or sorts. She’s knelt down, and by her side is one of the lead balls—a lead ball marked with a small white star. Some kind of energy is being channelled from the orb and into her staff—The Bulwark Staff, the Grand Relic Lucretia made when they first came to this world. And when they realise that, it’s like their brains are struck by lightning. _Oh my god. Did you—did you inoculate yourselves?_ **Yes. We did.** _It’s gonna be too much, you’re gonna remember too much, it’s too—it’s too specific, you’ll be killed, why—why did you do that?_ **We’re stupid?**

Barry is stood quietly next to them while this happens, again, he’s used to remembering. Taako is the only one close enough to Barry to clearly hear what he says as he casts the spell Command, muttering the word _drink._ Lucretia hears something but he deflects. She has to help them remember. It’s over. She has the relics. Their minds will shatter if she doesn’t. They’ll be just like Maureen. She owes them that much. 

Okay, but they can’t try to think ahead, that’s very important! The seven of them, they came from another world, another reality where they were members of the Institute of Planar Research and Exploration. They were elite scientist and explorers sent to explore beyond their own reality on this… _impossible_ ship. Only something went wrong. They were pushed forward by a destructive force, its power beyond measure.

When they came to this world they made the Grand Relics, hoping to hide the light from The Hunger that threatened to consume them. But it was a mistake… In making the relics they damned this world. She…she never wanted to create the relics, but in the end she had been overruled. But she took fixing their mistake into her own hands. She fed the records of their mission to Fisher to make them forget—make the _world_ forget. She hoped that would give her the time she needed to put things right. She failed. In Wonderland she almost died, and with her death the truth of the world, the light, The Hunger, it all would have been gone.

So she founded the Bureau of Balance to aid her in her mission. Only…that was unsuccessful too. All of her reclaimers would go out into the world, only to find themselves hooked under the thrall of the relics. She knew the only people she could trust to help her with the others who were immune to the thrall, the others who made the relics. _Them._

Fisher, as it so often has, provided the solution she needed. A child. With the child she was able to feed it just enough that they could drink from the parent and learn of the relics, aid in the mission, while at the same time the child could hide the truth of their creation and long voyage that brought them to this world to begin with.

And she found them again. The three of them. Taako, Merle and Magnus. She ensured their employment with Gundren to bring them in contact with the first relic so she could finally bring them in, bring them home. She constructed the story of rogue wizards exploiting magic and evil litches, just so they’d be inspired to go along with their cause. But now…not they have the light of creation reformed! She can finally build the barrier to keep The Hunger at bay! She can build them a home where they’ll be safe! All of them together again!

 _Save for Lup. I’m so sorry, Taako, Barry, there was nothing I could do._ Right then Taako remembers Lup. How could he have forgotten Lup?! The one person who had stayed by his side always, from the moment they were born, and he’d forgotten her?! The childhood the Chalice had shown him, it was all _wrong!_ He wasn’t alone, he was with Lup. Out on the road, fighting for survival, the static surrounding each of those memories—it was Lup! His sister! They may have been outcasts, but they were never alone.

Herself, Barry, Lup, Taako, Merle, Magnus, and, of course, their captain. When she redacted their memories she let them keep their identities, removing only that which related to their mission. But well…Davenport’s like _was_ the mission. He’d been working for it for so long, he was impossible to edit around and…his name was all he kept in the end.

As Lucretia turns to look at Davenport a silver dish drops to the ground, gold coins and tokens for the Fantasy Gashapon scattering across the ground. Davenport is holding the flask Barry had slipped into his hand during their brief fight. He’s shaking his head. _Lucretia? What’ve you done?_

And the doors burst open. Team Sweet Flips have kicked in the door, revealing the chaos unfolding outside. And Magnus, he’s back in his flesh body. Every moment they’d spent together this last year Lucretia forced herself to hold back a smile. A smile filled with joy and relief, but she can hold it back no longer. Magnus was _here! Alive_ again! Her friend—no, her _family_ were here in her hour of greatest need. But that smile is gone as she takes in the scene outside.

They can see the shadowy figures which had attacked Magnus. The Hunger. And, more importantly, they see tendrils half a mile wide clawing out of the living darkness filling the sky, colliding with the ground to form thick pillars from with The Hunger’s armies march. _The Hunger is here, again. They’ve escaped it one hundred times, but this is it. It’s the end of the world. Again._

Inside Lucretia’s office there hangs a portrait on the wall. While it had once held the image of Lucretia alone in her aged state, that was its image no longer. There was a group of seven people, all wearing the same red uniforms. There’s an elven woman in the image and she looks _so much_ like Taako, and her arm is wrapped around Barry. Both of them are smiling. Taako, he’s front and centre, the brightest smile he can muster. Merle and Davenport are side by side, shirt sleeves rolled up, laughing as they flex their arms and pose. Magnus is waving behind them, smiling. The big goof. In the middle of them all is Lucretia, smiling softly, holding her journals and surrounded by her family. If they were in her office now, that was the image they would see. The seven of them together, celebrating a moment of peace and happiness in their long journey. _And it’s time to remember this moment now, and all of the others that brought them to where they are today. It’s time to reclaim their stolen century._


	14. Story and Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FANUwJv2dM

One hundred years the seven of them managed to escape The Hunger. One hundred years and Lucretia had stolen them all in an instant. And just as quickly, in that moment—the moment of The Hunger’s one hundredth attack—they remembered. They remembered everything. The IPRE, their mission and the Starblaster. The Light of Creation and The Hunger that sought out the light. The Animal Kingdom. The Mushroom Kingdom. The Capital City of Jaden-Province. The Beach World. Tesseralia. The Legato Conservatory. The Judges’ World. The Empty World. The Hanging Arcaneum. Each and every world they passed through on their way here, to Abeir-Toril. To the world where they would go on to create the Grand Relics. To where they would take their final stand against The Hunger. The Light of Creation had been restored and The Hunger was here, but this time…this time they weren’t going to run away. _You’re ready, ready for the final piece of our story, ready for the end to begin._

Different people, they all that their own names for what happened that day. A lot of different names which meant a lot of different things to a lot of different people. To some it was The Apocalypse. To others The Cataclysm. Some called it simply The Attack. The religions, abandoned by their Gods, they called it Judgement Day. Some even called it The Day of the Unseen Invasion, though it wasn’t unseen to some.

Kravitz was one of the few, one of the first, to see it coming. The day before it reached the Prime Material Plane it consumed the Astral Plane. It squeezed and choked the Kingdom of the Dead, cutting it off from the rest of Planar System. It trapped the reaper alone within the walls of the Eternal Stockade. He may have been safe there, but Kravitz wasn’t content with being safe. He needed _out._ He needed to do _something._ He had a duty to uphold, a sacred duty to the Raven Queen—even if she would not answer his call. Even if he thought there was little he could do, he refused to give up. And so, in that silent, still, dark world, Kravitz struck a deal.

Paloma, the resident witch of Refuge saw it too. That very morning the crystal prophecies which hung from her ceiling feel. Prophecies which had hung in place for decades, never moving or wavering, they all fell and shattered at once. He home was filled with the same two visions. Two catastrophes that day _could_ bring. The same two visions Taako had been shown just a few months ago. One, a world overcome entirely by darkness. One, a world reduced to ash. After that her home was in ruins and her livelihood gone—all save a single crystal which had held steady on the ceiling. Carefully she cut it free and left her home to gather everyone from the once time-sick town. They were to travel east to a time and place where they could be of use.

Lucas Miller, he couldn’t see The Hunger, but he saw its effects in his gemstone mirrors. Troubled currents ran frantic in the Elemental Planes. Explosions were wrought in the Plane of Magic. Panic exploded in the towering cities of the Plane of Thought. And here, in his world, the Prime Material Plane, the damage was inconceivable. After he alone had almost manage to reduce the entire world to crystal, Lucas had sworn to atone for his sins, to make it right by doing good in the world. Today…today he would make good on that promise.

Istus, the Goddess of Fate, she sees everything. She and every other deity in existence were confined to the Celestial Plane when it struck. They were beings of such immeasurable power and they had been contained, trapped. It sent them into a frenzy. All but Lady Istus. She sat and continued with her divine and meticulous work—a tapestry to tell the story of this day. But the tapestry was still incomplete. She didn’t know the shape of it, not yet. In time all would be revealed to her, but for now all she had was the beginning. The beginning in a dome shaped room upon a false moon, a room where a family who had wandered through all of existence for a century would finally, truly be reunited.

The sixty seconds that follow the return of their memories pass in a blur. Taako and Merle are stood in the middle of the room, barely able to hold themselves up with the weight of their memories. At the back of the room is Lucretia, still surrounded by her dome of magic, still channelling the final piece of the Light of Creation from the Animus Bell and into her staff. Davenport is kneeling nearby, his face held in his hands. Magnus is on his knees by the entrance, supported by Barry who had rushed to inoculate him as soon as he entered the room. They all remember.

Killian and Carey are by the relic disposal chamber, Carey helping do a better job of bandaging up Killian’s arm now they are no longer in the direct line of fire. She can’t quite stop herself from kissing Killian’s forehead over and over, sick with worry for the woman she loved—the woman she almost could have lost. Barry tosses them the flask of the baby Voidfish’s ichor too, it’s best they’re able to see exactly what it is that’s attacking them. Noelle has her robotic arms stretched out, barring the door to the room as best she can. Angus is helping her, levitating furniture into a barricade against the door. Outside they can see other members of the Bureau running for cover, and a horde of Shadows pounding on the door. Above them is The Hunger. Seeing it they can, for the first time in a long time, appreciate that the Apocalypse is happening here and now.

Taako draws the Umbra Staff on Lucretia, tears welling in his eyes. _Ten. Nine._ **Taako, I know you’re upset—** _Eight._ Magnus joins him with the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom. **Listen—** _Seven._ **Please listen to me, please.** _Six._ **Please stop—okay.** What the hell are these guys doing?! _Five. **The chance to explain yourself was…mmm about a dozen memories ago.** And honestly, seven seconds ago. You fucking too **everything** from me! _She took his fucking sister from him! She knows she messed up! Things went wrong! She shouldn’t have kept them in the dark like that for so long, she knows that! But she never knew this would take so _long._ She—she knows she has so much to make up for, but please… _please_ just let her _finish_ this. Then—then they can talk. About everything. _…Fine._ Honestly, he feels too defeated to fight her on this.

But…but Merle still doesn’t understand what it _is_ she’s even _doing_. She’s going to cast her barrier, the one she wanted to use a decade ago…the one they overruled her about. She’s going to put a barrier around the world and stop The Hunger from reaching them. They won’t be able to escape this world any more, but they’ll be safe. The _world_ will be safe. It—It isn’t too late. No! No she can’t do that! Barry _told_ her why it wouldn’t work! It would sever every bond this Plane has! It wouldn’t be able to survive like that, it _needs_ those other planes! He—He understand why she did what she did, truly, but this isn’t the answer!

 _You know, honestly—do what you want. I don’t care anymore._ Taako is a broken man. **Taako, please just trust me.** Oh, most of that trust. That fucking ball game. Taako really is donezo with that now. He may have trusted Angus just a few minutes ago, but he can’t trust Lucretia at all. He’d never trust her again, not in her lifetime. But right now, he doesn’t even fucking care. **It’s—what we did to this world, it—you know it wasn’t right. We made a promise a hundred years ago—** But Magnus is cutting her off. **_Lucretia, do you realise that—you remember that Taako just realised he lost his sister. This isn’t time for you to explain yourself! Taako, listen. I know this is tough but—you found her! Maybe not how you expected to, but when you weren’t looking you found her. That’s the connection—that’s how strong your connection is to Lup. She’s still helping you, you’re still working together! And she wouldn’t want you to give up!_** _I appreciate what you’re trying to do. And I’m on board for whatever the plan is. But understand this: I have nothing, I don’t give a shit. The world is ending, and **I. Don’t. Care.**_

She…she knows Taako isn’t going to want to hear it, but he has to. Almost a century ago—right after the robot planet—Lip made them promise they would never again put a world in danger just for the purpose of thwarting The Hunger’s plans. But that’s…that’s exactly what they did here, to _this_ world. That’s why she’s doing this. How did they know this wasn’t exactly what Lup was trying to do when she left?

Finally, Davenport speaks up. He has almost as little trust in her now as Taako. Where’s the ship? They need to get out of here before it’s too late. _Barry, Taako, we leave here and Lup comes back._ That’s what they _do_. They get the Light of Creation. They leave worlds behind. They get restored. They go on to the next cycle. Dead or alive, if they leave now at the start of the next cycle Lup will be back—just as she was when they first started this journey. Wait, wait, hold up. That’s all well and good for them, but Merle has _kids_ here! He can’t just leave them behind! **Magnus, we got all these people relying on us.**

From the doorway Agnus speaks in a quiet voice. _Sirs, please don’t…don’t…don’t go! Don’t’ leave us to this! **Please.**_ He…he doesn’t know what he’d do if they left now! Well…he’d die, there was no doubt about that. But…but this place, it was his home. These people, they were _his_ family now too! They…they couldn’t just _leave_ him behind, after everything they’ve been through together. The train, the lab, Candlenights, the lessons and the park. All the goofs and all the caring. He couldn’t—They couldn’t—

Davenport, he…he’s sorry, kid, but…if they get caught up here it’s all over. They have to. Well, Davenport can do whatever the hell he wants. Merle isn’t going anywhere. He’s too old for this shit! He’d decided to be a better dad and that’s what he’s going to go down doing. And Magnus points out if Davenport really insists on leaving, only one of them needs to be on the ship, the rest of them can still stay behind to fight. _They_ have the light, so they can be sure the world won’t be completely destroyed at the very least. Carey is done bandaging Killian up when she speaks. _Listen, running? Away? That’s not how we do things here in the fuckin’ B.O.B. Now everybody just stop and just explain what the fuck is going on so we know how to—_

The glass ceiling explodes and shatters. There’s a deafening roar. One of the endless black tendrils has crashed right into the centre of the room. Five Shadows are walking out of it. As they ready themselves to attack, Taako feels something brush beside him. It’s Angus, stood right by his side, holding his wand out to duel just like he taught him. He looks up at Taako and has enough time to give a single nod before it starts.

Taako throws himself right in there, casting Immolation on one of the figures. It’s on fucking fire now and it’s going to stay like that until it’s dead! It goes to retaliate right away, but with his memories returned Taako is the dopest fucking flip wizard on the planet and nimbly gets right out of there. Oh, he was never stupid or useless, Lucretia had just taken his best skills from him. Fuck you, Wonderland, Taako’s still got his flips!

Without Merle’s connection to Pan, he’s at a loss when it comes to magic. Well, if he can’t do any spells, it’s back to fighting with his warhammer. Lil’ Smoosher can crush some of these guys at least. Fighting another one of the figures, Carey starts bashing it in the skull with her dagger when it grabs hold of Killian. And Magnus, he’s jumping right on the back of a rather animalistic looking Shadow. One of the Shadows strikes at Merle’s neck, but is armour is enough to keep him safe, though the following cut to the stomach is more powerful and it lands.

Davenport is using his illusion magic to flash bright lights at the Shadows, rendering them in a daze. And Barry is right there, helping his Captain as he has done so, so many times before. Angus meanwhile is trying his hardest to fight off the same figure as Taako, casting a Lightning Bolt at it. Taako’s right there with him, throwing up a Wall of Fire that cuts across three of the figures.

Before long Angus is slapped back by one of the Shadows into the barricade he made by the door. My god, he’s just a boy! Lessons is one thing, but Angus has never been in a real fight before, especially not one like this! Fuck, why didn’t Taako stop him in the first place? Meanwhile Merle is flying about on the Zoom Broom now and Killian is straight up ripping one of the Shadows’ arms clean off. Magnus approves.

Things continue on like that for some time, the Shadows attacking and the group pressing back on them. The first to go down is the Shadow Taako and Angus had been fighting, taken out incidentally by the one Magnus was riding. Davenport is almost taken out at one point, but Lucretia allows herself to be distracted from her barrier to throw up a second bubble around Davenport. After everything she still need to keep him safe. Right after Taako is charged by one of the Shadows and the Umbra Staff flies right out of his hand.

Angus is just starting to recover from being so forcefully knocked back. Seeing the Shadow attack Taako he holds up his wand to cast a spell at it, only his wand has been snapped in half by his fall. When he looks down he sees the Umbra Staff by his feet and grabs it in a panic. _Is this okay, sir?_ **Fuck, fine, go for it!** Yes, Ango do it! His brilliant magic boy can do it! Angus casts Fireball at the Shadow. But…but that’s a level three spell, even Taako wasn’t sure if the boy was capable of a spell like that, and even if he was…it shouldn’t have been like _that._ **Holy shit!** The fireball that bursts out the end of the Umbra Staff is enormous and it runs the Shadow right though.

When Angus looks back to Taako again, the boy is trembling. Worried. Scared. Confused. He—he didn’t understand. _Sir, I—that wasn’t me! I didn’t—I didn’t cast that, sir! I-I’m not powerful enough to cast that!_ In the face of Angus’ panicked stutters, Taako is completely calm. **I know. I know.** He’d recognise that anywhere. _No you don’t—you don’t understand, I’m—that wasn’t me that just cast that spell!_ Oh, Taako understands completely. The same has been happening to him time and time again, ever since he first got the Umbra Staff—even if he didn’t understand what was happening at the time. But now everything makes sense.

The Umbra Staff is thrown back over to him and right away Taako snaps it over his knee. It’s like a bomb goes off in his hands. A sonic boom which tears through the whole room, knocking Taako back through the air. A cloud of red smoke gathers, encircling the black pillar in the centre of the room. Fireworks exploding all over, from within the smoke. It’s filling the column with white, hot light. An explosion consuming the entire room as it climbs its way up the column—all the way up to the sky. But they’re safe from the explosion. Whatever was creating it weaved the fire around them while cutting down each and every Shadow in its wake. The light begins to fade, and both the Shadowy beings and the column are gone.

Lup hovers where the column had stood. Phantasmal. Resplendent. Flames are still bursting from her outstretched lich hands when she turns to face Taako and he hears his sister’s voice. _You’re dating the Grim Reaper?!_ Well, way to let the cat out of the bag there, Lup! You can’t just blurt stuff out like that when the guys don’t know! Krav is kind of a sensitive subject with Merle still.

But she’s…she’s _back._ Lup is _back!_ Finally! It completely overcomes Taako with happiness, to have finally found his other half again. But, well, he can’t handle that mess of emotion right now. Today had already been a long day, already broken down so many of his barriers and beliefs. He doesn’t have it in him for a heartfelt reunion after ten long years. He’s never been good at wearing his emotions on his sleeve, so deflection is his natural response. Lup understand, he knows she does. She understand him more than he does himself sometimes. Even in her lich form Taako knows she’s smiling.

 _Well, I knew. You could probably tell, but I know the whole time. I just didn’t want to break you cool staff ‘cause I knew you’d be mad._ **Yeah, I knew you’d figure it out eventually.** _Oh, no, I knew, I mean I knew. For sure I knew._ **Well, why didn’t you let me out sooner, dingus?** _Well, I didn’t remember you existed, goofus._ Then Barry is walking over to the pair of them, his whole form shaking. **_I—I knew I’d see you again, I…I wanna…I’m gonna—I’m gonna blow myself up just so I can be a lich and h-hold you again. H-hold on._ Don’t blow yourself up, babe, I’m sure your beautiful body’s gonna get killed by the Hunger soon enough. _Lup, when I was a lich, I knew you were gone. And it was more than I could bear. And when I was alive, I didn’t know you’d ever existed which was more than I could bear, I didn’t—I didn’t—_ Babe, I love you more than life and undeath itself, but let’s get somewhere safe first, so we can really savour this tender reunion. **

Yeah, yeah, Lup was right. So much has happened, but their reunion isn’t going to stop the whole mess of shit kicking off outside. They’ve got a world they need to save and a Hunger whose ass needs kicking. But…but first Lup needs to know, Lucretia never stopped looking for her. She’s…she’s so sorry she never found her, but she’s so happy she’s back! Nah, that’s chill. She was inside an umbrella, not like she could really expect Lucretia find her in there. But er, please stop with that barrier, alright? It’s kind of going to be the end of the world still if she throws that thing up. Trust her. She’s sorry, Lup, but nothing is going to make her stop this now. And with that Lucretia’s bubble goes opaque, then she’s gone.

 _Uh, okay. Gang, listen up, I know I’ve been running at sort of a—a limited capacity for a while but I’m—Listen, I’m still your Captain, and—and if you listen to me I swear to you I can get us out of this._ They’re all ears, Cap’nport. Noelle, Carey, Killian, they’re in charge of securing the headquarters. Lost the base, they lose it all. Right, Team Sweet Flips has got it covered! Angus, he’s with Davenport. He could use a good detective to find where Lucretia is hiding. Maybe then he can talk her out of this. Lup and Barry, they need to find the Starblaster. If they find the Starblaster they have more options here.

Magnus, Taako, Merle, they need to find a way to disable Fisher’s, and Junior here’s, memory altering abilities. _Everyone_ need to be able to see The Hunger. They need to terminate the Voidfish. _No. No. No. No. No. No._ Magnus refuses. Killing them is out of the question. He trusts Davenport, but killing Fisher and Junior isn’t even on the cards. There _has_ to be another way. He made a promise to Fisher and he’s not going to keep that promise. Okay, fine, go to Fisher. Maybe Magnus can talk to him, he always was the best at handling the Voidfish.

Before they leave the room Barry cuts a line in the air which folds out into a square, and then a cube, and then it takes the form of a chest. The same chest which was sat in his cave room that morning. Inside are all the weapons and armour the group made in the Hanging Arcaneum. Well, Taako is certainly pleased to get the KrEbStAr back, he did just snap his best weapon in half.

Outside The Hunger was wreaking destruction on the world. Team Sweet Flips jump right into action, helping to collect and move any injured stragglers still in the quad. Down planet side thousands of black tendrils have stabbed down into the ground and they can see armies of Shadows marching across the land. Already the financial district of Neverwinter is ablaze. Rockport’s mechanical body has come to a standstill, smoke pouring out of the city.

 _Oh my god…_ A look of horror crosses Barry’s face as he points out into the distance. _Court’s in session._ North, south, east and west, all four of the Judges. They’re twenty stories tall, towering over everything, closing inward. But Lup isn’t looking at the Judges, something else has her attention. _What—Lup?_ She beckons her brother over, smiling down at a perfect black circle of glass down below. The ruins of Phandalin. **I’ve got a cunning plan. Barry, Taako, I think I know how we can get some reinforcements, and turn this whole thing around. Do you trust me?** _Of course._ Taako couldn’t _not_ trust his sister, even after everything.

The group splits up. Magnus and Merle are going to take care of Fisher and Junior. Barry, Taako and Lup, they’re going planetside. Lup drops right off the side of the Bureau. _You heard the lady._ And Barry runs and jumps right after her, catching himself with a levitation spell. Taako takes brief pause to say a few words to his friends, he doesn’t know when he’ll see them again. _Magnus, keep hitting stuff. Merle, don’t beef it, I guess._ Not all that touching, he knows that, but, well, he needed to say something to them. Then he’s jumping off the Bureau too, catching himself with a levitation spell.

With the three of them gone Magnus and Merle head for Fisher with Junior. The elevator down to the Voidfish’s chamber is still working, but the lights flicker, becoming more erratic the further down they get. For two seconds the lights black out. They feel a…presence in the elevator with them. When the lights come back on Merle is gone, Magnus is alone.

Merle doesn’t see the elevator any more. What he does see is a small, round table made of black marble and two high backed chairs on either side. It isn’t a room per say, just an endless expanse of black opal, just like The Hunger. On the table is a chess set. And then, suddenly, sitting on one of the chairs is John, but he’s different from when Merle last saw him. During their last parley John has still been a regular human, but now he was torn, cracked, covered in rifts of black opal all over his face and body. _Hi, Merle. You…got a minute?_

The hallway to the Voidfish’s chamber is silent and empty. Lights here flicker too. Down the hall the door is half open, almost like it was smashed down. Through the door Magnus can see the faint glow of Fisher, along with the bodies of vanquished Shadows. The room is filled with a pool of water and it has poured out into the hallway. Junior watches from its perch on Magnus’ shoulder as he warily approaches the chamber.

There are no longer any living Shadows in the room, but Magnus’ mannequin body is still laid out on the ground. After they killed him Fisher had been able to take out the rest. But…they did injure Fisher. It doesn’t look good… A number of its tendrils have been severed and lay detached on the ground. Cuts have been sliced across its body. All of its movements look laboured, painful. _Oh, buddy._ One of Fisher’s tendrils is resting on Johann’s motionless body, face down in the water. Oh…oh Johann…

When they enter the room Fisher makes a weak hum, which Junior responds to far more brightly and energetically. It wants to approach its parent but…well then it looks kind of scared and hangs back. _No, it’s okay._ Slowly, Magnus walks Junior over to Fisher. Fisher just…Fisher doesn’t have the energy for the response it would like to give to seeing its child again. Being attacked by the Shadows, seeing Johann like this, it took so much out of it. Nonetheless, it wraps a tendril around its child and holds it close. Junior is no longer scared.

 _Fisher, buddy I…I told you I’d bring it back._ Fisher is humming its song softly. _I’m so sorry I forgot you, buddy. I’m so sorry._ Raising one of its tendrils, Fisher touches Magnus’ shoulder which he leans his head against. _Fisher, you tell me what you need, okay? And I’ll do anything. Anything and I’ll do it, okay?_ It raises the tendril it had resting against Johann and nudges his body. For a moment Magnus thinks Fisher doesn’t know—doesn’t understand what Johann is just…gone—but no, that isn’t what it means. It needs what Johann had spent the last few years doing for it. Junior breaks free from its parents hold and starts darting around the room, searching for something, sensing something.

Back on Johann’s desk is a piece of parchment. Sheet music. Within the composition is the running refrain that has become oh so familiar. The E-G-G B-A-B-E song. Looking over the sheet music he notices the ink is still wet. This…this was Johann’s final composition, finish maybe minutes even before he died. At the top of the page he has given the song a title. _March of the Forgotten._ Fitting…

He picks up the sheet music and carries it over to Fisher. Before giving it to Fisher Magnus kneels down beside Johann. _I will remember this. And I will make sure everyone else does. What you have done and what you have given will not be forgotten._ And he feeds the music to Fisher. For a moment time seems to stand still, then something happens. Something that hasn’t happened in decades. In fact, he never saw it happen up close before, only ever in the conservatory from a distance before he knew what the Voidfish were.

The lights inside Fisher grow brighter, swirling, spreading, filling its entire form, and they’re projected outside of it. A bright blue light surrounds Fisher. It floats up off the ground, tendrils spinning around it. Then the same happens to Junior, only its light shines green. Their lights fill the room, so bright all Magnus can see is lights of green and blue intertwined. The light grows larger and larger, filling the Bureau completely, spreading out over the entire world, further and further, projected across each and every plane, across all of existence.

When people talk about that day there are many different names they have for it. But this moment, this moment when everyone across all of existence received the Voidfish’s gift, this is why there is one particular name everyone is familiar with. This moment and the moments that followed were filled with heroism and sacrifice and…a hell of a lot of luck. These moments, they are the reason everyone recognises this day as the Day of Story and Song.

Countless things are happening on the world below when the Voidfish project their songs. Neverwinter is under siege by Shadows, building burning as citizens hide indoors from the enemies they cannot see. Flames spread unchecked through the financial district. Lord Artemis Sterling—still clearly exhausted from his trip in Wonderland—overlooks the whole of Neverwinter. Advisors are panicked all around him and he grits his teeth in disbelief. Could this day get any worse?

The Neverwinter Blue Lake district’s Chaos Stadium has become a makeshift fortress against the apocalypse. A match had ended just as The Hunger attacked, now fighters and spectators alike are trapped inside, boarding up every window and door. Klarg is among those inside, along with the rest of his Bugbear family, reconnected after the events in Lucas’ lab. This was their first time visiting Neverwinter. Klarg had been nervous for their visit, but none of them had expected this…

Graham—the Juicy Wizard from the Rockport Express—was there too. He’s wearing a t-shirt promoting his friend and favourite fighter, Jess the Beheader. And Jess is with them too, leading the forces in barricading the doors while the Shadows try to force their way inward. Outside everything is so loud, but in there it’s quiet—almost as though they hope the quiet stillness will allow them to simply hide from the apocalypse.

The silence is broken by a series of gasps as streams of green and blue overcome the room. The lights fill their minds with an impossible story. Seven travellers who left their home, fighting bravely for a century against the all-consuming darkness, the same darkness attacking them now. A story about how they braved even death itself and worked to better understand their foe. It’s everything Lucretia ever wrote in her journal. Now, though the cracks in the walls their enemy is no longer invisible. Shadowy figures pour out of black pillars crashing down from the sky. In that moment everyone is scared.

Then the song hits. The Voidfish’s song. Johann’s song. When they hear it their fears vanish and everyone is struck wordless again. Did they just hear—Did they all just hear--? There’s a pound on a door, then another and everyone looks to the door, then at each other. No words are spoken, but there’s an acknowledgement between them all. Outside there’s a fight waiting for them. It’s time to stop hiding. It’s time for the world to fight back.

Back in the Voidfish’s chamber, both Fisher and Junior are gone. They filled the world with their light, their story and their song, and when the light faded they were gone. The feeling is so familiar to Magnus, somehow he just knows that the world knows now. Know everything. Just as he realises that a loud rumble breaks across the surface of the moon base. There’s a battle happening overhead. He worries about Fisher and Junior, what happened to them? Where are they now? But he knows, there’s nothing he can do for them now. At least he kept his promise, and he did what Davenport wanted without having to kill them. And now—now he needs to help the others.

When Magnus re-enters the quad he sees Carey, Killian and Noelle fighting the Shadows, they’re making quick work of them. They really are some great fighters. And Carey spots him. _What’s up, space man?!_ **N—nothing much, lizard.** She’s still piecing together the details of what exactly she saw but man… _I can’t believe I’ve been buddies with an alien this whole time._ **Maybe you’re the alien and I’m the regular person.** No, Magnus, that isn’t how it works. Carey was born here, that makes you the alien—shiny silver spaceship and all.

Something falls from the sky, landing in the middle of the grassy quad. A sphere made of completely black material, ten feet wide. When the sphere opens three huge figures emerge. He recognises them instantly. An owl. A wolf. A bear. The Royal Beasts from the Animal Kingdom. But they’re different now. Now their bodies are entirely black and they’re approaching ferociously. The owl dives for Team Sweet Flips. The wolf grins at Magnus before turning invisible. And then just Magnus and the Power Bear are left. He’s going to have to fight his master.

Magnus charges with the Chance Lance. The Power Bear charges too. When Magnus’ attack hits the scene changes. They’re back at the Animal Kingdom. They’re on a wooden, open-air pavilion and it’s raining outside. It is Magnus’ first day of training. A chimpanzee sits to the side. Magnus has only recently learnt to speak the animal language, but the Power Bear is talking to him now. _Before we get started, I’m gonna warn you. I have no intention of easing up on you._ **Right back at ya, big guy.** _If at any point you require aid, just shout for Chimpanzee, got it? Alright, let’s start here. You said you wanted to get stronger, right?_ **Yes.** _What do you think strength is, Magnus?_ Magnus flexes. _You think that being physically more powerful is—is strength. Is that what you think, Magnus? Physical power is nothing, Magnus. I’m more powerful than you. The rhino is more powerful than me, the whale’s more powerful than the rhino, the ocean’s more powerful than the whale. There’s always something more powerful than you, Magnus. That is incorrect._ The scene cuts back to the present and the Power Bear has dodged his attack, taking that opportunity to claw down Magnus’ back with both claws and slam him into the ground.

When Lup, Barry and Taako reach the ground, they’re right at the edge of the black glass circle that was once Phandalin. Lup is inspecting the circle gingerly, so close she’s laid down beside it. _Okay, here’s my idea. You ready for this? It’s—It’s a banger._ **Drop it.** _Do you see how everything sort of starts to lose its colour a bit when The Hunger shows up?_ **Mhmm.** _Do you know why that is?_ **Dramatic effect?** _No. Well, yes, but it’s because The Hunger cuts us off from the rest of the Planar System. That’s—that’s how it always wins. It divides the planes up and it weakens its prey, and then overpowers the Prime Material Plane, just—just gobbles it up. Yum._ **Delicious. Yeah, I got that.** _So, my idea is…_ And she motions to the perfect circle of black glass. _You’re gonna open a door, Taako._ Oh, okay, but to where exactly? Well, remember what that nerdlord said in the lab? The Philosopher’s Stone turned circles into gemstones to resonate with other planes. A circle this big should be able to poke a pretty good hole in The Hunger’s barrier. So turn the glass circle into a portal, got it. Only they don’t _have_ the Philosopher’s Stone now, remember. _But luckily for us, we do have the most talented transmutation wizard who ever lived._ **Aw, please, you’re too kind.** Taako _had made_ the Philosopher’s Stone after all. Transmutation was kind of his whole jam. If anyone could do it, it would be Taako.

 _So…do your thing. Do your stuff. Transmute that shit._ **Okay.** Okay…okay. He can do this. Sure he can do this! He’s fucking Taako from TV! Of course he can do this! Lup says it doesn’t really matter where he opens a portal to, once he breaks through the barrier the whole thing should come crashing down. But hey, wherever he does open it too will be able to give them some immediate help, so maybe choose carefully. Oh, Taako already know exactly where he’s opening this bad boy too. _Just outta curiosity, uh, where you openin’ it up to?_ **Oh, the Astral Plane.** _Hell yeah! Get down on some Dead Men of Dunharrow shit, sound good, bro, rip it._

Sapphire. He was sure of it. That was the gem he needed to get through. Okay. He’s got this. Everyone step back. He’s got this. Taako places both of his palms down on the glass of Phandalin. Focusing all of his magical energy on the glass circle, waves of power wash over it as it starts to transform. He can see it, black glass gradually turning into sapphire blue. But it’s draining… Really fucking draining. Every own of his arcana is drained into this spell and it just isn’t enough. It reached barely one hundred feet before coming to a stop. Taako is just…he’s empty. He doesn’t have anything else in him to give. Without the spell to sustain the transformation, it slowly revers back to its former state. It didn’t work. Kneeling in front of the black circle, he sighs. Taako didn’t have this after all…

Lup tries to comfort her brother only to be run off as a tendril, two, three, crash down around them, only a few hundred feet away. Hordes of shadows are bursting out of them, rushing towards them. Barry is the first to speak. _Lup, that’s a lotta dudes._ Yeah…it’s a hell of a hot of dudes. But…but _Taako, Barry and I got this. You gotta keep trying, babe, I know you can do this._ She knows he can. Taako is amazing. Even if he doesn’t see it himself right now, deep down she knows he can do this. **I’ll—I’ll give it my best shot.** Lup and Barry run off to fight the swarm and Taako tries again, to no avail. The two of them are quickly being overrun.

Then there’s a shape overhead. An enormous circular silhouette falling form the sky. A flash of light. A whistle of a bomb. The sound of a crash. Several of the Shadows had been crushed under it as it landed. _It’s Upsy, your lifting friend!_ Everything pauses for a moment, attention on the new arrival. Arms and legs sprout out from its body. It grabs hold of a Shadow and rips it in two. When the doors part Lucas is revealed to be riding inside. Taako is…surprisingly happy to see him. Man, never thought he’d see the day he’d be happy to see Lucas of all people! Apparently the apocalypse does strange things to you. He and Upsy both give a wave, then it’s back to tearing through the hoard of Shadows. Lup and Barry are back in action now too. Taako’s got time for another try.

As he turns back to the glass circle, he feels some drop, bouncing off of his foot. A lock. Oh man, it’s time! As soon as Taako sees it he knows what’s up. It’s time for Istus’ mystery back of necessity. The golden padlock which held it closed since Refuge is no longer in place. Inside is a small compact mirror, an ornate silver design on the outside, and within an emerald mirror. This and the mirror Magnus found in Lucas’ lab are one and the same. The mirror which allowed Magnus to see into our world. The Plane of Intelligence.

Right now there’s another scene playing in the mirror. Actually, that scene, it doesn’t look so different to the stagecoach where Taako had once run the show Sizzle It Up With Taako. A refrigerator, a stove, a sink, shelves of ingredients and utensils, it’s all there. There’s also a cash register, along with…screen attacked to a board covered in buttons. Taako has never seen a laptop before, they don’t exist here yet. But on the screen is a game of some kind? Overwatch, that game is Overwatch.

Down the truck is a door padlocked shut and something is pounding against the door. There’s also a large window covered up by a heavy metal shutter. There’s a human, no older than eighteen, peering out of the shutter. He’s wearing an apron and well he’s really fucking scared at what’s happening outside right now. It was like some end of the world movie or something! The city streets are swarmed with Shadows, overturned cars are on fire, and in the distance a horde of Shadows are pounding on the doors of a nearby high school.

 _Hey—hey kid!_ The boy is decidedly startled. His knees fall out from under him. He screams. It’s not every day an elf speaks to him through his frying pan while the apocalypse is going on outside! _I know, I know. Listen, um, uh, okay, um._ Okay, Taako finds it all hilarious, so much so he can hardly hold it together. He’s seen some bullshit in his time, but clearly this kid has not. **What are you, what are you doing in my frying pan?!** Oh, wait—Wow. Genji main, huh? Wow.

 **How are you doin’, w—what’s going on?!** Okay. Okay. Time to get this shit show on the road. _I don’t know why you can help me, but I’m trying to fix what’s happening. My name… My name is Taako, and I’m a wizard—God, I know that sounds stupid to you, huh? Uh, I’m a wizard, my name is Taako and I am pretty well fucked, uh, right now. I am trying to do something that honestly, I can’t do. And I don’t know how you can help me, but there’s some way in which I am fairly certain you can, because a Goddess told me so. I know, it’s a lot to take in._ **Wait a minute, I know who you are. You’re…you’re Taako from TV! I heard your story! I’m—I’m Joaquin. I’m not even supposed to be here today, Taako, I’m fillin’ in for my shithead brother. I don’t know what I can do to help you, but…I’ll try anything.** Well that makes things a whole lot easier. When Joaquin stands up Taako gets a clear view of his apron, emblazoned with the logo of South Beach Tacos, its design completely covered in flames. A man wreathed in flames.

Merle is sat at the table across from John, the chess board sitting between them. _What happened to your eye, Merle? Gods, what happened to your arm?_ **Well, I was just gonna say, what happened to your complexion?** Guess they both looked a bit worse for wear now. A lot has happened since their last encounter. How long has it been? About thirty years now, maybe? Who knows. Well anyway, John wants to apologise in advance for being so out of practice conversationally. The last conversation they had was the last conversation _he_ had, so he can understand… But it’s good to see Merle again.

John really needs to know, how did they do it? How did they manage to hide it from him for so long? Over a decade they hid it. That was bad. See, they were just really tricky and cunning like that and… And, oh he doesn’t even know! Everything was a mess. Like hell if Merle knew exactly what happened now. And he’s got no idea what’s going on with the Light now. Okay, well, Merle should know, John isn’t in charge here anymore. Then The Hunger couldn’t find the light, when it stopped feeding, it changed its priorities a bit. It doesn’t have a clear goal any more. Now it’s just hungry. It doesn’t care about anything anymore, all it wants is to consume. And John, well he failed it for over a decade so, when this is over, he doesn’t think it’s going to be keeping him around much longer.

Now, Merle, please don’t keep any secrets from him. John didn’t bring him here for any information. Not this time. He just…he needed somebody to say goodbye to. He’s not going to be around much longer and he just wants to chat, one more time. Think of it as his final request. So…so that’s what’s got John’s face all messed up now? Well Merle could help him, fix him up again! But, wait, no…He didn’t have his magic anymore. He couldn’t do that. Even so, it was kind of him to offer. And, in a way, it’s a relief. They knew the rules of Parley. John had been the one to bring Merle here this time, so Merle could easily have killed him had he wanted to.

They have so much to catch up on, so let’s chat and play some chess. Merle takes white. White goes first. _All right, John, I’ll tell you sum’thin’. I’ve got a couple of kids._ **You, Merle, have kids?** _I got kids! I do! I got kids._ Well that certainly takes John by surprise and he’s laughing for a good couple of moves. His strategy is strange. He’s moving his King out into the fray like super quickly. That’s a bad fuck up… Merle’s never seen him mess up like that before… Anyway, **that sounds wonderful.** Tell him about your kids. He’s got a girl and a boy. Mavis and Mookie. Mavis is practically a teenager, but Mookie’s just a kid. He’s not so great at the whole dad this, but he’s learning. He’s trying. **I’m not worried about you, Merle. You’ll get there.** As he’s speaking John’s King takes one of Merle’s Pawns. Threads of light come out of the King, trapping the Pawn and pulling it in until it disappears into it, the threads tied around it. John is watching Merle intensely.

The giant Owl swoops down and right as Killian is about to shoot it with her crossbow its eyes flash, taking her under its control. Noelle is forced to restrain her, meanwhile Carey manages to jump onto its back and stab it as it takes flight. The Power Bear is readying to charge Magnus again; he forgoes weapons this time. He’s going to fight the bear with brute strength. Noticing that, the Bear retracts its claws. When they crash together they’re thrown back to the same scene.

The Bear is picking Magnus up off of the ground and the Chimpanzee laughs in the corner. _Let’s try again, Magnus. What do you think strength is?_ **Strength is, uh…being stronger than your opponent. Strength is…being strong enough.** _Strong enough to do what?_ **Win. Survive. I—I don’t know!** The Bear picks Magnus up and throws him on the ground with ease. _You’re telling me what it is to be strong, that’s not what strength is. Why do you want to be strong, Magnus?_ **So I don’t have to lose—anyone.** _You want to protect your friends, is that right?_ **They’re not strong enough. I have to be.** Smirking, the Bear approaches the Chimpanzee with his claws drawn. Magnus’ response is instantaneous, jumping onto the Bear’s back to protect the Chimpanzee, only to be thrown away again. The Bear swings for the Chimpanzee and stops an inch before making contact. _You need strength to protect someone, that’s right, Magnus. But the desire to protect is not strength itself. You’re incorrect again._

Back in the present, Magnus gets the upper hand on the Bear. He’s got it pinned to the ground. It’s snapping its mouth at him, but in that moment Magnus knows it would be all too easy to finish him off. But…but it’s the _Power Bear,_ his teacher! He doesn’t want to just kill him like that! No, he has to try something else. _Chimpanzee! Chimpanzee!_ Magnus is shouting the safe word in the Bear’s ear…but there’s no response. No recollection. He was sure that would work… This wasn’t his mentor any longer… He stabs it. As the Bear slowly fades away a glimmer of gratitude shines in the fading light of his eyes.

For a moment things are still and silent for Magnus, then there’s a searing pain in his shoulder. The Wolf has reappeared and it’s on his back. As that happens Magnus sees another vision, one of his final training sessions. When the Bear throws him onto the ground he _knows_ he’s been holding back this whole time, despite his warning. The Bear’s full weight is on him and it causes Magnus’ shoulder to dislocate with a pop. This time the bear is yelling. _Magnus! What is strength?! What is the first thing I told you when you came here?!_ **Ask for help!** He feels so much _pain_ as the Bear presses in. There’s another pop, he doesn’t know where that one came from, but it hurts. **Chimpanzee!**

Above him Magnus sees just a blur, then a grunt of pain and the Chimpanzee is no longer sat in the corner. Instead it is helping him up, popping his shoulder back into place. A few feet away the Bear is picking himself back up. _Strength is a tool, Magnus, it’s a commodity. You can spend it, and spend it, but everyone’s got some, and lots of folk are gonna have more than you. But if you ask for it, Magnus, other folks’ strength can become your own. That is what strength is, Magnus. Who gives you strength, how willing are you to ask for it? Pride and glory are the enemies of true strength, Magnus. In every warrior’s life there comes a moment where they are overpowers by a superior fighter. But you keep friends nearby. And you ask for help when you need it, Magnus, and you won’t just be strong. You’ll be unbeatable._

That vision too fades away, leaving Magnus back in the present, Wolf biting away at him. _Help!_ The wall to the hangar bay explodes. One of the transport spheres thrust through it and colliding with the Wolf, propelling it off the side of the moon base. Avi peers out from behind the cannon, quickly rushing over to help him up. _Are you—are you okay, Magnus?_ **Avi, that was sick. That was amazing.** As Avi fixes up Magnus’ shoulder they’re looking over the side where the Wolf just fell. _Do you wanna say it or should I?_ **No, you take it.** _No dogs on the moon._

Joaquin is stood in front of Taako, eager to help in whatever way he can. Hmmm, what’s Joaquin’s last name? Uh, Terrero? Though he doesn’t see what relevance that has right now… Okay, Joaquin Terrero, that was his name, the name he knew himself as. But here, in _Taako’s_ world. Well, for the rest of time he’s going to be known by a different name. He is the Man Wreathed in Flames. Sounds cool, right? And get this, an old lady once told him that he was going to save ol’ Taako’s proverbial bacon.

O-okay, but Joaquin still didn’t know how he was supposed to help. All he could really do here was cook, and he can’t exactly cook Taako something and just send it through the frying pan, and he’s pretty sure nothing he does is like magical or anything. Now he mentions it, Taako has a hunch. He can feel it burning in the back of his mind, the small clues littered throughout his life, they’ve all been leading to this moment. Cheese, he knows the word but its meaning alludes him, though he knows it’s relevant somehow. Grinding, the concept of it; it could make something more easily seasoned, but he doesn’t know what to grind. Sour cream, a memory from long ago on his grandfather’s farm, he had joked that Taako was taking so long to churn the cream in the sun that it must have gone sour. Spicy meat, all that took was the phrase _that’s a spicy meatball_ for him to realise that spicy meat was good. Diced tomatoes, the Pocket Spa had given him that one with the sandwich he ate in Lucas’ lab. The Fateful Meal in Tesseralia with Lup, the meal that had provided the flavour profile and structure, the meal that has started him down this path, the meal where he had felt himself tied to another across space and time.

 _This is gonna sound weird considering my name, but I don’t know what a taco is. I’ve gotten hints—I mean basically if you were to call them taco prophecies? That’s a crazy thing to say out loud, but I just said it so here we are I guess. I’m talking through a frying pan, try to keep up, Joaquin. Um. But—but I think it’s been leading me to you. To this._ **You want me to show you how to cook a taco, Taako?** _Joaquin, I’ll take one taco, with extra destiny._ **Yeah, fuck it, I’m gonna teach Taako how to make a taco.**

Joaquin flies into action, collecting everything he needs to show Taako how to make tacos. It was s shame Taako couldn’t cook along with him, they could have made it together… Beside the elf is the sound of fabric ripping, the bag of necessity torn in two as a stagecoach— _his_ stagecoach emerges from within. It’s beautiful, just like the day he got it. The sign on the door proudly proclaiming _Sizzle It Up With Taako._ Well, guess that’s sorted! Already Taako is in there, pulling out anything and everything he needs.

 _You ready?_ **Let’s do it.** Together Joaquin and Taako, a world apart, go through the process of making tacos, outside Lucas, Lup and Barry just blasting away at the hoard of Shadows. Only…it’s like they’re moving in slow motion. Time within the stagecoach is moving slower than it is outside, giving Taako all the time he needs for this momentous moment.

As they cook, Joaquin allows himself to speak his fears aloud. _Taako, I—I know how this next part goes. We—we all do, from the stories. This is the end of the world, isn’t it._ **You know, maybe. It’s hard to say, it’s unclear. I’m—** _I don’t take a lot of comfort in that if I’m bein’ honest!_ **Well, I mean, I’m a magical elf in a frying pan, what do you want from me? I’m tryin’, man. I’m kinda doin’ my best over here, it’s untread ground for me too. But I’ll say this, if anybody has a shot at stoppin’ it, it’s us, as hard as that may be to believe.**

And Joaquin’s timer goes up. Time for them to serve up their tacos. He feels like they should make some kind of toast or something. This may be Taako’s first time trying tacos, and he doesn’t know how Joaquin found them, but he’s going to try damn hard for it to not be his last. Whatever happens, Joaquin needs to know he did his part in all this. He hopes it helps. The pair raise their tacos to take a bite—

This whole time Istus had been working tirelessly in the Celestial Plane, her enormous tapestry gradually coming together. It fills the wall now, hanging there as she sew the final bright red thread. With the needle pushed through she takes a step back. Pauses. She sees it now. She smile. _Huh. Didn’t see that one coming!_ And she’s pulling the thread taut. At that moment, in two universes, two food truck explode.

Joaquin is unharmed, standing in the wreckage of the South Beach Tacos food truck. All around him is crackling red electricity. Then the Shadows pounce. _No._ His command tears them apart. Pointing a finger towards another nearby crowd of Shadows and rips through them too. Powerful, confident, Joaquin leaves the wreckage behind, taking on a Shadow ten times his size McCree style. With it defeated, he moves on to his next task. The dark hallways of the high school are suddenly illuminated as Joaquin throws them open, the street quiet behind him. He sees the terrified faces of students and teachers alike. _Everything’s going to be okay! I’ve got magic powers!_

Meanwhile Taako stands in the wreckage of his own trick. Minutes ago he had been completely drained of every ounce of energy and magic he possessed, but now. Oh boy! He was _energised._ He was utterly _brimming with arcana!_ Lup is quick to react when she hears the explosion. _Holy shit, are you okay?_ **Yeah, I’m pretty fucking great! I’m gonna turn this glass into the blue one!**

As soon as Taako touches the glass the power discharges out of him, shooting right out of his hand and into the glass. It isn’t a slow change this time. It’s instant. What was once black glass is now an enormous, perfectly round, sapphire circle. It’s like he’s unlocked the door to a wind tunnel when that happens, knocking his hat right off his head. Nearby grass has already started to regain its colour. All across the world shades of blue can be seen across the sky. The heat gets hotter, water gets wetter, light becomes lighter, shadows become darker. Streaks of divine light cross the sky overhead. The planes have been reconnected.

All across the sapphire window buildings start to raise up out of the ground, buildings made of spectral white light. A memory of this town on the day it had been destroyed. Some even connect perfectly with fragments of ruins left on the very edges of the circle. And, right in the centre of town, Kravitz is kneeling.

 _So, uh, what’s it like being a dad?_ Right as John speaks, his King takes another piece—a Bishop this time—and more threads of light wrap around it. Being a dad? Oh, it’s pretty great actually. It’s so... **indescribably being part of bringing a new life into the world.** New consciousness, a new soul, it’s all new and amazing. Though it took Merle a long time to realise that. But now he has…he loves it! You know, for a while John thought about having kids too. Other priorities got in the way though. Another Pawn is taken by John’s King. As that happens John nods ever so slightly at the piece, looks back to Merle and then back down to the piece. _I guess I’ve got, like, a billion kids, if you want to think about The Hunger **that** way. _

And then John is taking another piece, but this time the eyes are watching them from all around. It heard John say its name. How…how about John tells Merle a bit about himself now? Well, before all this, he was a motivation speaker—told people what they needed to hear. One of Merle’s Knights move across the board on its own, approaching John’s King. The Knight is fully animated as it draws in, cutting through each of the strings of light threaded around it. The King explodes. Each of the pieces it consumed come flying back out. The room itself screams.

The eyes all around are burning with anger. Hands are reaching out from the walls and floor. John stands. He’s too late. The hands grab hold of John and pull, wrenching the rifts across his body wider, pulling him apart. He’s screaming. Merle doesn’t hesitate to rush to his aid, arms wrapping around John to try and pull him free. An embrace. But it’s too much. There are too many hands; they’re too strong. John is pulled into the ground. For just a second before he vanishes their eyes meet. A whisper. _Break the bonds, Merle, break—_ And he’s gone. Table and chairs are gone. The eyes are turned on Merle now.

After the eyes come the hands. Grasping, holding him. Their touch burns through his skin. Just as he’s being pulled into the floor Merle feels something he hasn’t felt all day. He can feel Pan. _It’s about freakin’ time!_ He casts Zone of Truth. The result, it isn’t like it is any other time Merle has cast the spell before. Light shines down through the darkness, burning The Hunger. He’s surrounded by holy light. It’s the most holy spell Merle has ever cast. All around the room the darkness is disintegrated, reduced to ash. The room is screaming again. The eyes close and disappear.

The room is made of light now and stood before Merle is Pan—in all his divine flesh. Two hooves, furry legs, a round hairy belly, a warm face with horns, kind eyes, a bushy beard, wild hair. The deity Merle has worshipped his entire life. And he’s smiling, helping Merle back to his feed, apologetic. _Hi, Merle._ **Hey, boss. What’s, uh…where you been? What’s, uh…I mean I’m not pissed or anything, but where—what’s been goin’ on? Why haven’t you been helpin’ me out? Why haven’t you been there for me?** _Merle, I…I tell the trees when to shed their leaves, and I make every piece of fruit taste the way it tastes, and I taught every blade of grass in the ground where to grow. Did you really think I had forgotten about **you?**_ **Yeah!** And he’s laughing. Oh Merle… _I was trapped in the Celestial Plane, Merle, along with every other god and I am so sorry. I’m so sorry that…I wasn’t strong enough to find a way out on my own. I want you to understand where I was because I don’t want you to think I had forsaken you, Merle._ He…he can live with that.

So all of his magic and stuff will be back now, right? Already the parley room is beginning to fade and Pan too if fading with it. Though not before he puts a hand to Merle’s shoulder and speaks. _Merle, I’m back, and with you for good. And I—Merle, I heard your story! And I need you to know something. You’re not from this world. And, so, technically speaking, that means I’m not your Pan. But you will always be my Merle._

Goldcliff looks muted without the light of the desert sun. Usually Goldcliff is a vacation destination, so when The Hunger stuck countless holiday goers had been caught unawares, unexpected. When it struck they dispersed, running frantic through the city streets, running from the enemy they couldn’t see and guided by the city militia to the Goldcliff Trust. Last year it survived Sloane and the supernatural vines, surely it could survive this too. 

In the crowd are three familiar faces. A family of beach dwarves. Hecuba, Mavis and Mookie. They’re running through the streets with everyone else. Hecuba holds onto Mookie’s hand so _tightly._ He’s so…so _small_ in all this, but they’re so close now. They can see the Goldcliff Trust up ahead. Right then someone runs into Mavis, knocking her glasses of—right away they’re destroyed under hundreds of feet. When Hecuba and Mookie reach the doors she’s horrified. Her daughter is _gone._ She’d been so sure that Mookie would get lost, carried away in the crowd she hadn’t even though. Mavis was so good, so sensible, she was sure nothing could make her leave her side. But she was gone. Hecuba screams for her daughter, fights the crowd to find her. But it’s no use. The militia are overpowering and the large metal doors lock them inside.

Outside Mavis runs through the streets of Goldcliff, unable to find her way without her glasses. One alley, then another, getting herself more and more lost. But she’s scared, so she just keeps running. She knows it shouldn’t have taken this long to reach the Goldcliff Trust. She can hear the monsters around her, but she can’t see them and runs right into one. It knocks Mavis to the ground where she crawls backwards on all fours through a shallow pool of water. They’re surrounding her. As she crawls backwards her back presses up against a tree in the middle of the pool, in the middle of town. There’s a green light, then a blue, which passes over Goldcliff. When she blinks she can see the Shadows now, one with a blade raised to strike her down and—

 _Ka-chunk!_ The attack never landed. Above her a pair of hands are holding the blade. Hands made of bark and branches. The hands are reaching out of the tree, crushing the Shadow. Terrified, Mavis is backing away from the tree too as two figures emerge from it. One small, one tall. Right away the tall one starts fighting off the Shadows, a long branch extended from her hand like a sword. The smaller figure, she wades through the water to Mavis. She…she’s read about dryads before, but she never expected to meet one herself. Now…now she was seeing _two._ Hurley is beaming down at Mavis. _You’re safe now._ And Hurley looks over to Sloane. _We’re all safe now._

Back on the moon base Team Sweet Flips have taken care of the Owl. Three, three stabs was all it took to get to the centre of the Owl. Carey was proud of that. Carey, Killian, Noelle, Magnus, Avi, they’re all silent for a moment after that, observing the world below. The…the Judge to the south is getting a bit close now, cross the Still-Water Sea. It’s utterly enormous. If it reached Rockport, or any other city like that, the Judge could level it flat. _Fuuuuck?_ **Yeah.** _Holy crap._ **Yeah, that too.** Magnus didn’t know how to beat a Judge. The last time he saw them he was there one second and then…he was just… _gone,_ waking up only when the next cycle began.

But _no, no, no!_ That wasn’t what Noelle was talking about, Magnus! Off on the horizon there was something else. Lucas’ laboratory! A small satellite pops out of Noelle and with that she knows: nobody is inside the lab—it’s on autopilot. _Oh._ **Oh?** _I’ve gotta go._ **Noelle?** _I can—I can stop that big bastard, but I—I gotta go._ Killian and Carey look confused, worried now, but she turns to Magnus and laughs. _Hey, that was the deal, right? Kravitz said I could stay ‘til I—I did what needed to get done, and it—it looks like this needs to get done._

Oh…Killian and Carey know exactly what she’s talking about now. Noelle is thanking them now, thanking them for giving her a home. Carey is fighting back tears. _Well don’t do that now, I—I died once before and it’s—it’s not so bad. I—I promise I’m—I’m gonna see you two again. Magnus. Thanks for not rippin’ my arms off, Magnus. If any of you see Lucas again…apologise for this next part. Hero time._ Noelle’s robotic body collapses as her spirit leaves it, crossing the distance to Lucas’ lab which illuminates with the light of her soul. Then it’s changing course. Slowly at first, then it picks up speed, arcing around like a bullet right into the Judge. When they collide the light of the impact is too bright for them to look at, but they can hear an explosion. When the light clears debris is falling into the Still-Water Sea where the Judge’s body lays motionless, slowly turning to ash.

In front of Taako is Kravitz, getting to his feet right in the middle of the phantom Phandalin. It worked… It _fucking worked!_ Hell yes! _How…how did you do that?_ Kravitz is speaking to him, but Taako is already running full pelt for him, ready to kiss that beautiful face off. Seeing that the Reaper quickly covers his mouth with his palms, blowing hastily into the. _Hold on I—I wanna—I wanna warm up my face. I don’t want it to be cold and weird._ Such a dork. Like Taako even cares about that right! Only after doing that does Kravitz kiss him and it’s…so nice.

Even when they break apart the two remain close, right at each other’s side. They need the closeness right now—now that they know, without a shadow of a doubt, that the other is safe. As safe as one can be during the apocalypse. **Okay, forget how I, uh, short story short, uh long story short it was—I was rad, natch. How do you still look this good? You’ve been locked in like mud, or tar, or something in the Astral Plane, you look fantastic!** _It’s a lot of work to look this good._ Laughing, Kravitz is just overjoyed to be seeing Taako again. He’s here, in his arms. He’s safe. He’s not gone. _I—Taako, I was trying to get a message to you. I thought—I thought you were gone. I thought everything was gone._ **Well, you’re not far off. Uh, it’s…but you’re right, there has been a terrible loss that you should know about.** And he wasn’t talking about the whole end of the world thing.

Right then Taako drops the camouflage spell he’s been maintaining ever since Edward and Lydia stole his beauty in Wonderland. **So, I just wanted to be honest. I’m—I didn’t wanna catfish you or anything. This is Taako today, um, I had a bad run in while I was saving the world again, and this is what I really look like. And I just wanted you to know that in case it changes anything for you, personally. I thought you should know, now.** Taako could understand if it did. Sure, he’d be disappointed, but this certainly wasn’t the pretty face that had first taken the Reaper’s attention… Heck, he was self-conscious of it enough for it to make a difference, so it would only make sense if Kravitz—

Kravitz doesn’t miss a beat. _Taako, I…was crazy about you, before some weird light told me a story about your one hundred year journey through existence where you were fighting for a century to save the world. I love you, Taako, and at this point, I think that everyone in reality is going to love you after hearing your story, and…nothing’s gonna change that._ Kravitz was in deep. Right from the start. Right from the crystal and the tentacles and the pottery. He may not have known what would happen at the time, but happen it did and nothing was going to change any of that. Kravitz had grown to love him and to him Taako would always be beautiful because…he was _Taako._

Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit. What did he just say—Quick, deflect, deflect, deflect! **That was actually a test, your face is a skull half the time—so I just want to make sure we—yeah, no fucking kidding. Okay, anyway.** Well shit. If Taako wasn’t blushing before then he was now. Kravitz fucking loved him. He dropped the fucking L bomb. Not…not that he didn’t love him too—he did, very much so—but _shit!_ He’d—he’d deal with that one later, after this whole mess was cleared up.

Behind them they hear an enormous explosion, followed by Lucas crying out for his lab. Then Lup is shouting over to them. Damn…things must have been bad. _Uh, we’ve got a bigger problem here. I don’t know how to kill that!_ Looking over a Judge now towers right over them, a few steps away from crushing them. Of course she didn’t know how to kill that! None of them did! Those things were insane! But then Kravitz is the one to step forward, scythe in hand. **Well, I think I know some folks who can help. You remember those wayward souls I’ve been imprisoning? Well uh, I’m giving them some time off for good behaviour.** Time for him to make good on that deal.

 Right as the Judge is about to crush them a huge silver spectral hand forces its way through the sapphire mirror. Hundreds of swirling souls joined together to form the enormous body of Legion—the sound it makes a roar of a thousand voices. Pushing the Judge back, a few hundred feet away now, Legion is taking the judge down. With that taken care of Kravitz turns his attention right back to Taako.

 _I need to keep an eye on them, Taako, and I need to shepherd this world’s dead—_ there were sure to be a lot to come in the hours to follow, heck there were probably already so many waiting for him— _but it’s…it’s so fuckin’ good to see your face again. When I was over there, I just, I thought about you constantly._ Where Taako was. If he was safe. What was happening to him. How to help him. If Taako would have racked up more deaths when…if this all came to an end. If, this time, he would be _forced_ to reap his boyfriend’s soul. Taako had occupied his mind entirely.

 **Um, I mean me too pretty much, expect the world’s ending. So kind of like half and half, but still, free thought time was definitely devoted you way. We will hook up after this, no doubt. Let’s go ahead and save…everybody, pretty much, and then we move on to that. Does that sound good to you?** Obviously thought of Kravitz had been coming to his mind ever since he saw him trapped in the water, but a fucking lot had happened today… He’d regained a whole fucking life time of memories, remembered he had a sister, and found out it was up to him and his merry band of misfit toys to save like all of existence. Couldn’t blame him for not being quiet able to devote every last thought Krav, as much as he loved him. He hadn’t been locked away, alone with just his thoughts for company.

And then Kravitz is leaning over to press a kiss to Taako’s forehead. Yeah, that sounded good. It was a promise, they’d see each other as soon as this was all over—once they were both through with their duties. **Oh, wait, shit! One thing before you go. This is my sister.** Lup is casual as ever as she wanders over, no longer having any regard or worry for the Reaper hunting a lich. **_What’s up, Ghost Rider?_** This guy was a huge dork—a huge dork in love with her dear, dear brother. He wasn’t about to go locking her up and throwing away the key any time soon. And Barry—now transformed into is lich self too—she wasn’t able to let him go anywhere either. Awkward, Kravitz gives Lup a small wave. Well…this was going to be interesting. His boyfriend’s family were liches… Well then… His focus turns back to Taako. _You…know we’re gonna have to talk about the fact your sister is a lich, right?_ **Yeah, I assumed.** _Let’s figure it out after we save the world._ **Deal.** For Taako, Kravitz is always willing to talk, even if it means bending the rules here and there. And then he’s off, wayward souls aren’t going to wait for anyone.

When Merle wakes up he’s lying in the mud beside a dirt road. As he stands he can still see the Bureau floating overhead and…a horseless wagon is racing towards him, a cloud of dust blown up behind it. It stops right in front of him. _Hop aboard, lil’ gerblin!_ It’s Cassidy and she’s pulling him up and into the wagon. Inside it’s filled with familiar faces. Ren, Paloma, Luca, Redmond, June, Roswell—the bird—and Cassidy, everyone who helped to save Refuge. One he’s in there Rosewell happily flitters over to rest of Merle’s shoulder. _What the heck ‘er ya doin’ lyin’ on a dirt road in the middle o’ the apocalypse?!_ Oh, well he was kind of hooking back up with this god and it was pretty tiring and— **we can talk about this later. Are you here to help us save the world?** June tells him about how Paloma brought them here, said they’d be seeing Merle today, that she had something for him to see.

 _Merle, I wanted you to see something. This—_ She shows him the crystal she had so carefully plucked from her ceiling that morning. _This is my last prophecy, Merle. All the other prophecies, they showed me the end of the world. But this one…_ She pauses, stretching out Merle’s fingers to put the crystal in his hand. _This one hasn’t shown me anything. Maybe it just doesn’t work, but maybe…maybe there’s another way that all this can end. Can you keep it safe for me please?_ **You got it. Consider it done.**

Suddenly the waggon screeched to a halt. _Holy shit!_ It’s a thought they all share in unison. Blocking their path, staring down at them is one of the Judges. It has seen them. _Well, that’s a big boy._ A big boy indeed, Roswell. _Well, I may not be an elemental anymore, but I can still talk to the Earth. And we’ve got friends down there._ When Roswell chirps out a song to the ground, the earth begins to move underfoot. Trembling. A crash. Then another. Trees are ripped from their roots. Ground thrown in the air. Fissures form across the ground. A mighty roar. When the ground explodes open they see the purple worm projecting itself right at the Judge. Knocked to the side of the road, the worm coils around the Judge, biting chunks out of it and setting it ablaze. It’s pulled deeper into the woods by the worm and they all hear another loud roar. _It says thanks for reuniting it with its kids. And, it says…you’re even._

Well, with that taken care of, guess it’s time for the boys to regroup back on headquarters. Taako, Lup and Barry are first to return, spotting Magnus as they just fly up and over the edge. _So, what did you guys do?_ And right then Lucas slams down too in the Upsy mech. **Oh, no big deal, Taako just uh, summoned all the energy in our reality to come help us fight.** _Mhmm. I fought a bear._ That…that suddenly didn’t sound so cool in comparison. But it was a big bear! Big and evil! And there was a wolf! Avi did the wolf. Lucas spots the inactive body of Noelle over with Carey and Killian. O-Oh… He needs a moment to morn her loss too.

Then Merle is flying up on the Zoom Broom. _Hey, what’d you guys do?!_ **I fought a bear.** _Big on?_ **Yeah.** _Ohoho. Cool. What’d you do, pointy hat? **Saw my boyfriend.** Ohh, you’re kiddin’. **Yeah, it was dope.** I like that guy. **He’s a good dude.**_ **What’d you do, Merle?** _Laid down in a road._ **Really? That’s it?** _Watched a big worm. Oh, I got my magic powers back! **Burying the lede…**_ **Ah, nice!** _Yeah, Pan showed up._ **Ooh. _Nice._** _We’re good again, no we’re good._

And within moments Angus and Davenport are back too. Angus is relieved to see everyone back safe but…wait…Lucas? _I thought he died._ Way to be subtle, kid. Nah, nah, Lucas never died. All just a cleaver ruse from Tres Horny Boys. That doesn’t matter right now. There’s no trace of Lucretia anywhere. **Lup, Barry, did you all find the Starblaster?** _Ohhh. I…may have forgotten that we were supposed to be doing that._ Saving all the planes, meeting Taako’s boo, fighting off a Judge, really all quite distracting.

Wait—Are they talking about Lucretia’s spaceship? Well…it’s more all of theirs really, if you think about it… Oh, well Lucas knows where it is. He helped build a hangar for it here on the Bureau. Walking over to a tree, he runs his hand down the trunk and the lawn splits open. There it is. The Starblaster. Dusty from a decade without use, damaged from their century of travel. But it’s there. Their presence alone is enough for the bond engine to activate. It’s ready for them. _It looks like you all have done some good work out there, but the facts haven’t changed. The Hunger’s gonna keep attacking this world until it’s destroyed. We…we’ve gotta go._ **Not yet.**

Magnus has been the first to defy Davenport, but he wasn’t the only one to say it. Right at the same moment Lucretia had spoken the same words. There’s a flash of light and she had returned, still shrouded in her bubble and blocking their way. _Not yet. Please, please, please, I’m begging you all. We’ve been through so much, we’ve given up so much to make this work. I’m begging you, please let me do this, please let me put up the barrier._ **There has to be—Lucretia, there has to be another way.** Magnus isn’t for running, but he isn’t for this either.

Barry agrees. **Lucretia, if that spell goes off, you’re gonna sever every bond this world’s got. This plane would be doomed. We’ve got choices, gang. We stay and Lucretia’s barrier cuts this world off from the rest of existence, or we run. And we try again next cycle. That’s it. Two choices, it’s time to decide.** Will this world be left to be consumed by darkness, or will it be reduced to ash?

 _Um, there’s a third option._ There’s always a third option. He understood what Paloma had meant now. Right as Taako said it, Paloma’s crystal floated out of Merle’s pocket. It glowed then shattered, surrounding them in white fog. In the fog they see a bright future.

Taako, he’s there cooking up a feast in his new fancy kitchen. Lup is there, back in her body. The two of them are laughing and joking as he cooks. Magnus is sitting under a tree in a park, watching as Angus throws a frisbee to a big golden retriever. Merle is by the ocean, water splashing up at him as he holds Mookie under one arm. Mavis is watching them, laughing as Merle throws the cackling boy into the water. Carey and Killian are curled up together in a mountain cabin, reading the same book. Lucretia is there, overseeing the construction of a library in the heart of Neverwinter.

What…what is that? Lucretia is almost crying at the sight of it all. Magnus, he…he would like this one please. Taako…he has an idea. The chances may be slim, the odds against them, but if they could just get this to work… _We could close ourselves off, and we could run. There’s a third option though. Lucretia, your spell, could it keep The Hunger bound? Could it…cut The Hunger off?_ For the first time since she started her spell, Lucretia wavers. **Huh.** _Listen, all that thing wants on Earth, the thing it wants more than anything else, we have been basically trolling it for a hundred years. The only thing it wants, is to pick us up and absorb us into itself. And I don’t know about you all, but Taako’s good out here._ **That would work. But, I would have to be---I would have to be on the plane that I’m casting the spell over in order to do it. We would have to get up there, into The Hunger.** If only they had a ship capable of flying them from plane to plane… Oh wait! Davenport can get them up there.

Lucretia swears she’ll find a way to make up for all of this. She’s sorry. So sorry. She let herself get blindsided, but she’ll make it right! Magnus is already hugging her. It’s okay. He understands. Merle does too, joining the hug. They try and get Taako on board but…well he’s not there yet. Taako won’t be there for a very long time. Eventually he would make his peace with it, but elves live a long time and it would be long after Lucretia wasn’t here to see it anymore. Lup floats over to them and rests her forehead against Lucretia’s for a moment. _Lucretia, dear, I’ve already forgotten about the whole thing. Oh, uh! Sorry, bad choice of words._ They’re laughing as they board the ship.

The sound of roaring cuts through the air. More of The Hunger’s tendrils are reaching down to the ground, pulling itself in. Behind them is the final Judge. It’s leading an enormous army of Shadows. An enraged assault on Neverwinter.

Lup pauses. _I think Barry and I are going to stay behind. I know that sounds shitty, but listen. The five of you are about to go save the world. And we need to make sure there’s still a world for you to go come back to, okay?_ In that moment terror makes Taako’s blood run cold. She…she was going to leave him again? **Am I…? I’m not going to lose you again.** _Never. Never again, bud. Please don’t die._ And she’s hugging her brother, as much as a non-corporeal being can hug. Of course she wouldn’t leave him again. He trusted Lup. **I’d say the same to you, but that ship done sailed, eh?** And they’re laughing again as they part.

 _Barry, Killian, Carey, Angus, Nerdlord, you’re all with me._ Lucas is oddly confused when he speaks. **Am I Nerdlord? _Um, yeah, I think she was talking about you, sir._** Nice on, Angus! Magnus has something to do before they leave. He takes out his grandfather’s knife and hands it to Angus. _This has always brought me good luck. Be safe. Bring it back to me, okay?_ At that Angus is giving Magnus the biggest hug he can manage. **_I won’t let you down, sir!_** Next thing they know Taako, Magnus, Merle, Lucretia and Davenport are on the Starblaster, ready to go off and save all of existence. Lucretia has started channelling her spell again.

Three empty spheres from the Bureau of Balance lay discarded on a field outside of Neverwinter. Everyone has amassed at the city’s gates. They are the final stand against The Hunger and its forces. At the forefront of that army are Lup, Barry, Carey, Killian, Angus and Lucas. Klarg and his family are there too, along with the whole of the Battlefest crew and all the people he’d been barricaded in the building with. In the centre of the crowd is a wagon housing the citizens of Refuge, Ren and Cassidy perched on top. From the west a dust storm rages, kicked up by a fleet of battlewagon racers, Hurley and Sloane leading the charge. Towards the back is group of Tom Bodetts from Rockport, carrying any number of industrial tools they can fashion into weapons.

Lup looks over her army. As she walks across the front line the crowd falls silent. _You all know the story now, right? You know what this thing is capable of? I know you’re scared. This—This is scary. But we can do this. And you’re going to come away from this fight with some kickass stories about this day. Those things over there, for a century, we have watched them take what they want to take, consume the worlds that they want to consume. That stops here!_ The crowd are cheering, energies for the fight ahead of them.

With that Lup returns to her place at the head of the army, right beside Barry. As The Hunger descends from above, she steals a glance to him. _Here that, babe?_ Her hands catch fire. _We’re **legends.**_

_High above the Starblaster streaks through the sky, up and away from the moon base, flying for the first time into, not away from, the storm. And as its occupants brace themselves for the final battle ahead, they are surrounded by the Voidfish’s light, and their hearts are stirred by the familiar music they suddenly hear. (1)[See, there’s magic in a bard’s song. They call it inspiration, and it tells the listener what they need to hear right when they need to hear it. And right now, you hear it too. The message in the music heard round the world. You hear Johann’s voice, telling you: **You’re going to have to fight. And…you’re gonna win!**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FANUwJv2dM)_

_You hear it now too, don’t you? The song is now yours, just as the story has always been yours. And with this final piece, your understanding of these impossible events is complete. Like I said before, you’re ready now. Darkness surrounds you, but be not afraid. After all, you’re going to win. We know that much. But that is the limit of my knowledge. You’re all caught up now. Whatever happens next, well…we’ll just have to find out together._

At the wheel of the Starblaster Davenport grits his teeth and clenches his fists. Next to him at the helm is Lucretia, channelling the last of the Light from within the Animus Bell into her staff, preparing the spell which she hopes will contain The Hunger once and for all. On the deck of the ship are Taako, Merle and Magnus, bracing themselves on the railing as the ship picks up speed. Over the bow of the ship is The Hunger, stretching endlessly and imposingly all around them. Multi-coloured flashes of light cut across the black opal, and pillars of darkness shoot out from its form erratically.

The tendrils are coming for them now, but Davenport holds steady. A cat ready to pounce. _Davenport!_ **Not yet.** _Davenport! Davenport!_ Lucretia is sounding more urgent. **Alright, buddy. Dance for me.** And he throws the wheel, the Starblaster rolling once, twice, three times around the tendril. Countless more tendrils lunge and strike at the ship, but Davenport evades them all. He is the greatest starship pilot who ever lived.

After Davenport crashes the Starblaster right through a wave of The Hunger’s darkness, puddles of the black opal have collected on the deck. At first they’re still, then they begin to vibrate, melting inward until they form a shape—a human figure. This Shadow has more definition than all the others they’ve faced. He wears a suit, his hair is well maintained, though his body is comprised entirely of black opal plasma. Merle recognises the man right away. This is John. It _was_ John. It is John no longer. He’s ready to fight. This is it.

Hey…hey, Merle? There’s something Taako wants him to know. You know back in Wave Echo Cave? He kind of stole his cousin’s shoes. In retrospect that was pretty shitty of him, and he feels pretty bad about—for lying about it, and stealing them in the first place. If they’re about to bite it…well he just thought he should know. And Magnus guesses, while they’re making confessions, it should be noted he’s wearing those shoes right now. Yeah…yeah, Taako didn’t even steal them for himself. They’re sorry, but…if Merle is mad about it, maybe direct that anger at the guy in front of them for now?

And John roars, a long sharp blade of shadow shooting out from his arm. Their final battle has begun.

The first thing Merle does is use Matthias the Living Grimoire to cast Mass Healing on the five of them. They’ve all been through a lot already today, they could do with having their wits and energy about them in this fight. With their health restored entirely, Matthias is no more. The Magnus is up, attacking first with the Chance Lance, then right after with the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom, leaving a burning mark across John’s chest.

John swipes a streak of fire at the boys, the heat of which manages to cause damage even to Taako who had evaded the attack itself. Right after he strikes at Magnus with his sword hand. As the boys fight the Starblaster is chased by tendrils which Davenport masterfully avoids, but they’re catching up. Lucretia continues to channel her spell. Taako casts Storm Sphere on John, that’ll keep giving him some damage for a while, and why not take a Lightning Bolt to top it off! Merle is right there with Blade Barrier too, creating a barrier of whirling sharp magical blades around John. Between Storm Sphere and Blade Barrier, some of the blades are pulled inward and stabbed into John.

Using his grappling hook Magnus swings himself from the mast of the ship, evading the Blade Barrier but landing right into the Storm Sphere with John. It’s a bit of a shock to the system with the Lighting Bolts infusing it, but it’s nothing he can’t handle. He’s jumping back into action and attacks for times in a row with the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom, and two from the Chance Lance. Not all land, but it was a whack. The final stab goes right into John’s chest and he _screams._ A burst of energy explodes out of him.

Both the Storm Sphere and Blade Barrier are brought down by John’s cries. Magnus is knocked backwards off his feet. With the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom lodged in his chest, John stumbles backwards. Panicked. Hurt. Desperate. He’s falling to his knees... Then he cocks his head at the group of them and smiles. Another pulse of energy shoots out of him, knocking all of them off their feet. Tendrils of darkness have burst out from his form, encircling him. He’s a man no longer, simply a swirling column of darkness, exploding laughter sounding from within.

The column explodes. A creature of nightmarish proportions looms over them. Its arms end in three long, sharp claws now and skeletal wings attach to its shoulders. A crown of multi-coloured light sits atop its featureless face. It screams and the colours of light within its body flash erratically before bursting free. Four coloured orbs. Red. Yellow. Blue. Green. They rotate around the creature that was once John. His Final Form.

It slashes razor sharp claws at Magnus first. It hits. Then it points a finger at Merle. A black cloud begins to surround its claws, at the same time surrounding Merle too. Black fire burns him from the inside. Merle is unconscious. The yellow orb flashes. It screams at Taako, rendering him _Frightened._ He’s so _scared_ of John now, anything he tries do against it will be weaker and he daren’t move any closer.

The green orb flashes, sending out a wave of green energy. Nothing else happens. Then the red orb flashes too. Red flares shoot out from the orb, but both Taako and Magnus manage to avoid them entirely.

Taako is utterly terrified of everything going on right now. He always meant it when he said Taako was good out there, but right here, right now, there’s no running away. No matter how much the Fear consumes him, he knows he has to fight. His void trembles when he speaks. _Um, mhn. My name is—is Taako, f-f-f-from TV. Um, and I’m really scared right now. But, I wanted to tell you some good news. You’re really super lucky. I know what you’re thinking, **why am I lucky?** Because I’m about to—no, you’re really lucky because this face, in front of you, is the last one you’re ever going to see. Drink it in, John! …D-d-drink it in! Abraca-fuck you! _And Taako casts Sunburst, right at John’s fucking head. Well the spell didn’t take him out, but it did a fair deal of damage and, for now at least, the creature is rendered blind.

The blue orb flashes now, casting a barrier around the other three orbs and John. Merle still hasn’t woken up. Three times Magnus hurls the Chance Lance at the blue orb and when the final throw pierces its form it distorts. Jagged edges shoot out for the orb before imploding inward. The blue orb is gone. In the next beat Magnus is attacking John with Railsplitter. Only prismatic beams shoot out from the orb at Magnus. That’s a crit. Right away it turns to strike at Taako, but once again he’s able to dodge out of the way.

The yellow orb flashes again. Larger streaks out fire shoot out this time. Taako avoids it, feeling just residual damage from the heat while Magnus is hit with the full force. Although he avoided the hit, Taako is down for the count. Then the green orb is flashing again. This time it heals itself, John and the other orbs somewhat. And the red orb flashes. Magnus fails to dodge the flares again and he too is unconscious.

As Magnus goes down he hears the sound of Lucretia’s voice. She doesn’t say anything, she just screams. For Magnus, Taako and Merle, everything steadily fades to silence. Merle, he doesn’t know if he’s awake or not in truth, but he can hear the Bond Engine in the back of the Starblaster. The ringing that propels their ship is growing faster, gaining a musical hum. Threads of light burst out of it, bathing it in light. _Someone_ is calling out to him. Calling out with the offer of aid.

Time seems to slow as Pan bursts out from the bond engine. In that moment everything around Merle is gone. It’s just himself and Pan, the deity leaning down to lift his face off the ground. _What did I tell you? I’m always gonna be there from now on, Merle._ **Thanks. C—can me and my buddies wake up now?** And Pan nods. The scene around him begins to knit itself back together again as Pan vanishes back through the portal, smiling all the while. Magnus, Taako and Merle, they’re all waking up now and they feel…they feel okay. Pan has healed them, brought them back from the brink of death.

Now awake, Magnus feels it too, something—no, some _one_ calling to him from the bond engine. For Magnus Troth—the tiefling monk from the robot planet—is summoned. She inspired him to protect his friends, protect those he cared for no matter what, it seemed only right she be the one to bring them aid now. After helping Magnus to his feet she points a finger at John. _Well, this is fucking weird. Who should I hit?_ The red orb? _Got it._ Staff in hand, Troth leaps for the orb and unleashes a flurry of blows against it. It implodes in much the same manner as the blue orb had.

John, he’s…utterly surprised by everything going on, so much so Taako is able to strike first. He knows exactly what shit is going down now and— _I want everyone to meet a new friend of mine. His name’s Joaquin!_ When Joaquin comes through the portal he looks fucking _super saiyan,_ electricity shooting off of him. Right away he runs to Taako and hugs him. **It’s really cool to meet you. I-I didn’t think that we’d ever actually get to say ‘hey’ in person. Thanks for the fuckin’ wizard powers, by the way. I’ve killed, like, a hundred of these things!** _Well, show me whatcha’ve got! See those orbs, Joaquin? Blast ‘em!_ Jumping into the air, beams of electricity shoot out form his fingertips, catching both the orbs and John in his attack. Each take a fair hand of damage. **I’m gonna go back to saving my world now! Good luck!** _Hell yeah!_

Recovered from the moment of surprise, John points a hand at Magnus now, a black cloud of corrupted smoke forming around him. He’s _just_ able to escape the internal burning by the skin of his teeth, waving the cloud of smoke away. John tries to scream at Merle this time, tries to Frighten him like Taako. He succeeds. And the yellow orb flashes, allowing John the time to shoot a beam at Taako, this time hitting him without question. Finally, the green orb flashes again for more healing.

Merle has chance to use his Bonds again now. This time, he summons Garfield the Deals Warlock! _You know it’s not usually my business to hand out, uh, good and services for free, but something tell me if that thing hits out world, then, uh…I’m going to have to close up shop again! And I can’t go through that, emotionally, so…what’ll you have?_ Something to take out the green orb maybe? _Let me see what I’ve got in here._ And he’s rummaging around in his bag of holding, taking out what looks to be a grenade. _You boys know the best part of the Fantasy Costco?_ He pulls the pin out of the grenade. _Free samples!_ He hurls it right at John. It doesn’t seem to do all that much to John when it explodes, but both orbs lose their colour.

Roswell is the next person summoned through the bond engine by Magnus. Just that morning Merle had seen Roswell as just a bird, but they were no longer! While the bird flies through the portal a mudslide washes in with it, all of it raising into the air and forming an earthen golem. Roswell is bird and body again. _Things are going pretty well back in the fight on earth, but I hear you could use a little bit of help?_ **Junebug.** _No, you don’t have to do that anymore._ **I know, but I was just going to say—** _No, no, no, tell me what to do, let’s fuck this thing up!_ **Yeah, alright. Punch the shit out of John.** _You got it!_ They lower back down into the mudslide, the bird flitting over to sit on Magnus’ shoulder. And an enormous fist shoots out from the mudslide, slamming right into John. In that moment John is afraid, afraid he might not win this. The mudslide is receding.  _That’s the best I can do, I gotta get back to it! Good luck!_ **You did great, I’m really proud of you!**

John is attacking Taako again, swiping him and leaving him prone. Then a frantic beam of light at Magnus, but it bounces right off of the Shield of Heroic Memories. The yellow orb flashes. Nothing happens. The green orb flashes. Nothing happens.

Taako is laid out prone on the ground, unable to move. He doesn’t have many options here. But still— _You’re really in trouble now, mister. I am going to call upon someone who inspires me every day to be a better wizard and a better person, um. He’s my hero, really. And I…You’re fucked. His name is Taako._ And he casts another round of Sunbeam at John, a beam of brilliant light flashing out of his hand—five foot wide, sixty foot long. _You’re double blind!_ The orbs are looking super bad now, though they have come back to life.

Merle gets ready to cast Mass Cure Wounds, but then a vision of himself appears before him. _Hey, dumbass, you’re about to fuck up! Don’t cast what you were going to ca—_ And he’s gone again. The Globe of Recall, he’d just used it to project his consciousness nine seconds into the past. Looking into his bag, sure enough the globe is just gone. He doesn’t remember using it, but it is gone. He can do _much_ better than heal them right now! Merle summons the Voidfish! Both Fisher and Junior! Junior float about playfully, spinning around Merel, and Fisher goes to Magnus, putting a tendril on his shoulder. Fisher is looking so much better than the last time Magnus saw it, healthy again! Then Fisher floats over to Merle too and hums. _Can you make the remaining orbs not exist anymore?_  Fisher makes a sound they’ve never heard it make before. A furious battle hymn. _Death metal._ Taking one orb each, the Voidfishs’ tendrils turn sharp and pointed and they stab the orbs over and over and over again. Magnus is _so proud!_ The orbs are torn apart and then they too depart.

Next Magnus is calling forth the Power Bear to aid them, after all he taught him what it meant to ask for help. When it burst through the portal Magnus bows. _I think we’re well past that at this point, Magnus._ Even so, the bear is laughing lightly and looks around at Taako and Merle. _It seems you’ve surrounded yourself with some pretty good people._ **Yeah, but—I could use a little more help.** Already the bear is beginning to talk towards John. _I know what I told you about what the meaning of strength is, about—asking for help when you need it, and…humbling yourself, before your—your friends. And that’s all well and good. But sometimes, a big gnarly attack is pretty fucking strong, too._ The Power Bear launches forward and smashes its claws into John, knocking him back. John is reeling as he tries to right himself. He’s looking really bad off now…

John throws himself into another attack, hurling fire at the boys. Merle and Taako are both able to leap out of the way of the flames, but Magnus gets caught up in it. Then he turns to Davenport and Lucretia at the helm. His face is glowing as he shoots a beam into the bond engine at the back of the ship. One of the rings around it pop open and smoke starts to pour out of it. There’s a crashing sound. Davenport has to jerk the ship to keep it steady, but the light in the engine is gone. Their Bonds are gone. They can feel it. The warm and light that was present since Pan is gone.

Taako’s ready to attack. _Well? …Bye!_ He casts Whirlwind, creating a thirty foot cylinder of wind—the column of green wind launched right out of the end of the KrEbStAr. It connects with John. He’s screaming again. He’s being peeled, torn apart by the wind. The power of the attack is knocking him off of his feet. With Taako still prone, unable to move anywhere, Magnus holds him down with a hand on his shoulder, meanwhile Merle locks an arm around his legs. Oh, don’t worry, guys. Taako’s got this. He’s got the Immovable Rod, he’s not going fucking anywhere.

The wind blows them backwards, but they’re holding onto each other tight. As the wind tears away at John a white thread appears, connecting Taako to Magnus, then Magnus to Merle, then more and more of these threads appear, tying them to each other. Thousands of them. It’s filling Taako with power as the wind lifts the monstrous John off of the deck. Tres Horny Boys are cloaked in the light of their Bonds. They share so many, many Bonds after all these years. The final pulse of light burst through Taako’s attack, right into John—screaming as the light fills him. The light rips through him too, bursting from his mouth, out of his chest and his fingers and it lifts him higher and higher off the deck.

Light consumes everything they see.

When the light dissipates Merle is standing by the beach at sunset. There’s a cool, gentle breeze rolling in over the falling tide, the last of the day’s light lingering over the horizon. Next to him, sitting on his suit jacket, shoes off and pant legs rolled up, John is sat with his feet in the sand. He’s human again. He pats the ground next to him. _Merle…will you sit with me? Just…just for a moment?_ **…You got it, buddy.** _We don’t have to talk. Let’s just…let’s just watch this together._ They sit there together, just for the few minutes it takes for the tide to pull further out and the final rays of sunlight to vanish over the horizon. When the light is gone, so is John.

When he opens his eyes again Merle is back on Starblaster, but it isn’t moving anymore. They’ve reached their destination. The bow of the ship is half buried in an ocean of obsidian black sand. Davenport is outside the helm now, working to repair the bond engine. The ring that makes the engine spin is moving again, slowly picking up speed.

In front of the boys is Lucretia. There isn’t any light coming from inside the lead sphere any more. The Light of Creation is held entirely within her staff—held out in front of her with both hands. Her eyes are closed as she focuses on finishing her spell. The bubble isn’t around her any more, but that’s because it’s surrounding the entire ship now. Shadows surround them, clawing at the bubble, climbing over one another, but they can’t get through. It’s taking so much for Lucretia to maintain the bubble.

Behind them the bond engine hums back to life. _Got it! …Wait, what?_ The threads have stretched out from the engine and encircled him. Then he’s gone. Where he vanished the threads have weaved together to show them a scene: a quiet forest filled with pine trees, overhead The Hunger fills the sky. The Starblaster is giving them one final gift: a portal home.

 _Go, it’s—it’s almost ready! I’ll put up the barrier, and I’ll make a run for it, but this is your chance, I can hold them off, just go!_ Magnus isn’t going anywhere. He’s not leaving Lucretia behind. Then they hear a crash, the Shadows’ screams outside the bubble growing louder and louder. Then, a flash of light. The bubble has ruptured. The Shadows are falling inward, clambering towards the ship and Lucretia. She reaches out a hand to the boys—

Everything freezes. The Shadows. Lucretia. The darkness. Colour has been drained from everything. And there is Istus. She too is frozen, colourless, arms at her sides and palms turned to the heavens. She’s delivering on the promise she made them months ago. _I cannot make the difficult decision that lies at the end of your quest for you, but I can grant you the time that you need to make that decision._ This is that time.

It isn’t even a question for Magnus. _I’m not going anywhere. There’s no question._ **Well, I’m going to stay, because who would fail to heal him if he needed to be healed? I’m staying here. _I’m—I’m sorry, guys, but I have to help Lup. If there’s anything I can do for her, I—I gotta be with her._** _Absolutely._ Taako jumps through the portal and the scene within it changes. Barry and Lup are back to back, fucking that Hunger up! All around them everyone else is fighting too. Angus launches a beam of fire through four Shadows all at once. Hurley and Sloane are break sliding their battle wagon into the hunger, reducing them to ash with each collision. Klarg and his family rush a giant Shadow and just pick it to pieces. Without a doubt, the world is winning this fight! And Taako jumps back through the portal. **_Hey, it seems like they’ve got it, so…I’m good to hang._** _Are you guys, like one hundred percent? **Yeah, fuck it.**_ **Yeah, let’s go.** _Alright, fuck it._ When time starts to catch back up with them they hear a voice through the rift. Istus’ voice. _You’re going to be amazing._

The Shadows bear down on Lucretia as she reaches for the boys, and she gasps as they charge past her, fearlessly, into the horde. Magnus barrels through them with his shield, throwing himself into the fray. Taako charges in on Garyl’s back, calling down a pillar of fire. Merle has a hand raised, reading a passage from the Extreme Teen Bible, his words becoming rays of light. All three of them are overrun by the Shadows. Lucretia watches it all happen. And she screams. Head thrown back to the sky. A slim beam of light shoot from her staff, sailing up, high above their final stand and into the quiet sky. And then there’s _light._

The first thing Merle is aware of is something crawling over his back, small claws moving to scratch gently at the side of his face. When he wakes up, he’s lying on a soft, red carpet and there’s…something metal on him? It’s Scuttelbuddy. It’s humming so happily to see Merle again. It missed him! The last time he same it was on the— _Oh!_ That’s where they were. All four of them are sat in the passenger car of the Rockport Limited. Everything is the same as it was a year ago. But outside…there is nothing. No bright white light, just an endless expanse of white space. But in that white space circles float all around. One flies right by the window and they realise: these are all planes of existence.

And there’s a presence in the train with them. They know it, but they can’t see or locate them. But they can hear their voice when they speak. _Hey. Um, I know you’re confused, and, uh, I can—I can explain some of what’s going on, but I need you all to be cool about this, okay? This is breaking virtually every protocol that we’ve got in place, but I think this qualifies as extenuating circumstances._ **God?** _No, ugh, see this is exactly what I was afraid of. No, I’m—_ **Jesus?** _No, not him either. Oh man, this—maybe this was a bad idea…_ **Go on—no, no, no, please.** _I can’t—I’m nto God. I can’t—I…I can’t really tell you my name—_ **That’s exactly what God would say!** _I can’t—I can’t tell you my name, I don’t wanna—I don’t wanna run the risk of one of you, like, going back and starting a doomsday cult in my name of anything, but, um, I—I, well, myself and a small team of other folks, we made your world. Or I guess, your existence. Or actually, to be more specific, still, we—we made the…The laws of physics and—and thermodynamics and arcane interaction and all that stuff that—that govern your world._

_This place that you’re in is, um—well, it’s nowhere. It’s—It’s kind of a safety net. The—the laws of this world dictate that everything’s somewhere, and that no two things can be in the same somewhere at the same time, and…The Hunger, as you called it, it—it broke that law, flagrantly, using the Light of Creation, it was just this big jumble of places all occupying the same **somewhere** , just this big mass all tied together with the bonds that it stole. And when you cut those bonds, the laws caught back up to The Hunger, and all those places couldn’t be in the same place anymore, and so they ended up here. And, fortunately, now that they’re here, we can start putting em’ back in place. Who did that by the way? Who cast that spell? That—I didn’t think anything like that was **possible.**_

That was Lucretia. She gives a small wave. _You’re…the most powerful person I think I’ve ever met, and I—I owe you an enormous debt of gratitude._ Okay, that’s chill and all, but Taako needs to know. Is he dead? No. No, they’re not dead. **Nice!** _I don’t actually know why you’re on a—Oh, oh, oh! When—when you made this train, uh, uh, disappear and then the teleportation magic didn’t hold, it ended up being Nowhere, so I guess that’s why you’re…here too. Gosh, we got some…We got some stuff to work out. I guess I owe all of you a debt! We-we-we don’t have the tools to interfere with a world once it’s made, so when the Light of Creation slipped out of our domain and into yours, we had no way of recovering it, we thought that was—we thought that was it for this world. But the four of you, and your **friends,** you saved **everything.** And…I know this doesn’t make much sense and it won’t mean anything to you, but I’m—I’m **so proud** of how you turned out. _

But, um… If this guy says he made them, made everything, why did he make the bad thing happen? They…they didn’t control that. They’re not Gods. _We, I guess, made the Gods, or I guess the laws that made the Gods come into being. We don’t really…control the worlds that we make, that’s not really our—our style. We just—we just **make em’.**_

Okay, Merle’s got a serious question here. **Did we win?** _By any measure, Merle, you won._ They thought this world was lost, done. But _they_ stopped that from happening. But…it’s not exactly safe for them to stay here much longer, and they need to get started putting the planes back in their right places. But thank you—for proving him right, proving that this would _could_ be saved.

One of the tendrils attacking Neverwinter stops in its tracks; it begins to glow with white light. This column, along with all of the others, turn white—glowing bright—as they inch back up to the sky. Lup and Barry, still back to back, watch as it happens and their combat stances drop. Their foe is defeated. The army all around react when even the light starts to peel back from the sky—showering the world below with beautiful cascading balls of light. Everyone is bewildered by what they’re seeing. In no cycle has this ever happened before.

When Lup and Barry look down from the lights, in front of them is their family. Davenport, Lucretia, Taako, Magnus and Merle. Barry and Lup step closer, disbelief written across their faces. Nobody says anything. But Lucretia, the biggest smile has spread across her face and she nods. They did it. Right then Lup and Barry wrap each other up in their arms, then Lup is throwing herself at Lucretia and Davenport is shaking Barry’s hand. It’s a celebration. The end of a century’s worth of work.

Angus slow walks out of the crowd towards them. He’s the first in the army to make a move. The first out of anyone to speak. _Is it over, sirs? Did we win?_ Taako is the one to answer him, smiling down at his protégé as he does. **You know what, little man? Believe it or not, we did.** And then Magnus is lifting Angus up onto his shoulders. **_Let em’ know, kid._** _Hey, everybody! Johann was right! We won!_ All of them, together, fuelled by the inspiration of Johann’s song, had defeated The Hunger. Against all odds, they triumphed.

It takes time, as all difficult and important things do, for the world to recover from what transpired that day—on the Day of Story and Song. It does far better than recover, it _thrives._  

The attack left the city of Goldcliff in ruin, but its citizens refused to let the city die. Together they worked to recreate its skyline over the wastes. Selfishness and greed had once been the defining principles of the city, but those were abandoned on the day everyone stood as one and refused to die. Taller and prouder than ever, the city worked to rebuild itself. Goldcliff would remain a refuge from the rest of the world, a place of pleasure and relaxation. But now, people also come for the races. Under Hurley and Sloane’s leadership, battle wagon races were made a legitimate sport, no longer the work of petty criminals. They’re still getting used to it, but the races bring so much joy to all.

Refuge had been largely untouched by the attack, hidden in the wastes of the desert as it was. The only way their landscape had changed was by the rift opened up on the outskirts of town. Inside that rift? Well the miners found the rich vein of diamonds they’d been searching for years ago. Under Mayor Cassidy’s leadership, the miners worked to safely excavate the diamonds. Refuge and its people found enormous success thanks to this new wealth. The whole town is happy now. Not for their riches, but for their compassion for each other. That is a story they share with many towns across the world.

The process to rebuild Neverwinter was perhaps the longest and the most consuming. But its citizens saved the city from complete destruction. Lord Artemis Sterling dissolved the council which had managed the city for centuries—disregarding their former focus on wealth and power. That isn’t an attitude befitting this world any more. Not after the attack, after the story they heard. They know it now, there are more important things to this world—his people, they were high on that list. And so, Neverwinter became a beacon of equality and justice, an example for the rest of the world to follow.

In that rebuilt city Lucas Miller founded the Academy of Arcane Sciences, a grand insinuation with the focus on sharing all of the knowledge amassed by generations of his family. The star pupil of that school? None other than Angus McDonald, the young boy who enrolled on the day the Academy opened. He works tirelessly to better himself, and to impress his teachers. But he also makes _so many friends._ He even joins the football team! Through it all Angus is so grateful for everything _his family_ did for him. Thanks to the IPRE and everyone in the Bureau of Balance, Angus got the greatest gift of all that day. That chance of a normal life. He deserved that.

Davenport found it the hardest to readjust to this new world. Centuries of work had finally come to an end and…he was at a loss. But eventually he found himself a home, a home at sea. Ever a captain, Davenport sailed every ocean the world had to offer, immersing himself in the cultures and customs of every port he found. He lives in a state of contentment now. More so than anyone else, he celebrates the mere existence of the world they saved. The rest receive postcards from him regularly, each and everyone one signed the same way. _Joyfully yours, Davenport._

Kravitz paid Lup and Barry a visit not long after their victory. The Raven Queen couldn’t abide a pair of liches walking the world, defying the laws of life and death, even if they had helped the save the world. But Kravitz, he’s always one for deal—especially for his new friends, people who would, with time, welcome him into their family too. Lup and Barry joined Kravitz’s ranks, Reapers in their own right, hunting down escape souls and those who sought to defy the Raven Queen’s laws. It turns out Barry and Lup are actually pretty good at their job.

Together in the Kingdom of the Raven Queen, the three of them decide on this arrangement and Barry smiles. _Just one more thing, I’m going to need to bend the rules one last time before we get started._ Out from his bag he takes a single piece of paper marked with two words— _back soon—_ and a kiss. When Lup looks at it she’s confused, but Barry places the note into a tank filled with green liquid and in the months that follow Lup’s body is regrown. When finally she steps out, she drapes herself in a red robe, pleased as she apprises her own form. _Man, I forgot how good I look._ And then she’s turning to Barry. _I’m about to smooch your fucking brain out, babe._ And she does.

Against all odds, Lucretia finally found happiness too in this new world. The war was won and the Bureau of Balance was transformed. It became a humanitarian organization aimed to help aid the world to get back on its feet. They provide aid for those displaced by The Hunger and they help to rebuild the villages which fell that day. Carey and Killian, they are her head overseers for this new mission. Avi handles the relocation efforts. Leon dispenses funds from the organisation’s treasury. Pringles…he provides snacks to the construction crew.

The Bureau received a new name after The Hunger’s defeat as well. From that point on they became the Bureau of Benevolence. They didn’t even need a new logo! And Lucretia delighted in doing good for a world that she knew could never be taken from her. The world doesn’t just recover after The Hunger, it _thrives._ All thanks to the unity experienced by everyone on the Day of Story and Song. All thanks to the Bonds that could never be broken. They heard the same story. They heard the same song. It tied all of their hearts together. Now, whenever conflict arose, it never raged for as long or as painfully as it once had.

A year has gone by when they’re gathered at a large temple perched on a bluff overlooking the Stillwater Sea—now home to a series of small islands of wildflowers which grew from the remains of the Judge. At tables outside the temple are groups of people chatting and sipping coktails as they wait for the party to start. Some are even dancing to music, children laughing and holding hands as they cross the dancefloor together.

Inside the temple is Lup, sitting on the counter in a large kitchen, lifting a wooden spoon to her mouth to taste some bright red sauce. Overdramatically, she grimaces at Taako—standing over the stove. _Just—Just one thing. One small criticism—um, I think you may have forgotten to make it taste good._ **I mean, there’s no accounting for taste. It’s more refined, it’s sort of—you know what it is?** _But yuck—kind of yucky? IT’s a little bit—_ **Continental—it’s kind of, uhh…artisanal.** _You’re kind of full of dogshit sometimes._ **That’s what it was, I forgot. I did include dogshit that’s—that’s, you’re right—** Lup frantically spits out the sauce of that.

In the year that followed The Hunger’s defeat, Taako realised that Sizzle It Up With Taako, well it was just too damn small! Taako is a household name now. Thanks to Fisher and Junior, _everyone everywhere_ knows who Taako is now! Taako’s got to do something with that, gotta work rebuilding his brand. His brand becomes so big it reaches even our world—websites, Snapchat feeds, all dedicated to the brilliant multi-planar wizard Taako from TV.

Not only that, he also founded Taako’s Amazing School of Magic. If he’d learnt one thing from teaching Angus magic, it was that he was a damn good teach. Just look at the spells his brilliant little magic boy had thrown out there that day! But, well…turns out Taako didn’t have much patience to be teaching anyone but Angus, so Ren runs the school mostly. Who else could he trust to do it right? His biggest fan—no, his _friend_ was perfect for the job, she knew her stuff and for that he could place his faith in her entirely. Heck, she’d graduated even before the school had even been founded, a brilliant student indeed! Ren was his number two, running the school while Taako’s duty kept him elsewhere—though Taako visits whenever he can, doing demonstrations for the students when the need to show off a bit arises. But building the Taako brand, it’s all pretty demanding; he just doesn’t have the time to run the school himself. Cookware, fashion, you name it, Taako has it. He has fully embraced the Taako lifestyle.

Joaquin helps a bit with that too, over in the Plane of Intelligence. He’s somewhat of a public figure now, singing Taako’s praise to anyone who will listen. _Yeah, Taako, he fuckin’ gave me magic powers for a bit and it was radical and he saved the world and isn’t he so great!_ There are heroes in that world now too, and they recognise Taako as one of them.

One month after The Hunger attacked Taako got a letter from the sheriff of Glamour Springs. After hearing Taako’s story from the lights in the sky, Sazed surrendered himself. The letter details these events, granting Taako a full pardon a full pardon from the charges set against him. Later that very same say there came a knock on his door. It’s Ren, looking nervous and holding out a plate with a single profiterole on it. He knows just by looking that it has been enchanted.

Ren is too nervous to say anything right away. _What’s this?_ **Well, this is uh…this is a job application, I guess, Taako.** _Okay, let me give it a whirl._ When he eats it, it tastes _amazing,_ warming him from within. **I—I want to show you somethin’.** She pulls out a roll of parchment and spreads it out on the floor. A proposal. The blueprints and a business plan for Taako’s Amazing School of Magic. **I don’t—I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Refuge has had kind of a—a windfall since the Story and Song. And we’ve all seen our fair share of prosperity and I recently came into a decent chunk of change myself and…I thought of the perfect place to put it.**

Taking a big diamond out of her bag, she sets it down on the parchment. **This is a gift, no strings attached, okay, but—I was hoping maybe—I could be your lieutenant? Your number two? You, um…deputy? I—I know things didn’t work out last time that you kinda set out on your own with a small business, but I promise, I won’t let you down. I think we can make something really amazing together. I could help you make something really amazing. But I just—more importantly I—I saw you be a _hero,_ Taako, and you were amazing and I just think you’d be really good at this and I think the whole world deserves to…to see what you can do. **_On this we are agreed. Um, I love this, um, I should mention my boyfriend is Death, so if—he will be staying over from time to time. But if you’re comfortable with that, I—Ren, I—It would be my honour._ Over the parchment they shake hands.

Back in the present Ren enters the kitchen too as Lup is spitting out the sauce. Nothing about the scene struck her as odd any more, it was simply natural to find the twins messing with each other like that. Paying the outburst little attention, she carries over an amazing smelling pot of stew and sets it aside, taking a taste of the sauce from Lup’s spoon too. _Um, I think it might need more salt, but can you taste that when you get a chance? Hi, Lup!_ And with that Ren walks back out the kitchen.

 _So, are you uh, heading back to your big great school of magical awesomeness when this is all done?_ **Uh, actually, I promised Kravitz that we’d take a vacay. We’re uh, we’re gonna go, yeah, on that side. Uh, I’m kind of dreading it. I wanted to go somewhere beach-y, but—** _You’re going, sorry, you’re going on an afterlife vacation? Is that even—is that allowed?_ **Out vacation, yeah, after, uh—I think we knows some people who know some people. I think we’re gonna be fine on that end. Plus, you don’t have to pack sunscreen—which is huge.** A vacation to the Astral Plane, well that was sure to be an experience for her brother. She’d be sure to as Kravitz what the hell he was thinking there later. For now Lup simply smiles as she takes another taste of the sauce. _I’m really proud of you, Taako. It seems like—seems like you’re really happy._

He’s so far removed from the Taako she once knew. The Taako who had been born from their century of travel. The Taako who was cold and disinterested in the world. The Taako who put himself first and cared only for their small family. But saving the world, those ten years living without the burden of their past, as much as he claimed to hate it, Lup thought it had done him some good. In forgetting Taako been given the chance to open himself up, to accept people into his life without fear that they would be gone within the year. He learnt to love and to trust again and it made Lup so happy to see her brother whole again. After everything, Taako deserved to be happy. He deserved the world.

Right then Kravitz and Barry appear in the doorway together. Just so they know, they’re going to be getting started soon, they should probably get out there. Lup steals one more bit of the sauce before hopping down from the counter. She was just joking about it tasting bad, it’s actually pretty great—of course it is, Taako made it. Lup and Barry leave the room together, giving Kravitz a small moment alone with his boyfriend. _Don’t miss it, okay? They’re definitely gonna want you there._ And then its his turn to steal a bite of the sauce. _God, that’s good. …I’m really looking forward to next week._ **Me too.** _I promise not to take you anywhere like, too spooky._ **You know what? I’m a big boy. I’m fine.** Before he respond, Kravitz is quick to steal a kiss. _I know you are. I’ll save you a seat out there._

When Kravitz leaves the kitchen Taako heard him apologise for bumping into someone out in the hall, and a moment later Angus has joined him in the kitchen. He’s taller than the last time Taako saw him. Man the kid is growing fast… It’s been a few months. Between Angus’ dedication to his studies and Taako running his own school, things have just been…busy. But right now, Angus is beaming up at him. It’s nice. It makes him happy to see Angus flourish in normality. Their line of work had been no place for a child, but Angus was brilliant—he thrived and excelled at everything thrown his way, though Taako thought it best he enjoy the rest of his childhood free from his burdens of these last few years.

 _Hello, sir! Did you get my letters?_ **Of course I did, Ango.** _Well, just in case…you didn’t, I—I just wanted you to know I’m doin’ really well at the academy; Lucas thinks I could be teaching there by the end of the year, isn’t that wild?_ **You wanna…drop the zero and get with the hero, or what?** Taako wasn’t going to lie, he would _much_ prefer it if Angus was on his team. Angus was _his_ magic boy, not Lucas’! Hmmm…maybe Angus will consider if is Taako can give him an attractive enough job offer. He’ll have his people talk to Taako’s people. Since when did Angus get people?!

 _There’s a--…there’s a letter than I didn’t have time to send before I left to come here, but I just want you to know that…I thanked you a hundred times for all the things that you’ve done for me and all the things that you taught me, but I still feel like my…my thanks haven’t been enough, you know, and I just…I want you to know that…you’ve changed my life, Taako. You—You changed my life._ Angus loved everyone he met on the Bureau, but it was Taako he loved the most. Even while the boys tormented him relentlessly, Taako had been the first to let Angus in. Even when he didn’t say it, Taako had ways of showing the boy he cared, truly cared, and Angus treasured those moments. He knew the elf wasn’t without his faults—and damn certain Taako had a few—but to him he’d become more than just his magic teacher.

And he move in for a hug, speaking quieter when they do. _I know about the silverware. I’m uh—I’m a pretty good wizard now but, I’m still the world’s greatest detective._ And they’re laughing a little there. Well then, guess you finally caught the perp, Ango. Taako still felt kind of bad about that, but it didn’t matter so much to Angus anymore. Sure it has been his grandfather’s death day silverware, but the family he had now, they replaced all that he had lost and he didn’t need any silverware for that. _It’s gonna be a good day, isn’t it?_ **Yeah, little man, I think so.**

Merle is in a small vestibule in the temple, dressed in formal vestments and looking himself over in a mirror. He can’t help but think, he looks so _different_ from the dwarf who started his journey here all those years ago. Sure he lost an arm, lost an eye, got older, but it’s not just that. The air surrounding him is different now. Some things in life, they change you, and that’s what Merle was seeing now. Before him is the Extreme Teen Bible, rebound after last year’s fight.

Through the mirror he notices the door crack open. Mavis is on the other side, sighing as Mookie sneaks into the room, trying to surprise his father. Mookie jumps at Merle to startle him, only to be intercepted in his arms. Gotta try harder than that if you want to get one over on old Merle!

When Merle’s travels with Tres Horney Boys came to an end—they’d completed their missions, collected the Relics, destroyed The Hunger, what else was there left?—he realised something about the world. Sure there were plenty of teachers out there for magic and the like. But there was nobody out there teaching kid…teaching them how to be adventurers. Sure the world was better now, but it wasn’t perfect and one day…one day the next generation would have to take up the mantel. They needed someone to prepare them for that day.

So Merle started his own summer camp: Extreme Teen Adventures. It started off with just Mavis and Mookie, but along the way he picked up a few other kids—their parents willing of course—who wanted to learn the art of adventuring. Going from village to town Merle would teach the kids all he knew about being a cleric, battle and survival. He taught by example.

A month ago, Merle was back home, a quiet morning after returning from one of his adventures—a wildly successful one at that, everyone wants their kids to learn from _Merle Highchurch_ —and there was a knock on his door. There are two guards towering over him and when they part behind them is Lord Artemis Sterling giving a small sheepish wave. _Hi, Merle, uh, you mind if I come in? I need to talk to you about some important business._

Of course Merle obliges, welcoming Sterling into his home. Right away Sterling makes his way to the kitchen where he boils water and prepares spicy cinnamon tea. He…he hopes this is okay. He’s not usually allowed near the kitchen in his estate. But nobody really knows how to brew this tea right, so he jumps at the chance to do it himself for once. _How, um—How have you been since you saved the world?_ Merle is doing pretty great! He’s been spending some time with the kids. Doesn’t hear from Magnus and Taako so much lately, but then anything less than constant contact wouldn’t feel like much after more than a century spent in each other’s company. He knows they still care, they’re just busy. All of them are. In truth, Magnus and Taako were _always_ trying to call Merle, but he damn well kept leaving his Stone of Farspeech turned off! He’s been teaching kids how to adventure, business is booming!

 _Yeah, I’ve actually heard about your organization, it’s pretty incredible. Um, I’m kinda here to see if you might be interested in taking a second task, um, and in return I can help grow your organization into the, uh, sort of enormous force for good that I think it can be. I got an offer for you, will you hear me out?_ **Yeah, knock yourself out.** One of the guards hands Sterling a briefcase and when he pops it open a few things are taken out. A sealed roll of parchment, a quill and inkwell, a map he unfurls across the table, and a _big_ bag of coins. _I told you after Wonderland that I was gonna try to find a way to make it up to you for what happened to you down there, and while I’ve been focusing on the rebuilding efforts for Neverwinter and the neighbouring regions, I realised exactly what that could be._

He motions to the map, a long stretch of the coastline to the west of the continent. Bottlenose Cove, a beach resort town the boys had visited during one of their smaller, less deadly missions. _Bottlenose Cove was destroyed when The Hunger attacked, and a lot of villages were and I’ve been working to get them back in shape and, well. I think you can help me out in this particular case, because…I trust you, Merle. I-I-I trust you to make the right decisions and do the right things and help this place become a thriving community for all the beach dwarves that were displaced. I’m not asking you to- to quit doing the guild; we can build a massive guild hall there for you, and help you expand to service the whole world. And, if you agree to this, you’ll be granted land at Bottlenose Cove, and, uh, a lofty estate as well, and. Well. A title. “Governor Merle Highchurch, the leader of Bottlenose Cove.” You’ll have access to my treasury to aide in the village’s repair and the guild’s growth and you’ll be in charge. This isn’t a gift, Merle, this is an enormous responsibility, but I think you’ve the perfect guy for the job, if you’ll accept._ Hmm…He’s got a couple of conditions. **I still get to go out and do my Extreme Teen Adventures with Mavis and Mookie.** _Yeah, of course!_ **I don’t want to be called ‘governor,’ I want the title of ‘Earl.’** _Sorry, so you want to be ‘Earl Merle’?_ **Yes.** Okay, sure, if that’s what it takes to get him on board. They too seal their deal with a handshake.

Bottlenose Cove really is in a rough state, Sterling wasn’t kidding. But he came through with his promise and Merle finally has his beautiful home—more so an estate really—by the ocean. Next door a guild hall is being built, above which hangs a sign reading _Merle’s Extreme Teen Adventure._ On the veranda to his new estate, Merle drops down a stack of boxes. It’s moving in day. Behind him is Mavis and Mookie, each carrying a box of their own. Mookie trips up the stairs, but he takes that as his opportunity to drop the box down and run into the house. He is _excited._

Mookie runs off into the house alone, leaving Merle alone outside with Mavis for a minute. _You’re his hero, you know. When—When we heard the story of what you did when you travelled with Uncle Magnus and Uncle Taako and Aunt Lup and Aunt Lucretia and Uncle Barry and Dav, it’s all he talked about for weeks._ **Yeah, well, what about you, pumpkin?** _Well, you’re my hero too, dad, not just because you saved the world, but…because…I know how **hard** you’re trying. I—I love you dad. _She hugs her father tight. **I love you too, baby.**

This was going to be a good start. A home by the beach, where the scene was always changing. Between his adventures and his home at Bottlenose Cove, no two days would be the same. It was a dream he’d had a decade ago when they thought they’d won, when they were so hopeless yet hopefully for the future to come, when they realised it was time to start living again. But this time he got a couple of additions he’d never imagined back then. His children, he could share everything with them now. Every day he would strive to be the best man he could be, all for them, because they deserved to live in a world where they could be happy and safe. A world he had helped make possible for them.

Back in the present, Mavis walks into the room after Mookie, wiping some dirt off his face when Merle sets him back down. _You look really fancy!_ **Well, I mean, I am officiating a wedding, you know.** _Yeah, um, please don’t’ tell any embarrassing anecdotes about us in your speech, okay, you promise?_ **Oh, I will. I will.** _You will promise? Or you won’t? Which one?_ **Honey, we gotta go, it’s about time to start.** _Yeah, we gotta go get our seats. I just wanted to wish you luck out there._ Taking Mookie’s hand Mavis leads him out of the room.

Looking outside he can see the last few attendees shuffling into the main hall, then behind him he heard a door open and close. Killian stands behind him wearing a beautiful floral tunic with a silk sash. Her hair is up in a bun, decorated with emerald pins. On her hand is the rosewood ring Magnus carved for Carey over a year ago. Killian is smiling. _You look really fancy! …Thank you for doing this. It—It really means a lot to us._ **Oh, listen. It was an honour for you to ask.** _It’s been a pretty strange road to get us here, huh?_ **Extremely strange.** _I want you to know, I wouldn’t change a thing._

Killian is first to leave the room, Merle following behind her as she walks down the aisle of the congregation hall. He takes his place at a lectern in front of the crowd, in front of him are countless smiling familiar faces. Faces of people who travelled with him across space and time itself. Faces of people he’d befriended in the years without his memories. Faces of people who fought The Hunger for their right to live.

Angus puts down a large book as Merle walks by, looking like he’s about to cry already. He’s sat with Mavis and Mookie for the ceremony. Mookie has stood up on the bench, bouncing up and down. Mavis has to grab his hand to pull him back down before shooting her dad a thumbs up. Lucretia sits in the front row with the rest of the Bureau employees in attendance, smiling softly at Merle. For a moment she raises her hand to her heart before setting it back down. He can see Lup too, her arm wrapped around Barry. Exuberantly Lup flashes him an ‘okay’ symbol and winks, making Barry laugh.

Next to the two of them are Taako and Kravitz. Right before things get underway Kravitz reaches down to take Taako’s hand and his touch…it’s _warm._ That alone is enough to startle the elf, who turns to lock eyes with his boyfriend, but Kravitz only smiles. Taako had stolen a great deal of things over the course of his long and exciting life, but the most precious of his prizes was the Reaper’s heart—which brought with it a love so strong it had caused Kravitz’ icy touch to thaw. Who would have thought it, Taako of all people had found love through the apocalypse. It could be said Taako had learnt to love dust, but truthfully none of his newly extended family were dust. Not anymore. This world had been saved, so they couldn’t be dust.

Magnus was there with them too, but he was distracted by something hitting his shoulder. On the floor by his feet was a small pebble, and looking behind him he sees a side-door to the hall cracked open. Carey is inside, motioning for him to come to her as she slips back behind the door—can’t have Killian seeing her yet. Magnus, of course, obliges and excuses himself. Seeing what’s happening, Lucretia smiles with a shake of her head as she watches Magnus leave the room.

Outside, in this other vestibule is Carey, wearing a silver dress with an ornately patterned dark blue vest over it. She wears a circlet of flowers matching the pattern on Killian’s tunic. She was nervous, so very nervous, but equally excited. This was it! Everything they’d been building up to, ever since Magnus surprised her with that ring for the puzzle box. Carey was a risk taker and she dared to take the chance, and in the end it was worth it so much more than she ever could have imagined. And now she was _here,_ just moments away from marrying Killian. _How do I look?_ **You look amazing!**

Magnus had been busy since The Hunger attacked too. He’s a teacher of sorts as well. Magnus set up shop in the ruins of Raven’s Roost, hoping to bring back life to his old home. There he teaches his students how to protect the people that need them. It’s not just how to be strong, it’s how to protect. And he’s also become a dog trainer too! No more living on the moon, so that means he can finally get a dog! His is a Scottish Deerhound, the largest, smartest, bravest dog he ever trained—and he named him Johann. Johann is his constant companion now, never leaving his side and together they take on the world. The school where he teaches, it is the Hammer and Tails.

It was here that Magnus would spend the rest of his days. From time to time he would travel to see his family and friends, but never for the glory of battle he had once sought out. No, Magnus was content to live his life teaching others to protect and training his dogs. Long ago he had been a man who strove to find a cause worth dying for—to die in a blaze of glory. A few times over the last century he thought he had found that, but none of them brought his death—at least not permanently.

Instead, somewhere along the way, Magnus found something worth living for. The bonds he shared with Taako and Merle, and all of his friends. Those bonds, they became far more important to him than being a hero. Now he wanted to live. He wanted to survive in a way he never thought he would cherish.

Many years in the future Magnus would simply peacefully die of old age. It would be a calm, quiet and loving affair. And when he dies, he would be holding his wife’s wedding ring. The other would be there too. Merle would be getting on in years, but as a dwarf he still had a fair while in him yet. Taako, he would be as young—if not quite as radiant—as the day they met, the elf would still be in his prime. Lucretia would be sat in a chair by his side, she tool an old, old woman—no doubt she would be following him out in a matter of years. Killian and Carey would be there too, Carey holding Magnus’ hand in hers, smiling softly. _It’s okay, bud. It’s okay._ Davenport is there too, stood at the foot of Magnus’ bed, a hand resting on his leg. And Angus has even come to see him off too, and man, he’s all grown up! But Angus is as emotional as ever, still that same kid at heart, trying to force a smile for Magnus and hold back his tears. Barry and Lup are there too, both happy for him, happy he got to live this amazing life and he shared it with all of them.

In his final moments Magnus is surrounded by his family, the people he loves most. Some were with him for well over a century—far longer than the average human’s lifespan—and others he found along the way, and they’re all with him. The people he loves and who love him in return. Magnus was the first person they lost.

When Magnus died, his death wasn’t heroic. It wasn’t the blaze of glory his younger self had always imagined. It was simple, average at best. When Magnus died, he had long since hung up his weapons. The battleaxe, the shield, the lance, he didn’t need them anymore. His greatest foe was vanquished and everyone he sought to protect were safe. When Magnus died, he died a hero but in his life he learnt there were more ways than one die to earn that title—and earn it he had.

Gradually things get hazier and hazier, the feeling oh so familiar. And then everything is clear again. Kravitz is the last to appear, and though he isn’t in his Reaper form, nobody else can see him. Reaching out a hand, he helps Magnus to his feet. _My friend, I think this one’s gonna take._ **Well, let’s hope so for your sake, I don’t want you getting in trouble with the boss.** Kravitz was finally making good on his bounty, but now…he didn’t care so much to claim it anymore. All he wanted simple was to help his friend move on.

For a while the two drift on together, Kravitz leading Magnus to the Astral Plane, standing above still waters which are once again filled with millions of swirling lights. But there has been an addition since the last time Magnus was here, all those years ago in Wonderland. There is a small island, on which stands a cosy wooden cottage, crafted by expert hands. The windows to the house are cracked open and a workbench sits in the year. The roof of the house is covered in lush, green moss. And then Kravitz turns to him. _You…you can’t stay here forever, eventually you’re going to need to join the rest of the souls here, but I’ll make sure you will have as much time as you need._ **Thank you.** Magnus doesn’t need to be told what that means, the sight alone is enough for him to tear up.

As Magnus approaches the cottage the door opens, two dogs bounding out to him. One a large, old bloodhound, that one comes out slowly and lays out in the yard. The other a Scottish Deerhound, and it takes Magnus a moment to realise but it’s Johann! It’s been so long since he saw his old dog, but he’s so much more lively and faster than he was in the end. _Hey, buddy!_ Johann runs all around the yard.

And then there’s Julia. She’s carrying a ladder and a hammer, nails held in her mouth, as she leaves the cottage. She goes straight for the workbench to set everything aside, but it’s a long moment before she turns and notices Magnus. And Magnus stares. He’s dumbfounded. He can’t not look at her. It’s been so long, so many years. And now she’s here. They’re together again. He could…he _can_ reach out and touch her. And she’s smiling. _You lived so much longer than I thought you were going to!_ **I know. I’m sorry I made you wait.** They run to each other then, wrapped up in an embrace in front of the house. He’s tearful all over again. **I tried to make you proud.** _Well, I couldn’t exactly see what you were doing out there, but I’ve heard stories, and I’m sure you did._

Then she pulls away, tearful herself, motioning towards the cottage. _What do you think?_ **Did you make this?** _Yeah, du—no, the dogs made it._ **I love the joints, really good craftsmanship, this is amazing. It that cedar? Is that cedar? That’s good. Smells wonderful.** _I’ve envisions this moment for a long time, Magnus, and I was so hoping you would complement the joints. I really have thought about this moment for a long time, and I don’t want to rush it, I want to savour every second of this, and we got all kinds of time. So why don’t you come inside and tell me everything, okay?_

In death, Kravitz had given Magnus something which had been stolen from him in life. The chance to live happily with Julia. They weren’t alive, he accepted that, and it couldn’t last forever—nothing did—but in those precious moments at the cottage Magnus felt alive. Filled with love for a woman he had crossed universes to find and loved for a lifetime.

Heading back to the house, Julia opens the door and whistles, both dogs happily bounding back inside before she steps in after them. Magnus is quick to follow. **Well, it all started when I met the most beautiful elf and the bravest cleric I’ve ever met. Well, he said he was a cleric, we can never be sure…** And for the last time Magnus rushes in.

Back in the present, Carey paces nervously around the vestibule, her words getting more and more frantic with each second. _I know this is stupid, I know I’m being silly, it’s just like—I’m really excited to spend my life with Killian, it’s not that, it’s just like. When I walk through that door, my life’s gonna change, Magnus, and it’s gonna be so good, but it’s still really scary._ **Yeah, you know…the fact of the matter is, your life is a constant stream of changes, I mean, you start one day accepting a job offer, and you end, saving the world. And you’re going to walk through that door, and your life will never be the same, and I wish I could tell you that everyday from now on will be amazing, and the happiest day of your life, but that’ snot the way that life works, but every day will be made better because she’s in it with you. You aren’t going to be alone ever again, even if you’re ever separated, you’ll still never be alone.**

Well shit, Magnus, way to make a girl even more emotional! At that Carey stops pacing, catching her breath. Tears have formed in her eyes as she looks over at Magnus, blotting at them with a cloth. _I’m going to streak my fucking eyeliner._ **Give me a hug, lizard girl.** _Don’t fucking call me that._ But she hugs him anyway. _I’m a proud Dragonborn._ **I know.** _Okay._ One more blot of her eyes and Magnus says in Thieves’ Cant. **Are you ready?** _I’m ready._

The doors open and Magnus slips back to his seat as music starts playing. At opposite ends of the room two doors open, Carey and Killian both stepping out of them. They lock eyes and smile. Slowly they walk towards the front of the hall, all around them the smiling faces of their friends and family. And Carey laughs, picking up the pace of her walk. Killian follows her lead until they’re both running down the aisles. When they meet in the middle Killian lifts Carey off the ground in their embrace, the pair stealing a kiss before the ceremony has even begun. Of course they of all people couldn’t resist. They’d already survived the apocalypse by each other’s side, what could tie them together more than that? In a way the wedding was simple a formality, a moment to define what Killian and Carey had been for so long already, a promise that that would continue for as long as they lived. Everyone is laughing as they part, turning their attention to Merle.

On that day, in that temple overlooking the sea, there was a celebration held—a celebration filled with love and joy, all for the love shared between Killian and Carey. Filling the hall are the faces of everyone who fought for the chance for this day to exist. And they longingly remember all those who died for it to happen as well. This day, the day of Carey and Killian’s wedding, was filled with laughter, dancing, feasting and loving for all. It was one of the happiest days in all of their lives, with even happier days to follow, because this was the world they made. This was the ending they wished for. The ending they earned.

Above the temple, above the world, past the sky, and into the space beyond their plane, and there, drifting between the planes that once again dance around one another in a harmonious orbit, is Fisher, slowly swimming away from their home. The lights inside it swirl and shine, and it sings to itself as it drifts onward. For just a moment it comes to a stop, turning to wait as its child, Junior, swims up to it. When it does Fisher wraps a tendril around Junior, the small Voidfish nuzzling into its parent, the two of them glowing brightly together.

When the separate Fisher takes one of Junior’s tendrils and they begin to drift off together again, slowly out of sight, looking for new worlds to explore, new stories to tell. But they would always recall what happened here in this world, with these people, on that day.


End file.
